Confession Pt. 01

We slowly made our way down the center aisle of the library and up the treacherous wooden stairs that Mother Ester hated.

"This is wonderfully creepy. I would love to film a horror movie here," I chuckled and glanced over my shoulder at Father Garrett.

I could barely see him in the glow of his phone light.

"Someone actually did. I remember watching it in high school. I think it was called 'All Freshmen Must Die.' So many freshmen lost their lives falling down these stairs in that movie. There was a lot of blood, screaming, nudity, jump scares, and plot holes, but no one watched it for the plot."

"Ah, why did you watch it if not for the plot?"

"No comment."

I grinned as we stepped onto the upper landing. It was even darker since it didn't have any windows. It used to be a loft until they expanded the library and added electric lights and more bookshelves. The wind, rain, and thunder were noisier closer to the roof.

"There it is. Behind the printing kiosk."

I pointed at the half-opened door with my phone light. It barely illuminated the darkness beyond. My battery icon was red, warning me of impending failure.

"You go get the flashlight since you know where it is. I'll wait here. Scream if you see any ghosts or serial killers. That will give me a chance to run."

"Wow, thanks, Father Garrett. I feel so safe with you. My biggest fears are rats and spiders. They make me scream too."

I approached the heavy door and shoved it open more, and it almost pushed me back. I quickly kicked the wooden door stopper into place to keep it from knocking me down. I stupidly allowed it to close with me inside once and got trapped. I had to call Candice to help me get out. Once I was sure the door wasn't moving, I carefully stepped into the closet, feeling my way towards the back. I used my phone light to discover fresh spiderwebs before walking through them. The closet was twice as deep as it was wide, and the spare flashlight was on the rear shelf. I ran my fingers along the shelf to my right and accidentally knocked a cup of pencils to the floor. They scattered in all directions.

"Shoot," I muttered and bent down to pick them up.

I knew I missed a few, but there was no finding them with my pitiful phone light, and it was about to leave me in the dark. I stood and turned to put the cup back, but I crashed into Father Garrett instead. I dropped the pencil cup again. It rolled across the floor as I shined my light in the father's face.

"What's taking so long? Where's the flashlight?" he asked.

Suddenly, the door squeaked behind us as it swung closed with a thump.

"Oh crap, you kicked the little wooden block out from under the door, didn't you?" I grumbled.

I stepped around him and tugged at the door. It didn't budge. The humidity from the spring rain made sure of that.

"What are you talking about? Are we locked in?" he asked in distress.

He tried the door next, and it didn't budge for him either.

"Damn, we are. I'll call for help," he mumbled and looked at his phone. "Never mind, I have no service. Do you have any bars?"

"No. My phone is also about to die."

Suddenly, an explosion of thunder shook the building. I gasped and clapped my hands over my ears. Father Garrett flinched, but he kept his cool better than I did.

"Great," he sighed. "Well, it could be worse. At least we're not trapped here with Mother Ester."

Chapter 9: Awkward Places

I searched the back of the closet for the flashlight before my phone died. I pulled it off the top shelf and turned it on, allowing us to see each other and the closet's contents a little better. It wasn't a massive improvement, but it was better than nothing.

"What a mess. Maybe we should organize the closet while we're stuck in here," Father Garrett suggested as he examined a stack of tattered books to his left.

"No thanks. I would rather be lazy."

"I like that idea better," he nodded as he picked up a book and flipped through it.

I leaned on the rear bookshelf and admired Father Garrett in the dim light. My heart and stomach were over-reacting already, especially after his confession of admiration. His hair and face were pleasant to look at. The shadows made him more alluring. I wondered what he looked like under the black robe. He admitted to visiting the gym at least three times a week, but he didn't say what he did there. He could be playing shuffleboard with Father Douglas for all I knew. He glanced at me and smirked to see me staring.

"Do I have something on my robe?"

"No," I smiled.

"Wow, this is awkward."

"It's not that bad," I shrugged.

He closed the book and put it back on the shelf. Then he crossed his arms and leaned against the door to stare at me, making me very self-conscious. I frowned at him, and he smiled.

"Okay, it is a little awkward."

"Yes, it is," he nodded.

He straightened up and tried the door again. He even put his foot on the frame for leverage, but the humidity had expanded the wood and glued it shut.

"I hate these ancient doors," he grumbled.

"You're a priest. Maybe you can pray it open."

"Not helpful, Zoe."

"Sorry," I grinned. "Let's pull it together."

Father Garrett stepped aside so we could both grip the industrial-sized handle with both hands. We counted to three and pulled with all our might. Something popped, then we both stumbled backward and crashed to the floor. Father Garrett was still holding the door handle.

"Shit, we broke it. Excuse my language," he grumbled and pushed himself into a sitting position.

"Dang, what do you do at the gym, Father? Bench press other priests?" I chuckled.

He smiled and tossed the handle on the shelf beside him.

"I swim laps, actually."

"Oh, cool. Do you wear the robe in the pool?"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"No robe, huh? A speedo then?"

"Zoe..."

"Sorry."

I took a deep breath and stared at the door for a moment, hoping Father Garrett didn't notice our knees touching as we sat on the floor in defeat. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the network, then he sighed and shoved it back in his pocket.

"Nothing. Lightning must have destroyed the nearest cell tower."

"Maybe someone will come looking for us."

"Hopefully not Mother Ester. Could you imagine bumping into her on a dark and stormy night? It would give me nightmares."

I chuckled and nodded. That's when Father Garrett noticed our knees touching. He quickly scooted away from me and leaned against the shelf on the right. I gave him an annoyed look, and he gave me an innocent shrug.

"Is constant distance really necessary?" I asked.

"Yes. Especially right now. You don't know what it's like to be close to you, so you don't get to judge."

I furrowed my brow at him for a moment.

"Father Garrett, are you afraid I'll touch you inappropriately or something?"

"No. I trust you."

"Then why the distance? Do you not trust yourself?"

He scowled at me after that. I stared at him in confusion for a moment. His silence had meaning, and it was suddenly louder than words.

"Holy crap. You don't trust yourself around me, do you?"

He sighed and rubbed his face in annoyance.

"It's not like that. I'm just afraid that if we started touching, we wouldn't want to stop."

His words and serious gaze made my gut tingle. I understood what he meant, and it scared and intrigued me. I didn't know he thought about me that way.

"Oh," I nodded.

I scooted against the opposite shelf, giving us a little more distance. It didn't feel like enough, and I liked it. Then I felt guilty for liking it.

"Wow, I didn't think it could get more awkward, but it did," he muttered.

"Sorry, I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable."

"I know."

The silence that followed was thick. The rain and wind were still beating down on the roof at a constant roar, then another explosion of thunder made me jump. Father Garrett smiled at my reaction.

"Do you enjoy seeing me terrorized, Father?"

"No. Well, maybe a little."

"Why is that?"

"Your presence torments me. Seeing you distressed eases my torment. I don't know why. It just does," he shrugged.

"Wow, my presence torments you?"

"Yes. It's not all bad. I enjoy it sometimes."

I raised an eyebrow at him, making him grin.

"Really? What parts do you enjoy?"

"I am not going to tell you that."

"Come on. Don't be so stuffy. Tell me something that I do that torments you. Please," I begged.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, and I feared he would give me the silent treatment. But, to my astonishment, he licked his lips and started speaking.

"Okay, here is one of the worst instances. A few weeks back, you were at your desk, deep in thought about an exam question. I was drinking my coffee and enjoying the many scowls appearing on your face as you worked. Without changing your focus, you removed your right shoe and scratched your big toe. Then, without thinking, you proceeded to slide your hand up your leg, over your knee, and along your thigh until it came to rest at the hem of your skirt. It was natural and sensual, and I almost dropped my coffee in my lap when I saw it. Then I couldn't stand up for the next ten minutes without humiliating myself."

My eyes widened, and my gut tingled as he spoke. He wouldn't look at me afterward. Instead, he stared at the back wall as if it were fascinating.

"Wow," is all I could muster in response.

My desire to be close to him rebounded, but I was suddenly afraid to get closer to him. My body was giving me every mixed signal it could conjure. I had to remind myself that Father Garrett was a well-respected priest at Saint De Milo College and a trusted friend, even though I didn't know him as well as I thought I did.

"I shouldn't have told you that," he said a minute later.

"I'm glad you did. I want to know you better."

He looked at me again, and I smiled, but it didn't ease the tension on his forehead. He nodded and looked at the floor, determined to avoid my gaze.

"Garrett, when you act like that, it makes me feel like you're ashamed of me or ashamed of liking me. I hate it."

The look he gave me after calling him Garrett without his priestly title made me feel like I was in trouble, which pissed me off.

"Don't look at me like that. I can call you by your first name if I want to. I'm not a child, and right now, you're not my teacher or my priest. We're two friends stuck in a closet, and it's your fault if I remember correctly. Show me a little respect."

His scowl eased after I scolded him. It was a relief and made me feel like I had a little more power over the situation.

"Sorry. I totally respect you," he smirked.

His deviant smirk instantly erased my short-lived power trip. I rolled my eyes and looked away from him.

"Are we fighting now?" he asked in a teasing tone.

I chewed my lip to keep from smiling.

"If you want to," I shrugged.

He laughed and shook his head.

"I honestly don't care what we do. I love being informal around you. It makes me feel human," he smiled.

"I'm glad."

We stared at each other for a moment, smiling. That's what I wanted from him, mutual affection, not regret or shame.

"Garrett, can I please sit next to you and pretend we're normal for just a few minutes?"

His smile slipped away after that question, and I feared he would reject me again. Then, against all odds, he nodded. I smiled and quickly crawled over to him. I snuggled against his right side and leaned my head on his shoulder. I took a deep breath, enjoying the delicious scent of his skin. It made me feel warm all over. Then I moaned in contentment. It was bliss. I heard him gulp before he slowly leaned his cheek against my hair. He took a deep breath and sighed in contentment too. I closed my eyes and smiled. That kind of attention from him was incredibly satisfying. It felt like love. I knew he felt it too. I drifted into a nap soon after.

Chapter 10: Desire

An explosion of thunder woke me up sometime later. Father Garrett and I both jumped and straightened up, disoriented and startled.

"Ugh, why is my hair wet?" I mumbled as I felt a cold spot on the top of my head.

"Oops, I think I drooled on you. Don't worry. You drooled on my shoulder, so we're even."

I laughed and used my sleeve to wipe the drool out of my hair. Father Garrett climbed to his feet and tried the light switch.

"Still no power," he said and checked his phone, "and no service. We've been here for three hours. What is everybody doing out there? They should be looking for us."

"No kidding. I hope everyone is alright," I yawned.

I stood and stretched before removing my uniform jacket. It was too warm in the closet after three hours without air conditioning. Father Garrett looked at me as I pulled the tail of my blouse out of my skirt and flipped my hair over to fluff it a little. Then I straightened up and tossed my hair back before using my fingers to straighten it. His cheeks blushed as he watched me.

"What?" I smiled.

"I've never seen you... disarranged before."

"Oh, sorry. I know I look like crap after napping on a closet floor."

"No, you don't. Quite the opposite."

I looked at him and smirked.

"Are you saying I look sexy right now?"

"Answering that will get me into trouble," he sighed and averted his gaze.

"Oh joy, stuffy Mr. Serious is back," I grumbled.

"Zoe, being informal and close to you was wonderful, but we can't do it anymore. It's not proper, and it's really distracting. I don't think we can handle it."

"God, I know. You constantly remind me. I don't think it's true," I muttered.

"Seriously? You're not being considerate of my feelings right now," he snapped.

"Oh, really? You have no room to talk. Do you even know how many times you've made me cry with your cold indifference? You confess your admiration for me, and then you shun me like I'm a pariah. I expect it now. It hurts less. What little affection I get from you eases the suffering."

The furious scowl he gave me after that made my stomach flutter.

"Don't talk to me about suffering or romantic relationships. You have no fucking clue what I've been through. I found love and immediately lost it. I would rather die than go through that again. That's why I've been alone for ten years. Did you ever consider that? Or do you only think about yourself and what you want from me? I thought you were better than that. Do you even care what I want?"

"Of course, I care, but you won't tell me what you want! You keep pushing me away!"

"Because I can't have what I want!"

"Why not?" I demanded.

He let out a growl of a sigh and shook his head.

"Garrett, tell me what you want. I think I can handle it."

"No, you can't."

"I know you want to be close to me. I want that too, but you jump away from me at every turn. It's so frustrating. I wish you would just do what you want to do for a change. I'm sure it would be more satisfying than our current relationship. The constant rejection is wearing me down."

Father Garrett's expression looked defeated at that point. I felt it too.

"Okay... can I be close to you for a moment, Zoe?"

"Yes, please."

He stepped forward like he would embrace me, but he didn't. Instead, he gently touched my arms and searched my eyes like he did in the classroom before confessing his admiration. My heart doubled its pounding as he stood less than an inch away. I could feel his breath on my face and the warmth of his body. It was exhilarating.

"Your skin smells like Abigail's," he whispered.

My stomach dropped at that point. He had been acting like I was tormenting him, and that was why.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. You should have told me," I whispered and began to step back.

"Don't," he breathed and seized my arms, pulling me close again.

My heart did a funny thump as he held me in place. His breathing was excited as he squeezed my arms to the point of pain. He eased off after a second and took a slow breath, trying to calm his emotions.

"It's so unfair," he whispered.

The longing in his voice broke my heart.

"No wonder you kept running away from me. I am so sorry. I never wanted to be a painful reminder of Abigail."

"Stop apologizing, Zoe. You're not a painful reminder of her. God, I wish it were that simple."

He pulled me a little closer, letting my breasts rest against his chest. His lips were gently touching my forehead as his hot breath moistened my skin. The feelings that tore through me at that point left me dizzy.

"I don't understand. You want to be close to me, but when you are, you act like you don't enjoy it. Are you using me to punish yourself? Is it penance?"

"Please, shut up, Zoe. You are beyond naive. I am not that virtuous. Being close to you awakens my senses. I haven't felt like this in over ten years. I honestly didn't think I could feel this way after losing Abigail. You make me ache with desire like I did with her. It's wonderful. I wish I could enjoy it more," he whispered as he released my arms and touched my neck.

He looked into my eyes and leaned a little closer. I parted my lips, expecting him to kiss me, but he didn't. He closed his eyes and bit his lip as he pulled our foreheads together. My nerves were shattered at that point. I was trembling as I listened to his shaky breathing. I was aroused and confused by his behavior. I naively thought I understood Father Garrett.

"How can I help? What do you want from me?" I whispered.

He laughed at my question and shook his head. He sounded distraught.

"No, Zoe. It's wrong."

"What's wrong?" I demanded.

"What I want from you."

Suddenly, he backed me against the door, sending my heart into my throat. I closed my eyes as he ran his fingers into my hair. His body was tight against mine, keeping me from moving. I could feel the warmth of his lips close to mine. His breath filled my lungs, and I suddenly wanted to taste his mouth.

"Please kiss me," I begged.

"No, I can't. I'm afraid to kiss you. The instant I act on my desires, my world will fall apart. Just like it did with Abigail."

He sounded anguished, and I didn't know how to comfort him. I was dizzy with arousal as he gently turned my head and smelled my hair. I shuddered when his nose tickled my ear.

"You are using me to torment yourself."

"Maybe. I deserve it."

"Do I?"

"No, of course not."

"Then give me what I want. I can't take the rejection anymore."

Father Garrett took a deep breath and searched my eyes. His fingers were still playing in my hair and trailing down the back of my neck.

"I can't do it openly. I would lose my job, and you would be expelled."

"I know. I'll keep it a secret. I'll protect you if you protect me."

He smiled softly and caressed my bottom lip with his thumb. I wished he would kiss me already. I knew he was thinking about it.

"Zoe... are you wearing one of those contraceptive rings?" he asked as he leaned closer to my face, teasing me with a potential kiss.

"No. I had no reason to."

He breathed out as our noses touched, making my knees a little weak.

"Will you wear one for me?" he whispered close to my lips, sending a spike of tingly arousal up the center of my body.

I gulped and nodded. I didn't trust my voice at that point. I finally knew what he wanted, and it was thrilling.

"Wait, I... I don't have any left. I gave the last batch to the Women's Group."

Father Garrett smiled, reached into his pocket, and pulled a familiar square packet out. It was the contraceptive ring that almost fell into his coffee a week earlier.

"Here, you have to wear it for a week before it will work," he whispered and put it in my hand.

"How do I wear it, exactly?"

"You put it deep inside yourself, against your cervix. Can you do that?"

"Uh... I can try," I gulped.

He looked at me with his brow furrowed for a moment.