All Comments on 'Carrington Mansion Ch. 04'

This story is told as if a high schooler was telling it. I don't know what it is but it just doesn't sit right with me. Overall, the story is good and I'm interested in seeing where it goes from here, but the 'narration' and dialogue leave much to be desired. Just my opinion.

I'd have to agree with the previous comment. There's something here that keeps me reading which is good, but there is something off in the way it is being told or the wording of it. I just can't quite put my finger on it. Keep writing though, maybe it will work itself out with practice.

Just different but I love it! It's sensually refreshing

comments but hell, i'm still in high school so what the heck. the story's great.. love it.

I'm very interested in this discussion I might be a weird writer. Please continue the analysis. I point out that I'm not American but usually set my stories there so am prone to using non-American spellings and foreign forms of grammar my spellcheck doesn't pick up. I'm also a relic by age and tend to be cynical and dismissive with ease and regard women on equal footing as men when it comes to disclosing their thoughts. Damn it, my heroines even use four-letter words and be somewhat immoral. As for the guys, well women set lower standards for them but I don't accept there should be that differential. So Readers, please, let the non-abusive thoughts flow.

I will give you a 100 because I do like the story. However, perhaps if you looked through the volunteer editors here at Lit, you could have one of them help you with getting the story to flow a bit better. It reads as if you were taking notes from someone dictating to you....not that I believe that is what you are doing, just that it reads as if you are. Don't be ashamed to approach an editor, that's usually the first step in admitting you need improvement in your writing. I myself use an editor on my stories and I am thankful that I do because sometimes my stories can be a little rough around the edges. Keep at it and I hope you can work out the kinks.

This one I think it slightly better but again things seemed to move pretty fast and I am a bit unclear on how long Hayden had been in England. But I do look forward to the next chapter.

since your first posting on this website. As long as they keep coming I'll keep reading.

This one, as usual, is made interesting by your unique presentation.