Confession Pt. 01

"Noah! What did you do?" Father Garrett yelled.

He stepped out from behind his desk and walked to the back of the room, wearing a murderous scowl.

"Oh shit," Noah breathed as the father stopped beside my chair.

"Zoe, are you alright?"

I blushed despite my pain and nodded.

"What did he do?"

"He popped my bra strap," I mumbled in humiliation.

"THAT'S what that sound was? I thought he slapped you," he said in disbelief.

Father Garrett let out a furious sigh as he glared at Noah.

"Get out of my room," he snapped.

Noah hurried from his seat and rushed for the door.

"Don't leave the hall," Father Garrett yelled after him.

"Yes, sir," Noah called before he escaped.

"I am so sorry, Zoe. I shouldn't have stuck you with that man child in the first place. Are you sure you're alright?"

I looked at Father Garrett and nodded. The stinging across my back had eased, but there would likely be a mark. Our uniform blouses were stretchy, allowing Noah to pull my strap at least a foot away from my skin before releasing it. I didn't know bras could be that painful. Father Garrett stomped to the front of the room and stepped into the hall before slamming the door behind him. The room was dead silent as we listened to him yelling at Noah. I had never seen Father Garrett that angry before. I couldn't help wondering if he would have had the same reaction if it were Trinity that got hurt instead of me. A few minutes later, Father Garrett led Noah back into the room. They were both red in the face. One with rage and one with humiliation. Father Garrett pointed Noah to an empty seat on the front row. He sat down without a word. The next forty minutes of class were extra quiet. Father Garrett calmly completed his lesson before releasing everyone.

"Zoe, Noah, stay for a few minutes, please," he called as everyone else made their exit.

My stomach was fluttering as Father Garrett waved me to the front of the room. I sat at the desk beside Noah as the father stood in front of him.

"Zoe, what Noah did could land him in a lot of trouble if I discuss it with the right people. Saint De Milo College is not a middle school. We expect our male students to treat everyone with respect and act like decent young men. Your behavior towards Miss Blake has been forward and rude from the start. I was the one that stuck you two together in the first place, so I'm giving her the power to decide your fate. Zoe, would you like for me to deny Noah's transfer?"

My mouth dropped open at his question. Noah's eyes went wide as he looked at me in fear.

"I uh..." I stammered.

"Choose wisely, Zoe. I've dealt with Noah's type before. He's like a toddler playing with fire. Some survive it. Some don't," he smiled, then he winked at me.

That's when I realized Father Garrett was laying it on thick to torment Noah. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly so I wouldn't laugh.

"Wow, um, I'm going to need time to think about this. Noah has made me uncomfortable many times these past few days. He hasn't respected my personal boundaries at all, then he turns around and hurts me while also humiliating me in the middle of class."

"Indeed. I want to reject his transfer request, but I'll leave the final decision to you, Zoe. Noah, you have the rest of this week to redeem yourself and start acting like a gentleman. Zoe and I will be watching you. We'll give you our decision Friday afternoon. Understand?"

Noah gulped and nodded. Father Garrett dismissed him after that. I started laughing after the door closed behind him.

"Wow, you're sneaky, Father," I grinned.

He smiled and shook his head.

"I'm serious, Zoe. I've dealt with his type before. I'm hesitant to accept his transfer after watching him hang all over you for the past three days."

My brow furrowed at that point. Noah was annoying and clingy, but I didn't think he was deviant. Father Garrett made him sound like a complete scoundrel.

"Father Garrett, would you... be this angry if it were Trinity dealing with Noah instead of me?"

"Of course. Why did you ask that?"

"No reason," I shrugged and looked out the window.

I knew he was staring at me. It caused a blush to flare up in my cheeks.

"How's your back?" he asked, interrupting the awkward silence.

"Um, sore, to be honest."

I sat up and twisted a little. My skin was burning under my bra strap.

"Not surprising. It sounded painful from up here. I'm telling you, Zoe. Noah isn't trustworthy. A normal person would not have done that in a college class."

"I see your point," I mumbled as I tugged at my bra.

It was hurting enough to make me want to remove it.

"Want some ice?"

"No, I'll take it off in a minute. I can wear my jacket for the rest of the day to hide the evidence."

"Oh... sure," he nodded and looked at the floor with his brow furrowed.

I suddenly realized my comment was inappropriate in front of a male teacher, not to mention a priest.

"Yikes, sorry. I shouldn't have told you that. I need to get to class," I mumbled and stood to leave.

"Wait. I need a few more minutes of your time. I have a big confession to make."

I stared at Father Garrett as he stepped closer to me. His big blue eyes looked stricken. He took a deep breath as he gently touched my arms. The action was simple and intimate, and it made my heart crash into my ribs.

"Zoe, I lied to you. Twice. I'm sorry," he whispered as he searched my eyes.

My heart was running a marathon as I gazed back. His soft touch and proximity excited my body in ways I didn't understand. I had longed for that kind of attention from him. There was nothing scandalous about it. It just felt extremely intimate. I loved it.

"About what?" I whispered.

My throat was so dry I barely got the words out.

"I lied when you asked me if I had a crush on you. Then I lied again when you asked me why I grade papers here instead of in my office. You're not in my office on Wednesday mornings."

My eyes widened as the weight of his words hit me right in the chest. Then I couldn't formulate a response. I was too shocked to react. He frowned at my lack of reaction and stepped away from me. I almost swayed when I lost his touch. I sat down again just in case I did. Father Garrett turned his back to me and rubbed his face. He instantly regretted everything he said.

"Thank you," I blurted. "Thank you for being honest with me. I needed to hear that," I smiled.

He looked at me with uncertainty in his eyes.

"This doesn't change our relationship. I just wanted to be open about it. We're only friends. Understand?"

My brow furrowed at that point.

"Why? Father Garrett, you are so much more than a friend to me. I can't even imagine..."

"Zoe, stop. I don't want to hear it. I know you like me more than you should."

He sighed as he paced away from me, and my heart broke a little. He wanted to be open, but he didn't want to hear my side of the story. He was ashamed of his feelings for me. It was painfully obvious at that point.

"I knew it. You lied to me three times. You... you are ashamed of me," I stammered.

My throat was suddenly tight as tears threatened to drip from my eyes. I wished he hadn't confessed his admiration if his plans were to shun me anyway. Father Garrett stopped pacing and looked at me with anguished eyes again.

"Zoe, please don't say that. I am not ashamed of you. You did nothing wrong. I'm ashamed of myself if anything."

"Exactly. You're ashamed of yourself for liking me. That's even worse. I need to go. I'm late for class," I grumbled.

"Zoe, wait. It's not like that."

"I don't care. I'm sick of all the men in my life right now. Leave me alone!"

I grabbed my bag and rushed from the room as tears spilled from my eyes. Father Garrett ran to the door, but he didn't pursue me down the hall. There were too many witnesses. I ducked into the restroom to collect my nerves and fix my makeup. The simple act of washing my face and applying fresh lipstick soothed the trembling in my limbs, but it didn't heal the dull ache in my chest. I truly didn't understand Father Garrett, and I was beginning to think he didn't understand me. I leaned on the sink and took a deep breath. I needed to get to class and pretend everything was fine. That was my goal. Then, on Thursday, I could vent to my Women's Group about how awful men are. They would be expecting a rant after what happened with Noah.

Chapter 7: Similar Hearts

Noah had a martyred look on his face when I passed him in the hall Thursday morning. I sighed and stepped over to him, giving him a chance to apologize. I was relieved that he did.

"Zoe, I am so sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm a complete idiot. I do dumb shit when I'm excited, and these past few days with you have been so much fun. Then I turn around and ruin it."

"Thank you for apologizing, Noah. I'm willing to give you a second chance at friendship if you can act like a gentleman. Keep your hands to yourself and treat me like a friend, not a bro on your rowing team or a pretty girl to be worshiped. Treat me like a human and be courteous. It's not hard."

"Right. I can do that. Thank you. Shall we head to class?"

"Sure," I nodded and led the way.

Father Garrett had put the fear of God into Noah. It made me wonder what he said to him in the hall yesterday. Noah was a different person. He treated me like a friend and kept an acceptable distance. He didn't go out of his way to open doors or insist on carrying my books. It was a relief. He continued his good behavior Friday. I even accepted his request to have a study session with him in the courtyard after lunch. We sat on a bench under an ancient oak tree and reviewed our notes from Father Garrett's class. The day was warm with a cool breeze from the west.

"Zoe, how long have you been friends with Father Garrett?" Noah asked out of the blue.

"All semester. He's a great guy," I smiled, even though my heart still hurt after my last conversation with the father.

"Oh, um... I see. I hate to be rude, but he seems... possessive of you."

I looked at Noah with my brow furrowed.

"What on earth makes you say that?"

"Well, he was livid after I hurt you. I was afraid he would punch me. I've been in plenty of fights. I know jealous rage when I see it. That's what it felt like. I was thinking about it last night, and it makes perfect sense. If someone besides me had hurt you like I did, I would have punched me. I'm glad Father Garrett had better sense than me, and I don't blame him for liking you. You're really easy to like, Zoe."

"Thanks... I appreciate that."

My brow creased again as I considered his weird explanation. I understood what he was saying despite how he said it, and it made my stomach anxious. I knew Father Garrett liked me, but I couldn't believe how fast Noah figured it out. Father Garrett's worries about our friendship finally made more sense to me. If Noah could figure it out, anyone could. I tried not to dwell on it as Noah and I wrapped up our study session. We were scheduled to visit Father Garrett's office before our next class to discuss Noah's transfer acceptance.

Father Garrett was wearing his serious business face as we entered his office and sat down. I smiled at the vase of wildflowers on his desk. They smelled heavenly. I knew they came from the meadow outside the lecture hall.

"Good afternoon, Zoe, Noah," Father Garrett began. "I'm glad to see you're both looking well. Let's get down to business to avoid being late for classes again. Zoe, what is your decision about Noah?"

"Well, I have forgiven him after he humbly apologized to me. Noah has spent the last two days demonstrating his ability to act like a gentleman. I finally feel like we can be friends and classmates. I approve of him transferring to Saint De Milo College."

Father Garrett's brow creased in disappointment for half a second, then he smiled and nodded.

"I'm glad to hear that. Noah, thanks to Zoe's kind testimony and forgiving heart, I will officially approve your transfer request. That doesn't mean you can go back to acting like a neanderthal. I will expel you if I think you're a danger to any student on this campus. I'll be watching you from here on out. Don't disappoint Zoe or me if you know what's good for you."

"Of course, thank you, Father Garrett and Zoe. I won't let either of you down," Noah smiled in relief.

"I'm counting on it. You're dismissed, Noah. You can head to class. Zoe, I need five more minutes of your time to finalize an incident report for Noah's records. I want to keep everything official," he grinned, adding a bit of anxiety to Noah's relief.

"Sure," I nodded.

Noah humbly thanked us again before he escaped the office. I chuckled and shook my head at Father Garrett.

"What?" he smiled. "A guy like that deserves to sweat a little."

"That's true. Noah needs all the help he can get, but I think he learned a valuable lesson. Do I need to sign something before I go?"

I stood and approached the desk, looking for an official incident report. Father Garrett laughed and shook his head.

"No. I was giving Noah a hard time. I actually wanted to apologize to you after our argument Wednesday."

"Oh, right," I nodded.

He stood and walked around his desk. I watched the handsome priest as he pulled a white daisy out of the vase and carried it over to me. He shortened the stem before he tucked the flower into my hair behind my left ear. My chest felt light as he touched me. I still wasn't used to it, but I longed for it.

"Beautiful," he smiled.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"I'm sorry I made you cry. I've been angry at myself for it. I was trying to make you happy by confessing my admiration, but it backfired."

I gulped and nodded. I didn't know what to say. I was still hurt, but I wanted to enjoy the sweet moment. I could tell by his expression that he was hoping for a better response from me.

"Zoe... I can't stand seeing you hurt. I wanted to break Noah's neck after he hurt you. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

I looked at him excitedly after that question.

"A hug would be great. I love it when you touch me," I smiled.

His brow creased at my response, and it made me regret saying it. I was stricken with grief the last time he hugged me, but it was still wonderful. I thought about it every day.

"Zoe, that's not what I meant..."

"Sorry, I know. It was a dumb thing to say."

"No, it wasn't. I just... can't be that kind of friend. I wish I could, but it's not appropriate."

"I know. Forget I said anything. I should get to class," I said in a rush and turned to retrieve my backpack.

"Please wait," Father Garrett breathed and grabbed my hand.

I looked at him in surprise as he pulled my hand to his chest and held it there. He watched my eyes as I felt his heart racing against my palm. Mine was doing the same thing. I suddenly felt incredibly warm. I loved it. He smiled at my blush.

"My heart does this every time I'm alone with you. I am not ashamed of you, Zoe. I'm attracted to you. That's why I keep my distance. I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be, but I'll always be your friend. Okay?"

"Okay," I nodded.

"Good. I'm already looking forward to our study session next week. Now we both should get to class. Have a good weekend," he smiled and released my hand.

"You too."

He grabbed his leather satchel off his desk and hurried from the office, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I sat down to process what had just happened. I felt dizzy with delight. I was beginning to believe Father Garrett liked me as much as I liked him. I didn't think that was possible. I couldn't stop smiling after that. I grabbed my backpack and hurried to class with my stomach fluttering. It was a good kind of fluttering for a change.

Chapter 8: Stormy Day

Saturday dragged by. I was struggling to make myself study. My brain wanted to think about Father Garrett every second of the day. I went for a walk in the meadow to clear my head, but it didn't help. I sat in the wildflowers and imagined Father Garrett and I were enjoying a picnic. Thunder in the distance chased me back to the dorm.

On Sunday, the weather turned nasty with high winds, heavy rain, and lightning, but it didn't dampen my mood. Father Garrett directed mass and received confessions at the campus chapel that morning. Seeing him always brightened my day. I sat with Candice and Trinity as he spoke about loving thy neighbor as thyself. Once mass was over, I sneaked into the confession booth to say hello.

"Good morning, Father Garrett. Terrible weather we're having," I whispered through the lattice window.

"Indeed, but my day just got a little brighter."

I smiled as I tried to see him through the lattice.

"Great lesson this morning. I enjoy hearing you speak about love."

"Really? What a lovely sentiment, but please move along if you don't actually have anything to confess."

"Okay. Let's see, forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I murdered a poor soul in the shower this morning. It was a tiny, helpless spider. I enjoyed smashing its guts out before flushing it."

I heard muffled laughter from Father Garrett before he quickly cleared his throat.

"No, my child. That was not a sin. Have a good day, Zoe," he whispered before closing the little door behind the lattice.

I was smiling to myself as I walked with Candice and Trinity to the library to study for midterms. The place was surprisingly empty. The exams were still a week away, but I wasn't leaving anything to chance. College exams were ten times harder than high school exams. I was learning that the hard way. I was making more Bs than As that month. I would never forgive myself if a C made it onto my grade report. We claimed a table close to the window to watch the storm as we worked. Ten minutes later, I noticed Father Garrett walking into the library with a group of faculty. I smiled as they gathered at a table across the room and began exchanging papers.

"I bet they're working on a brutal test schedule to optimize student weeping," Trinity whispered.

"Maybe. I heard Mother Ester keeps a riding crop in her desk to use on students during exams," Candice grinned.

"No way. She uses that on Father Douglas," I chuckled, causing a burst of laughter from the girls.

Mother Ester shushed us from across the room. We dropped our heads and chuckled quietly after that. I noticed Father Garrett smiling as he glanced at our table. I wished I could sit with him and study. My thoughts drifted back to that day in the classroom when I was still allowed to sit with him behind his desk. I blushed at the memory of him kneeling on the floor, offering me my pen as his warm breath wafted up my skirt. A second later, a bright flash of lightning preceded a thunderous explosion, then the lights went out. The emergency floodlights illuminated the exits, but most of the library was still dark.

"Oh, this is spooky," Trinity chuckled as she looked into the shadows around us.

We heard a commotion across the room as the faculty members used their smartphones to light their way over to our table. Father Garrett personally escorted Mother Ester and Father Douglas. They were in their late sixties and wanted to avoid falling in the dark. We welcomed them to our table as Sister Tonya dismissed herself to search for better flashlights and candles in the main storage closet down the hall.

"I saw a flashlight in the upper storage closet last week while looking for printer paper. I'll go get it," I volunteered.

I pulled my phone out of my purse and turned on the flashlight.

"Father Garrett, please accompany her. That old staircase is treacherous even when the lights are on. Please don't fall down it in the dark," Mother Ester pleaded.

"We'll be careful. Everyone sit tight and watch out for ghosts," Father Garrett grinned as he waved me ahead of him.