Catch of a lifetime

Catch of a lifetime.

My name is Alan May, and a year ago, anyone who knew me would tell you that Alan May was a confirmed bachelor. I wasn't; I was so painfully shy that I simply could not utter a word to a woman. I'm not that good at making conversation with anyone. If that anyone had tits, I was lost. If you can't talk to a woman, you can't chat them up. I was a lonely, confirmed bachelor.

I didn't go to discos or parties. If I went to a pub, it was for a pint and the high point of my social activity, a game of pool with my only real friend, Neil. I have known Neil since my mom dropped me off for my first day at school. Neil is my polar opposite. gregarious, funny, and the life and soul of any party I love the guy to bits; he never stops trying to get me fixed up with one of the sweet young things that swarm around him.

My dad died before I was born. He was a collier. He died in a mine collapse. Not having a dad as a kid wasn't good, but it wasn't the reason I was shy; that was just the real me.

I went fishing. I went fishing on my own, and I would walk miles to be on my own. I liked fishing. I took photos when I was fishing, and as you don't have to talk to a camera, I became pretty proficient at that.

One day I saw four fox cubs playing on the far bank of the river where I was fishing. Then I saw the vixen watching them. She knew I was there, but she knew the river was keeping her babies safe. I was completely engrossed; I must have taken fifty or sixty shots, and then the bank I was sitting on exploded.

When I came around, I was in the river just a few yards downstream of where I had been sitting. Most of my fishing gear had gone, and my camera and the bag I kept it in, along with a couple of lenses and a flash gun, had gone. I was faintly surprised I was still alive.

There was a big hole in the bank just behind where I had been fishing, and inside was a black sphere. As I got my feet back on dry land, it started to open like a very round oyster. I was, to be honest, so scared that I was on the verge of shitting myself.

There was nothing to be scared about, though. No one inside, no weapons of mass destruction, not even a weapon of lone fisherman destruction.

However, I could hear a voice--two voices, in fact.

"Holy fucking shit, Gerry. The bastard things crashed on Terra 3 on system TQ 316--36. Oh fuck, it's a Cat 4 planet with a strict no interference order.

Oh fuck fuck and triple fuck. There is a being sniffing around it."

"Hit the self-district button, Harry."

"No, mate, he is almost touching it, and the scout is activated.

"What gender is it, Harry?"

"Male, I think. Sometimes it's hard to tell with these fuckers."

The voice called Harry shouted. "Oi buddy. Are you a guy or a tart?

"Do you mean me?"

"Oh fuck, are there more of you there?"

"No, I don't think so," I replied.

"Well, of course you  then."

"In the pod, there is a companion bot. You can have it if you want."

"What is it?"

"Fuck sake, buddy, it's called a companion bot because it's a bot and it's a companion."

"Sooner or later, your people will be advanced enough for us to send a watcher out to you. Probably just after you stop electing congenital retards as your leaders. Then we may invite you to join our intergalactic trading block. We usually send a bot out with a watcher. We had already sent this one out when there was a problem with the watcher."

"Just to be totally upfront, she will remember everything, and we will be able to download all her memories."

"I'm confused; is she a robot, a computer, or a living being?"

Bit of each really, robotic skeleton and drives. The skin, hair, fingernails, and sub-dermis are all artificially grown and maintained. The brain is a pure computer.

"What can it, er, she do?"

More than you will ask. To be honest, mate, she is way ahead of anything you have seen. Look, we can't let this go on much longer. We have to, er, dissolve the craft. Dissolve is not the right word, but you ain't got the right word. It's good enough. Make your mind up--do you want her?

This was fucking scary. I didn't know what I was getting into. On the other hand, if I didn't, I was going to live the rest of my life alone." Oh, one more thing, Alan. Is it OK if I call you Alan? If you tell her you don't want her anymore and you have no one to hand her over, she will self-destruct. She is, by any standards, a sentient life form, so please keep that in mind. Also, she cost more to build than the gross domestic product of your planet.

Right I can only hold the recovery sequence up for another 10 minutes. Go get her and then run, or just fucking run mate.

In the sphere, there was a cylinder; it was the only thing in there that could hold anything of the size I was thinking about. I tried to pick it up. As soon as I touched it, it dissolved. That's the only way I can describe it. There were no fumes, no residue, just a stunningly beautiful naked woman.

What sounded like a recording of Harry's voice said, Bot 00C38701 stand by for new instructions. Cancel the previous standing instruction regarding Watcher designated number 00W693299RODGER. New instruction pair with 00WMAY0/ALAN.

The beautiful woman blinked and said, "Are you 00WMAY0/ALAN What do you want me to call you?"

Ohh, err, I'm err."

"OK Err. I'm 38701. You can choose a new designation for me."

"Oh no, erm, Alan."

"Ohh, erm, Alan"?

That seems like a strange name. I've searched my data banks and cannot find any reference to that name anywhere on this planet.

"Stop, please stop. Can we start again?"

"Of course we can, but may I suggest we leave here now? "If the disassociation process starts while we are inside the craft, we will disassociate with it."

Three minutes later, I watched the sphere dissolve into thin air. It dawned on me at that moment that my new companion bot didn't have a stitch of clothes to wear.

Do you have a home, May0 Alan?

"Oh, erm, yes. I have a house."

"It's about 12 miles from here."

It will take us three hours to walk there, said the bot. I was going to have to give her a name. "Can I call you Mandy?

Yes, May0 Alan, you can call me any designation you want to. Can I suggest you call me May0 Mandy? I can see by checking the data that most couples have a family name."

Oh, yes, Mandy. That's right, but most of the time we dispense with the family name, so most of the time just call me Alan, and I will call you Mandy. and my family is May, not May0

"We don't have to walk. Mandy I have a car we can drive. We have to walk to the car, though."

"Alan, you are shaking." "Why are you shaking?"

"I am cold. Your craft knocked me into the river, and I'm wet. My wet clothes make me cold, so my body shivers to try to keep warm. I have some warm clothes in my car. We should try to get to it without being seen. Are you cold"?

"No, the cold does not affect me."

We have to get you some clothes, though. A beautiful naked woman walking around the countryside is an unusual sight, to say the least.

We got to my car, where I had extra clothing and also a pair of jeans and a pullover for Mandy.

Are you aroused, Alan?

Yes, Mandy, very Would you like me to take care of that? I have studied the available data and believe I can use my mouth to be of assistance. Do you like oral sex, Alan?"

"I don't know, Mandy; I'm still a virgin." "Other than masturbation, I've never had sex at all."

I lost my cherry to a robot in a church park.

As we were driving home, Mandy dropped a bombshell on me.

"You have a primative computer with you, Alan."

"No! 

"Yes, you have; it's called Kevin's iPhone."

Oh yes. That's mine!

"It has lots of pictures on it and links to stories." Very strange stories.

Oh, it's supposed to be secure; can you access it?

"Easily, you have strange tastes, Alan. I calculate that there is a 99.999% chance that you would like me to spank your bottom."

Err, no, I'm not like that; I'm just a bit shy.

You just became erect again, Allan. That takes out the.001 percent chance, Alan. Why are you lying to me? Ahh, I have accessed female dominance on what you call the World Wide Web. Why are some of your people afraid of confirming your sexual preferences? Our observations have led us to believe you were well beyond that. Don't worry, Allan May. I will not allow your shyness to detract from your desires. I will administer a sound bottom spanking when it is safe to do so.

Please reverse the car, Alan. I have detected that you have particular preferences for some styles of female clothing. I also detect a deep-rooted desire to be immobilised while engaged in the sex act. We have just passed a place that has such equipment for sale.

I'm not very well off, Mandy.

What is "well-off," Alan?

I don't have much money to buy things with. I don't get paid much for my job.

Mandy's eyes seemed to become unfocused for a second or two. There are now twenty-three thousand pounds in your bank account. I calculate that five deposits of less than five thousand pounds will not invoke an investigation from your bank. The bank that lost it will never know! Let's go shopping, big boy."

"But where did it come from, Mandy?"

"Odd fractions of rounded-down pennies." We will set up new accounts and harvest more of this in the long term."

Is it stealing?

Yeh, sort of. We are stealing it off some guy who works for the banks; he is stealing it from them. But they are stealing it from your people.

Mandy walked into the shop and filled a shopping cart. I made the mistake of looking twice at the male chastity belts on show, and she bought three. I couldn't help thinking I only had one cock. Then, in an even bigger mistake, I looked at a KTB.

Mandy looked at me and said, Well, I'm going to have a lot of fun. We were at the till. Just put it in a sack for us. My love Mandy said to the assistant Have you got a changing room? Over there, lovely, she said. Mandy said, Follow me, big boy.

In the changing room, she had my pants down and slid the KTB onto my stiff member. I hadn't had a proper look at this bastard thing. The teeth in it were hinged. It slid on fine, but then, with a very slight tug forward, the spikes dug in, and with a slight twist, the hinge mechanism locked. The ball trapper ring is then fitted, and the lock plate is placed over the lugs in that. That holds the tube in place and prevents the tube from being twisted back to allow the spikes to hinge back out. The padlock holds the lock plate in place, and the wearer is undoubtedly owned by the key holder.

In this case, the key holder was sliding herself into a tight electric blue catsuit. Then squeezing her waist into an underbust corset that compressed her already narrow waist to wasp-woman proportions

Of the three keys that came with the KTB padlock, my super-strong robot mistress bent and snapped two of them in front of my eyes. The third she clipped to a key ring on a gold chain around her neck. If you lick my pussy every night properly until I cum, and you do it very well for a month, I may let you have a wank, big boy.

I bet you thought your luck had changed when Harry reassigned me to you. Poor Allan! If you weren't such a looser, you could be fucking my sweet, sweet pussy in the long grass by the river. But you are the world's biggest loser, aren't you? I'm going to take you home and spank you until you scream and piss yourself, and then you are going to spend the rest of your sorry life licking a cunt that can never get enough tongueing.