All Comments on 'Cornerstone'

What are you 12? I stopped with this "I giddily got my mouth out of her clit", got his mouth OUT of her clit? Extremely childish.

Wimp

Shoulda just broke up with her, she doesn't really like the MC anyways.

Stupid and worst: no one was married or even engaged in this! Why send this shit to LW?

Not a wife in this story.

If developing this character as asexually pathetic loser was the goal; the writer succeeded with honors. He will always need to fuck young, inexperienced women. On the plus side his pathetic abilities described this way mAdd for an amusing tale.

No heroes, no hugging, no learning and A LOT of human foibles. Not the zenith of erotic writing to be sure but better then most of trope-infested submissions to be found here. I thank Dangerhunt69 for sharing.

Where's the rest of the story?

Come on... Sadie and boyfriend should make her watch, not just stumble into the ice queen bitch!

Thorough waste of time.

"Funnily enough, at one point I called her her sister's name by accident."

Actually, that was earlier in the story when they got together for the first time. I was wondering what kind of parents named both of their daughters the same name.

Find an editor. I think there are the bones of a decent story in there, but you need somebody a bit older and more experienced to help you with the errors and not sounding like you're still in junior high.

I can understand why you decided to end the story like that, but I think you left a lot of the table that would have made this a better story.

More like a long scene than an actual story. You need to develop the characters more, but this is a start.

More like a long scene than an actual story. You need to develop the characters more, but this is a start.

Poor Grammer, using same name of 2 different sisters are they Sadie or Stacy, or well don't know. Oh one more thing this category is LW which means loving wives, exactly where was the wife in this story, maybe next time put more thought into the story, reread it yourself then change the stupid errors a 5 year old wouldn't make, then stick it in a category that it is meant to go in, can't find one then change the GF to Wife it's really simple

Part 2?

After your 3rd try at a LW story, it’s very apparent that you just don’t have the knack.

Not a bad story, but not great. Normally, I don't care for cheating stories. This one was a very good exception. The girlfriend was such a witch that she was forcing the MC away from her. The sister got the spoils from the conflict.

The problem with this story, besides being an unfinished one page intro, was the prose seem to be written by a teenage boy. Some have already commented on the sexual phraseology. For me, it was the author's obsession with boob size. Using DDD to describe the girlfriend and inferring to size C being small makes the MC sound like a preteen because Cs are a nice size. Instead of attaching bra sizes, just describe them and let the reader use their imagination.

So I encourage the author to read more stories from the experienced writers to get an idea what good writing is about. Here's another hint. The "good writers" have a secret to a good story. Have others, especially other writers, beta read the story and make comment. Encourage the beta readers to be brutally honest and then take their feedback seriously. The good writers know this is the way to make the gold shine and scoop out the dross.

Hope that helps.

He needs to get totally away from that family of crazies.

deserved

A shrew and a ho. One looks down at the world, the other might give him multiple STIs. He needs get away from that family.

Please follow up. Great story.

[01.12.23]

Top Shelf!

11/10!!!!!

Too short and abandoned in the middle of a scene. No real explanation for why he's got such a short fuse. 3*