All Comments on 'Cindy and Roxanne Connect'

You have quite a lot of issues with punctuating dialogue. That much should be easily fixed with one more editing round. As far as the story goes, well there wasn’t much story in this one. Doesn’t really work as a stand-alone in my opinion.

Someone once said that some lesbian stories read like a guy smashing two Barbie dolls together, and this reads exactly like that. “I’m going to make one blond and one brunette, and then I’m gonna dress them up sexy, and then smooch-smooch-smooch!”

So..: what to say. Thank you for showing interest in my event, but this wasn’t really what I had in mind.

Omenainen,

Thank you for taking the time to comment. Although I asked for criticism, I must admit that I am flabbergasted by yours.

Someone with editorial access to my story, but without my authorization, changed the location from "Mind Control" to "Lesbian Sex." Additionally, the explanation of why I had chosen to submit it to "Mind Control" was removed outright.

I read "Expanding Horizons", one of your two entries to your own contest just to see what kind of writer was trashing my work. It was fine, about par for the quality of prose one reads on Literotica.

Although I do make grammatical errors when I write, I'll confidently push all my chips into the center pf the table and go "all in" in a head-to-head comparison of our relative grammar mastery.

Based on your discovery of two missing and one misplaced quotation marks in a story containing hundreds of quotes, I freely acknowledge the superiority of your self-editing skills. Please excuse me, however, if I contest your assertion that three out of hundreds qualifies as "quite a lot of issues." If someone were to describe grapes in a bowl as "quite a lot" I'd expect more than three. Wouldn't you?

Pink Orchid is your contest. I am sorry that my story "wasn’t really what I had in mind" as you put it, but you are, of course, correct.

It was what I had in mind.

I shouldn't have been so harsh. I apologize. Still, I think it read more like a chapter than a stand-alone story, and I think that is a valid point.

English isn't my first language, but I do what I can. On most of my recent stories I've had editing help from native English speakers. If you really want to dwell in superiority, you should check my First Time stories... back then I didn't have anyone beta reading for me, and I even managed to mix up "angle" and "ankle" :-D I didn't submit and edit even when that was pointed out to me, because I am very sure it is not the only thing I've messed up.

Very good story. Didn’t really care about the plot. I was in the mood for a “little light reading “ and was exceedingly pleased. Pardon the phrase, “it hit the spot”. I agree with the tag Lesbian Sex, however, Randy was just barely mentioned and your protagonists were both female and pleasing each other as a plot point. I have yet to scratch the surface on your stories, but I will “endeavor to persevere” as Chief Dan George once said. :)

Keep up the good work. Take care