All Comments on 'Breaching a Partnership'

Liked the story but you have left it unfinished. That is not an ideal plan for a writer

Perhaps a part two might help you get over writer's block in the future?

Quite a good story in fact. I wonder if she would be able to better her position if she asked for help at the U.S. Embassy? I really feel that she made her bed by bedding down with Jim/the DA and if she wants to be her sons' mommy she had better resign her position and return to France to be with her son and husband. I'd also like another chapter or so to allow a continuance of the story. LP

Nope! Was enjoying it until the idiot decided to kidnap his son.

ok story. No need to write another chapter.

Here is my take, the MC is a heartless bastard, cannot even use his son's name but then any fw that name a child with a jr behind it is nothing but and egotistical narcist. The wife deserved to be dragged over the coals for her behaviour as really claiming the love she has for the husband then doing that is just delusional.

Now asking others or giving permission to finish something they have started is not clever it's just LAZY. Hop to it Someoneother and finish it -

Poor Amy. She did not CHEAT on her husband. She was SEDUCED by her colleague. Poor Amy. We are living the mediaeval age.

Excellent story that definitely needs to be finished. It currently leaves the reader wondering what will happen.

You already said what was to happen. She was going to be served after she testified.

Good story? Many commentators agree. The story started well, with nicely-constructed sentences and good editing. (Except for the oddly wrong word “decrepit”). Towards the end, though, you threw in a lot of sex that was not necesssary to advance the story but served to fill up space and arouse prurient interest. And editing lapsed. Some sex is necessary in LW, but serious writing, as you intended this to be, suffers from what is surplus padding. Most of your readers will be disapointed if you yourself do not finish this essentially good story.

Except for much of the dialogue, the story was very well written. People don't usually speak in such well-crafted paragraphs, even when the content is needed to advance the story line. There are other ways to maintain believable dialogue yet still fill out the plot.

.

Yes, you created a situation that's going to be difficult for a writer to resolve in a satisfactory way that provides justice to Mike, Mikey, and Amy. If Mike remains in France with Mikey, it could require a great deal of research into French law. If Mike decides to blow off the French job and return to the US with their son, the resolution should take into consideration the different views of the law held by lawyers and LEOs.

.

There are also the open questions (among others) of what will happen during the grand jury: the nature and extent of Jim's transgressions, how Amy's answers about her relationship with Jim play out, whether Geraldine's involvement in Jim's surveillance is revealed. There's also the issue of whether Geraldine's tale of Amy's actions involving her (Geraldine's) brother was true and, if so, what that implies about Amy's character.

.

You haven't quite painted the story into a corner, but the way out is a pretty hairy standing long jump. You created the characters, their world and their predicament, though, so you're the best person to conclude the story. It isn't necessary to spell out what happens to everyone for the remainder of their lives, but you should be the one to cut the Gordian knot of their current conundrum. It'll be difficult, but you've shown that you have the chops, so bite the bullet and do it. We'll wait.

A well written story. I understand, however, the sense that there has not been a sufficient resolution.

On another tack, how in the world can he he be secure that he can keep his wife and child in France if she chooses to move there? She could pretend to have lost her passport, obtain a new one, and then provide one to him, keeping the replacement to travel with, thereby making it appear she is trapped. After a bit she can sneak away with the child. He can hide the child’s passport, but she can ask for another one of those, too.

I agree with another poster that there will be some real jurisdictional issues regarding a French Court taking jurisdiction over the child, and there are, undoubtedly, international pacts regarding child custody and the assumption of jurisdiction by foreign states. I have no doubt the US and France will be parties to them. Any sequel will likely entail research into those issues to provide a realistic basis for the story telling.

The discourse regarding the partnership issues was lacking in passion, though the MC did a convincing job of explaining how she had shown she did not love him, and loved Jim. All in all, a mixed bag, but a good mixed bag, so a high score. I would like to see a sequel if the author’s characters convince him they deserve one.

Lond winded, boring UNFINISHED drivel!!! 3 Pages at most. 1*

Pedantic and stilted.

I concede. Too many commentators have demanded that I finish the story. Work is already in progress.

Yes.make a part two...I want to know the outcome of the trial and if she gets caught for her testimony against Geraldine's brother.i hope Jim and her get the book thrown at them..who else did she took around with on the police force??just things I am interested in...thanks great story.. keep it up.finish the second half please...👍👍👍

Geraldine saying that Amy exaggerated the information on her brother says to me that Amy may be a corrupt cop. Does she plant evidence?? Does she lie about other things to get a conviction??

Let's get the legalities out of the way first. This is a QuickMagazine 5. To say the least. Someoneother does not post often, but what gets posted is choice. Although a couple commentators disagreed, I found the dialogue to be really impressive. Doubt I will come anywhere close to such a high level when I finally register and contribute. Much discussion here about a sequel, with the consensus more or less being that someoneother should do it, rather than someone other than someoneother. For example, A_Bierce, a superb writer in his own write, has begged off, though what he has to say about all this is spot on. Other than referring to "justice to Mike, Mikey and Amy." I don't see why Amy deserves any justice, other than rough justice. Michael (Mike) should be able to find a worthier new wife in France, and Mikey's young enough that he'll forget the birth mother (Amy) in favor of his real mother. I doubt that Amy can stay celibate in the US, so that "living in France" option will get taken off the table. Besides, Jim may well try to implicate her (even if she's innocent) in order to get less time for himself. So she could have bigger problems than losing access to Mikey. Now, that's some rough justice! Meanwhile, intriguing that justbobkc compares this to a RichardGerald story (high praise indeed), especially since justbobkc himself wrote a sequel to "The Bridge." Anyway, although what happens next has not been revealed here, I think that someoneother's own comments about the comments, which appear near the bottom of this thread, suggest what is to come: "this part of their lives was finished"

Lotta long speeches. People don't speak quite that way. But a good plot. D

👍 well done l look forward to the next chapter.

Ch 2 for sure, what lies ahead for these two?

Cheater must bear the necessary consequences

/

What consequences? The whore still has a marriage doesnt she?

Finish the damn story or don't write it!!

Her boyfriend was arrested for crimes that Amy must have known about.

A good follow-up would be she was part of the swindle and goes to prison.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT leave this unfinished.

Due to being unfinished this only gets a 3***. The verboseness, blah blah blah is also a detractor.

\

Epiloge: Amy lies in the Grand-jury as to her relationship with Jim. FBI nails her for perjury, getting a 2year prison sentenced waived to monitored house arrest. She looses her security clearance which takes her badge away - she is unemployed. HLS/FBI puts her on the no-fly list due to be related to an espionage felony. 2yrs later France will not issue her a visitors visa being a convicted USA felony.

\

Mike holds off on the divorce until Amy's felony conviction and association to espionage. Mike is granted immediate divorce and full custody of lil Mikey.

\

Mike finds new love with a American-Belgium lady in his law firm. She becomes his wife and they have three more kids. GMom & GDad move to France to be near the grandkids.

\

3***, Hooyah, low rating for incomplete story; no more 'February Sucks', please

I agree that this should be the only chapter! Excellent story, by the way! 5 BIG FAT STARS!

The first 2 pages seem like reading a feminist manifesto.

* He expresses not being jealous/territorial and doesn't put his foot down when it comes to her spending time with other men.

* He knows in his gut that something is rotten in the state of Denmark; yet, loves her too much to deny her intimacy, after he was told but before they went to france.

* He knows that she testing the waters to see whether there is potential for a relationship with the other guy; yet, he still behaves as if this is a 1 off thing

* He goes on and on and on and ooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn about love when talking with the bitch after things comes out. What's love got to do with, as the saying goes?

And he wonders why she started power play games with Jim but not him!!!! You weren't man enough for her to submit to. You are a civilized/sophisticated/educated modern man. You got what you deserved.

3* for the good writing.

u watch too many crime movies and shows. shit dont work that way

A stupid cop and a soulless lawyer. They deserve each other, but get little Mikey into foster care

I hope that some does write a epilogue but I am sure it would be great. Would be nice to know where this went.

A fine piece of writing.

Well done dealing with the 'I love you' from a cheater.

Words are cheep.

If nothing backs them up, they are worthless.

Top ratings from me.

Too predictable once she starts having lunch with the DA.Also if they were that close how come she didn't get arrested with him?.

Great story - feel the characters thought process and pain. We’ll developed- would like another chapter

The story is meaningless without a second chapter. I feel it stopped at the middle. 3 starts for very good beginning.

You really love wimpy cuckold men.

This was a pretty good story although it was drawn out far too long imo. It certainly calls for a sequel.

Very interesting approach but you messed it up with an unfinished story.

5 star to 1 star with just that one parting note from the end.

I rated it a 5 assuming there is a well written part 2. The easiest solution is for her and Jim to be convicted and sentenced to prison after Geraldine shows that Amy knew what Jim was up to. Problem solved.

Good story but open ended. It is good pointing the fact about "I did not mean to hurt you" excuse. This is like a defense for alcoholic making a fatal accident while driving drunk ... "I did not mean too."

Good start for this author albeit too much blabber.

A very interesting and no-doubt satisfying story for many. For me, it followed a formula to make the woman an utter villain, while the man is presented as perfect. She was having an emotional affair when becomes physical. Her prominent lover is arrested for shady dealings with foreign entities. She has cheated on Mr Perfect. Yet, his wife is a loving, nursing mother. Accepting the job in France and "kidnapping" the child--make no mistake--is WORSE than adultery! And pulling his mom away from his dad at a critical time in their long relationship is ALSO worse than adultery! Some perspective here, please! These stories that tolerate anything and everything in name of BTB are an abomination!

Very well told story. YES. A sequel is a manifest necessity. You should write it.

This was really good! The story was told in a kind of dry manner, but I find that consistent with analytical mind Michael presented throughout. A second chapter would be good.

I was disappointed by one exchange: Amy called him evil, and he didn’t argue the point. IMO, wanting your son does not make a man evil. She said she’d do anything. If that was true, she would have immediately agreed.

Finish the story.

Finish it Please.

I admire your writing skills so want see more.

Are you aware of this story: https://www.literotica.com/s/breaching-a-partnership-alt-end-2 It does not in any way stay true to the characters you created, but he's claiming you approved it.

I would have scored higher than 3* but viewing your epilog, it doesn't look like you will finish the story. I hate unfinished works.

Need an editor, seriously. Your solution for custody is a fantasy. Story was way too drawn out. The wife was not involved in a crime so would not be arrested as some would hope. You are the only one who thinks another chapter would be helpful.

If you don’t finish it don’t write it. Talk all you want about being self serving, you as an author have again insulted your readers. Not to mention your lazy-or absent- editing. 1

Wow, not much mercy for a new writer. For an early effort to be this good 4 is the least. I gave it a five!

Will there be a Part 2?

It’s a great story that’s missing an end, please consider finishing it

1st this really needs an ending, weather it's months or years into their future. 2nd if you let someone else write an ending to this, it will be their story and their characters from there out. They will have full control of then to go any directions they want.

I'd like a 2nd part, not sure it needs to be as long as this. Unless you plan on introducing something unusual like she's pregnant with Jim's baby. lol

Really needs finishing.

She seemed to defend the compartmentalization of her life into husband and lover. It's hard to imagine someone really changing from this at such a late date. I see a very unhappy partnership leading to the usual separate households.

I want her to be convicted along with her asshole lover.

A good story, a completion byou the author would be preferable to having someone else do it. I think that another author may not follow your vision of this tale.

Mr Other, Rereading your story again makes me realize again how powerful it is. Truly a work with so much heartache and heartbreak. So powerful. The chapter 2 that I wrote for this was one of my first stories. However, I still believe that I did your story justice in my ending. Unfortunately the link to your original story doesn't work. I apologize for my error. Regardless, I thank you so very much for the opportunity to write an alternate ending. Please keep up your writing as your stories are so powerful and insightful. I would have sent you a msg thru the msg system above but somehow I am flagged as a spammer! LOL have a good day

Please finish the story. Personally I think it has the potential for a good wife redemption arc, with Amy doing her utmost to make up to her husband.

not good. UNFINISHED!

A very long winded story leaving the reader hanging without an ending. 1 star.....could have been a 5 had it been finished. An unfinished story is just like a wedding without being consummated.

I saw the author's comment thatpart 2 is underway. DON'T DO IT! The story is over, she goes home and mourns her lover's conviction and realizes that four years have gone by and she wonders if her ex-husband and son are still in France.

Story but very reflective of todays morals or lack of and no commitment. I would have hoped you would have kept writing.

An author with no ability to close a story!!! Pathetic!

I read this story even though I new it was not finished, will read Buster2u's sequel and hope it is as good as your story. It was his sequel that sent me to read this, hope it was worth it. If you carry on writing treat your readers with more respect and finish the damn story.

Why didn't he remind her of his warning when she told him of lunches and her response?!

She deliberately cheated,!!

Bye bye bitch

sorry for the alternative ending given by Buster2U, some people should NOT be allowed to use a keyboard.

about this story itself, wow.... I hope that someday the author will finish it.

Excellent story. Well done.

A man who spoiled my attempt at writing with his criticism, and yet I see he has been criticized himself.

I wanted my writing to provide an opportunity for discussion and chat with like minded people. Now I have had to block all comments, which makes it not worth the effort. Very sad.

sure would be nice if it had an ending. But that seems to be too much to ask of some authors.

IDK, I'm not defending her, but I'm not sure I agree with him taking away the child. It's still breastfeeding.

Too many clichés for me. Could not even finish reading this one.

Holy pages and pages of totally useless semantics, if it isn't important to the plot or the characters progression it is just a waste. Top it off with a MMC that is just another coward simp who no one cares about , no this story is a waste of time.

Great story. Well written and good character development. Sad though. I hoped they would get back together. As for commenters, what is with the "unfinished" comments? It's a short story! If readers want a story with most of the ends tied up, they need to read a looo..ng novel. Short stories by their very nature have endings that do not satisfy or answer all possible questions and the reader is given the delicious opportunity to finish the story in his or her own mind. A perfect example: the famous story "The Lady or the Tiger."

I liked it up until he took the baby from the mother. Sure, he's been stuck at home (working from home) raising the baby while she's working and getting laid. I mean he took a week with the baby to help his mother after his dad had a heart attack, and she spent most of that time with her boss getting fucked all night. She still isn't sure why she did it, and couldn't convince him (or me) that it didn't effect their marriage. If he hadn't taken little Mikey with him, the wife would have had to use her vacation time to watch the baby. So how would Jim have been able to seduce her then? Would she do Jim while the baby is home? Would she take the baby to Jim's so she could be with her lover? Just a little thought on flipping the stay at home parent deal. I only mention it, as it could have gone that way, if his dad hadn't asked Mike to bring his son to see him. Just a random thought, on how things would work IF she had full time custody and was trying to work outside the home. That most certainly would have changed the family dynamics, as she'd have to set up and pay for child care. I know it wasn't written that way, but it could have happened.

There is one problem with the resolution of this story. Amy would return to the US and invoke the IPKCA which would result in the French authorities immediately taking custody of the child and returning him to the mother in the US. The MC would then be extradited to the US on kidnapping charges resulting in his spending his time alongside Jim in federal prison. Look it up. This has happened many times and as a lawyer the MC would be well aware of this as would his wife being a LEO.

I wasn't aware that men THIS beta existed.

To use YOUR OWN words ( and some paraphrasing as well ) against you; " It is unfortunate that semi-good stories go wrong because the author does not understand what they are writing about!" There is no way on Gods Green earth, that he would have been allowed to take that child to France and just stay there! It would not happen in real life, no matter what the mother said or did! The woman's parents could have stepped in to keep the baby if she is an unfit mother or the man has to leave the country for work. The woman, I believe her name is Amy, could also go to the Gendarmerie Nationale, the Sûreté or the U.S. embassy and tell them that her child was kidnapped and that her husband is blackmailing her! In the U.S, She could have gone to the F.B.I and tell them the same thing! There are always options for a mother!!!

Let's see what you can do with this in the next part...4

Thanks for your writing.

It reads as stilted and angular as a contract, perhaps a partnership agreement?

Seriously, no one I have ever met has spoken this formally unless they were giving a solemn academic address.

Original: "Under this option, would you and I remain married and living under the same roof?"

Revised: "If I pick this, would we stay married and still live together?"

Your dialog suffers greatly by the general absence of contractions in your Main Character's speech.

"Do not" when you would most often say, "Don't".

"Should not" instead of "Shouldn't".

"Will not" instead of "Won't".

People use contractions in daily speech almost to the exclusion of the more formal phrase, using the uncontracted original mostly for emphasis or command. "You WILL NOT do..." Avoiding common contractions makes one sound like Mr. Spock. "Captain, we will not be able to beam down."

Good luck with your writing!

I'd love to read you own epilogue to this. The one I have been able to find from another author just wasn't readable.

Commenters keep blasting thar Amy has options to get ger son back. But as soon as he turns over the videos of her with Jim who was under investigation by Homeland Security, while.in her position in law enforcement, she loses any custody battle. Period. He can argue he feared for his child's life and she put Mikey in danger. Hence he stayed in France. Adding the jurisdiction mess and testimony by his mother, she would be hard pressed to have the Embassy intervene to get possession of Mikey rapidly. Then the videos come out and despite spending a lot of money on legal fees that she doesn't have, she loses and gets zero visitation. The fact that Jim was soon arrested and her utter devotion to Jim despite being a detective, means she loses hard. One thing courts won't do is put the child in harm's way. And with his mother to help with child care and he with financial means, she doesn't have a chance. Game, set, and match. Honestly I like a good reconciliation as much as the next guy but with what he saw and heard of her time with Jim, not sure how he gets past it. He is willing to try for thr sake of his son but could.jsut as easily fall apart in France. What a mess. She really took a blowtorch to their marriage and family. Sad.

Chapter 2 ✓✓✓✓✓🙊🙈🙉

Me thinks this guy is a fucking asshole. 2 stars

It just ends

I must have read this before but have no recollection of it, ( must be my age ). I know this only because of the star rating.

This time I think it is better than my last view, okay there are some missing words, and it's not 100%, but I love the way you have put a lot of complex thoughts in here, plenty of people with slag you off for not killing her in some form of hurtful way more destroyed than you have, but you are the writer, it's yours to make the decisions not theirs, if they are so good write it themselves.

I hope that you write the follow up, I hope others put their take on the follow up, ( and I can find them) .

So good story, nicely done.

"occasionally getting together with the guys even as a married woman cop." - Maybe it's because this is LW, but this makes my antennae rise.

]

"Why could I not be her only male friend?" - Why should he be? I'm on record as saying that wives shouldn't have male BEST friends, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't have ANY male friends.

\

"you just confessed my dear detective that you love me today as much as you loved me when you slept with Jim" - Yes, this! I've made similar comments on stories like "Feb Sucks," where the wife says that her love hasn't changed.

\

"I was not going to tell you about Jim just to relieve myself of the guilt eating me." - I do agree with this as a general principle, though it doesn't apply here.

\

"But if you truly loved me ..." - Ah, the old "If you love me line," forgetting that if SHE really loved HIM they wouldn't be in this situation.

\

It's been over a year since conceding that a chapter 2 was needed and was in progress, with no sign of it.

Femdom agitprop started well but ended in legalistic arguments which no one in real life responds to.

Thank you for another chapter really enjoy your writing.

Just another RAAC. 2 stars.

Load of unfinished bollocks

It is rough being a new author on this site.

While commending the effort, an honest rating would be embarrassingly low.

Every author needs and editor, and this story is a perfect example.

This looks like you copied most of it from someone else, then ruined the dialogue with your complete inability to write in a way that 'sounds' real or at least close to... Lastly it's such an unrealistic piece of fiction that you've presented regardless of how much we suspend our disbelief so you've also missed the ability to draw us into that even. Last thought: I think that by now everyone is sick and tired of the he

hapless MC who doesn't know what to do or how to do it as he wrenches his hair and tears at his clothes in impotence and then capitulates.

We cannot control what others do but we can control how we react.

A 1. If u can't finish your story, you get a 1.

I like the punishment for her infidelity. She will, in effect, be his prisoner in order to stay with her son. She lost his trust completely and will have no freedom now or in the foreseeable future. She will have his security people watching her constantly and monitoring her entire life. Not a good way to live, but apt punishment for cheating.

It's hard to believe that there was a time that the Brits had a global empire. Judging from the feminised man in this story they'll be lucky to hold onto their island for another generation. Worse than that, the story is reminiscent of a 4yr. old describing his day at school - all over the show with little linear progression or even rationality. The plot itself is so improbable that it bears no resemblence to reality. If you're going to keep writing, please get yourself an editor.

Well that sucked. 0 Stars. Thanks for wasting my time. - Jay

How would another chapter help this?