All Comments on 'Commercial Sales Ch. 06'

I am liking this story but where is her guilt? Its all about how wonderful she is and what a great relationship she has with Mikki. What about the clueless husband sitting at home? 4 stars

Rather than posting a couple of pages, why not post them in bulk, this story still hasn’t gone anywhere

A spider's web!

3

Absolutely perfect word execution. I have never seen something so well proofed as your work. I am continuing to read this multi-part saga as the characters are sufficiently well defined and I continue to hope for some sex beyond just the lesbian stuff. One observation, meant to be of the constructive kind, not the sniper so often found in LW, you often include absolutely useless verbiage that does not add to our understanding of the story at all and drags us out longer than necessary. Example, it too you 5 extra words just to describe the make up of a hallway in the house. Just let her get there. Keep 'em coming!

Good writing but i am now just skimming looking for the name “mark” to see if he ever enters the story again. So far still a lesbian story.

Her husbands a bit of an afterthought at the minute, obviously the affair won’t effect him. Except she’s spending all her time with her girlfriend

for me this chapter was pretty blah 3*

How romantic. Two single women enjoying themselves and getting to know each other.

Oh wait, Kate’s married to a guy we never meet. It’s like he doesn’t exist. She has no feelings for him and he could be a figment of her imagination for all we know.

He could die in a mugging gone wrong and it would make no difference to the story.

Put this shit in Lesbian or Nonerotic for all the relationship it has to LW.

That or wrote about her relationship with Mark. Show us they have chemistry, that she does love him, that he is important to her. Because so far, you wrote about her being held up in traffic more than her time with her husband.

Wish we knew how many chapters to expect. For the 3rd straight chapter, there was nothing really special happening...pretty boring. Wonder when some excitement or twists will ensue?

This is pretty well written, but it is dragging. It is time to advance the plot and make the husband a character.

Just kill off Mark, he clearly does not matter to this story or his slut wife.

Its amazing how you are milking a rather shitty story.

With PapaToad sucking c*ck today at least you are in (what was once) good company.

Rather lengthy period of time and hubby is fading into the past …. Or the twilight zone

I can tell you're really enjoying writing this saga. Wish I could share your enthusiasm. Pretentious and inane. Can't wait for Mikki's lecture about fidelity to Mark's cock (but not to Mark or her marriage) gets thrown out the window as Jay's cock slides into Kate's cunt. Enjoy your writing experiment. Most experiments fail. Thanks for the effort.

Yeah, what Wackdoodle said. Where is the chemistry between Kate and Mark? Does Mark even give a rip about Kate? I bet we will find out that Mark is a closeted gay dude who ends up falling for Jay...or Tommy? This story is going nowhere really fast. We all know that Kate is going to screw up really big.

So now Jay, Mikki and Kate know things that husband Mark doesn't. Kate didn't even tell him that she's now working for Jay too and that she's getting $8,000 a month out of that. And you think that's a good marriage? I am still of the opinion that you can tell stories very well, but in terms of content you describe a path to disaster. Unless you write a cuckold story where Kate doesn't care what her husband wants or says!

Still a lesbian story and not LW. Mark is an afterthought.