Coconut 02

Coconut 02

Listen folks, I left off with my last chapter being social media pranked by a couple of my butthead friends for a mixer that I wasn't hosting and unfortunately, LOL, even that didn't work. I mean, I hid out in the darkness of my house behind locked doors and no one even drove by, let alone mixer crash my place. So, I guess I can't even be pranked into hosting a mixer, but it did provide for an interesting Saturday afternoon as I went to the local mall to snag a new pair of fighting jeans, LOL, just in case push came to shove at my front door. Which things did not. I mean, seriously? I couldn't even be pranked then?

But the mall is always fun, right?

"Oh, I mean, you probably don't remember me from school and all, but I'll never forget your enticing tropical scent, so, you go by Coconut Cream Pie these days, right Conner?"

"Oh, hey, Juju and of course I remember you. I mean, you were the only one in school who was shorter than me and I suppose I'll never forget that Friday during School Spirit Week when you helped me with my first full facial makeover in public then. Anyways it's just Coconut and I don't know anything about any cream pie and I seriously mean that I don't know jack about any cream pie, so."

"Alright, Coconut, that's fine. So, what are you doing? Just hanging around the mall then? Or maybe hiding out at the mall then, hm-mmm?"

"Juju, it's more like I'm looking for a new pair of capri jeans than hiding out at the mall this afternoon, but the new capri jeans might help me hide out at home later. I mean, I was mixer pranked on social media, so I'm half afraid to go home for a while, so."

"Oh, I'm sorry that happened to you then, Coconut. I mean, I hope it's not like a blind date situation, well, I guess it's none of my business, so."

"I mean, Juju, is that code for I should tell you what happened then?"

"Duh! I mean, we just rekindled our friendship since like 3 minutes ago, so what gives and why were you pranked then, Coconut? Also, wow, you have really upped your game with the beach scent."

"Well, Juju, it's just that I'm not "that way", but Tyler and Dillion and now Stanley all think it's about time that I became "that way" and I'm pretty sure that the prank mixer notification on Chang was just a cover to get me alone in some corner of my house and see who could feed me my fill of their coconut milk first, so."

"Oh, wow, I mean, go on while I get my fill of your delightful tropical scent, which is not code for I'm snuggling up to you, but, damn, now I remember why you were so popular just after gym class, so, carry on a little."

"Oh, I mean, I'm a total virgin and I've only played things going "bump" in the night a couple of times, but apparently, all that adds up to me being a tease, but I do have a thing for smacking lips and Dillion thinks I'm his type, but Tyler had a better chance, but he blew it with his "kissy face is gay" statements and then all of a sudden, Stanley is all about my side view silhouette and everybody thinks they will be first to feed me my fill of coconut milk and I keep telling everyone that I just like the flirting side of things because I'm not really "that way" yet and don't even ask me what happened with my hair today, but I really like these new capri jeans because they fit me like a skin on a grape and I just don't know why people automatically think that I'm "that way" and don't even get me started on how I like to create memes to post on Chang and...."

"(Or, so we're back to being that good of friends already then huh?) Coconut, I mean, that's quite a rambling story and all and it sounds like it's just the tip of the iceberg, so let's skip ahead a little. I mean, what's your combat plan for tonight then?"

"Oh, I mean, I'll probably just curl up in my jammies and hide out in the dark behind locked doors in the back of my house, so."

"(And burn those thigh high socks in the backyard?) I mean, that sounds like a good retreat plan then, Coconut. I mean, I'd invite you down to the old train station to hang out with my crew tonight, but they can be a little rough around the edges sometimes, so."

"Oh, the old train station, so you're with the Unraveled crew then, Juju?"

"Well, you don't have to sound so smug about things, Coconut."

"Oh, no, no, I mean, it's just hard to say the "Unraveled" without sounding smug, so, I mean, just how rough around the edges are they then, Juju?"

"Well, most of them are guys, so there's that constant need to spill their coconut milk and at least one of them, Jack Jay Jack, would love to, well, cream pie you anyways, so."

"Well, I'm not that way, so there won't be any cream pie then, Juju, but I can fight! I'm a shark!"

"Alright, Coconut, we'll go with that, LOL. Anyways, I'm on a mission here at the mall and you have an admirer, so I'll just let you get on with things, so?"

"Ugh, is the guy with wavey hair still behind me then? That's Zack from the food court taco stand and he's been stalking me for an hour. I think he is daring me to step into the food court restroom, so."

"Well, I'll dare you then, Coconut, like a Hot Summer Nights drive in movie restroom scene dare, so?"

"Juju, I mean, that was a pretty intense scene, so."

"And you have to wait until he is looking you dead in the eyes before you wipe your mouth with a back handed swipe and no fair lying about it, Coconut, so????"

Stupid movie scene dares! But it was a nice scene, so. However, things were slightly backwards, right? I mean, I was pretty sure that Zack wanted to sneak up behind me while I stood at the urinal, but that wouldn't exactly recreate the movie scene, but with the restroom door closed, well, Juju would have to accept my explanation of what happened, so. Also, nothing was going to happen anyways.

"I mean, excuse me, but I need to pass by and you're practically blocking the restroom door, so?"

[Inhales the tropical coconut butter lotion scent]

"By all means then, pass by me and don't be afraid to walk past me slowly while you're alluring scent fills the air around me then."

"Well, I know who you are, Zack, so you go first then. I mean, I need my privacy and all, so."

"I mean, are you going to introduce yourself or is this a true blind date then?"

"Oh, um, Coconut and this is in no way a blind date. I do date, well, I will date just as soon as literally anyone asks me out, but I'm not that way, so stop saying that we are on a blind date then."

"Um, Coconut, well, ladies first, so."

[Opens the restroom door and extends an arm]

Well, Zack did hold the door open for me, so I brushed past him and entered the restroom, which wasn't as freaky as I was expecting.

"Well, go ahead and stand at the wall while I use a private stall then, Zack."

"I mean, are you going to stand behind me and reach around then, Coconut?"

"Oh, well, I'm going to stand behind you and try to reach a decision on what kind of freak you are, Zack, but I'll be keeping my hands to myself, so, go ahead with it then."

I mean, I had to direct the scene, right? I mean, the movie scene dare wouldn't work until Zack was standing at a urinal, so, I had to keep things going. Also, please don't read anything extra into all this based on something that happened in the last chapter. I only get my kicks from listening to Kayla pee, so.

[Hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, LOL, shake, shake, shake, shake]

"Well, I'm not saying that wasn't weird, Zack, but it doesn't mean I liked it because my feet wouldn't move, so? Anyways, you can turn around now, Zack."

"Oh, I see that you do smile then, Coconut."

[Tippy toes attack, attack, attack, tippy toes, attack, lip smack, lip smack, lip smack]

[Mwah, mwah, ummah, ummah, oof, oof, ow, ow, mwah]

[LOL, probably a terrible back handed mouth drying swipe afterwards]

"So, you were born with two tongues then, Zack? Also, I think you forgot to put it away, so?"

"Wipe your mouth again for me, Coconut and wipe it in slow motion then."

Well, you need a reason to wipe your mouth dry, so.

[Mwah, mwah, ummah, ummah, oof, oof, ow, ow, mwah, ga, ga, ga, ug, ug, ooh]

[Ooh, a much better back handed mouth swipe]

"Oh, so we are having sex then, right Coconut?"

"I mean, I'm just a certified tease, Zack, so? Also, you still seem to have forgotten to put it away, so."

I mean, I would like to tell you that he walked me backwards towards the last stall, but the truth is, LOL, he just picked me up off of my feet and oh boy, I mean, talk about things going "bump" in the middle of the afternoon!

[Bump, thump, bump, flip, flop, flip, hump, hump, damn, rub, rub]

"I mean, is this hurting you, Zack?"

[Stall door slams shut, click, stuck lock, jiggle, click, jiggle, click, click]

"So, so you have something down there, so what then, Zack? I'm just a tease anyways, so."

[Oops, slipping down his chest, oops, oops, sliding down, oops, boing, boing, eye poke, boing]

"Ahh, now tease that, Coconut."

"Oh, unfortunately for you, Zack, I'm not that way, even with in pointing directing at my mouth and all, so?"

[Stab, stab, gargle, gargle, stab, ump, ump, ahh, ump, ahh, ahh, pump, thrust, pump, pump, ump]

So, lips just part then when they are being stabbed and jabbed with something hard?

[Ag, ow, oomph, oomph, ag, ag, choke, cough, gag, gag, gag, ow, ow, OMG, ooh, ooh, oh, oh]

"Spit or swallow, Coconut and by the way, ug, ug, ug, swallow, ag, ag, ahh, ooh, aah, ooh, ahh."

[Gulp, gag, gulp, gag, gag, gag, spit, spit, ow, ow, oh, ewe, ewe, ewe, gulp, gulp, ah, ah, ump, ump, ooh]

"[Cough, spit, gag, spit] Oh, so I bet you won't kiss me now [swallow] then, Zack."

[Mwah, mwah, ummah, ummah, oof, oof, ow, ow, mwah, ga, ga, ga, ug, ug, ooh]

"Unzip your jeans, Coconut and lean forward. I want to split your coconut shell now with my coconut shell splitting machete, so."

[Fiddle with stall door lock and not the jeans zipper, fiddle, fiddle, push, pull, kick]

I mean, exit stage left, right?

Well, re-enter the stall stage for a quick moment.

"[Mwah] I mean, that never happened, Zack, alright? I mean, I'm not that way, so?"

"[Mwah] Why lie about things, Coconut?"

"[Mwah] I mean, Zack, it's not lying if it never happened, so?"

"[Mwah] I mean, you just swallowed my coconut milk, Coconut, so."

"[Mwah] Well, you sort of bypassed my throat muscles with your blasts, but fine, apparently I needed to know what all the fuss was about, Zack, so?"

I mean, don't guys ever put it away then?

"So, Coconut, I own you now, right?"

"Oh, well Zack, we shouldn't go that far just yet because when I walk out of this Men's Room, I mean, I'm still claiming to not be "that way", but I don't regret what we just did, so? Also, you know you're supposed to put it away, right Zack?"

"Oh, that's your job now, so?"

Stupid jobs and they're side rules!

[Tuck, push, tuck, bend, damn it, stroke, oops, fap, fap, fap, stroke, push, tuck, fap, fap, fap]

"Are you going to call me, Zack?"

[Fap, fap, clap, clap, slap, slap, fap, fap, ooh, that is something else then, fap, fap, clap, clap, slap]

"Are you just going to waste it in the toilet bowl then, Coconut?"

Stupid job-related questions! Ah, yeah!

[Milk it, stroke it, milk it, point it, oops, aim better, fap, fap, fap, ahh, come on, stroke, milk]

"Ahh, oh, that's the stuff, Coconut."

[Squirt, squirt, drizzle, drizzle, squirt]

[A different squirt, ooh, coco butter lotion, ooh, rub, rub, rub]

"Well, I wouldn't want you to get chaffed, Zack, that's all, so."

[Work the lotion in good, rub, rub, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

[Um, a droplet?]

"[Mwah] LOL, for something that never happened, right Zack?"

"Oh, that was a lot of nothing happening then, Coconut. But that was three times, so I have to dump you already, you know that, right Coconut?"

"[Mwah] I know, I was just getting things out the way, Zack. I mean, I have three other boyfriends that I tease, so."

[Once again, exit stage left]

[Oops, re-enter the stage one last time]

"[Mwah] That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, Zack, so thanks, I suppose."

"I mean, when do we fall into that "old lovers can't stay away from each other" routine then, Coconut?"

"[Mwah] Well, maybe in a couple of months I'll unzip my jeans without you asking, so? Also, I mean, don't you ever go limp then, Zack?"

"I mean, your coco butter lotion is edible, right Coconut?"

Stupid safety product rules!

[Slurp, gag, gulp, gag, gag, ow, ow, oh, hm, hm, hm, slurp, slurp, ah, ah, ump, ump, where is it then?]

"Well, I guess I know a few things now then, Zack."

"Well, what do you expect, Coconut? Balls don't work as fast as your hands and your throat, so."

"Oh, I wasn't complaining, Zack [mwah], but I have a friend waiting for me, so?"

"Oh, I mean, you're dumped, so go ahead then, Coconut. But [mwah] thanks, I really wanted that."

[LOL, hold a spread legs stance just outside of the restroom door and a back handed swipe to dry the mouth big time]

"I mean, alright Coconut, you win that one, but everyone always knew anyways, so."

"Oh, I mean, I lip smacked him at the urinal just like in the movie, Juju, but that's all, so what do I get for winning the dare then? Like a personal invite to the old train station or something then?"

"Hmm, lip smacking and no more, huh, Coconut? I mean, wow, that was more than 20 minutes of lip smacking at the urinal then, but whatever. Also, are you creating a meme about your restroom dare already then?"

"Oh, I mean, oops Juju, so I mean, never mind about any meme that identifies the first time a Tranny went four times before being officially dumped, so what's my win then, Juju?"

"Oh, I mean, I said earlier that I was on a mission here at the mall and then you gave me more than enough time to window shop with your "I'm not that way, but I lip smack a lot" restroom dare, so for your win, I mean, maybe you can buy me something sexy from the Red Bag store then, right? It's the anniversary for the Unraveled crew tonight and my coin count is low and the guys never get to see me sexy, so?"

"Well, I mean, you could tag my meme or something, Juju, I mean, I did win the dare, so."

[Whatever, fem boy freak, ahh, thumb up emoji, big smile emoji, sunglasses smirk emoji, hands over eyes emoji, ooh a dumped emoji then, LOL, double dumped emoji]

Well, at least my meme got a little acknowledgement, so. Also, huh, so "a sexy shirt" from the Red Bag store means new jeans from the jeans store and new boots from the boots store and then a new leather jacket from the leather store and then two purple hair extensions from the hair extension store and then a new midriff shirt and bustier from the Red Bag store then? Huh!

"Oh my, I mean, your partner does smell good then, Miss, I mean, his breath smells from sex, but oh my, the rest of him does smell so tropical, so, will your partner be joining you in the dressing room while you try on your bustier then, hm-mmm?"

"Oh, I mean, he's not really my partner and we just rekindled our friendship, so I probably shouldn't be topless in front of him, but it would be nice if you could find him a leotard body suit and a matching midriff shirt while I'm in the dressing room, so?"

"So, like a nice little "tucked in tight" situation then? I mean, like a leotard with a rear flap or not?"

"Hello! I'm right here, ladies! But no flap. The snaps might irritate my skin, so."

"Well, maybe we'll just have to lather your precious skin up with the coco butter lotion that I see in your pocket, so?"

I mean, that was hard to say no to, right?

"Oh, that's a good color of a leotard on you then, Coconut, but you should really dry off more after you get out of the shower in the future. I mean, getting dressed while your sexy little body is still damp is why you have a pimple down there then."

"I mean, that's me and not a pimple, so."

"Oh, I mean, oops, so will be taking this outfit then? Also, I mean, what's your secret to keeping your girlfriend happy then, hm-mm?"

Hah! A pimple my butt! I mean, well, at least the sales girl didn't say that I had a nubbin, right"

"[Knock, knock] So, how's Coconut looking in there then?"

"Oh, he was made to wear a leotard, but he has a pimple situation, so?"

"Oh, I mean, should I try to find a quarter sheet of a tissue then?"

"Oh, OMG [drizzle]."

"Oops, too late, so go find yourself a push up bra sweetie while I push the rest of his coconut milk out of his busted pimple, so? I mean?"

"Oh, I'm not mad, I'm not mad at all, but I mean, a pimple is at least bigger than a nubbin, right?"

"Guys go crazy over black push up bras, sweetie, and you're going to need other guys in your life, so."

Well, that wasn't as bad as it sounded anyways. I mean, I was totally Coconut Cream Pie in reverse, LOL, as long as the Coconut cream Pie was one of those miniature pies, LOL. With over flowing filling! Or at least with a strong drizzle, so.

End Coconut 02