Crazy Cornelius & the Magic Pills Ch. 06

"You are a sick, disgusting pedophile!" Alistair roared. "You are a dead man! You hear me, you nonce? You're fucking dead." With that, Alistair grabbed another plate of food and tipped it over the fat man, then threw hot coffee at him. Incandescent with rage, Alistair then took hold of the table and tipped it over onto the fat man while roaring incoherently, the almighty crash as the fat guy hit the floor and the table and its contents landed on top of him reverberating around the restaurant.

While Alistair grabbed a chair intending to hit the fat man with it, Cornelius noticed that staff had been going around emptying the dregs of people's unfinished drinks -- tea, coffee, soda, fruit juice, milk drinks and cold water -- into a large bucket. Grabbing the bucket, Cornelius tipped the contents all over the fat man, who was saturated by the mess, steam practically rising off his fat body from the rage.

"Okay, get out all six of you, we've called the police, and they will be here soon," said the restaurant manager to Alistair.

"We're going, we wouldn't want to stay here with this fucking child molester!" Alistair bellowed. "Come on, let's get out of here."

He led the family out, shell-shocked staff and customers too stunned to do anything. Making for their cars, Cornelius who was still wearing his cardboard crown said, "I've got an idea," and took out one of the marker pens. Going up to the fat guy's car, he scrawled 'Pedophile' on the front bonnet, 'Child Molester' on the roof, 'Nonce' on the drivers' side, 'Pervert' on the other side and 'Rock Spider' on the back of the car.

The Hawkins family, still shocked by the turn of events, raced away from the area, finding their way to a small park on an isolated part of Lake Burley Griffin. Normally there would be other people around, but with the weather having turned wet and rather cold, it was deserted this Sunday. There wasn't much here anyway, a small car park, a couple of trees and a patch of grass and a small jetty over the lake.

"Can you believe that?" the shake Faye asked.

"I think he's one of them, you know working for the aliens and demons," said Alistair.

"You think so?" asked Gavin.

"Yeah, he's not supernatural himself like a zombie, but he's part of it," said Alistair. "I think he sold his soul to the Devil, and he was given the job of trying to trap us this morning, maybe by the demons, or perhaps through one of their agents or even the aliens themselves? I just wish I knew for sure, then we can figure out what we need to do next."

"I think we're going to find out, Alistair," said Faye. She pointed nervously at the car park, where the fat guy's car came racing in; somehow he had followed and found them. The driver's door opened and out stormed the fat man, still covered in the food and drinks tipped over him in the restaurant, clutching a tyre iron and wearing a furious expression on his face.

"Okay you freaks!" he called out, advancing upon the group. "You asked for trouble, and how you've got it. The restaurant people wanted me to wait for the cops, but I'd rather come down here and teach you a lesson myself."

"Stay calm, stay back and let the pedophile approach," said Alistair, casually opening the door of his four wheel drive as the enraged fat fuck stormed towards him brandishing the tyre iron.

Alistair watched as the fat man came at him and said, "You really should have brought a gun, like this one," before pulling out his loaded double-barrel shotgun and pointing it at the fat man's chest, who stopped short fear filling his fat face.

"Get on your knees pedophile like the dog that you are," growled Alistair. "And drop your so-called weapon."

The fat man dropped the tyre iron but was so transfixed by staring down the barrels of the 12-guage, the maniac holding it with his fingers on the trigger that he did not comply with the orders to get on his knees, until he felt metal on the back of his head.

"You heard him, get on your knees nonce," came a female voice, the fat man turning his neck around to see the slutty blonde girl behind him, a rifle to the back of his head, which she cocked to indicate that it was loaded. Next to her was her maniac of a husband, unbelievably still wearing his party hat.

The fat man, fear going through every vein in his body did as he was directed. "Please, please," he babbled. "If you let me go I won't go to the police, I won't tell anyone, I won't press any charges..."

Alistair watched the fat man on the ground dispassionately, his distaste growing the more he groveled. Approaching him, Alistair smashed the shotgun into his ugly pig face, the fat man screaming in pain, this doubled when Danielle pistol whipped him with the rifle.

"Get up you weak bastard," ordered Alistair.

The fat man struggled to his feet, only for Alistair to hit him with the shotgun again in the face.

"On second thoughts, stay on the ground where you belong," snarled Alistair, standing over his captive with the gun trained at his head. "Get up again you fat pedo, and I'll blow your fucking brains out."

The fat man watched through narrow, piggish eyes, blood running down from one of the places where Alistair had hit him with the shotgun. Danielle continued to hold her rifle at his head. "Should we kill him now?" she asked casually.

Alistair shook his head. "No, not yet." He turned to the fat man. "You are a glutton, you are a pedophile and you are a coward."

"Please, please, I'm not a pedophile..." the fat man pleaded, but Alistair cut him off.

"Silence!" he bellowed. He turned to the others. "First we take our revenge for what he did to Erica at that restaurant, like this."

Turning around, he kicked the fat man in the back, the man screaming in agony as Alistair was wearing boots, and kicked him hard. Cornelius was also wearing boots, which hurt just as hard as when he kicked the fat man in his blubber covered ribcage. Danielle was not wearing boots but sneakers, however it didn't hurt any less when she kicked him as hard as she could in the groin.

The fat man writhed on the ground, rolling around in agony as Alistair kicked him in the arse, and another kick from Danielle landed on the back of his head. Alistair put the shotgun to one side and turned his captive over, punching him in the fat stomach and then the face, Cornelius coming in to punch him too, before grabbing the length of pipe from the car and belting him across the back with it, then bashing him across one of his shins.

"You want more of that fatso?" the frenzied Cornelius yelled, before smashing his other shin with the pipe.

"Stop your fucking whining you rock spider or I'll pull the trigger and blow your fucking head off," Danielle warned, slamming the rifle butt into the fat man's mouth, splitting his lip and drawing blood.

"Help me get him to his feet," Alistair ordered Cornelius, the two men doing just this and holding their captive by the arms. Alistair then turned to Gavin and indicated Erica. "This pervert followed your girlfriend into the toilet, he was in the restaurant looking for children to molest and God knows how many other times he's gotten away with it. Come and take your revenge, teach the pedophile a lesson, it's what a real man would do, to protect his girlfriend."

Gavin had been standing with Faye and Erica. The three more placid members of the group, they had recognized that while they had to defend themselves against evil and the fat man was bad, they were not into violence, unlike Alistair, Danielle and Cornelius who had wasted no time beating up their captive.

However, Alistair's words resonated with Gavin, and the young man found the need to protect Erica's honor. As Alistair and Cornelius held the fat man and Danielle kept the rifle trained on him, Gavin came up to him. "Punch him in the stomach, punch him in the head. Punch him as many times as you can, hard as you like. Go on, do it!" urged Alistair.

With that kind of prompting, Gavin delivered five hard punches to the fat man's stomach, hearing him groaning then punched him in the face once. "Knee him in the balls Gavin," Danielle said, Gavin doing just this.

Having had his revenge, Gavin backed away and rejoined Erica and Faye, leaving Alistair, Cornelius and Danielle to deal with their captive, and they were not going to let up. Alistair punched the fat man hard in the back, then grabbed his pony tail, yanking it from his balding scalp with his scream of agony carrying in the wet, still air. Cornelius launched a frenzied attack on the fat man, punching him to the ground before Danielle likewise punched him repeatedly when he was down, the young couple spitting on him as they ceased their attack.

Erica, Faye and Gavin looked away. They had no sympathy for the fat man, he was a pedophile and conspiring with the evil forces against them but it was still pretty brutal to watch Alistair, Danielle and Cornelius inflict such violence.

The fat man writhed on the ground groaning in the fetal position, and Danielle asked, "Do we shoot him now?"

"Yeah, kill the pedo!" crowed Cornelius. "There's a jerry can of petrol in the car and some matches, let's cook him!"

"We need information first," said Alistair. "He's in on all this, remember?"

He turned to the fat man, training his gun upon him. "Now you tell me the truth, mother fucker. Who sent you to get us? Was it the demons, was it a vampire or was it the aliens. Tell me!"

"What are you babbling about you maniac?" said the fat man in a pained voice. "You're mental, your whole family is mental."

"Wrong answer nonce," said Alistair. He delivered three hard kicks to the fat man's stomach and ribs, their captive screaming in agony and writhing on the floor.

"We'll try again," said Alistair. "Who sent you? Who are you working for?"

"I don't know, I don't know," said the fat man, which unimpressed Alistair, who reached down, grabbed what remained of the pedophile's ponytail and smashed his face into the asphalt, breaking his nose.

Cornelius looked into the car and noticed under the passenger seat the carving knife his mother had grabbed on the way out of the house on Friday, which had since been forgotten. He brandished it in front of the fat guy, the others noting the terror on his face.

"Nice and sharp this," said Cornelius using it to shave some hair from his forearm.

Danielle stood over the fat man, her foot on his throat. "As you can see, my husband's got a knife. What do you think he's going to do with the knife?"

"If you don't tell us what we want to know you'll find out very soon," promised Alistair. "This is your last chance, pedophile. Who sent you? Who are you working for? Is it the demons, is the aliens or is it a vampire?"

The fat man struggled to find his voice, lying in an attempt to have some chance of escaping these lunatics, and the other three who stood watching and blocking his chance of getting back to his car. "I'll tell you, I'll show you," he gasped.

"Good we're getting somewhere," said Alistair. He glared at the fat man, he and Cornelius dragging him to his feet. "You'd better show us, and be quick about it."

Dizzy, in complete agony in every part of his body and feeling sick, the fat man staggered around in a daze, not impressing Cornelius who ran up behind him and kicked him hard in his fat arse. "Come on nonce, we don't have all fucking day to stand around waiting for you, lard-ass."

Not sure which way was which, or even what was up and down, the fat man staggered away towards the lake, blood streaming from his wounds, the Hawkins family following as the fat man with agonizing steps walked onto the jetty. His 200 kilogram body swayed on the jetty close to the edge, clutching his chest before he lost his balance and fell into the lake.

The fat man's fate was sealed as he hit his head on a pylon on his way down, and he was already unconscious as he landed face down with an almighty splash. Getting damp from the persistent drizzle, the Hawkins watched the fat pedophile floating face down, the water around him turning red.

"Is he dead?" Erica asked.

"I think he is now," said Danielle. She pointed to a series of bubbles not far from the fat man, a pair of eyes on antennae emerging from the lake, similar to the eyed antennae seen on snails. What to emerge however was not some sort of snail, it was a hideous black creature with eyes on antennae, an enormous mouth and big arms with long talons. It opened its mouth and let out an ear-shattering roar, its open mouth showing its razor-sharp teeth.

"What the fuck is it?" the stunned Erica asked.

"It's a bunyip," said Gavin, everyone watching the monster in awe.

Fortunately the bunyip did not notice the Hawkins family, its attention was all on the fat man. With a blood-curdling scream it made for its prey, sinking its teeth into the fat man's neck and ripping out his throat, killing him instantly, before taking a massive chunk out of his stomach and eating it.

The Hawkins family was too transfixed to look away, and it was clear that the bunyip despite its fearsome nature was very generous about sharing its prey. There came another loud roar, and from the waters of the lake emerged the long neck of a plesiosaur-like monster, similar to the Loch Ness Monster in Scotland. The lake monster wasted no time in moving in to feed, it swam over on its flippers and ripped off the pedophile's right leg, the sound of it crunching the bones audible.

More predators were soon in the lake keen to eat the fat man, and while these were Earth-bound predators they most definitely did not belong in a Canberra lake, miles inland. An Australian saltwater crocodile and an American alligator used death rolls to rip off and devour lumps of blubber from the fat man's torso. They were joined in the feeding frenzy by two lesser known crocodilians -- an Asian gharial with a long pointy snout and a South American caiman, these reptiles likewise ripping into the fat man with their sharp teeth and tearing off flesh with death rolls.

A fin speeding towards what remained of the carcass soon revealed itself to be a white pointer shark, which grabbed the fat man's other leg. A school of deadly piranha fish were taking small bites out of the fat man's internal organs, and what looked like an enormous eel grabbed one of the arms and took off with it. The bunyip took the fat man's head and submerged with it still in its mouth, and the predators soon vanished underwater, the fat man completely consumed, the only sign he had been there red blood-filled lake water.

An evil laugh was heard, and the Hawkins family saw the same satanic cloven-hoofed figure that had appeared in the chalet in Nelson Bay upon the jetty, surrounded by fire and brandishing its pitchfork, setting back its horned head and laughing. It was flanked by two silent dark hooded figures which carried scythes, obviously grim reapers here to assist their boss the devil to take the soul of the fat pedophile back to Hell, to burn in damnation for eternity.

The appearance of a silver UFO in the distance was further evidence that staying here was not a good idea, and the family dashed for their cars and sped away, leaving behind the vandalized car of the now deceased fat man.

*

At Manly, Lisa's brunch with her boyfriend and their circle of friends hadn't been as dramatic as her brother's brunch with the Hawkins family in Canberra. It had just gone noon and Lisa and Pete had returned to the Baxter house, and as Lisa opened the front door Pete fondled her arse, stroking her panty lines through the fabric of the long floral skirt she wore.

Lisa giggled. "Stop it."

"You look so hot," said Pete, running his hand through her long blonde hair.

"Come on, didn't you get enough in bed this morning?" Lisa laughed.

Pete thought back to how they had fucked missionary position this morning, both of them reaching orgasm at the same moment and Pete watching Lisa cleaning his semen out of her pussy when they had a shower together afterwards. "No, never enough. Come on Lisa, your brother's back later this afternoon, and your parents tomorrow so..."

"Yeah okay then, down boy," Lisa giggled as they went inside, Pete's hands all over Lisa as they went into the kitchen, only for the telephone to start ringing and break the moment.

"Let it go to answering machine," Pete suggested, but Lisa shook her head.

"It might be my grandparents," she said, picking up the receiver. "Hello."

The caller was not one of Lisa and Gavin's grandparents, but one of Gavin's friends. "Hi Lisa? It's Gino Rossi, I was wondering if Gavin is there please?"

The feeling of worry that had plagued Lisa yesterday returned in seconds. "Gino? Why are you calling Gavin?"

"Oh, just some of us were heading over to Paddington this afternoon to the markets, and we thought Gavin and Erica might like to come too. That's if they're not at work, or too busy studying."

Lisa's heart was pounding. "Gino, my brother is supposed to be with you. You were all going camping up the Colo River."

Gino sounded puzzled. "Camping up the Colo? No, that's two weeks from now. We've been here all weekend."

Lisa's face showed deep worry and Pete was concerned. "You okay?" he asked anxiously.

Lisa held up her hand and spoke to Gino again. "Gino, on Friday Gavin rang me at work and told me that he had mixed up the dates for the camping trip and it was this weekend. I even rang your house yesterday and spoke to your grandmother, she confirmed you had gone away camping with Gavin."

"Oh, that's my Nonna, she lives with us," said Gavin. "Nonna has a bit of Alzheimer's and gets confused. She's not supposed to answer the phone, to leave it to Mum, Dad, me or my sister, but she does and when she talks to people as soon as they say something she agrees with them."

"Sorry, I didn't know about your Nonna," said Lisa. "So, nobody went camping this weekend? Have you seen Gavin at all these past few days?"

"No on both counts," said Gavin. "Lisa, are you okay? It sounds like something is wrong at your house."

"Something is very wrong here," said Lisa. "I haven't seen or heard from Gavin since he called me lunchtime Friday to say he was going camping, but that was a lie. So where is he?"

"Have you spoken to Erica?" Gino suggested.

"No, Erica's gone to Adelaide with her parents, her whole family are apparently away. Gino, can you do me a favor please? Can you please call around your friends, see if any of them have seen or spoken to Gavin since Friday and let me know? Here's my mobile phone number."

Gino wrote down the number, and trying to sound more confident than he actually felt said, "Don't worry Lisa, I'm sure there's a simple explanation. Get back to you soon."

"Thanks Gino," said Lisa, turning to Pete. "There's something really strange going on here, we need to get back down to the Hawkins house and check what's going on."

Pete, who wasn't overly sold on the idea that anything was wrong yesterday was now, the phone call from Gino had changed everything.

Lisa and Pete hurried out of the house and down the street to Number 9. The house was exactly the same as yesterday morning, the porch light still on, the door of Cornelius's car still wide open, uncollected letters and junk mail hanging out of the letter box, the garage roller door up, Faye Hawkins' hatchback parked in there but no sign of Alistair's four wheel drive nor of Danielle Hawkins' car.

Approaching the house Lisa and Pete knocked on the front door, rang the bell and called 'Hello!' but it went unanswered. Lisa and Pete went into the garage, where Erica's bike, the lawnmower and other tools remained unsecured.

The silence was eerie, and Lisa looked at the door that led into the house. She tried the handle, which turned -- obviously somebody had left it open. "I wouldn't normally do this, but I have to find out what's going on," said Lisa, going into the house with Pete behind her.