- Reviews & Essays
- Cissplaining
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Click hereOften times, when I'm discussing being transgender with cisgender people, whether they're strangers, friends, or family, especially when they're new to the concept, they'll make an attempt to explain something about my gender to me, often using bad or outdated terminology, or in an attempt to reinforce some stereotype or trope. This action can be defined as "cissplaining". Much like "mansplaining", which is when someone who identifies as male attempts to describe something to someone who defines as female that is utterly stereotypical or wrong, usually in attempt to make themselves seem more knowledgeable on a particular topic than they are.
This is particularly common when it comes to people's perspectives on gender and gender roles, and how people fall within these roles, which is actually what happened with the last essay I posted about the concept of "transtrending", and why it's a problematic myth. They said (spelling and some grammar fixed per the good editors here):
"Being transgender isn't a trend, but the left's current obsession with it absolutely is and so are the myriad of insane other genders they keep inventing. If someone has dysphoria that's fine, they can transition and it's not okay to be mean to them. We can and should be understanding. But it's not okay to aggressively push trans identity on kids whenever they show any discomfort with their body or because they played with a toy meant for the other sex once. Unfortunately there are people so desperate to be an ally (so they can feel heroic) that they end up hurting vulnerable young people. There is plenty of room within the categories of male and female to include tomboys and sissies so there is no need to invent separate identities to describe everyone's individual personality, we have individual names for that."
*Sigh*
*Deep breath*
There's a ton to unpack there. While I appreciate their attempt at being understanding towards trans people, there's a lot more here that's problematic. Let's dig into it like by line...
"Being transgender isn't a trend, but the left's current obsession with it absolutely is and so are the myriad of insane other genders they keep inventing." This one really makes me shake my head, because they immediately politicize gender variance, ignoring the fact that medical professionals have defined gender, over the past 50 or so years, as a spectrum, rather than a binary, whether due to ambiguous genitalia, personal identification, genetics, or myriad other reasons. This isn't, and really shouldn't be, a politicized issue, but because of xenophobia, bigotry, and general ignorance, it's become so, primarily with those on the left aligning as allies and those on the right not.
"If someone has dysphoria that's fine, they can transition and it's not okay to be mean to them. We can and should be understanding." Umm... thanks? I mean, the rest of your comment doesn't really express that, but okay. This is probably the sole part of this comment that isn't problematic in some way. (I guess I'm glad I have your permission to exist on your terms...?)
"But it's not okay to aggressively push trans identity on kids whenever they show any discomfort with their body or because they played with a toy meant for the other sex once." This is something that simply doesn't happen. If there are psychologists out there that are doing this, it's highly unethical, and they are running a serious risk of losing their license. That being said, if a child does express their identity as female or feminine, perhaps it should be (with the help of a qualified clinical psychologist) explored further. Also, there's other issues, such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder, that could be at play rather than a child simply being trans, which need to be handled by a qualified clinical psychologist.
"Unfortunately there are people so desperate to be an ally (so they can feel heroic) that they end up hurting vulnerable young people." People don't typically become allies so they can feel "heroic". They become allies usually ebcause they know someone who is trans, or even just a member of the LGBTQ community, and they want to express their acceptance of that person and people like them. The statement implies that being an ally to trans people is almost a bad thing. Why? Because it may expose a young person to the possibility that gender isn't such a black-and-white issue, that it isn't as cut-and-dry as the old-fashioned binary concept would lead you to believe, and that they therefore may start to question their own gender.
So what? We're all individuals, and gender is a part of that. If you identify within male/female binary, that's fine. If not, that's fine as well. Where it begins to hurt young people is when they're told that not identifying within the binary is bad, that somehow they're "broken" because they identify outside the binary. That's when issues such as abuse come into play (as they did for myself).
"There is plenty of room within the categories of male and female to include tomboys and sissies so there is no need to invent separate identities to describe everyone's individual personality, we have individual names for that." This is possibly the most problematic statement of the lot, because not only does it reinforce the simple binary, but it introduces a slur, "sissy", typically used in a derogatory way to describe men who are perceived to act feminine. I also know quite a few women who see the term "tomboy" as somewhat derogatory, making that also a rather derogatory statement. Just because someone who identifies as male but has feminine traits doesn't mean we get to tag them as a "sissy" and vice versa. We need to drop the slurs and the oversimplification.
So what makes that "cissplaining"? First, I'm guessing that this person is cisgender, given the comments and terminology they used (it's hard to say, given that their account is literally one day old, and they have absolutely no information listed in their profile, but I'd say it's a pretty good assumption to make). Second, they're making every attempt to reinforce the gender binary and give reasons why being a visible trans person is "bad" while also making every attempt to not look like an overt bigot. Third, most of their comment is patently false. It implies that trans people somehow have some sort of agenda to turn cisgender kids trans, which is a common trope bigots use to justify the isolation of trans people, and couldn't be further from the truth.
Put simply, they don't have a clue as to what it really means to be transgender.
So what can people do about it? First, people can educate themselves about trans people. I personally would recommend the book "Trans Bodies, Trans Selves" (you can find it via Amazon, or from the Trans Bodies Trans Selves Foundation's website). It's a collection of stories by trans people about their life experiences, such as the difficulties in navigating the world as a trans person.
Second, instead of trying to explain a person's identity to them, we can listen to them and try to learn about them. Everyone is different. Just because a woman likes to change her own oil in her car doesn't mean she's a "tomboy", as the commenter put it, just as a guy painting his nails or getting a piercing doesn't make him a "sissy" (Dave Navarro, anyone?).
Third, we can stop looking at being transgender as some sort of fad or fetish. As I've stated before, people existing outside the gender binary have existed since people have existed, and will exist as long as people exist. We're simply much more visible now, and this makes people uncomfortable, which leads to people making the sort of comments in this article rather than digging deeper and making a real attempt at educating themselves about trans people and gender.
While I do encourage people to comment on my pieces (especially if they disagree, because it gives me more to write about!), what I really hope is that, maybe, someone is learning from what I'm writing, and both our lives might be better and easier for it.
- COMMENTS
HelmholtzWatsonover 1 year agoHi I know I'm super late on this but I wrote the comment this is about and I can't resist. Also thanks for correcting spelling and grammar. In my defense English is my third language.
"Being transgender isn't a trend, but the left's current obsession with it absolutely is and so are the myriad of insane other genders they keep inventing.
This one really makes me shake my head, because they immediately politicize gender variance,"
Sorry but (re)defining words like woman changes every law that includes that word that's inherently political. The increasing hate speech laws are also pretty political.
I also changes other rules ... and definitions like straight which to be honest is a pretty big part of why people like me oppose trans activists. (The rest is protecting kids, religion and the right to be honest.)
"If someone has dysphoria that's fine, they can transition and it's not okay to be mean to them. We can and should be understanding.
Umm... thanks? I mean, the rest of your comment doesn't really express that" Because it only means treating all people as if Jesus is going to say YE HAVE DONE IT UNTO ME on judgement day, it doesn't mean agreeing with you.
"problematic" Oh how I hate that word problematic. Every time it's used it means : I can't really make a case this is wrong but I want to oppress you to make it stop anyway.
"(I guess I'm glad I have your permission to exist on your terms...?)"
You don't exist on my terms or yours. You just do. You're a bunch of mostly carbon hydrogen and oxygen arranged in a particular way.
There is a real objective you and everybody has a right to think and speak about you as they wish.
"This is something that simply doesn't happen." Maybe you don't see it because in your bubble that would be censored as transphobia. In my bubble posts about drag queen story hour, pornographic sex ed and teachers with clown hair bragging about perverting kids go around all the time.
"If there are psychologists out there that are doing this, it's highly unethical, and they are running a serious risk of losing their license. " No they won't because all the institutions are captured by wokeness.
"That being said, if a child does express their identity as female or feminine, perhaps it should be (with the help of a qualified clinical psychologist) explored further."
Maybe I'd agree with that IF the psychologist was 100% reliable. But in reality they're just as afraid of cancel culture as anyone else and they have no objective fool proof trans test.
So no. If someone is to young to have sex they're definitely to young to change sex which is a much bigger deal. Children deserve to be protected from potentially life ruining mistakes.
"People don't typically become allies so they can feel heroic". Maybe heroic is the wrong word but it feels good to do good. Or to think you're doing good. To quote Kreia (greatest fictional woman of all time.)
Be careful of charity and kindness, lest you do more harm with open hands then a clenched fist.
"The statement implies that being an ally to trans people is almost a bad thing." It is a bad thing. I'll ally with anyone against anything IF the cause is just. But picking a group and blindly siding with them is wrong.
"expose a young person" Child you mean child, not young person child. And you don't get to push your ideology on other people’s children ESPECIALLY from a position of authority ESPECIALLY if you're entrusted with them as a teacher.
Teachers should only teach undisputable facts and necessary life skills NEVER religion or ideology.
“If you identify within male/female binary, that's fine. If not, that's fine as well.” True you can think anything including that the earth is flat. But it’s still stupid and factually wrong and I won’t pretend it isn’t because lying is morally wrong. “ That's when issues such as abuse come into play (as they did for myself).” If someone abused you because of a disagreement the problem is that person is evil not the disagreement.
“introduces a slur, sissy" Whatever pc newspeak word you would prefer will become offensive in a few years and I have no intention of perpetually updating my vocabulary to suit the whims of the kind of people who can actually live in the age off the internet and still haven’t lost the ability to be offended. So for them here’s my 3 step plan to deal with being offended:
1 Cry me a river
2 Build a bridge
3 Get over it.
“I'm guessing that this person is cisgender” <sarcasm>That’s a slur we prefer normal</sarcasm> But yes.
“reinforce the gender binary” sex binary I don’t recognize gender as a thing at all.
“visible trans person is bad" No that the trans movement is bad. Just like every leftist movement is bad.
“making every attempt to not look like an overt bigot” Every attempt to convince you people like you and me can get along IF you don’t come after our minds, speech, church or kids.
“It implies that trans people somehow have some sort of agenda to turn cisgender kids trans”. No not Trans people, but most trans activists, the cult of woke and the establishment are doing that intentionally or not. Blaire White can babysit my (hypothetical future) kids any day of the week but I wouldn’t leave them alone for a second with anyone who unironically has pronouns in the bio.
“What it really means to be transgender” It means you have a mental disorder (that may be rooted in biology) that makes you really really want a body of the opposite sex and to be seen by others as the opposite sex.
“ Just because a woman likes to change her own oil in her car doesn't mean she's a tomboy” No not if that’s the only boyish thing about her but if the list of tomboy qualities attributes is long enough at some point it absolutely does.
“As I've stated before, people existing outside the gender binary have existed since people have existed, and will exist as long as people exist.” Dysphoria and hermaphrodites have always existed. Genders that exist only in minds are by definition imaginary.
Pest999over 1 year agoAuthor1. Cis is a prefix derived from Latin, meaning "same" or "this side of". By that definition, everyone who identifies with their birth gender is, in fact, cis, or same.
2. The number of people detransitioning is actually quite small. Surveys in both the UK and the US place it below 8 percent, and in every instance it was due to either family pressures or discrimination and never due to a change of mind of the individual (a simple Google or Wikipedia search reveals as much).
3. The last paragraph is simply made-up myths meant to keep presenting trans people as "the bogeyman". Parents don't force kids to gender transition on their whim. To do so would literally be child abuse, and no doctor in their right mind would go along with it because doing so is malpractice. Give me a break.
You may now return to your Fox News broadcast.
Anonymousabout 2 years agoDon't define you and don't mangle your terminology. Riiiiight.
How about this....I'm not CIS. I reject that stupid, nonsensical term. I am a women. I am not cis. I'm not a bleeder, a breeder, a front hole, a birthing person or any of that crap. I am a woman. What right does the trans community have to redefine the rest of the world?
Is trans a fad? Certainly not for some. The refusal of the trans and trans advocate communities to acknowledge the significant number of individuals DE-transitioning is highly problematic. The effects of heavy hormones and surgeries cannot be magically undone.
Teens and young adults are often adrift a seeking 'something' that settles their life. Children are massively vulnerable to outside influence. If you haven't seen the Munchausen by Proxy trans kids, you are lying and blind. If you don't see failed male athletes using trans to become winners, you are blind and lying. The trans community is being pushed as a hot commodity. It isn't all about the welfare of trans people.
Not acknowledging these legitimate and major problems will keep large segments of the population from accepting the trans community.
That's my 'splaining for today.
Paul4playover 2 years agoThank you for your series of essays.
They are real. Sobering. Educational. Courageous.
