Conquered

"There was no way you could have known his name was Buddy, Nathaniel. I didn't say his name all night, and neither did he." Grayson's jaw looked so square and manly when he was mad. Even though the man probably wanted to kill me right now, I was still extremely attracted to him. "Don't insult my intelligence. I'll at least have some respect for you if you own up to what you did."

I shook my head again. I looked at the clock again. 7:10.

People wouldn't come into the office until Monday at 7:00 AM. This was going to be a long weekend tied up naked with Grayson, who now probably hated me. But I just couldn't say the words to him. So we sat in silence for a long time.

After a while, my neck started to get tired, so I repositioned myself so that my head was resting on Grayson's shoulder. Awkward.

He spoke to me again, now in a softer voice.

"I know you're afraid. I'm not going to hate you, Nathaniel. I'm angry at you for what you did, but maybe I can find it in my heart to forgive you. But first, you need to own up to what you did, and you need to explain to me why you did it."

That he could even broach the topic of forgiveness was astounding to me. I sure as hell didn't deserve it. He was obviously a true believer in turning the other cheek. That was such a remarkable quality, it made me want to weep. I continued to sit in silence.

Hopefully Buddy was en route to Central America by now, because otherwise I could be fucked if Grayson went to the police with what he suspected.

"You got me held up at gunpoint and you forced me to have sex with you. That's pretty serious. But believe it or not, I can forgive that. Because I'm not without sin myself." He tightened his lips, looking aside. I wondered what he was talking about. "What I cannot forgive is you lying to my face about it."

Grayson placed such a high value on honesty. It made him so peculiar and arrogant, but even more attractive to me. If Grayson was truly my soulmate, then I couldn't start a relationship with him based on lies. I had to come out and tell him the truth. Hopefully, we could talk about it like adults. Maybe he would see the blemishes on my soul and love me anyway, even in spite of them? Maybe I would make a more exciting companion for him than a perfect Stepford wife like the one he had. He was virtuous enough for the both of us. I could offer him what she couldn't: a consistently great fuck with an unrepetant slut who absolutely loved to be fucked by him as often as he could get interested.

Finally, I gave up.

"It's true, Grayson. I paid Buddy to pull the gun on us and force you to have sex with me. I'm so sorry," I said, feeling a wave of cold fear. I even closed my eyes, so as not to see his face.

"Oh, Nathaniel," he said. He let out a sigh, and added, "I expected so much better from you," sounding so gravely disappointed. Hearing the disappointment in his voice made my heart fall. It crushed me worse than anything had ever crushed me before in my life. I had spent the past 6 years getting fucked by straight men like it was some kind of strange game. Now I finally found a man I loved, and he would never love me back.

I slowly opened my eyes. He was looking at me with... a soft face. Wow, how could that be?

"I forgive you, Nathaniel," he said plainly. "But you need to seriously repent for what you did. And you can start right now by telling me why you did it."

Yes, I could talk about that, for sure. As long as he didn't hate me...

"I love you, Grayson." I confessed, fixing my eyes on him. "I love everything about you, even if it came out in a seriously selfish way on my side. The whole crazy, sick situation. But I admire you. You're the sexiest man I've ever met in my life. You look like a Viking warrior, you're so incredibly confident, and you're so genuinely kind to everyone. I love being around you. You make me happy. But I knew this was the only way you'd ever do it. I was just desperate to be close to you. But, believe me, I regretted planning this the moment Buddy showed up. But it was too late to turn back."

"What you described is not love, Nathaniel, it's lust," he explained in his fatherly voice. "You don't put somebody you love in harm's way like you just did to me."

"I know. I'm so messed up. It was narcissistic and sick. I'm truly sorry, Grayson, but can I still hope you will forgive me one day?" I asked honestly, looking him in the eyes. "Please... you can't tell me you didn't feel what I felt tonight. I know you enjoyed being with me. I felt you come alive when you were inside of me. Tell me if I'm wrong!"

He looked aside. "I love my wife," he said dismissively, avoiding the uncomfortable subject.

"I had the courage to admit the truth, Grayson. You owe me the same. Admit it. That was the best sex you've ever had. You loved it. I felt your affection when you kissed me. If you value the truth so much, you'll at least have the guts to admit that to yourself," I said in my very best wounded-bird voice.

"I... enjoyed... having sex with you, Nathaniel. To be honest, I also noticed you before. Your energy and charm. There was something about you that drew me in. But... I can't walk away from my family. You know that."

My heart started to pound in my chest. Did he really notice me? Wow!

"I don't need you to do that, Grayson. The man I fell in love with would never do that. I would never ask you to. All I would ask for is that you make love to me every now and then. I'd rather have the occasional love-making from you than a meaningless hookup everyday with somebody else."

I took a deep breath. "You're the one I want to be with now. But on your terms," I said in a shaky voice. "You don't have to give me an answer now, but... just think about it." I never thought these words of love would come out of my mouth.

But Grayson had changed me.

Did I see something in his eyes again? Warmth?

"Oh, Nathaniel," he said, smiling. "Young, sweet, crazy, unique, rash... Nathaniel."

That wasn't exactly a no. Maybe he would slowly become convinced of the idea? As I always say... plant the seed, don't beg too much, and let them come to you.

But I suddenly realized something.

All those years playing games with straight men I liked were behind me now. Those were the games of a child. I hoped I would have Grayson's forgiveness, but there was also an honor component in all this... I actually wanted to be worthy of him and earn a place in his life. I believed that he was my soul mate. But I had to grow up to have a chance at a real, substantive relationship with him.

I just couldn't go back to drawing men to me like flies into my web. It wasn't tempting anymore. I couldn't prance around in cute little outfits until they were wild with desire for me. After the intimacy I experienced with Grayson, that just wasn't even going to work anymore.

It wasn't just sex -- I felt something with Grayson that I never felt with anybody else. He wasn't all those other men. He was special. He deserved my respect.

I had this moment of clarity now, looking in his eyes.

I didn't want to manipulate him. He was right: that wasn't the way to treat somebody you love. I wanted him to genuinely want me. And maybe I would find an even greater, new form of self-respect and maturity if he decided that he wanted me without any of my trademark seduction tactics pushing him to that conclusion.

I had to have hope it would come to him naturally. With passing time.

He liked me even before the sex, and he admitted he liked the sex. Maybe he would yearn for me? Maybe we'd figure out some kind of way to be together.

As we were sitting there, so close to each other, I started to feel a bit calmer.

I just knew it. Grayson was the right man for me, of that I had no doubt. With his kindness and gentle spirit, Grayson was the one to finally break the cycle, and make me want to learn how to love.

I knew his situation as a married man would make that hard, but I could still have hope that he would find a way to make us work.

My heart skipped a beat when I heard voices in the hallway. Was Buddy back? No, it sounded like Tiffany, the perennially single fat girl of the office. And was that Craig's voice, too?

"Just stay there, I'll grab my keys from my desk, and then we can go back to my place," Craig said as he opened the office door. Aha. Craig was so blue-balled by me that he was going to fuck Tiffany, since she was such an easy lay. He didn't have very high standards, I guess.

Craig was shocked to discover me and Grayson tied together naked on an office chair, with Grayson still wearing cum-soaked argyle socks, a coffee mug still half-full of cum, and my cum-soaked sweatshirt carelessly thrown on the floor.

Hopefully, Grayson could swear him to secrecy by offering him a bonus or something. But the upshot was that Grayson and I wouldn't have to spend all weekend tied up together. I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing!

THE END

Thank you to my muse and dear friend Eraj for being the beta-tester/proofreader for this story. You're the best!