Cuckqueaned by Friends Ch. 09

Author's note:

I know this chapter might feel like a step backwards, but trust the process. I super appreciate all the feedback I received from the first 8 chapters and people reaching out with their own experiences to share. It really helped me re-evaluate the speed and direction of the story. I also appreciate your patience with me getting this chapter out. It's taken me forever to figure out exactly how the story would change in the short term, but I finally figured it out and am now able to get to my long term story goals with this new path.

Also, having been a part of and hearing about many apology conversations, I know this isn't fully accurate to how most of them go. Please just remember this is just a piece of fiction and the author really wants to keep the couple together in the long run while setting up the space for cuckquean play (it's a tough line to walk, which is why the lifestyle isn't recommended for most).

Hope you enjoy, and as always please let me know what you think. I don't do this for money so your appreciation and feedback is what keeps me going.

-ASW

***

So much for falling asleep. No, I was restless. I couldn't get comfortable; I couldn't stop my mind from spiraling. I felt partially betrayed and just hurt, I felt dirty. So many things going through my head.

Ok, as usual, I'm just going to tell it to you straight: it bothered me much more than I realized that Christopher left that quickly that night. Believe me, I've read about cuckqueans enough by now to understand that some women enjoy the feeling of being forgotten or brushed off by their significant others, but that is not me.

I eventually got out of bed to take a shower, hoping the act would let me calm down enough to sleep. Part of me expected to see Megan or Britney in the bathroom, we all know that's happened a few times by now. But nobody interrupted my shower. I took my time, sitting under the water and feeling the warmth on my skin. I tried to let the water wash away the feelings, to wash away my frustration with Christopher. That didn't work at all. Nope, instead my brain went even further down the rabbit hole of how terrifying this whole situation was to me.

I kept replaying the events of the past couple weeks. The sexiness of obeying my roommates, the sheer hotness of watching Kayla and Christopher flirt, and the extreme of watching them have sex for the first time. Hell, everything about tonight was so fucking hot and made me cum possibly the biggest in my life. I've got a growing collection of Kayla's sexy panties in my drawer. And yet the way things ended tonight just kind of ruined it all. Was I really losing him? I may have found the cuckquean thing sexy for some reason, but I knew I definitely didn't want to actually lose Christopher.

It bothered me enough that at almost 2 in the morning I decided it was time to say my first safe word.

I spent a while deciding between yellow and red. I honestly wasn't 100% sure of the difference, or what I really needed. I needed to draw attention to this before we repeated it, at least. Did I need to stop the game for a bit? Did I need to just talk to Christopher? Did I need to talk to Kayla? Should the game continue with Britney and Megan since this wasn't the same part of the game as that? Ugh, I don't know. But I know I need to say one of the words. Yup. Decided. I knew it was late, but I rolled over in bed to pick up my phone. That's when I noticed my phone had apparently died at some point. Ugh, frustrating. I found the charger, and then I just needed to wait a few minutes.

During those 2 minutes, while I felt confident in my decision, my mind started spiraling with what would happen when I used a safe word. I mean, everyone said it would be ok and I shouldn't worry, but hey, we all get worried something we do or say is going to make the person we love not love us anymore, even if we don't always say that feeling aloud. So, I started worrying about if Christopher would hate me for ruining the game, or if any of the ladies would be upset, I was ruining their fun. I started to second guess my decision, but when my screen lit up, I knew I still needed to send it out. Maybe just to Christopher or should I send it to everyone?

But before I could type anything out to send, my attention was pulled away by the notifications on my phone. I realized I had several text alerts and a couple missed calls. They were all from Christopher. I read through the texts.

Christopher: hey, I just got home and needed to reach out. I couldn't stop thinking about it on the way home and almost turned around, but I'm exhausted so I just kept going. Anyway, I realized I definitely made a mistake tonight. I was exhausted and didn't think of you when I left quickly. Can we talk?

Christopher: I am so sorry for leaving like that. I know it was the wrong choice to leave that quickly. Can I call you?

Christopher: I'm assuming you're asleep already, so I can wait for the morning. If you're up for it, I'm going to swing by and pick you up so we can go out for a breakfast date somewhere. Give us some time just the two of us. I think we need it, especially after how I acted tonight.

Christopher: I love you and am sorry. We can take a break from all this kink stuff for a while. Let's talk in the morning. I can be there about 8:30, or any time really, if you're up for it. Good night! Love you!

Ok, I know I could just wait for the morning, but I need to say how I feel before I let him just talk his way out of it. At least it sounds like he is still invested in us, so that worry is gone for now. I had thought through part of what I needed to say, but I just let my hands type out the message, trusting it would come out like I needed. I typed out my response, read it, re-read it, and finally sent it.

Maddison: hey, sorry, my phone died and just turned back on. I understand you were tired. But you're right, I was hurt tonight. This whole cuckquean thing felt more real than before. It felt like I was really losing you, more than I wanted with this kink stuff. I need to pause this whole thing for a bit. I don't know if that is a yellow, a red, or an orange or what, but I need a break from the constant chaos to get myself under control again. Thank you for reaching out. I'm going to message the girls too. I love you and we can talk about everything tomorrow. Can we do 10:30? I'm exhausted and don't want to wake up early lol.

I started putting a message together to send to the ladies, not expecting a response from Christopher until morning. But I actually didn't have to wait very long at all for his response.

Christopher: I completely understand. I am sorry. I think this is a red, from the way you described it. And that's perfectly ok. Safe words are there for a reason. I can call you now if you'd prefer to talk immediately. Or we could wait for the morning, or whatever is best for you. How can I be supportive right now with this?

He was right, it qualified for a red. I honestly didn't think it was going to get this far this quickly, but I needed to speak up for myself. I took a few seconds to center myself again. Now I was thankful for the shower and getting dressed again afterwards. I felt less dirty and more able to think clearly.

Maddison: honestly, I'm exhausted. Let's talk over breakfast tomorrow. I'm gonna let everyone else know and then get some sleep. We will be ok, babe. We just need to get more on the same page again. Love you! Good night!

I finished typing out a message to the ladies and sent it before going to sleep.

Maddison: hey, so I have to call a red after tonight. It wasn't really anything one of you did, but some stuff between Christopher and me. We are going to talk tomorrow, but I need a break from everything for a bit. I still love all of you and hope you understand and that things aren't super awkward between us. It really isn't because any of you. I'll explain more after Christopher and I talk. Love you ladies!

Ok, I read it a few times, and it comes off "hey, something went wrong and hurt my feelings, but I don't want to hurt your feelings by saying something hurt my feelings so please don't be mad at me for having hurt feelings..." but I couldn't think of a better way to say it in my tired state. Then another message from Christopher.

Christopher: ok, sounds good. I'll pick you up at a 10:30 then. Sweet dreams and I look forward to hearing everything you have to say tomorrow. Love you too!

Haha, I think he is walking on eggshells now. That wasn't my goal, but whatever, we will clear everything up in the morning. My phone buzzed two quick times, two messages from Megan. She had sent a green heart emoji in the group message, and one personal text to just me.

Megan: hey, I am really sorry if I pushed you or things a bit far. I know you said it wasn't one of us and something Christopher did, but I know I'm analyzing my actions and want to talk to you about everything when you are ready and willing. I love you and am so proud that you spoke up for yourself. No awkwardness, just love, girlie! Please know my door is always open to you, as well as my ears and my heart. <3

Now, I know you're probably using her controlling nature these past several days against her, but she is a great friend. I love her so much and am so thankful for her friendship. Maybe I was being a little ridiculous to think my friends would be pissed for me pausing everything. Maybe I was being paranoid about that for nothing. That is at least a little comforting.

I told her I loved her and would tell her more tomorrow and put my phone back on the table with a smile on my face. Tonight wasn't easy, but I think everything will be better for it. I'm sure Christopher is still feeling extremely guilty for things, but he'll be ok. We have a lot to talk about tomorrow.

***

I woke up after actual decent sleep, especially considering I didn't go to sleep until a few hours ago. I mean, I'm not ready to run a marathon, but I'm more than rested and ready to go for whatever else today might throw at me. Well, maybe I'll need a nap....whatever. I'm just excited.

You see, I had a realization somehow while I slept. I realized that today isn't just about talking to Christopher to make sure something like last night doesn't happen again. No, there is more to it. I think that everything that happened these past couple weeks just happened so ridiculously fast that I didn't have time to feel normal. And I want that today. I want to feel loved, to feel wanted, to feel like I'm in a strong relationship with my boyfriend.

I know, I know...that's probably not what you want to hear when I clearly told you my story was about being cuckqueaned by my friends, but I promise this is not the end of my tale. No, this is the self-discovery part of my story. Don't worry, you'll enjoy this part too (I know I did). So, let's get back to it!

Suddenly, I was awake (shout-out the office). I rolled to check the time. I know I hadn't overslept because I'm pretty good about waking up whenever I set an alarm, but still, you never know. But instead of finding out something like that, I found I'd received another few messages. Britney and Kayla had each sent their love and support to the group in response to my message. But they had each also sent me personal messages. I'll start with Britney's message.

Britney: girlie, I hope he didn't do anything unforgivable. If he did, let me know and I'll be there to back you up however you need me to. I think I could take him, especially if he hurt you! Please don't worry at all about our game. I love you and this doesn't change anything. I hope I didn't push you too much. If we need to talk, please don't hesitate. I love you and you won't hurt my feelings. I'm tough, just like you are, even if you're a softy on the outside lol

That was the spicy Britney I knew and loved (is it racist to call a Latina spicy? I hope not). Kayla's message felt different.

Kayla: I don't even know what to say. I don't know what happened between you and Christopher, but I can't imagine it had nothing to do with stuff he and I did last night. I am so sorry. I cannot apologize enough. I am so sorry for pushing things too far. I know it may not feel like it, but I love you and hope we can talk this through to stay friends. I can be free whenever you need me to be. I am sorry, Maddison.

I knew she was likely to feel guilty in some way. Is it weird that I really didn't expect her to be this apologetic, though? She was so strong and confident these last couple weeks. Maybe it really was all just a game for her too. That's comforting at least.

So, three relatively different reactions from my three loving roommates. I'm really lucky to have them in my life. Ugh, even saying that felt disgustingly cliche and gross. I'm getting all mushy. Come on, Maddison, get it together! You're writing erotica, not a romance novel, and especially not some young adult story. Ok, sorry about that. I'll keep the story going properly.

I got another message from Christopher just then. It just said he was on his way. But that made me sit bolt upright! He lives only 20 minutes away depending on the traffic, so I didn't have long! Fuck me, and I just told you that I never oversleep an alarm. I guess that's still true since I didn't set one.

That's gonna make the new goal for today harder. I gotta find something to wear quick, since I want to remind Christopher that even though he's been fucking Kayla a lot lately, I'm his real girlfriend and he is lucky to have me.

I jumped out of bed and went to my closet. Thankfully I took a shower last night, so that's one thing out of the way. I went through my dresses quickly, pulling out 4 different options. Fuck me again, I've never been good at deciding things like this quickly. Usually this involves trying each one on and inspecting the dresses in the mirror a few times. I don't have time for that. Nope, I am going to have to call in some help making choices. A quick message sent, and then I picked out some nice underwear for today while I waited. I was moving towards my vanity to do my makeup when the knock came. I expected it to take a few minutes, but it was a grand total of something like 52 seconds for her to show up.

I opened the door still in my slip from last night and my fresh panties underneath. Megan stood there, a slight smile on her face, friendly smile, not the predatory/knowing one I had seen flash across her face so many times these last couple weeks. That smile replayed in my head and made me lose my train of thought while she stood there.

"Uh, good morning, Maddison."

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Good morning! Thanks for coming so fast!"

"Yeah, I didn't expect you to want to see any of us so fast, honestly."

"Megan, we are ok, I promise."

"I know, but still..."

"We can and will talk later, I'm sure of it. But I really need your help right now." I reached out and pulled her into the room, closing the door behind her.

"Look, I'm going to give you the shortest explanation I can, just so you're kind of caught up."

"Ok."

"So, basically, I felt that at the end of the night, after Christopher and I...you know..."

"Had sex. Maddison, we've done that too, you don't have to be nervous talking about it with me. You know there is no more judgement between us."

"Ok, ok. I'm working on it. Anyway, after we finished, he just kinda got up and left. Like, after his time with Kayla they hung out for like half an hour and I only got five minutes?! I don't know. I know none of this cuckquean stuff makes any sense, but that just hurt."

"Oh yeah, I can understand that."

"Anyways, so we are going to get brunch and I just want to...I don't know..."

"Remind him how fucking hot you are and what a catch he's got with you?"

"Yeah!" Damn, she really gets me. That's another comforting feeling.

"Fantastic! I love it! How long do you have?"

"Uh, like 10-15 minutes?"

"Damn, ok, let's get going."

I've read enough erotica since that day to know that everyone reading this is hoping for some really sexy play between the two of us at that point, but I'm sorry to say that didn't happen. No, this was purely a quick scene of one woman getting ready for a date while her best friend helps her get ready. I did flash Megan when I took my slip off to put the dress she advised on, but we'd seen each other naked enough times to make it not a huge deal. I mean, i did hesitate for a second, but then it was back to business.

In the end, I found myself standing in front of her in an off-shoulder black mini dress. My phone vibrated with a message from Christopher a couple minutes ago that he was waiting for me in the car, so I needed to finish and head out. I looked to Megan for final approval.

"Fuck, you look good. 1000% approved! I don't know what it is, I just like the off-shoulder look."

"Haha noted! Ok, I gotta run. Thank you so much! I promise we will talk about everything later."

"Go go go! And good! Have fun babe!"

I grabbed my purse and phone and I was out the door. Before walking up to the car, I took a deep breath. As much as I was feeling sexy, I didn't feel confident, and I didn't want to forget everything that happened last night. One more deep breath and a mental reminder to speak my truth today, and maybe flirt my ass off (hey, I am not gonna lie and say I wasn't hoping to have one of our long fuck sessions that we hadn't had in a while).

I turned the corner and there was his car, and he was standing in front of it waiting for me. I'm not going to lie (do I have to keep saying that or do you believe I'm just going to keep telling the truth by now?), seeing his eyes light up when he saw me felt good. That was exactly the feeling I was going for! I gave him a big smile and went to him. The way he grabbed me, pulling me close and kissing me, almost made me forget I was mad at him. Almost.

"Ok, ok. Down boy. We need to talk before you get anything more than that."

"Ok, but geez, you're gorgeous! You did that this early in the morning?! Now I feel underdressed." He was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

"Imagine what I could've done with another hour or two. And you're right, you are underdressed. Let's fix that. Let's go to your place so you can change real fast, and then let's go somewhere great for brunch. I'm starving."

"Aye, aye, captain!"

I couldn't help but give him a smile at that. It was already feeling like old times. Maybe today would go even better than I planned.

We jumped in his car, he even held the door open for me. I know, he's only doing it because he thinks he's in trouble or something, but it still feels at least a little nice. We took off towards his place, and it only took a couple minutes of just listening to our mutual playlist for him to break our lack of conversation open.

"So, do you want to jump straight into it, or wait a bit?"

"In my head I wanted to wait for brunch, but I don't know if I'll have the same courage to speak up for myself with this kink stuff in public. So maybe now is best."

"Ok, sounds good to me."

"Good! Ok, so, I know we've really been enjoying this...cuckquean...thing. I mean, the sex has been amazing and I honestly have just been turned on almost constantly because of it."

"Ooo, that's good to know."

"Hey, none of that yet." I gave him a playful swat on his shoulder and we both laughed.

"Mmm, 'yet', that bodes well then."

"Yeah yeah yeah, stop interrupting."

"You're right, go on, love."

"Well, from my perspective, there were times it really felt like I was losing you to her. I think you knew that which is why you broke character a couple times, but I couldn't turn it off. And then to end the night with you leaving immediately after fucking me after you'd spent soooooo long with Kayla, it just felt like I was the side-fuck and she was the main attraction. I also know that with this cuckquean thing, it's supposed to feel like that, but this felt real, not like a game."