Crossing the Mountain

Section One: The Discussion

*** 1 ***

Alison spread a bed sheet over her couch. She grabbed the laptop from off the end table and sat down. The screen on the TV matched her laptop. Alison was a white twenty-four year old single woman. She had a longer diamond shaped face, long blond straight hair, wing tipped eye brows, green eyes, a medium sized nose with a hook at the end, cupid lips, dimples, straight teeth (she endured the pain of braces to get them straight), and a cleft chin. She: was five four, her torso was longer than her legs, had tiny round breasts with small perky nipples, was in shape, above her woman hood was a patch of blond pubic hair (hair she'd shave before her wedding night), she had very tight outer lips, noticeable inner lips, her clit was underneath, a noticeable backside, inside of her anus was a small butt plug with a beaded end, short but strong legs, and feet she felt were ugly.

She connected to a porn tube site dedicated to a female audience. She signed into her account. She went to the category page and clicked on "erotic." She clicked on a video with a woman who had a similar shape to hers. She watched a few minutes of the video. She clicked out when the male actor took out a nine inch cock. She paged through more videos. She clicked onto a video where it promised erotic anal sex. After watching a few minutes of the video she felt the actress was actually in pain. There was no way Alison would ever let a guy as big as the actor enter her backside. The only way she would fulfill her fantasy of anal sex was if a future husband had a small cock.

After paging through four complete pages of videos she clicked onto one. It was of an amateur married couple mutually masturbating. They were lying in bed, wearing sleep clothes, and were gently kissing one another. She was attracted to the husband. She liked how the wife had small breasts like her. Alison gently set the laptop down onto the floor and made herself comfortable.

She was turned on by their kissing and sensual touching. She imagined herself as the wife and Cameron the husband. She imaged Cameron kissing her the same way the husband in the video was kissing the wife. She could almost feel Cameron touching her clit the same way the husband was touching the wife. She imagined grabbing onto Cameron's cock the same way the wife was. She imagined stroking Cameron's seven inch cock like the wife in the video. Alison touched herself the same way the husband touched his wife. It turned her on when the husband started to kiss the wife's small breast. This gave her hope a future husband would like her breasts too. She imagined Cameron kissing her perky nipples. Alison increased her speed as the couple aggressively masturbated one another. Alison's chest was flush, her nipples were erect, and she was being verbal. Seeing the guy cum all over the wife's hand was a turn on for Alison. She wondered what would happen next. It was obvious the wife never reached her zenith. The wife grabbed a couple tissues off of a nightstand and cleaned up the mess. To Alison's delight the husband focused on the wife.

She imagined Cameron being a lover who cared if she she had an orgasm. Alison aggressively rubbed herself as the husband rubbed his wife to an orgasm. Alison closed her eyes. Her head went back. She suddenly became silent. Her body became rigid. She held her breath. Alison's feet pointed straight. She held onto her left breast. Her small pussy gripped her fingers and she felt her cheeks tighten around her butt plug. She let out a gasp. Wave after wave pulsated through her body. Her body twitched a few more times. This is when she opened her eyes. She laid there for a while. She imagined cuddling with a future husband. She noticed the couple making love in a sideways position. She considered going another round.

She glanced at the clock above the TV. Within the next couple hours she needed: to shower, eat breakfast, and attend her writers group. A group her friend Madison convinced her to attend many years prior. She sat up and picked up her laptop. She marked the video as a favorite. She closed the laptop and set it on an end table. She turned off the TV. She stepped into the bathroom where she would remove the butt plug and clean it. After she would take a shower and get ready for her writers group.

*** 2 ***

She felt guilty for fantasizing about Madison's boyfriend. Madison and Alison had been friends since they were freshmen in college. The previous night Alison met Cameron for the first time at a semi-formal dinner party held at Madison's house. Two things caused Alison to be smitten. The first was observing Cameron refuse the advances of a casual friend of theirs. The second was a delightful forty-five minute conversation with Cameron. It had been a long time since she felt so intrigued by a guy. She never met a guy with his combination of character traits. He was: all guy, loved horses, loved the outdoors, and was creative. A huge bonus was the fact he had manners and was loyal. Alison felt Madison would be foolish to break it off with Cameron. During the time they had been friends Madison had a dozen serious boyfriends, a couple flings, and a friend with benefits.

Over this same time period Alison became engaged to Dale. She met him when she was a Sophomore in college. Six months after graduating college she ended the engagement and moved out of their apartment. She wanted a full commitment and a family. Obviously; these were things Dale had no interest in. Six months after the breakup she started to date again. In her lifetime: she fooled around with a guy just after graduating high school, made love to Dale believing he'd marry her, and had sex with Scott.

Dale was an attractive guy, was career minded, and had a six and half inch cock. She liked the size and shape of his cock. She disliked their routine sex life. She often faked an orgasm so he'd stop pounding her. When she suggested their sex life was routine he became angry and discounted her concerns. She hated how he rushed foreplay. What she felt was worse, was how he would pressure her to perform oral sex, this often killed her desire to make love to him. He would often times point out he performed oral on her. At the beginning of their relationship this made her feel guilty. As the relationship progressed this became infuriating. She never asked him to perform it because of how poorly he performed it.

She defiantly regretted having sex with Scott. She had casually dated Scott for six months. They were both openly dating other people. Scott was: attractive, just purchased his own house, owned a nice car, was a top salesman, was smart, confident, said all the right things, and it was rumored he had an eight to nine inch cock. She knew this rumor was true when she felt it harden against her body while they were watching a movie. At the time she was: lonely, frustrated with her dating experience, was still hurting from the breakup, was angry to hear Dale had cheated on her, and was bluntly horny. It was obvious if she just laid there he'd initiate sex.

Having sex with Scott would fulfill two fantasies. One of them was to experience a fling. The other was to experience a big cock. His big cock was the reason she suggested moving to his bedroom. This was the first time in her life she would have sex without being in love. As they headed to the bedroom she was anticipating what his big cock looked like and what it would feel like. Her anticipation turned to anxiety when his eight and a half inch cock became hard in her hand. For whatever reason, until she actually watched and felt a large cock grow in her hand, she never fully grasped how large an eight and half inch cock really was. This led to the sudden realization this huge cock would enter her vagina. She rarely felt anxious about anything but she was anxious about his cock entering her. She calmed herself down and gave him a chance.

Her expectations fell when he demanded she give him oral. There was no way she would perform oral on such a big cock. She was tired of guys pressuring her to perform oral. She stepped off the bed and prepared to leave. His smooth talk convinced her to again remove her clothes and get back into bed. She wanted to believe the session would turn into something special. To her dismay Scott rushed foreplay. She learned how to endure sex with her fiancee but there was no enduring her cervix being hit. She screamed into his ear and kicked him off. Worse than the pounding was his angry comment after he rolled off of her. He suggested she should be happy a guy like him wanted to have sex with her. She quickly dressed and stormed out of his house.

Before having sex with Dale and Scott she assumed three things about sex. She believed a big cock was the ticket to great sex, a guy would know what to do, and she felt she knew a great deal about sex. The experience with Scott caused her to admit to herself she knew very little about sex. This was humbling thing to admit. That very day she drove an hour to the nearest metropolitan city and entered a large bookstore in a still thriving strip mall. This started her personal journey of legitimate sexual research by purchasing six different books. She felt each book was the next level in sexual knowledge.

She started with the most basic sex book geared for someone who didn't know anything. After reading this book she came to terms with the fact her sexual knowledge was a notch below this book. She learned to many things to consider herself an expert.

The next book was a more clinical book with classy drawings geared for couples who wanted to improve their sex lives. After reading the first chapter she recognize many of the topics covered in this book were issues she encountered with Dale. As she read the book she sobbed recognizing how subpar her sex life had been. The second revelation was everything she learned by watching porn was incomplete and often times inaccurate. Because of this revelation. and an article she read discussing the growing number of women addicted to pornography, she stopped watching pornography.

The next book was a guide on how to satisfy a man. This was eye opening to say the least. She was still leery of performing oral but she now understood why a guy liked it. More important, she now believed she could perform it without gagging or throwing up (she through up on Dale more than once).

The fourth was about sexual communication. This book was immensely freeing for her. She broke down and cried after finishing the book. This book was so important to her she immediately read it again. The fifth book was a book of positions. What she liked about this book it had classy drawings, described the position, and who would most likely enjoy it. The last book discussed in great detail: toys, taboos, kinks, and fetishes. This book helped her understand everyone's sexual tastes were different. Soon after reading this book: she purchased her first dildo, a starter set of anal plugs, and nipple clips. With the help of these nipple clips she brought herself to a breast only orgasm. The only reason she knew this was possible was by reading these books.

A variety of colored sticky notes marked up all six of these books. Each color represented a sexual topic. After reading these books she came to the conclusion she was a terrible lover. Her belief she knew a lot about sex hindered her from moving past the sexual difficulties she encountered with Dale. A humbling analysis of her lovemaking was how closed off she was. She recognized this was part of the reason they ended up in a routine. Granted he was comfortable with it, even liked it, but she felt trapped. She felt they stayed trapped because of her lack of communication skills and the tools to change their routine. She often complained about their routines but she never expressed her desires or made any suggestions. Part of the reason she fell into this trap was her belief a guy would just know what to do and knew what she was feeling. This led to her laying there and hoping things would get better. She really wished she would have read all of these books before she ever attempted sex. She especially wished she would have read the book about sexual communication. Out of all the books she purchased this was the one she held closest to her heart.

She no longer believed penis size was a key to great sex. Given the choice; she hoped her future husband would be six to seven inches long. She felt, if this future husband wasn't her ideal size, she had the tools to work with a guy who was larger or smaller. Before reading these books she would have felt awkward being with a guy who was tiny. She would never forget how ill prepared she was for a real large one. She hoped if a guy was larger he would be: attentive, patient, careful, didn't believe all he needed was his large cock, and wasn't obsessed over his size. If the guy was smaller she hoped: he had confidence, was attentive, was honest about his size, would work with her, and wasn't obsessed over his size. Either way she was looking for a guy: who was into foreplay, liked variety, was willing to express his desires, was willing to address any sexual issues, would never judge her desires, and would respect her boundaries. She promised herself: she would never ridicule a partner for his desires, she would have the confidence to say no, would be a more giving partner, would never again fake an orgasm, would never pressure a partner, and was prepared to try a variety of positions.

She had grown up in a traditional minded household. Until she started dating after high school she held to the standard all sex was off limits until being married. After graduating high school she moved the line to waiting until she was married to have intercourse. This allowed her to enjoy fooling around with a guy she loved. After they broke up she moved the line again. She would only have sex if she was in love with a guy. Her sexual experiences with Scott and Dale caused her to move the line closer to what she believed growing up. The next time she would engage in sexual intercourse would be on her wedding night. Until then she would maintain and explore through masturbation. If she was ever engaged and they were having trouble making it to their wedding night she was open to heavy petting or dry humping. She was confident she could put on the brakes. She wanted to believe she'd pick a guy who'd respect her wishes. She would immediately end a relationship if he was disrespectful.

She believed she had the tools and confidence to discuss sex with any man she dated. If a potential husband was closed off and unwilling to discuss sex before they were married she would terminate the relationship. She was seeking a monogamous relationship. The goal was to have an exciting, satisfying, and adaptable sex life after marriage. She felt, in any long term relationship struggles were highly likely. She wanted to be with someone who was willing to work them out and would never cheat on her. She was determined to find out if a guy was willing to work them out before marrying him.

*** 3 ***

Alison was attending her writers group. This was held in the basement of a local library. She was sitting at one of the many rolling tables. These tables were set in rows with an aisle in the middle. Her laptop was open and plugged into one of the outlets built into the top of the table. She was wearing: her reading glasses, a coral colored cold-shoulder V-neck top, underneath she was wearing a basic cami with a built in shelf bra, and a pair of five pocket reversible denim jeans. The side visible to everyone was light blue with a red and dark blue flower print. Her accessories included tassel detail hoop earrings, on her left wrist were two red and blue bracelets, and she was wearing brown lace up gladiator sandals. She liked them because of the floral jeweled detailing.

Walter was up front reading a story he submitted. While he read the story Alison was silently following along on her laptop. He was a man's man in his late sixties. He attended the writers group because his wife asked him too. He made the best of it by writing short light hearted stories and by encouraging everyone who wrote anything. This was why the group was shocked by this longer more personal account. His story was about a hunting trip where he unsuccessfully tried to save his best friend from a grizzly bear attack. Walter killed the bear. What pulled on everyone's heart strings was how emotional Walter became as he described his failed attempt at trying to save his best friends life.

Alison was sure a few of the people who moved from the large metropolitan city to this medium sized college community were upset he shot the bear and found this story disturbing. Alison was equally certain a few of the women who grew up in a metropolitan city were against guns and hated the idea of hunting. Growing up on a ranch near a national forest Alison knew guns and hunting were necessary. Her Daddy and older siblings made sure she knew how to shoot a gun.

The college was a medium sized state college with a division two college football team. An hour east was a small metropolitan city. It was between two to six hours depending on the direction to reach a larger city. Driving fifty minutes west a person was in the middle of a national forest. Just before entering this national forest was a small tourist town and ranching community. She grew up just outside of this town on a large ranch.

When Walter finished Alison had the impulse to run up and give him a hug. She remained sitting to avoid embarrassing him. Normally critiques and questions related to the story lasted anywhere between fifteen to forty-five minutes. Because of the subject matter it only lasted ten minutes. During this discussion Alison clicked open her story and prepared herself to read her story.

This was the first time she was reading in front of the group. How this writers group worked was a member submitted their story to a private website. Everyone read these stories. The group would suggest what stories or portion of stories would be read out loud in front of the group. A date would be set and the author would read the story. Alison was surprised everyone wanted to hear her story. She had submitted a few in the past. During the week Alison practiced reading her story as if she was in front of the group.

Madison was sitting beside her. There was no way Madison would miss Alison reading in front of the group. At the beginning it took a great deal of effort for Alison to attend. In the last year Alison's attendance was better than Madison.

Cheryl the facilitator of the writers group stepped up to the podium. She was in her early forties, died her hair blond, wore glasses, was in tip top shape, was a published author, and on her spare time wrote for the local newspaper. She spoke into the microphone. She thanked Walter for his story. She then introduced Alison. She made it a point to let everyone know this was her first time reading in front of the group. Everyone gave an encouraging clap. She took a deep breath and stepped in front of the group.

This was a true story. The story was about falling off her horse during a roping competition. The emphasis of the story was her Daddy forcing her to get back on the horse and finishing the competition (if she would have been seriously hurt he would have acted differently). Because he loved his daughter he wouldn't allow feelings of embarrassment stop her from competing. She would never forget how upset she was for ending up in last place. She was ready to stop competing all together but her Daddy encouraged her when he said, "he was proud of her for finishing."

The true story continued. She read on how her Dad and two older sisters worked with her until the next competition. She ended up in fourth place at this competition. After this fourth place competition her Dad and sisters worked with her again. After she won many competitions. That last place finish and the fourth place finish meant more to her than many of her first place finishes.