All Comments on 'Caleb Woke Up Ch. 02a'

A much smoother transition into chapter 3 than the previous version.

Its tough publishing a story in segments. You can't just change chapter 3 because you realize it needs something to support an action in Chap 8 without this sort of confusion.

Oh well, we get what we pay for here.

Not sure I like the change. Anne in the later chapters seemed more interested in getting Caleb a lover( or eight) and teasing him than in actually participating. Though the dinner scene did move a little past that. With this starting point, her later actions seem to have been a slowing down.

Still a great story so far

I really wasn't trying to set up anything for a future chapter. Being a novice writer, I am just trying to improve the story. I have just revised the original chapter 1 using input from a VE, and applied some of the same suggestions to chapter 2. Mostly it was copy editing, and improving some story continuity.

I had a few different ideas floating around in my head around how to make this chapter, my lowest scoring chapter, more interesting. I sort of held back because this version of chapter 2 has virtually no impact on future chapters.

Still plan to make copy edits on other chapters based on VE feedback now that I know how the editing process works. Always looking for ways to make the story more readable and enjoyable.

Sorry if I weakened the story for anyone.I really am treating this like an A/B test. All feedback and constructive criticism appreciated.

i understand trying to improve your work but please don't go all george lucas on us. It's a great story the way it is. Just focus on continuing it. A finished good story is better than half of a great story.

What do you prefer, 2 pages quicker, or 3-4 pages slower?

George Lucas I ain't.

Loved this tie in. I know it disrupts continuity, but the flow and pace were amazing. Especially enjoyed the teasing, but the length leaves a bit to be desired. God i wanted her to fuck him though.... Hope u incoorporate similar elements in the future!! Thx

When I read your comment on Chapter 2 about a possible rewrite with his sister getting naughty, my first thought was "No, that isn't going to work."

You've painted a picture of a guilt ridden, slightly sexually naive, but morally upright man and having him immediately jump into sex with his sister would have destroyed this story in my opinion.

However, letting Anna suck him off after he passed out neatly side-stepped that problem. The reader gets an increase in eroticism and character doesn't suddenly become a different person so it can happen. Everything pieced together nicely with what you've already established about the characters.

Bravo! I'm beginning to think you may be some sort of evil genius. In less than 20 minutes you managed to convert me to the Church of McBacon. Definitely getting added to my favorites after this chapter.

Just delete Ch. 2 and replace it with this. I don't like having to read the same shit twice because an author can't make up their mind. This one is much hotter, by the way.

I'll take your advice and swap out.

Your revision of Ch. 2 was right on the mark. It really seemed plausible that Anna would want to make Caleb blow his rocks off for her, even if he was out cold, so that she could get him to do it again when he was awake. Keep on trucking - I hope Caleb finds some future prospects at the choir practice with his sister, and look forward to their drive home, and his next encounter with his HOT mom.

I like 2A much better, it's always a nice touch to perk up any story with a few random BJ's to give the ladies a chance to show their affection and to give the boys another random wet dream, even if they're asleep. It sure brightened up the inside of the storage unit for Mel, didn't it?

BTW, I read this several years ago, bwfore you added the 2A option, and i find the present chapters much more readable than i recall previously, which was before you had finished all 8 chapters, so i am looking forward to see how he scores with the rest of the ladies he has yet to meet.

Should have just written "2A" first...this was TOTALLY REPETITIVE...not necessary...

Still, I like sister giving him "unconscious head"...will he remember any of it??

Five Stars...barely...