Completely, Enthusiastically, & Without Question - Pt. 01

"Oh my god, I hadn't even... I'm sorry," Olivia apologized, cupping Max's face with both hands and stroking their cheeks with her thumbs. "We don't have to go any faster than you're comfortable with, okay? I'm in no rush. I mean," she chuckled, "don't get me wrong, I am very eager to be with you. But we can go slow. Whatever you need. Or want."

Max nodded. "Thank you," they whispered.

"Of course, baby," Olivia said, her eyes searching Max's. There was more to it; something else on Max's mind that they weren't telling her. "What else is going on in there?"

Max chewed their lip. "I'm not really sure if I know what I like as... Max. I don't want to, like, bring up past experiences-"

"It doesn't bother me," Olivia interrupted. What Max had done before being with her wasn't any of her business to ask about, but she wasn't uncomfortable hearing about it.

"So, like, when Bailey and I were together, nothing changed with what we... did together... when he started questioning his identity. Our roles stayed the same and we never stopped to think about whether that was the right thing to do," Max explained. "He felt differently about his body than he had before. There were things that he'd disliked about his appearance that he started liking and things about his appearance that really bothered him.

"And we didn't consider what that might mean to how we, you know, had sex," Max continued. "It wasn't until after - like, long after - we'd broken up and become friends again that he told me how that had... I think he said something like it set him back with figuring out his role in sex? We don't talk in great detail about our sex lives anymore, no more than any other best friends might, but his role is completely different from what it was when we were together.

"That might not be true for me, but it might be. So I'm nervous," Max said, looking down and away from Olivia's eyes.

Olivia lifted their chin with one finger. "Thank you for trusting me with that," she said. "And I know you're nervous, but this can be really fun, if we want it to be. If you want it to be," she corrected herself. "After all, Bailey is away for the weekend."

The smile that had been missing for the last few minutes returned to Max's face. "That is really convenient."

"Just be honest with me, okay? If something doesn't feel good, stop me. If something does feel good, please do let me know. As passionately as you want to," Olivia grinned.

"Historically, I've had some... challenges... with... finishing?" Max grimaced. "I, um. I usually have to finish, you know, myself. And I feel like that's disappointing for people to hear so I usually like to just... give. If someone, like, really wants to touch me because it turns them on or if not being able to touch me would ruin it for them, then I'm okay with it. But I generally just do it myself."

"If that's what you like, I'm totally fine with that," Olivia tried to reassure Max. "I don't want you to do anything that you don't completely, enthusiastically, and without question want to do. In fact, I want you to promise me that you won't do anything that you aren't totally sure you want to do. Or to try. You can change your mind and I won't challenge it."

"Okay," Max nodded. "I promise. I'll communicate with you."

"I think I'm going to have a really good time learning how to make you feel good," Olivia grinned, pressing her palm to Max's chest. The gentle thud of their heart against her hand pulsed through her fingers as she slowly swung her leg over Max and straddled their waist. She traced her fingertips under their collarbones, drawing random patterns as she glided across their soft skin.

Max

Max's eyelids fluttered as they looked up at Olivia. Their deep breaths were no longer forced attempts to quell their anxiety. They were actually relaxed, comforted by her touch.

"That feels really nice," Max told Olivia, keeping their promise to be clear about how they were feeling.

Olivia hummed contently. "May I take your shirt off?"

"Yeah," Max said as they nodded. Their chest heaved with a mix of excitement, arousal, and nervousness as they sat up and raised their arms above their head.

Olivia slowly slid the t-shirt up Max's torso, grazing her fingers up the sides of their stomach to their ribs. Their body twitched of its own volition as her nails scratched lightly below their sports bra before she continued pushing the shirt higher. She dug her thumbs into Max's arms as she shoved the fabric past their elbows, then pulled it quickly off and tossed it to the floor.

Max let themself sink into Olivia's touch as she explored their torso with her long fingers. "I could lay here all day while you do that," they said, stroking their fingers up and down her thighs.

"That would be perfectly fine with me," Olivia said with a smile as she toyed with the straps of Max's bra.

"I, um, want to keep that on," Max said so Olivia didn't have to ask. "At least for now."

"Not a problem," Olivia reassured Max.

"You can touch me over it, though," Max continued. "If you want to."

Olivia pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and covered Max's chest with her hands. She bit down, her pink lip turning white as she dragged her thumbs over Max's nipples. Her eyes narrowed as she released a heavy sigh and rocked her hips. She moaned as she dragged her soaked underwear up and down their stomach.

Max pushed their hands under the hem of Olivia's shirt and looked to her for approval. The fire burning in her blue eyes and her slow nod sent a rush of heat between their legs. They tugged the shirt over Olivia's head and marveled at the woman on top of them. Her hair fell over her shoulders, landing just above hardened pink peaks that Max absolutely needed to taste. Immediately. They wrapped their arm around her lower back and held her center against their stomach as they leaned forward to take her nipple into their mouth.

"Oh my god, Max," Olivia moaned, pulling Max's head against her. "That feels so good." They took a chance and nipped lightly with their teeth, rewarded with an "oh fuck" as Olivia reached forward to grab the headboard. She released Max's head from her grip and held the wood frame with both hands as they kissed down her stomach and scooted themself down the bed.

Max looked up to Olivia for approval before kissing the insides of her thighs and scratching their nails down the backs of her legs, then back up again. They hooked their fingers into the waistband of her boyshorts and tugged, sliding them down Olivia's legs with her help before inching down the bed just a little more. They pressed their palms to her ass and pulled her down to them, unable to stop the groan that escaped their throat when their tongue dipped into her. They inhaled deeply as they wrapped their lips around her clit and took in the moment.

Less than twelve hours before, Max had left Olivia's house feeling like they might have missed out on something amazing. Maybe the most amazing person to ever come into their life. And now? That same woman held the headboard with one hand while the other guided Max's attention where she wanted them. She was gazing down her body, eyes locked with theirs as she whispered encouraging words about how good their tongue felt.

Just as Max found the rhythm and pressure they were sure would make her come, Olivia tugged their head away from her. "I want to take my time," she said, walking her knees back and leaning forward to kiss them deeply as they wrapped both arms around her and pulled her against them. She hummed against their lips. "Your body feels so good against mine," she said, tucking her face into the crook of their neck. She cupped their jaw on the opposite side and tilted their chin with her thumb to expose more of their skin to her.

Max's muscles tensed as Olivia sucked gently on their neck, their mouth hanging open while they struggled to control the noises squeaking from their throat. They pulled Olivia's thumb into their mouth and clasped their lips over it, sucking hard. She responded by digging her teeth into the skin just below their pulse point.

"Oh, fuck, Olivia," Max whined. "I need to feel more of you," they said as they held her ribs and guided her back, then crossed their arms in front of their chest and gripped the sides of their bra. They pulled it over their head and pulled Olivia's body against theirs.

"Holy shit," Max whispered as Olivia's skin slid across theirs and a wave of pleasure washed through them.

Nothing else existed, just Max and Olivia. Just the smooth glide of their bodies moving together as they studied each other's reactions to their touches.

It was different than anything Max had ever experienced. Learning a new lover was always exciting and a bit nerve-wracking, but discovering where they could touch to make Olivia's skin jump with anticipation left Max feeling dizzy.

Max had been worried — perhaps nearly terrified — that their first experience as Max would have been awkward and uncomfortable. They rambled on about Bailey's experience, even though it might not have even been a challenge they'd need to face. They still hadn't quite figured out how to balance their knowledge of what Bailey or AJ - whom they'd been discussing their identity with recently as well - experienced with the reality that their path might be different. They feared experiencing the negative aspects of their friends' journeys and it was sometimes unnecessary worry.

"Where'd you go?" Olivia asked as flattened one palm against the mattress and brought the other to Max's cheek.

"I'm s-"

"Don't you dare say sorry," Olivia scolded with a playful smile.

"I'm here, I promise. Just taking it all in," Max said with what they hoped demonstrated that they had relaxed from their previously nervous state.

Max had been focusing on the challenges that they'd face while completely forgetting about the great experiences Bailey and AJ — as well as just about every online friend they'd made as they sought their community — had shared. Their friends talked a lot about their frustrations and what could have gone better along their journeys, but they'd also shared the positive stuff. They'd shared stories about how previously bad experiences became great experiences and how uncomfortable experiences became more comfortable.

Max had experienced a fair amount of discomfort during sex in their lifetime so far. It hadn't really deterred them from having sex, but the frustration they'd faced about not feeling typical had been a source of low self-esteem for years.

As Max got older, their lovers expected that they would know what they liked and be able to communicate it. But the reality was that Max knew how to get themself off and they knew what they enjoyed doing to their partner, but they didn't know what they liked doing with their partner or what they liked receiving from their partner. That lack of clarity equated to a lack of confidence, despite their higher than average sex drive. The resulting frustration didn't deter Max from wanting to have sex, but it did make sex feel a bit incomplete.

Olivia rolled to her right, reversing their positions so Max was on top. She held their waist with one hand and pushed an errant strand of hair out of their face with the other. "I'm so grateful that you're sharing this with me, Max. I feel really special," she said, her smile growing slowly as Max closed the space between them again. They kissed her slowly but deeply, taking their time to try to communicate every emotion they were feeling through their lips without a single word. And with how in sync their bodies moved, they were sure she understood.

Gender euphoria is an incredibly difficult feeling to describe because it occurs at such a deep level, our brains - as powerful as they are capable of being - can't figure out how to translate it to any existing words, in any language, that have been created to describe dozens of other nuanced feelings. We could call it an amazing feeling, and that would be accurate, but that's both not strong enough a word to describe it and too specific a word to describe it. It's a positive feeling at your very core that doesn't necessarily register as a "great" feeling because it isn't a spike in the pattern. Gender euphoria is like lifting your baseline level of satisfaction with life.

At least, that's what it was to Max. There was no word or series of words that they were familiar with that could have encompassed everything they were feeling with Olivia. With the understanding that they had no way to validate their claim, they knew in their heart, deep in their soul, that they could have had no better partner than Olivia for their first time as their true self.

Max straddled one of Olivia's thighs as they ran their fingers up the inside of the other. Their hand trembled as they reached her sex and felt the warmth radiating off of her. "I need you," she groaned, taking hold of their wrist and directing them where she needed them.

Max pushed a finger into her warm heat and released a long breath, their center clenching as hers did the same around their finger. "Two," she whined, grasping Max's wrist harder and guiding them out of her, then slowly back in.

"I've fantasized about you, Max. A lot," Olivia confessed through ragged breaths. She grabbed their hips and pulled them towards her. Their thigh pressed against the back of their hand, pushing their fingers deeper inside her. "This is better than I have literally imagined."

Max leaned forward and braced their hand next to Olivia's head as they thrust their fingers into her. Her hips grinded in rhythm with theirs as she arched her back, tossing her head to the side and encouraging Max to keep doing exactly what they were doing.

Olivia's walls squeezed Max's fingers quickly once, then released, accompanied by a moaned, "fuck," from her throat. Her legs shook beneath them as she clenched again, crying out Max's name and holding their hips still as she came apart. Their mouth hung open as they watched her body free not only the tension that had built up inside of her, but everything that had been building up inside of Max as well. They may not have had an orgasm themself, but they felt a release when Olivia came that was as satisfying as any orgasm they'd had to date.

Max slowly retracted their fingers and laid beside Olivia. She rolled onto her side and draped her body halfway over theirs. "Mmmm," she hummed as she kissed their shoulder. "That was..." She didn't finish her sentence, she just shook her head and smiled against Max's skin.

"I promise I'm not exaggerating," Max said, twisting their neck to look Olivia in the eyes. "That was absolutely the best I have ever felt during sex. Like, ever."

"Glad to hear it," Olivia said, her voice dipping to a sultry tone.

In the past, it may have bothered or worried Max that Olivia didn't return the compliment, but instead they found themself filled with a confidence that they rarely experienced. They didn't need to hear Olivia tell them that they were amazing or offer superlatives to match theirs for them to know that she was satisfied.

"So it seemed like all of that was good stuff, yeah?" Olivia asked.

"Oh yeah, definitely good stuff," Max replied with a smile.

Olivia trailed her fingers across the top of Max's chest, then dragged them down their sternum. "Do you want..."

"I mean, I'm feeling pretty good," Max told her honestly. "I don't think I need to."

"But do you want to?" Olivia asked. "I'm okay with any answer, but there's a difference between want and need."

Max pushed a sigh through their nose. "I'm not really sure how to answer that. I do want you to touch me, but I don't want either of us to get frustrated in pursuit of something that might not happen and that I don't feel like I need."

"I understand," Olivia assured them, planting another kiss on their shoulder. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do."

Olivia

Max seemed to relax into Olivia's touch as she traced random patterns up and down their torso. She avoided their most sensitive spots, unsure if they wanted to wind down or wind back up again. She would happily help them with whichever path they chose, but it was their choice to make.

"I'm so glad we called out of work today," Max said, breaking the silence of Olivia's post-orgasm haze.

"Mmm," Olivia hummed. "Me too. I don't want to be too presumptuous, but is it safe to say I'll get to experience all those hips have to offer if we go back to your place later today?"

Max furrowed their brow for a moment, then seemed to understand what Olivia was implying. "Oh. Well... If you're asking if I have a strap-on," they paused, biting their lip. "I don't, actually. I know that might not, like, make sense, but I've never wanted to."

Olivia regretted the assumption immediately. "That's totally okay," she said quickly. "You don't need to... or I don't need to... we don't need to..."

"It's fine," Max said as Olivia tried to remove her foot from her mouth. "I, uh, was actually just thinking about it," they continued. "I never wanted to because I was afraid of what it might mean. I've never liked being called butch or seen as really masculine. Which, again, I know seems odd because, I mean look at me. But I tried really hard not to..." They took a deep breath in through their nose. "I tried really hard not to be... me."

Olivia's heart clenched. She couldn't imagine what Max had been through and the pain they must have been feeling for so long. She both wished she could relate to what they were feeling so she could comfort them and was grateful that she'd never struggled with her identity. "For what it's worth," she said, threading her fingers between Max's and pushing her palm against theirs. "I really like you."

"Thank you," Max said, kissing Olivia's forehead. "But now that I am much more me, I might want to try it?"

"As long as that isn't influenced solely by me bringing it up, I am absolutely into that," Olivia said, pressing her teeth into Max's shoulder.

"You'll have to tell me how," Max said, their breaths getting deeper. They were clearly getting aroused talking about fucking Olivia with a strap-on.

"I'd be glad to," Olivia said with a low, teasing lilt.

"Maybe you could, um." Max swallowed. "Tell me how you'd want me to..." they trailed off as they slid their hand down their stomach and under the elastic of their boxer briefs.

Olivia inhaled slowly against Max's shoulder, then shuffled her body higher and aligned her mouth with their ear. "Are you asking me to describe how I want you to fuck me while you touch yourself?" Olivia felt a rush of warmth between her legs.

Max's breath shuddered as they responded, "Yes."

"Oh, fuck, yes," Olivia said, not worried about seeming too eager. "I'd want you to start slow, let me feel you push inside me and fill me." She pressed her body against Max's and held them tightly at their ribs, then slid her palm up and held their breast. "Is this okay?" she whispered.

Max whined and nodded their head quickly. "Mm hmm. Yes," they strained.

Olivia swirled her finger around Max's nipple, feeling it harden at her touch. "I'd want you hold me tight with your strong arms and fuck me as deep as you can." She pinched their nipple between her fingers. "I want all of you, Max. I want you so bad," she rasped, sliding her other hand between her own legs.

"Oh, fuck," Max whined, heat radiating off of their body as their hand moved between their legs.

"Please, Max," Olivia whimpered in their ear. "Please come for me."

"Are you?" Max asked as Olivia pressed her body harder into theirs.

"Yes," Olivia panted. "You're so fucking sexy. I needed to touch myself."