All Comments on 'Cheerleaders Confession'

Nice try, but somewhat forced dialogue and mechanical descriptions of sex..

Killer? Really?

Did you happen to mean Kyler instead of Killer? Cause who tf names their kid Killer?

The Killer name wasn't even the worst thing in this submission. Your total lack of logic in putting together the narrative and dialogue was the worst part. This wasn't worth even a skim.

Please be aware of tense while writing.

This is anot otherwise very well staged and written story.

It reads as naturally as we're it true.

Might just be the very worst thing I've ever read on Lit! (Not, that I could make it all the way to the end. Obviously)

The story was really good from a concept point of view. I'm going to start slamming one-page wonders like this one and simply classify them as a concept. They're certainly not worthy of being considered a full blown story. But beyond even that, the language usage was atrocious. Another person commented on giving up before reaching the end. Then this also really pissed me off:

"he'd watched enough videos to learn that skill."

Seriously? Porn videos are NOT going to successfully teach you skills and make you a great lover. Primarily because Porn is presented in such a manner as to incite your viewing pleasure. The techniques used in Porn are NOT for making the actresses sexually aroused and giving them pleasure.

Take this back to the workshop for a total rewrite. 2/5

there seems to be an issue with a part of the dialogue. "he'd watched enough videos to learn that skill." How about you stop taking that literal and as an expression of how good he made he feel. Also, the Name Killer was correct and not an error, if you take issue with the way I spelled the name, that is on you.