Completely, Enthusiastically, & Without Question - Pt. 01

They weren't wrong about Olivia and Max's compatibility, of course. She felt a nervous flutter every time she saw them or thought about seeing them. When she was near them, it was like she was being pulled towards them. Her core tightened every time she glanced at their lips and remembered how she'd pushed them up against the wall outside of Casey's.

If the physical attraction hadn't been enough, the emotional attraction was growing too. She'd had no doubt that she would like getting to know Max and that they'd be a friend she cared deeply about, but she hadn't anticipated how quickly that would happen.

Olivia also hadn't anticipated that Max would make a repeat appearance in her fantasies. The week after their date was perfectly reasonable. It would have been unrealistic to think that she wouldn't think about them after she'd had them up against the wall. She'd already been planning what she wanted to do with them by the time they paused to check in with her.

A knock interrupted her latest daydream, indicating Max's arrival. She tapped her fingers against the counter a few times before pushing herself off of it and towards the door. She'd spent the entire day rationalizing her decision not to pursue anything beyond friendship and she'd argued her case well.

So why, as she reached for the door to let Max in, did Olivia silence the protective voice in her head and give the reins to the lust she'd locked away after their date?

Olivia had flirted relentlessly - relentlessly - with Max all through dinner. How many times did she need to find an excuse to touch their arm before they took a damn hint? How many times did she need to run her tongue across her lips when she knew they were looking? Frankly, if Olivia had been Max, she would have had her face between her own legs a half hour ago.

The tacos she'd originally intended for three ended up only feeding the two of them, so it was good for more than one reason that Jess had decided to go out. Olivia had eaten the portion she'd intended to, but Max had absolutely devoured the rest. While she may have been disappointed that they weren't picking up her overt attempts to get them into bed, the compliment about her cooking made her feel good.

"I'm so stuffed," Max said, patting their stomach. "Oh my god, I don't think I can move."

"Well, you did eat two full servings, so that'll happen," Olivia said as she reached her hand out for them to grab. "Come on, let's get you to the couch so you can digest."

"Was I supposed to stop eating with food still available to eat? It was too good to let sit there, uneaten," Max said as if it were obvious. "You should run a taco truck. Seriously. I mean, they're white people, gourmet tacos so you couldn't use the word 'authentic' in your branding, but there's a market for white people, gourmet tacos."

"I appreciate the compliments," Olivia beamed. "But it took me literally all afternoon to do this so I don't think it would work in a truck."

Max took a deep breath in. "Thank you for doing this," they said, their voice soft. "You didn't have to cook all afternoon, I would have been happy with Kraft Mac & Cheese."

"And you didn't have to turn your bathroom into a spa for me. I would have been happy with a tub of warm water," Olivia told Max, resting her hand on top of theirs and giving them both a moment to look down, then back up at each other again before she continued. "But you did something special for me and I wanted to do something special for you." She couldn't lay it on any thicker, Max had to know what she was doing.

Max cleared their throat. "Thank you."

Why wouldn't Max just kiss her already? Olivia was in agony. It wasn't one-sided, they had to feel it too, right?

... Right?

Max stayed for a couple of beers, but eventually said they should head home. They had their jacket on before Olivia's frustration bubbled over.

"Wait," Olivia said as one of Max's hands grasped the doorknob. "Are you really going to leave without addressing," she motioned back and forth between them, "this."

Max released the doorknob and turned to face Olivia. "I didn't think you wanted to."

"What did you think I was doing all night?" Olivia asked with a slight edge to her voice.

"Honestly, I wasn't sure," Max chuckled.

"God, you are so frustrating," Olivia said as she rubbed her face.

"Me?" Max scoffed. "You fucking cuddled with me on the floor when we were watching that movie."

"That," Olivia laughed, the memory lightening at least her mood, though she wasn't sure it would lighten Max's. "That was legitimately unintentional. But," she paused, "I did realize it a lot earlier than it may have appeared."

Olivia reached for Max and pulled them to her by the waist of their jacket, then slid her hands up the unzipped front and grasped closer to their collar. They set their hands on her waist, not pushing her away but not pulling her closer. "If you tell me you don't have feelings for me, I'll back off."

Maybe she'd been wrong. Maybe she'd missed the window. Maybe Max had been much better at setting their romantic feelings aside than she had. Maybe she was making it weird.

"I can't say that," Max said, glancing at Olivia's lips then back into her eyes. "It's not true."

"If you tell me you don't want me to kiss you, I won't," Olivia said through long breaths.

"I don't want to say that," Max rasped as Olivia leaned in slowly, until her lips were almost touching Max's. "But, I have to."

Olivia leaned back. "What? Why?"

What was happening? What was all that build-up for? "I'm not drunk, I had like three beers in four hours. That's nothing for me. I'm fully capable of consenting," Olivia insisted.

"I didn't think you were drunk," Max said, creating space between them. "But I do think your judgment is clouded."

"Clouded by what?" Olivia asked.

"The fucking sexual tension between us? I'm not a robot, I feel it. And tonight wasn't the first time I realized you felt it." Max closed their eyes and released a long breath through their nose. "But we don't want the same things. I'm not interested in something that has an expiration date. I'm fine with the idea of dating someone and it not working out. I don't expect that I can know at the beginning of a relationship that it will become something serious, but I need to know that the door is open to something more serious."

"I can do that. I can keep the door open. I can't promise that I can keep it open forever, but I can keep it open," Olivia assured Max. "I know it seems like my whole personality is built on my fear of commitment, and maybe a lot of it is, but this feels different. I can't be around you without finding a reason to touch you. I can't think about anything else but you. I'm willing to put my stubbornness to the side to be with you."

"I know," Max said with a clenched jaw. "I know. And I want to. I want you."

"But you won't." Olivia's stomach twisted unpleasantly.

Max shook their head slowly. "If something happens tonight and we wake up tomorrow and it turns out that it was just lust? Just an itch you had to scratch? It'll crush me, Olivia. Even if you don't say it right away, it'll be in the back of my mind."

"How do I convince you it's not?" Olivia asked.

Max shrugged, then let their shoulders fall to a slump. "I don't know. I can think about it, but I don't know how to get that out of my head. I trust you and I trust what you say, but I just... I can't shake it. I'm sorry," they said, reaching for the door..

"I will think about it, I'm not just saying that. But you also need to be sure it's not just lust," Max said before pulling the door shut behind them.

Max

"I've made a huge mistake," Max said, falling face first onto the couch.

"What the fuck are you doing home?" Bailey asked. "Don't keep lying to me about how you feel about Olivia, it's getting old. You two are disgusting, it's perfect."

"I told her I couldn't," Max confessed. "She was all over me all night and I wanted so badly to just give in; do the casual thing; have fun. But it was just in the back of my mind all night and I couldn't get it out. Olivia doesn't do long-term. I only want long-term. I know I'll regret it if I ignore what I know I want."

"So you just left."

"So I just left. She asked if she could prove that she's open to more than casual," Max said. "But-"

"Wait, back up," Bailey interrupted. "You skipped something. She's open to more?"

"Yes."

"So what the fuck is the problem, Max?" Bailey asked, throwing his hands in the air.

"I was telling you before you interrupted. I'm worried that she's not thinking straight," Max explained.

"Because she's horny for you?" Bailey laughed. "Oh, Max, I'm sure she wants you and all but that's a little cocky, don't you think?"

"Shut up. Not because she's horny for me." Max rolled their eyes. "Because we do have this really strong connection. But what if it's just lust? Then what? If it's lust for both of us, cool, we can probably move past that and be friends. But what if she scratches the itch and then realizes she was never open to anything serious?"

"Honestly, Max, that just sounds like how all relationships start," Bailey said, his usual sarcasm nowhere to be found. "There's always that risk."

"But it's different," Max insisted.

"How so?" Bailey challenged.

But Max couldn't come up with anything. "I don't know, but it is."

"Okay, do you want to know what my theory is?" Bailey asked.

"After talking about this for like three minutes, you have a theory?" Max scoffed.

"No, after knowing you for five years and watching you and Olivia for the last few weeks, I have a pretty good idea," Bailey corrected. "You do know that there's something big possible between you and Olivia. But you're not used to being this sure, so that's making you feel unsure because it's unfamiliar," He squinted his eyes. "That sounded more coherent in my head."

"No, it actually made sense," Max laughed. It made sense in a way that only made sense because it was coming out of Bailey's mouth. "Unfamiliar means uncomfortable. And afraid means uncomfortable. So am I really sure about the source of discomfort? I get the theory, but I'm not convinced."

"Looks like you gots some journaling to do," Bailey said, pushing himself from where he'd been reading on the comfy chair. "Just one tiny thing before I go. Do you remember a few weeks ago, at the bar, when you said something to the effect of, it would be insulting to assume that Olivia wasn't the fan she said she was?"

"Yeah."

"So why do you now suddenly think you know what she wants better than she does? How's that different?" Bailey asked before turning down the hall.

If there was always one thing that Max could rely on, it was that Bailey was rarely serious. If people had really overheard most of their conversations with each other, they might have thought that the two were complete assholes, as opposed to just the sarcastic assholes they were.

But when Bailey got serious, it was hard to counter his points. He was right. How could Max know what Olivia wanted better than she knew what she wanted? They were completely dismissing her feelings.

And that was definitely not cool.

Was showing up close to midnight, after just having left an hour and half before, creepy?

Max raised their knuckles to rap against Olivia's front door, then thought better of it. No one responds to an unexpected knock at the door at almost midnight on a Thursday night.

Max: Can we talk? I don't feel good about earlier.

Olivia: I don't have anything new to convince you.

Max: I'm not asking for you to. I want to apologize.

Max: I'm outside.

Three dots appeared briefly before disappearing, then the lock on Olivia's front door clicked.

Her eyes were a little puffy and the frown Olivia wore made Max's heart clench. They'd done this.

"Can I come in?" Max asked. They hadn't considered that maybe Olivia didn't want to talk to them before they'd powerwalked there in the middle of the night.

Olivia stepped aside and gestured for Max to come in.

"I'm sorry. I dismissed what you were telling me about how you felt. I had no business telling you what you want," Max paused. "I have no business telling you what you want. I told you that I trusted you but my actions didn't reflect that. I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Olivia said quietly, her voice cracking a bit. She cleared her throat. "I'll be honest, this doesn't make a great case for serious relationships for me."

"I know. It's, like, the worst possible way I could react to you letting yourself be vulnerable. I'm sorry," Max apologized again. "I don't know if I've completely blown it, but I trust you. I trust that you feel what you say you feel and you're going to do what you say you're going to do."

Max chewed their lip while Olivia remained silent. She nodded towards the small island in her kitchen. They followed and took a seat on one of the stools while she poured them each a glass of cold water.

Olivia took a few sips before responding to Max while they waited patiently. This was her time and they'd learned their lesson the first time. "You told me that I needed to be sure that it wasn't just lust," she said. "But I don't know that. I don't think I can know that."

"We established that I'm an idiot, right? That was unreasonable. You can't predict the future any better than I can," Max admitted. "But you told me what you wanted to do and what you intended to do. That should have been enough," they paused. "That is enough."

"I can't give you forever, Max. Or at least I don't think I can." Olivia huffed out a breath, "I know nothing about my future, let alone how you might fit into it. I can't ask you to come along for the ride while I figure out how to get past all my shit. I may never get past it. I might not be a forever person."

"Bailey reminded me that all relationships are like that. We're never sure if the person we're with is our forever person. We don't even know if we all have a forever person," Max explained. "You said it perfectly earlier. We stay open to it until we can't. That's all any relationship is, even after marriage. We say forever but no one really knows."

"I know that you mean a lot to me. And I know that I want to see if we can be something," Olivia said, reaching across the table to take Max's hands into hers. "I'm not saying I'm open to seeing what happens, I'm saying I want to see what happens."

Max's heart fluttered with hope. "I really want that," they said with a light chuckle. "Like, really, really want that."

Olivia leaned across the table and pressed her lips to Max's. The kiss was brief, but meaningful. It was a mutual promise to give it a shot. "Will you stay the night?"

Max sighed. "It's been a hard night and I don't think I can, you know, perform very well tonight. I should go."

Olivia laughed. "That wasn't what I meant. I'm not asking you to stay so we can fuck. I'm asking you to stay because I want you here. If you want to be here. Tonight was hard on me too, Max. I'm just hoping to wake up next to you. That's all."

Max smiled. "Well I can definitely do that."

Olivia

Max's alarm woke Olivia before it woke Max, so she had a moment to watch them slowly blink their eyes open. "Good morning," she whispered, adjusting the blanket so she could slide closer to them while they silenced the intrusive sound. "You sleep very warm."

Olivia had learned that Max ran a little hot at night, which was fine when they first got into bed and kept her warm. But sometime around four in the morning, she'd needed to create a little bit of space between them so she could cool down enough to get back to sleep.

Waking up next to someone for the first time was usually accompanied by at least a hint of doubt. Whether it was someone Olivia had only met the night before or someone she'd been on a few dates with, she always questioned whether she'd made the right decision. She'd never ultimately determined that she had made the wrong decision, but she still had a moment of doubt.

Predictably, she didn't have that issue with Max. Olivia had spent the hours between when Max had left and when they'd come back thinking about what she'd lost because of some stupid guardrails she'd put up for herself. Guardrails that had been based on someone else's experience, not even her own. Max may not have been the only one who could have made her question those guardrails, but the significance of the fact that they could was not lost on her. She had zero doubts about them.

Granted, they hadn't slept together the night before, but their two separate, very emotional conversations left her feeling far about as vulnerable as letting someone see her naked for the first time. Maybe moreso.

"You're very beautiful in the morning, did you know that?" Max asked, stroking Olivia's cheek.

"I don't mind hearing that first thing in the morning," Olivia said, closing the space between them and capturing Max's lips with hers.

"I don't mind saying it," Max said against Olivia's lips. They deepened the kiss as their hand slid from her hip, down the back of her leg to her knee, where it gently lifted so they could slide their leg between hers. They pulled her against them, their fingers pressing firmly into her leg as they moaned into her mouth.

Heat pooled instantly between Olivia's legs at the sensation. It took every ounce of control she had not to give in to her urge to roll Max on to their back, grind herself against their leg, and release all of the tension that had been building between them for weeks. But she didn't want to rush anything with Max. They'd release that tension, she wanted to enjoy the journey.

"What time do you have to log on for work?" Olivia asked while Max kissed up her jaw, then down her neck.

"In like a half hour," Max mumbled against her collarbone.

Olivia groaned. "That's not enough time," she whined.

"What time are you done working tonight?" Max asked, not interrupting their quest to ensure their lips touched every inch of Olivia's neck.

"Eight-thirty," Olivia said with a heavy sigh. "It's so unfair."

"That's so many hours from now," Max said, plopping their head back on the pillow to face Olivia. "Call out. Take a sick day."

Olivia smiled and shook her head. "Don't say that. Because I will."

"I will if you will," Max said, quirking an eyebrow. The way their eyebrow always rose to challenge Olivia would most certainly be the death of her. "Bailey is away for the weekend, sooo..."

Olivia rolled away from Max briefly to grab her phone from her nightstand. "Fiona should be able to take my shifts today and tomorrow. I want you for the whole weekend."

They both sent the messages they needed to send, then rolled to face each other again. Max stroked their knuckles across Olivia's cheek. "I'm all yours, all weekend," they said before kissing her softly. "Is, uh, Jess home right now?" they asked with a crooked grin.

"She is not. She probably left for work an hour ago," Olivia said, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

"God, you are so hot," Max said exhaling shakily. They closed their eyes and breathed in deeply, releasing it slowly. They repeated the exercise a second time, squeezing their eyes tight.

"Max, are you okay?" Olivia had mistaken their choppy breaths for arousal, but it quickly became clear that something was wrong.

Max swallowed hard and took one more deep breath before responding. "I feel really stupid right now, but I'm really nervous. This is..." They inhaled through their nose and furrowed their brow. "This is my first time being with someone as... Max."