Crazy Cornelius & the Magic Pills Ch. 06

Danielle strode ahead of them into the shop, pushing her messy blonde hair back from her face. With limited sleep and having driven through most of the night while dodging UFOs, yowies, wolves, knights, crazy Australian animals and black panthers she was not in a good mood, which was not helped by fluctuating female hormone levels caused by menstruation, and was the least impressed of the trio by finding the female toilets with no paper.

Inside there was a small queue with only one attendant, a skinny young guy with glasses who looked like a bit of a nerd. Feeling her poo pressing against the walls of her rectum, the bad-tempered Danielle wasn't waiting in line and pushed to the front of the queue, ignoring the protests of the men who were waiting.

"Hey, there's no toilet paper in the ladies toilets," Danielle said. She indicated Faye and Erica. "We all need to take a shit, plus I have my period. Why is there no loo paper, didn't you check and do your job properly? Can't you see that's not good enough?"

The shy and embarrassed young man blushed bright red. "I'm -- um -- sorry," he stammered. "Would you like me to get you some more toilet paper?"

Danielle snorted in derision. "No, I would just like to stand here talking to you and shit in my knickers. Of course I want you to get me some more toilet paper." The nervous young man did not move and stood there. Danielle snapped angrily, "Well come on, I don't have all day."

"Sorry," the boy apologized, retrieving a six-pack of toilet paper and handing it to Danielle who snatched it from his hand without any thanks.

"Try being a woman and see what it's like," Danielle snapped at the guys who were waiting in line and not impressed by the rude young woman who had pushed in front of them.

"Problem solved, we have toilet paper," said Danielle triumphantly, holding up the packet of toilet rolls.

"Maybe try and be just a little more tactful and polite next time?" Faye suggested. "You know, just show a little more of your charming and wonderful manners?"

Danielle shrugged arrogantly and when they returned to the female toilets, tore open the packet of loo paper, handing two rolls to Erica and two to Faye, keeping two for herself. Each woman went into a stall and closed and locked the door, the lock changing from the green vacant to red engaged setting. Danielle, Erica and Faye each put one toilet roll on the cistern and the second one on the roll holder, then in unison they pulled down their jeans and knickers to their ankles and sat down on the toilets, Danielle pulling her tampon soaked with her bright blue period blood out of her pussy and putting it in the female waste bin.

There was a fair bit of space under the stall doors and partitions, so if a voyeur had gone in there to perve on them he would have been able to look underneath and see that Faye was wearing yellow knickers, Erica white knickers with blue cartoon dolphins and Danielle lilac knickers with orange leg and waist elastic. If he looked over the top at them he would have seen their pussies, and proof that Faye was a natural redhead, Danielle a natural blonde and young Erica a natural brunette.

The tinkling sounds of the three women urinating in unison filled the bathroom first, then the more personal sounds of them pooing as they continued to sit on the toilets for the next five minutes or so, the sounds of them unwinding and using toilet paper also intermittently heard as they wiped their bottoms. In her stall, Erica looked down at her knickers covered in creamy snatch stains and was relieved that the toilet demon hadn't found her.

Faye finished and flushed the toilet first, standing up to pull up her jeans and her knickers and exiting the toilet stall to wash her hands. Danielle was about 20 seconds behind her mother-in-law, and stood up off the toilet, pushing a fresh tampon up her pussy and flushing the toilet, joining Faye at the sink to wash her hands.

They waited for Erica to finish but the stall door remained closed and locked and a minute turned to two and then three, the only sound Erica advancing the toilet roll several times. "Hey kid, if you could try and finish up some time today it would be great," said Danielle. "You fallen in or something?"

Erica was struggling to finish on the toilet, the teenager's bowels not cooperating with her this morning and seeming to be going through twice as much toilet paper as she did usually. "I'll be finished soon," she called back.

Danielle laughed. "Erica, how it normally works is when three women go to the toilet then the one with her period is the one who keeps the others waiting. That isn't happening this morning."

"Danielle," said Faye in a warning tone, before turning her attention to her teenage daughter. "Erica, can you please get some toilet paper and finish? We really need to get going."

"Okay Mum," said Erica. Having her mother and sister-in-law waiting outside the toilet for her to finish gave the young girl some sort of performance anxiety, but finally the teenager was able to finish having her poo and wipe her bottom.

Erica stood up off the toilet and flushed it, then emerged from the stall still adjusting her jeans and knickers after hastily pulling them up and washed her hands at the sink, drying her hands on a paper towel.

The three women emerged from the female lavatory and walked back to the cars. With three women having defecated in the female toilets it was obviously pretty smelly in there, but despite being outside Danielle could still detect the same odor around her sister-in-law.

"Erica, I don't want to embarrass you but you really need to know, the smell's followed you back from the toilet," said Danielle.

Erica blushed. "Um no, it hasn't..." the young girl protested.

"Yes it has," Danielle asserted. "You did wipe your arse properly didn't you?"

"Um yeah," Erica said in a small voice, looking at her Mum hoping Faye would save her from embarrassment and tell Danielle to leave her alone.

To Erica's dismay, Faye said, "I'm afraid Danielle's right Erica. Can you go back into the loo and check your pants please?"

"I'll um, go and see right now," said Erica. The teenager was mortified at this, and also feared going back into the ladies loo on her own in case the toilet demon came and got her.

Her heart racing Erica went into the same stall she had vacated, pulled down her jeans and knickers and was horrified to see that Danielle had been right. Erica had messed up when wiping her bottom, and now the evidence of this, some smelly brown poo stains were evident on the back panel of her panties.

Squatting down over the loo, Erica got some toilet paper and wiped her bottom again, the teenager seeing brown stains on the toilet tissue as she cleaned herself up. It took three further lengths of toilet paper before one came away from Erica's buttocks and anus with no poo smeared on it. The young girl flushed away the toilet paper and looked down at her dirty panties. There was no way she was going to pull them up in this state and sit around with feces in her underwear. The smell would be an issue, plus the risk of an infection in her urinary tract or getting thrush in her fanny. Plus she still felt all yuck around her rear end and really needed to wash her bottom.

Alone in the bathroom, Erica shuffled out of the stall with her jeans and her knickers around her ankles, the teenager half expecting the clown to be in the mirror to laugh at her for getting poo stains in her panties. To her extreme relief the clown was not there, and Erica wet down a paper towel, pulling up her knickers to her knees and squatting down to take care of her dirty panties problem.

Luckily, as Erica had only just been to the toilet her poo hadn't dried and she was able to wash away her skid marks from her pretty teen panties pretty easily. They would still need to be changed at the first opportunity and sitting around with damp knickers wasn't the best thing, but it was better than sitting around wearing dirty poo-stained knickers.

Disposing of the paper towel into the waste bin, Erica got three more and wet them down to wash her bottom. The teenager put them between the cheeks of her bum and was washing her anal area, removing the lingering poo smells, when to her horror the door of the ladies' room opened.

Erica's heart raced as she figured that the aliens had captured her family, and now had come for her too but the reality was also pretty bad. Into the bathroom stepped three women aged about in their 60s, all dressed in their 'Sunday best' clothes, up and about early this morning as they were rostered on to help set up their church for early morning services.

The three women stepped into the bathroom and noticed two things. One, the overwhelming smell of poo and secondly and more jarringly, a teenage girl at the sink with her knickers and jeans down, her pubic hair and vagina visible as she applied wet paper towels to her anal area.

The women stared at Erica and Erica stared at the women, her cheeks going red with embarrassment, both the cheeks on her pretty face and those on her teenage bottom.

"I'm, um, sorry, I just needed to you wash my bottom," Erica said shyly getting another paper towel to dry her real end. The women seemed too stunned to move and Erica could only say, "Is it still raining outside?" as she dropped the paper towel and bent over to pick it up to dispose of it.

Her embarrassment levels already at ten, things went up to eleven when Erica bent over too fast, and before she could stop herself, farted loudly in front of the women. "Excuse me, I am so sorry, I couldn't hold it," said Erica in a small voice.

The three women gave her disapproving glares as they turned to go into the stalls and Erica pulled up her knickers, hearing one of the women making a comment about 'proper upbringing' to her friends. Pulling up her jeans and washing her hands at the sink again, Erica noticed her blushing face in the mirror.

Exiting the ladies loo, Erica lamented her current situation. If supernatural beings weren't tormenting her when she went to the toilet, she was getting into embarrassing toilet situations in the real world too, like the ladies who walked in on her with her knickers down and washing her bottom, and that she had accidentally farted in front of them made it worse. Now they probably thought that she was solely responsible for the terrible toilet smell in the ladies room, when in fact she was only partially responsible.

Erica walked back to the car where everyone was waiting for her. Her father glared at her, not pleased how she had kept the whole family waiting. "So nice of you to join us, Erica," he growled.

"Sorry Dad," said Erica in her shy voice, the teenager putting her fingers in her mouth evident that she was afraid of incurring her father's wrath.

The family had purchased energy bars and other supplies from the shop when paying for the fuel and Faye handed one to Erica, who thanked her mother and nibbled on it while plans where made as to where to go today.

"We'll go to Canberra," said Alistair.

Faye looked worried. "What if the aliens have arranged for the border between New South Wales and the ACT to be blocked? I mean, they've already blocked the borders to Queensland, Victoria and South Australia to stop us going interstate."

Alistair nodded. "I did think of that, but the ACT is very small and landlocked, perhaps the aliens will just think it's part of New South Wales and have overlooked it? Anyway, we just have to take a chance. Sydney will be covered by UFOs and there will be hundreds of aliens, ghosts, monsters, demons and zombies searching for us at ground level."

"How about we stay here Dad?" Erica suggested. "It's all pretty quiet in Goulburn."

Alistair shook his head. "I see your point Erica, and I did think about that, but no. My reason is that there are a lot of historic buildings around Goulburn and what do you have in old buildings? Antiques. The aliens and demons will use the antiques to bring zombie humans and extinct animals forward through time to try and capture us, and we can't risk that."

"Your father's right, Erica," Faye asserted.

"Sorry, I didn't think," said Erica, fearing her father would be angry at her for saying something dumb and not thinking about the very real dangers of historic buildings and antiques.

"It's okay, you weren't to know," said Alistair, not angry to the relief of his teenage daughter. "Now let's hit the road before anything strange happens."

While the stop in Goulburn hadn't gone well especially for Erica given her toilet embarrassment, nothing supernatural had happened. However, as Alistair, Faye, Cornelius, Danielle, Erica and Gavin looked up at the ram, the concrete statue came to life before their eyes.

It turned, looked at the family, and emitted an ear-shattering 'Baa!' which was no doubt loud enough to be heard through the entire Tablelands and probably the Monaro and Southern Highlands regions too.

The Hawkins family wasted no time in making their escape, clearly the aliens had brought the ram to life as a warning they were still in their sights, and staying here was not an option. Alistair drove his four wheel drive away from the service station at speed, Faye in the passenger seat and Gavin and Erica in the back. Cornelius, for once thinking of somebody other than himself took the wheel of Danielle's car, giving his tired wife a break from driving.

Both cars continued south along the Hume Highway before turning onto Federal Road, which would lead them to the Australian Capital Territory and the national capital of Canberra. Drizzle continued to fall on the journey and there were some large semi-trailer trucks on the road that slowed their journey, but fortunately nothing supernatural happened.

Everyone felt a bit apprehensive as the cars approached Canberra, wondering if the aliens would have arranged for the New South Wales border to be blocked, but to everyone's relief there were no issues and the cars crossed into the ACT with no issues.

Cornelius expected his father to head straight for the center of Canberra but to his surprise he took a different route. "Where's he going?" Cornelius mused to Danielle who shrugged her shoulders in response. He continued to follow Alistair's four wheel drive through Canberra's north eastern suburbs and to Mount Ainslie, where they drove to the lookout and stopped the cars.

Everyone got out and stood in the light misty morning rain, looking out across the Canberra suburbs towards the city. They were not alone, there were quite a few fitness fanatics out and about keen to stretch their legs on the steep slopes of Mount Ainslie despite the early hour and wet conditions, the morning air cool which was not unusual for Canberra outside of summer due to the high elevation and inland location of the bush capital.

Alistair was the first to speak. "Do you know what I think the problem is?"

Faye shook her head. "No."

"We've been looking at this all wrong," declared Alistair. "We've had to flee our home to escape the aliens yes, but we haven't been enjoying ourselves. That's what we need to do, we need to enjoy ourselves and we need to have fun, just like a family on holiday."

Erica and Cornelius looked at each other. Even at the best of times their father was not exactly what one would describe as fun, so what was he talking about now?

Alistair continued. "If we have fun, we'll show the aliens, demons, ghosts and monsters that we're not afraid of them, and then they might stop chasing us and find somebody else to capture and take away in a flying saucer to outer space. So what do you say? Are we going to have a fun holiday from now on?"

The others weren't sure what to think of this but nodded in agreement. "Yeah."

"Alright then," said Alistair, punching the air with great enthusiasm. He smiled at his kids and their partners. "So do you know what your Mum and I liked to do to have fun?"

The younger members of the group didn't really want to know, but Alistair provided the answer before any of them did. "Sex, we like to have sex. So we'll be going back into town, getting a hotel room and your mother and I are going to have sex. What do you say, Faye? How about it then?"

Faye blushed the same color of red as her hair, something her husband didn't seem to notice. Alistair reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of condoms. "I bought these at the service station back in Goulburn, so now your Mum and I will be able to have all the fun we like without worrying about having a new baby in our fifties."

Alistair opened the packet of condoms and tore off several, handing them to the astonished Cornelius who for once was speechless. "It's not only your Mum and I who will be having sex, you will be getting a room too so you and Danielle can have sex too. You're young and married, you want to have sex all the time. Just make sure you use one of these condoms." He pointed at his daughter-in-law. "Yes, I know Danielle has her period but when has that ever stopped you screwing her before? Plus she's one of ten kids with heaps of cousins, so she must be really fertile and can probably get pregnant even on her period."

Not done, Alistair turned to Gavin and Erica. "Now Gavin, I know and you Erica like to have sex. And again why wouldn't you? You're both 18-years-old, you're horny all the time." He handed Gavin some condoms. "I'll be booking a room for you too, and I'm counting you to get into my daughter's panties and show her the time of her life. Are you with me there, young Gavin?"

Gavin managed to find his voice. "Um yes, Mr. Hawkins."

"That's my boy," said Alistair, ruffling Gavin's hair, something he had never done before. "You really have a great time with Erica, perhaps try a new sexual position with her? Or do 69 together, whatever you kids like to do nowadays to have fun. Just don't forget the condom, okay? I don't want to have a pregnant teenage daughter and a grandkid nine months from now."

"Yes sir," said Gavin.

"So, there's a nice hotel down in the city, we'll go there," said Alistair. "And after we've all had sex and a bit of a rest, I'll treat you to brunch. I was here for work a few months ago, there's this all you can eat restaurant not far from the hotel. We'll go there. And after that, we'll go and see some tourist attractions -- Parliament House, Lake Burley Griffin and the War Museum. Lots and lots of fun to prove to the aliens we're not afraid of them. Well let's go, not time to waste, I really want to get into your mother's pants."

"Alistair please," the embarrassed Faye hissed, seeing that the runners were looking over at them.

Alistair laughed off his wife's concerns and fondled his wife's bum and panty lines through her jeans. "Yeah, you can't wait, can you Faye?" he asked suggestively.

Everyone got back into their cars, and Gavin who was stunned by the change in demeanor of his father-in-law nervously cast a glance at the Canberra Radio Tower, which towered high on the summit of Mount Black. Had aliens or demons used the tower to put messages into Mr. Hawkins' mind and that was why he was acting all cuckoo and inappropriate? Gavin hoped not, but how else to explain it? Still, this Mr. Hawkins was better than the angry Alistair Hawkins he was used to.

In the city, Alistair's plans to get three rooms didn't exactly go to plan. They stood in the front lobby of the hotel which seemed to be a family run affair. The young male clerk, very polite and professional, had advised them that check in time was 2pm, and that they would also need a credit card. Faye felt her apprehension growing given the clerk and the people working in the background were Indian. Her husband didn't do well with people from other ethnic backgrounds -- in fact he didn't do well with most white people either -- and she dreaded a scene like the one at the pie shop in the Blue Mountains yesterday afternoon.