All Comments on 'Cousin Lovin'

Good stuff. Great job developing the characters and relationships. 5 stars all day long.

I think there is a paragraph missing. At movie night Allison tells Zoey to not swallow Nathan's cum. Then all of a sudden the scene has moved on a bit. I was expecting Zoey to share the cum with Allison in a kiss.

Excellent, please continue the story. 5*

I am only half a page in but you really need to learn the word "he" as using Nathan's name every single time makes the entire thing feel clunky. Yes you need to use Nathan's name sometimes, but given this is a third person story from his perspective you are allowed to use the word "he" and it would make the entire story flow better.

Thank you anon for pointing that potential missing paragraph, I will look at it when I do an update submission.

Thank you GingerCat1 for mentioning that, I have made that mistake before and tried to trim a lot of them out but looks like I need to cut more of them in the updated submission.

Great story!! Please please please write more after they move in together

One of the best incest type stories I have read (generally not my kink)

Holy crap!!!! A fantastic story

Storyteller, you really need to get a grip on your writing, you are mixing up your first person and third person so often that it ruins the story’s flow, either that or it’s your editor who needs to change, otherwise I like the story and enjoyed it a fair bit.

Hi again, I also forgot to ask you who Ronin is and why is he/she in this story? And they go to bed, sleeping naked, wakes up for this to happen “ Nathen started to play with Zoey's breasts through her shirt. “ did Zoey sleepwalk during the night got up, put on her shirt and went back to sleep?

One of the best stories I have read on Literotica. Great work building the tension and painting the scenes in detail.

Got 4 wanks out of it.

Who is Ronin? Alice?

Great story, really hope you continue it! Very hot and well worth the five stars!

Great story, you need to proof read it to omit unknown characters (that suggests it's from another story). I think it's a great contender fir the competition and look forward to the next chapter.

I would love the see a part 2, dealing with them moving in with each other and how their relationships move forward.

Just Zoey and Nathen would've been amazing. Haven't seen such pure love in quite a while. Incest doesn't share... but still thank you for the love story that is Nathen and Zoey.

Great theme and descriptions. Repeating all the names over and over stops the flow and imagery. Also, starting each paragraph with a name isn't necessary if it's a continued theme.

Very sexy and look forward to the next chapter.

Very enjoyable read.

Loved this tale, sexy and hot. More please especially as they are moving in together and maybe make some babies if not already happening.

A continuation would be good, maybe even telling about the parent's activities while they were gone. Maybe incest is not just for these four.

Like it, but so many errors. The first time Nathan and Zoey get together she takes her shirt off twice. The second time leaving her "in her cute pink panties" but a few minutes later getting in the shower she's wearing shorts and panties. They go to bed nude but in the morning Zoey is wearing a sleep shirt. These inconsistencies throw off the flow of the story.

These are the type of stories I like, well written, not rushed, and not just about sex. Reads like a good book

I thought that your "Water Park" stories were some of the best on Literotica. I really want to like this story as much, but you have so many grammar and continuity mistakes that it feels very choppy sometimes. The use of first-person and third-person in one paragraph (really, at all) is very hard to read, as well as lots of other inconsistencies. Others have mentioned many of them, but, in general, you really need to proof your writing a lot more. Or - you need an editor who has the skill to help you fix your writing.

I like the characters and the overall storylilne - I do hope you continue and fix the stylistic problems.

Great read. If I had to choose,I’d go for Allison. That babe needs some real discipline as part of her sex life.

Love the build up and the pay off. Not alot of errors either. Great story.

You make me connect with your characters in a way few others do and it really makes the climax(es) much more powerful. Thank you for sharing your creativity with us!

Thank you everyone for the votes and feedback, both positive and negative.

This has been one of my favorite stories to write, but I made the mistake of not getting it edited before submitting it.

I appreciate all of the mistakes pointed out so that I can do another edit before asking an editor to fix it up for me. I hope those who say they liked the story but were thrown out due to the mistakes can enjoy it after I post a revised copy.

I like to think about my writing as looking through a window and watching the action unfold. The more polished the writing, the easier it is to see through the window and enjoy what's going on, but the more grammar mistakes there are, the dirtier the window is and the less you can enjoy the show.

The name Ronin appearing was a slip-up from a story I have been working on in between other projects. It will be a long time before that story is published and will be a fantasy story about a man in a country populated by monster girls and women of fantasy races. Most of the men are dead or off to war. He has a unique healing magic that allows him to heal others by giving them massages. A side effect is it also makes his patients incredibly horny. He opens up a clinic in the capital and while building up his business he will also build up a harem.

Yep, an editor is in order, for sure, for the stated reasons.

But I have to give much praise. Big fan of the pacing, you nailed it. Act one, so nervous and cute and so sickly sweet, I got a toothache, exactly the way I like it!

Act two, the delicious pushing of boundaries, by the main two, and by the naughty sisters. Act three, all the cards are dealt, on with the smut! Oh, and soooo much nipple play. Exquisite!

I would read a contunuation, but don't really think it's necessary. I've already fallen In love with Zoey, don't need to again. Your technique has improved greatly since Liz. Keep polishing!

Love it! Nicely executed and formatted. One thought:

On page 11, section with " Nathen watched for as long as he could, the image of the three of them working on him put him over the top, and he cried out Zoey's name as he started to cum in her mouth. "Don't swallow!" Allison commanded as Zoey's mouth began to fill up with his cum"

What happed with Zoey's mouthful? It seemed like Allison had a plan, but the thought got lost. Perhaps they were to kiss?

I thought Nathan was a shorter version of Jonathan, but I've never met someone who spelled it "Jonathen" or "Nathen", even though that's how it sounds when you pronounce it.

Great read... enjoyed this story beginning to end.

Great read wish the was a second chapter

Whew!

Lovely premise.

Nicely told.

Interesting interations.

A 'game' with the three girls taking turns jerking his cock for a set period of time -- or a set number of strokes -- trying to be the one who did make him cum or trying to make one of the other girls be the one to make him cum, would have been nice. Long cock and ball teasing.

The actual fucking was much too rushed. Needed dialog about how it felt to each.

You wrote: "Ronin closed his eyes and lay back..." Who is Ronin?

Nevertheless, five stars.

I loved reading this story! Very entertaining with non-stop action. I know he's made up but Nathen is one lucky dude!

I enjoyed this one. One thing I missed, which didn’t make it five stars, you were not descriptive as I like at certain scenes. For example, when Emma took off her panties, what does she look like? It could be slower in scenes like that.

12 pages of heat building up. Thank you for that great story.

Mmmmmm … definitely a deliciously erotic story!

Thanks for this story. The writing is kind of repetitive. An editor would help in that department.

Thank you for a very erotic story! I thoroughly enjoyed it. I hated to see it end! There will be more I hope!