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Click hereShe leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.
Anna got out of the car and walked in. As her brother watched, her hips seemed to sway in an exaggerated fashion. Caleb was pretty sure he was just imagining it.
He sat back, heaved a deep sigh through pursed lips and ballooned cheeks. Our protagonist was beginning to think himself crazy. That was the only possible explanation. His sister just wouldn't do something like that.
He grabbed the necklace from off of rear view mirror, put it on, and tucked it under his shirt. He took a couple of big gulps of water from the bottle, and made his way into church.
- COMMENTS
TEXASMADDOG8 months agoShould have just written "2A" first...this was TOTALLY REPETITIVE...not necessary...
Still, I like sister giving him "unconscious head"...will he remember any of it??
Five Stars...barely...
nighthawk2220411 months agoBTW, I read this several years ago, bwfore you added the 2A option, and i find the present chapters much more readable than i recall previously, which was before you had finished all 8 chapters, so i am looking forward to see how he scores with the rest of the ladies he has yet to meet.
nighthawk2220411 months agoI like 2A much better, it's always a nice touch to perk up any story with a few random BJ's to give the ladies a chance to show their affection and to give the boys another random wet dream, even if they're asleep. It sure brightened up the inside of the storage unit for Mel, didn't it?
Anonymousover 9 years agoYour revision of Ch. 2 was right on the mark. It really seemed plausible that Anna would want to make Caleb blow his rocks off for her, even if he was out cold, so that she could get him to do it again when he was awake. Keep on trucking - I hope Caleb finds some future prospects at the choir practice with his sister, and look forward to their drive home, and his next encounter with his HOT mom.
Delicosealmost 11 years agoJust delete Ch. 2 and replace it with this. I don't like having to read the same shit twice because an author can't make up their mind. This one is much hotter, by the way.
rackerson3over 11 years agoWhen I read your comment on Chapter 2 about a possible rewrite with his sister getting naughty, my first thought was "No, that isn't going to work."
You've painted a picture of a guilt ridden, slightly sexually naive, but morally upright man and having him immediately jump into sex with his sister would have destroyed this story in my opinion.
However, letting Anna suck him off after he passed out neatly side-stepped that problem. The reader gets an increase in eroticism and character doesn't suddenly become a different person so it can happen. Everything pieced together nicely with what you've already established about the characters.
Bravo! I'm beginning to think you may be some sort of evil genius. In less than 20 minutes you managed to convert me to the Church of McBacon. Definitely getting added to my favorites after this chapter.
Anonymousalmost 12 years agoLoved this tie in. I know it disrupts continuity, but the flow and pace were amazing. Especially enjoyed the teasing, but the length leaves a bit to be desired. God i wanted her to fuck him though.... Hope u incoorporate similar elements in the future!! Thx
McBaconalmost 12 years agoAuthorWhat do you prefer, 2 pages quicker, or 3-4 pages slower?
George Lucas I ain't.
Anonymousalmost 12 years agoi understand trying to improve your work but please don't go all george lucas on us. It's a great story the way it is. Just focus on continuing it. A finished good story is better than half of a great story.
