Confessions and Consequences

If it's really over then why the confession? It doesn't make any sense to me.

Normally the confession is the outcome of guilt feeling. If she's really remorseful then she could've stopped after the first time, confessed to her husband and asked for his forgiveness.

Yes, right choice, but just not the right methodology. You cut the tie quickly and jump back into the dating and mating fray if still young enough, after a modest period of self-reflection on what you could do better next time. Moping around and 'regretting' doesn't cut it. You decide to forgive and chalk it up to lesson learned, and either try to resurrect the marriage or cut ties and move on. In this particular instance, he was put off by the cavalier attitude she had towards the affair, imputation of his driving her to it, and he should just abide and learn his lesson. No demonstrated remorse or sense of needed restitution doesn't cut it, so he walked away. His mistake was wallowing in that decision rather than getting out there and giving it time. Such loss is like a physical blow to your brain, and it takes time for that trauma to subside. I left a wife of 13 years at age 39 when she copped a similar attitude after an affair with a co-worker while I was building a practice that sustained us. Had she discussed that before she cheated, we would have adjusted our relationship to winding down that period of our lives to enjoy our later years. To be told 'you drove me to it', and 'step up, or else' doesn't cut it. I remarried at 43 to a divorced mother of two, and ended up integrating my 10 year-old son into it. My Ex (wife) never got it. Just like this one. It's not about ego, albeit that is collateral damage, but trust in a partnership. One built on emotional blackmail isn't worth having.

I guess my favorite Cagivagurl cheating stories are the ones that end up forgiveness and work towards a happier ending. This hit very close to my own experience over thirty years ago. I wish I made different decisions, wish we had it out and worked on it and we would have had many happier years together. Sometimes good people make a mistake that they regret every day for the rest of their lives like both of us.

Those commenters who break it all down to "is she better off with or without her" miss the real point. You cannot know the future, so have to take a projected future of a relationship based on trust. This wife made no real attempted assurances, except "I ended it", casually blew off his reaction, and implied an open marriage going forward. How is that trust in holding up her end of the marriage? Not. Unless he accepted her implicit offer that he accept his role as one of several lovers going forward. Why marry or stay married in that case? And her next 'husband' apparently liked her open marriage attitude and was okay with it, which confirmed his worries. One selfish bitch frankly. I have never bought the argument that a spouse in a committed relationship like a marriage really loves one primary person, but also wants to share physical intimacy with others as well. How is one committed in such a case? You aren't.

Wife was never contrite … and obviously didn’t deeply love her husband. The husband unfortunately didn’t seek professional help before launching the divorce. A few sessions of counseling before divorce may helped him find closure and move on. She gutted him.

The tenor of Cagivagurl's stories have changed in the last year or two. I think for the better. Regarding this one, I don't agree with the POV, but it's a short story well told. I would say the ease of which she conducted her affair, then casually confessed, and basically said "no harm, no foul" indicated that marriage was already over for her emotionally. For her, continuation was basically, "oops, I goofed" out of calculated self-indulgence rather than do the hard work of communicating dissatisfaction in the marriage. But 'honey', just accept it. and we can go forward if you indulge me. No contrition, no restitution. Forgiveness and reconciling requires a partner to sincerely make such moves. The character portrayed here did not really.

Was the husband a stick-in-the-mud? Yes. Was the marriage become dysfunctional? Yes. But the manner of her taking the cowardly option was too dismissive for that marriage to continue. He knew it emotionally too, but just refused to admit it to himself. It's not too much pride to take umbrage at being treated so dismissively. And the answer to "am I better with or without her" had more to do with his emotional difficulty of moving on than her intrinsic worth. Her idea of marriage continuation implicitly sounded like an open marriage. His mistake was holding on to a dysfunctional fantasy of marital life, and nursing the outrage of betrayal rather than simply letting go, recentering himself again, and finding another mature partner who valued the same thing. The first wife simply didn't. She just gave up on the marriage and pulled the plug first, which is why she got over it much easier.

You always have to ask, “am I better of without her (or him) than with them”? Good story, and while some may disagree, you had the only ending possible.

This story needs a better ending.

He did the right thing dumping the slut. She would have made his life a living hell.

Terrible

thought provoking for sure, but it was too abrupt

this is bullshit

Does the writer wonder whether the husband should divorce his unfaithful wife or not?

Of course, he had to divorce her

His only mistake is that he did not continue with his life and try to live it in a good way and meet another woman like the unfaithful wife did.

Her new husband is nothing but a cuckold who does not care if his wife has sex with more than one person as long as she returns to him

This sick type of person with open marriages is nothing but a psychological patient because, in the end, the result will be disastrous, whether illness, pregnancy, or meeting a better person & leaving with him.

The writer here is trying to sell us the idea that betrayal is acceptable, and this is nonsense

Surely nobody takes this crap seriously, it's a comedy right?