All Comments on 'Daddy's New Girl'

So confusing?

really thrilling story :) cant wait if there will be another chapter

Did you bother to proof read it? Awful

Get someone to read it first, check the grammar and the story line. This is terrible. A good idea. But so poorly written it was very hard to read.

It was unclear from the start that the Girlfriend and the little girl were two different characters. It was also unclear as to your character. Had you consistently stayed either outside of the piece as a 3rd person narrator, or consistently first person I feel it would be less jarring to read.

Hi All

Thank you for reading my first attempt at a story. I have learnt a lot of leasons I will take into part two and the other story I have on the go. I am dyslexic and kinda shy in asking my friends to proof read for me. So if any one wants to help or point me where to go to help let me know.

Thanks again for reading and hope I not turned you off from reading anything else in the future

Getting better. Keep writing. Comments can be great or brutal, both can help you as a writer, if you let them.

Thoughts- Like calm IT guy being a closet sadist. That is very believable. Meg seems to be saying she's leaving him to sow some wild oats, then she stays to torture their mutual slave. A bit confusing. Would have helped to clarify if all of that with slave Melody was a kind of parting gift to all of them, or was it the start of a month of stay and play at home? Casper referred to Meg as his exwife. ? I thought Meg only wanted a time out, not an end of the mariage. Is Casper now planning to dump Meg for this stunt, or thinking she won't be back? Would/is Casper planning to sow some wild oats of his own now that he has a hall pass by Meg's action? You did a bang up job of including a bunch of mind fuckery against Meg in a short amount of space. Since that's not my thing, I was feeling sorry for her. Plenty of sick bastards around here will tell you it wasn't enough. Anywhoo, keep it up.