All Comments on 'Cheers to the Leaders Ch. 02'

...starting well...can see u introducing people into it....just it difficult knowing where its going at mo....maybe couple of pages per chapter...so bit more action as well.but nice start.xx hopefully donnie gunna get caught and humiliated after peeing etc.x

Good feedback, and I’m glad you’re liking it!

Ch 01 & 02 were both right around 2,000 words, which on my laptop was a full three pages, but here on the site it all fits on one page. I think I’m going to double the size of chapter 03 just to see how it displays here, (I’ll have the chance to include some scenes I was considering leaving out.) and test out whether it’s too much at once or closer to just right.

Thanks for the encouragement!

I have some thoughts about the behaviors of the characters, but I think that's secondary to the major issue with the story. You seem to be attempting to create a universe with no focal point. It's avant garde in a way, to introduce so many star characters at once instead of introducing them as planetary characters who enter the orbit of a single star character, or a binary pair of star characters, and I've seen it work to some degree on television, but only because the visuals provide cues that assist in helping the audience get all the storylines straight; cues like being able to attach faces and voices to names. Without those cues providing the gravitational attraction needed to hold all the storylines of your universe together, it's very likely everything will just fly off in different directions and your audience will get frustrated by the resulting chaos.

It seemed like Emillie was going to be the center of your universe, but then you started several other main storylines that have their own center of gravity. It would be neat if you could pull it off, but you're already starting to lose me with the side stories.

Good luck pulling it all together.

Anon you’re definitely right. My original plans for the story had wayyy too many extra characters, and I didn’t realize it until after I started chapter 02 and only managed to introduce one new person.

I do have a strong end game, it’s coming, and I think I’m sticking to chapter 05 being the finale. There might be background characters mentioned by name, I haven’t decided yet, but all the major characters from here on will be who we’ve already met.