All Comments on 'Conditioning Niki'

It started out reading real good but then things escalated really, really quickly when she finds herself freshly fucked in his dorm room. The tension could have been drawn out a bit longer with her conditioning. Now, that she is his slave, how is she going to function as a person with her classes and as a cheerleader? Someone is going to find out about her conditioning and will her master be able to change other people's minds? Will he pimp her out to help pay for his university education?

Plot is super hot, but the sentence structure/variety leaves a lot to be desired. A lot of 'X did this. X did that.' No flavor and extremely reptitive. Very... barebones. Almost like a summary. Despite that, hot concept, love the reinforcement learning causing her to slowly fall for John on her own, like pavlovian training.

I agree with the other comments. Perhaps a good editor might be helpful. I would enjoy seeing where this might go. Im sure it was written as a one off. But I would enjoy seeing where it would go. Trying to keep the secret from school friends etc. I would also imagine his photographer friend might have some manipulation up his sleeve depending how much he knows about the full plan. I love what you did and it was very erotic... also right up my alley. It just could have been written better. Well done.

I really loved the control mechanics. But absolute puppetry easily loses all dramatic tension. I would have liked for it to go on much longer.

And has the brains of a doorknob, how long before she’s kicked out of school and living at home? Then what? She can’t form a coherent thought so she just sits there is a semi-vegetative state? That’ll be good for the muscle tone.

Here’s an idea, how about not turning her into a goddamn robot you half-wit? Oh I know, that’ll mean you actually have to work on character progression and make a plot that doesn’t involve non-stop fucking.

How does he plan on supporting the two of them? He’s a junior, so unless he wants a job bagging groceries because he’s an idiot, and that’s assuming he doesn’t go to prison, then he better gave a plan that actually involves work. And that means, dear author, YOU need to do more than just write a fuck story about a cheerleader getting fucked until she’s a retard.

Please learn how to use past tense while writing. Yours is difficult to read because you break this grammatical rule so much. Thank you.

Good story. I hope for a chapter 2 soon. I want to lnow what will happen with John and Niki

That was fucking HOT!!!