Damaged Beyond Repair?

During lunchtime he took a break, packed his lunch in his backpack and went for a walk. Both walks, that of yesterday and today alleviated a lot of the stress brought on by the conversation with Maria and now he could look back at it from a more neutral point of view, better still without all the emotions and anguish he felt yesterday.

Looking back, Bart had to concur that Maria was right and that she had what's best for him in mind. She had told him that it was time to break out of the cage he had built around him because she was convinced that he was not a bachelor at heart, only that he was afraid to commit himself to a relationship with a woman again.

Bart, already at the end of his patience and struggling with his need to be alone sometimes, immediately had his hackles up, harshly reminding Maria what had happened after her cousin tried to get a piece of him. It was almost as bad as his divorce and he had to spend time in a prison instead of a tent or the guesthouse.

Now, in the hot afternoon, walking along a small, cool stream of water and in the shadows of the trees, he started to regret the things he said to his best female friend. He resolved to talk it out with her and to apologize.

The rest of the walk was spent on reminiscing what she had said to him, in the back of his mind that she wanted what was best for him. He knew that she loved him dearly and he could only conclude that she was right.

Back at the camping site it was siesta time and Bart, due to the mentally draining night went out like a light to be woken by the wife of the proprietor asking whether he would like to join the family for dinner.

Bart politely declined the offer, knowing full well that dinner could be a lengthy affair with lots of alcohol. Instead, he wanted to do some work on his latest brainchild and enjoy the peace and quiet of his solitude.

The meal was simple but wholesome and came with a bottle of wine from their own vines.

Bart returned the tray on which the meal was brought to him and sagged in his low foldable chair. His power bank and laptop were fully charged. The solar panel had done what it was intended to do.

Bart opened the latest document he had created. This was the final version before he went for lunch and a walk. He started to read out loud.

With it came a niggling at the back of his brain. After reading it twice he knew that he couldn't improve it anymore. Someone with a much better grasp of the Spanish language had to have a look at it. But the niggling remained, worse it became stronger.

Bart decided to walk to the little stream again and to say the words aloud to the rippling stream.

The poem consisted of six verses and when he started to recite the sixth verse it hit him like a punch in the gut. He didn't know what had happened and why he didn't see it sooner.

The poem was about Linda and himself. About his feelings for her and the need to release those feelings from the cage casted out of disappointment, suppressed mourning, and feelings of betrayal. It all was enclosed in a barbed fence made from his reluctance to believe that anyone could love him.

He had talked himself into an inferiority complex when dealing with women except when they were already in a stable relationship.

Bart's thoughts tumbled into place while he negotiated his way back in the bright moonlight. He had been sitting for a long time next to the creek to process the impact of these eye-openers.

Because he had to be back on Saturday evening, he decided to arrive in the early afternoon instead of the late evening. He needed a heart-to-heart with Maria. He wanted to apologize and tell her that she had dislodged something in his mind and that he was going to work it out.

Thinking about his feelings for Linda was more complicated. He indeed had feelings about her, but among them was distrust and that wasn't so easy to overcome. She still had hurt him terribly and her remorse about that seemed genuine.

He had nurtured that distrust twenty years long together with the anger about the betrayal. Andreas Woijeck helped him with the anger. But trust, once betrayed, is something very difficult to give again. That also applied for Bart.

I'll just see what the future brings. Linda seems changed but I don't know her well enough yet. She did a marvelous job raising the boys though.

With that thought he fell asleep and since long slept the sleep of the innocent.

Next morning.

Over coffee he reread the poem again and now heard music in the back of his mind. He also found words for a poem to apologize to Maria. It took an hour to work it out on his laptop. Somehow this one came a lot easier than the first one which he seemed to have torn out of the deepest recesses from his soul and forced it into submission with words.

He asked the proprietor for a piece of paper and delved into his backpack in the hope that he had packed his fountain pen.

He was in luck and after two false starts he had written the apology down and folded it in the envelope.

Feeling much lighter than the day before, he packed, paid, said goodbye and started on his return journey.

Four hours later he arrived in Alagón and parked the car next to the RV again. He stepped out just as Pedro opened the door to see who was there. He looked pensive until Bart said while he was walking up to the door, "Don't worry my friend. I have calmed down considerably. I owe you and Maria an apology."

Maria had been talking to Linda when she noticed Bart stepping out of the car. She went pale. She took his early arrival as a bad sign. She stood up shakily.

"What's wrong?" Linda asked anxiously.

"Bart's back. Much sooner than I expected. That can't be good." Maria stammered and with lead in her shoes she walked to the door to welcome him.

Bart softly spoke to Pedro. "I have to talk to your wife. I need to apologize to her so if I can borrow her for a few minutes, in private? I'd like to set some things straight.

With that he walked over to Maria, kissed her softly on her forehead and felt her trembling. "I'm not angry anymore, but we need to talk. In private. I already told Pedro and he agrees."

He took the little woman by her arm and led her to the guest house. Inside he immediately started, "Dear, dear friend of mine. I am so sorry and ashamed of the things I said to you that evening that I can only hope that you forgive me. My stupid ego got the best of me."

Maria was flabbergasted. "You want my forgiveness? I was the one intruding into your private life and trampled all over your feelings, forgetting that you are used to being alone and had two young men as company and living close together. To top that your ex-wife shows up."

Bart wanted to interrupt but Maria wasn't having it, "Oh, I know that you invited them yourself but that doesn't alter the fact that it drains you, emotionally. You've been a hermit for too long socially."

Maria went white thinking, Ow Shit! Now I do it again! Poking the grumpy bear with a sharp stick. Anxiously she looked at Bart.

Bart smiled a sad smile before he said, "You know? I think you are right, and I need to work at that. Help me? Shall we learn from this and stay friends who can tell each other the truth even if it's hard?"

Relief washed over Maria as a cool shower on a hot day. She took him by the hand and walked him to the yard. There she hugged him in front of her husband, gesturing to Pedro to join them. When the emotional moment came to an end Maria walked back into the house. She needed to be alone to process her relief.

=====

The baptizing on Sunday was an experience Linda would never forget. She had never witnessed a Catholic mass, lest so an old-fashioned one, deeply steeped in tradition. She was blown away by the service, the choir and the organ but what impressed her the most was Bart.

When singing, Bart's voice was that of a baritone. Deep, rich and very clear. His sung wish for the baby left only a few eyes dry.

During the reception she told Pedro. He wasn't surprised. The whole community was aware that Bart wrote beautiful songs. That's why his brother was so happy that Bart was available and agreed to write a song for his grandson.

"I'll let you in on a big secret. Bart writes only when he is here, with us in Spain. As soon as he has finished one, he gives it to the person it's about and it's always about someone.

"He wrote a song for me, two for Maria and one for each of our children's baptizing and one when Titia became eighteen. Alonzo will get one too when he becomes eighteen.

What Bart doesn't know is that we contacted an agent to ensure that the rights to the songs he wrote for the family are and remain Bart's. Five of them are used by well-known artists, three of them are selling very well and he gets royalties, a fair percentage of the sales.

"Bart doesn't know that because he doesn't listen to the radio, nor watches television here. His name is never mentioned to ensure his privacy. With the amount of money coming in he can retire in about ten years and we hope that he wants to live here. There is already a plot of land set aside for him."

Linda was overwhelmed with the trust bestowed upon her and asked wonderingly, "Why do you tell me all this? I could just as easily go and tell Bart."

"Maria and I don't think so. And it's very possible that you become family. We also confide in you because we think you have a role to play in Bart's life."

"That would be wonderful. But I don't think so."

"Let's see what the future decides." Were Pedro's last words before he left to admire the baby.

Later that day Bart handed over the poem he made for Maria. After reading it she gave it without a word to Pedro, stepped into Bart's arms and hugged him while laughing and sobbing at the same time. Then she looked up and whispered in his ears, "Where's the other one?"

Bart, broadsided and thinking, Am I that transparent? whispered back, "Later please? It's not yet ready."

"It means that you're not ready. OK, later." Maria smiled. Happy that Bart was so relaxed that he actually started to spontaneously perform some of his other songs and some covers of his hero Leonard Cohen.

Monday morning.

Pedro had evening-shifts this week and Maria could work from home.

They decided to have a coffee break later that morning. Linda had to call in for work as the end of her vacation was in sight and she wanted an extension.

Bart was checking the engine of the RV.

Bart had returned the rental to the agency in the village and when walking back paid a visit to the bakery. He came back with a cake.

Now, while the four were sitting in the shadows enjoying the break Linda started, "I had a call-in with my employer and wanted to explain why I needed to get away at such short notice. They already knew! He paid a visit to my employer and screamed that he was going to beat me to pulp for not allowing him in my house. He claimed that I sent some goons to threaten him. Now I'm on unpaid leave until this situation can be resolved.

The house isn't mine, but part of the contract I have with my employer and they are now taking legal action against him for illegally living in one of their houses and for threatening employees with bodily harm. Can I stay here with you three for the duration, please?"

Pedro and Maria enthusiastically approved, but Bart kept looking pensive.

Of course, it was Maria who spotted it and asked, "Why the sour face Bartolomé?"

Bart took a deep breath and said, "I had a good look at the engine this morning and it's on its last legs. I think that I can make it back, but I need to treat it very gently so I need at least three weeks for that instead of ten to fourteen days due to the fact that I don't want to go over 70, or 80 kilometers an hour for too long. The hard drive from Seix to here almost did her in. I need to depart tomorrow."

Pedro was philosophical about it. Maria was sad but both didn't anticipate Linda's reaction. She sat opposite to Bart at the table, her face a declaration of disappointment and with her eyes wide and brimming with sudden tears."

Maria immediately took her by the hand saying, "Come with me." and hauled her inside the house.

Once, in the privacy of the house she asked Linda, "Why are you so disappointed?"

Linda, afraid to voice her feelings, looked at her feet and said nothing.

Maria waited a few long minutes before she said, "If you want his company so badly, why don't you ask him if you can come with him. You have three weeks with him if you don't kill him first. He can be a difficult person as you have witnessed."

Hoarse Linda said, "Is it that easy, just ask?"

Maria nodded and replied, "Yes it is, and I'll have your back of course. Mind you, you are welcome to stay for the duration, but I feel that your attraction to Bart is getting stronger every day."

Linda blushed furiously. The red creeped all into her cleavage.

"I have my answer. I already noticed that you dressed sexier the last few days. Now I know why. Maria smiled and after a second, she went on, "Wash your face, gather your courage and be brave. Ask him, you silly."

"Ask him? Could it be that easy? And how do you think I'm going to do that?"

Maria looked at the woman she started to see as a friend and replied with a mocking tone in her voice, "What's your problem? Worst scenario is that he says no. Are you a grown-up woman who raised two big sons on her own, or what?"

Linda gave up. She couldn't win anyhow from this headstrong woman and went, shaking her head, outside again, followed by Maria.

Bart looked confused to the two women and said to Maria, "You are not meddling in my life again, are you?"

Maria made a show of looking insulted while she answered, "No, but that doesn't stop me from trying to help my friend here with a problem."

Bart looked at Linda, "Do you have a problem? Here? What kind of a problem? "

Linda looked at her feet and said nothing.

Bart tried again, "Come-on Linda. If I know what kind of problem, I might be of help, wouldn't I? Or is it too personal?"

Linda answered in a very small voice, "Yes it's personal."

With a bit of sadness in his voice Bart replied, "Pity, can't help you with that, I presume."

Linda now looked at her hands and clasped them together to stop them shaking when she gathered all her courage to say, "I think you can."

Bart's eyes went wide and asked incredulously, "I can? Why, how?"

Linda felt as if she was shaking like a reed in the wind saying, "I love it here, I really like the company of Maria and Pedro, they've become good friends in this short time but I like your company even more and now you're leaving."

Suddenly it dawned on Bart where this conversation might be leading to. He thought furiously about the consequences of saying either yes or no.

He liked the idea of having a companion on his return trip and that alone was quite a break with the past. He only didn't want to give in too easily and wanted Linda to ask, tell him what she wanted.

"I have to. Otherwise, I might not make it in time, and they are counting on me back at H.A.T. offices."

Meanwhile Linda and Maria were sitting down again. Linda very softly took his hand and caressed his fingers with hers and said in an even softer voice, "There is a solution."

"And that is?"

Maria showed a smile from ear to ear, she knew exactly what was coming and was very happy with this outcome.

"Take me with you?" Came out trembling.

"Okay." Bart replied simply.

Linda went on, "I can help and I... What did you say?"

Bart smiled when he repeated his answer, "I said, okay. You can come with me. If you think you can stand my company for three weeks in cramped quarters."

Linda bolted to her feet as she knocked over the chair and flew into Bart's arms. She kissed him full on the lips and squealed, "Oh, I love you!"

Immediately she jumped back, "O, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

Bart just blushed and tried to stammer something like, "Don't worry about it."

When he caught his breath, he tried to hide his embarrassment, so he became businesslike. "It's about 1700 kilometers. I'd like to take the touristy route and take it easy. He looked at Linda and asked, "Is that agreeable to you?"

Linda beamed and gushed, "Whatever you decide."

"No, no, no, that's not how it works. We're traveling together and I expect input, otherwise it becomes a kind of cruise for you and where's the fun in that?"

Linda enthusiastically asked if she could plan the route and Bart agreed saying, "No more than 300 kilometers a day. You sleep in the bunk bed. It's quite comfortable as your boys can tell you and I expect that you cook once and a while."

"Is that all?" Linda laughed.

"Well, you're not allowed to drive the thing, I presume. One needs a class C driver's license for it."

"I only remember that you had a B license, what licenses do you have now?"

"A, B, C and E behind C. D is for touring cars and the likes. I never aspired to be a bus driver. E is for trailers behind trucks. I thought that might come in handy."

A small and mysterious smile appeared around Linda's lips when she asked, "And when I get my C license, will you let me drive your RV?"

Bart deadpanned, "Let's see first if you still can stand me after three weeks."

It wasn't the answer Linda had hoped for, but Bart didn't slam the door shut on some kind of future together. She thought it was a much better option than what she started with when she saw him at Martin's and Carlos' place and very much better after Bart, furious, disappeared for two nights.

Maria had confessed to her that she tried to pressure Bart into reconciliation with Linda. Maria was of the opinion that they fit together perfectly. Linda broke out in tears and again was very contrite about what she had done to Bart. Worst of all, she had insinuated that she had lovers while he was busting his ass to provide for them, while she was squandering most of her income on clothes and going out. She never cheated on him even when she was seriously tempted or dared.

Now, suddenly three weeks of extra time with Bart fell into her lap and she planned to make the best of it.

"What time do you plan to leave?" Pedro, always pragmatic, asked.

"I planned to start sixish, but suddenly I have to build the seats into a bed again because there is a lady in this company who insists on traveling back with me. So, a quarter past six?" He smiled crookedly.

"That early!" Both women cried out.

Pedro laughed out loud, "He's pulling your legs."

Bart laughed too and said gently, "I'd like the first day to get as far as the Pyrenees. That's about 200 kilometers. We can start late and still have time to make camp and find ourselves some dinner. Now, if you excuse me, I have some rearranging to do."

=====

It was an emotional farewell the next morning. Maria took Linda apart and said quietly, "You come back to visit us, you hear. Even if it doesn't work out with Bart. You've become dear to me and I want to see more of you. You are always welcome."

When she said that she handed over a container and said, "Dinner." and kissed Linda on both cheeks while hugging her hard.

Linda didn't keep it dry, "Now I'm crying again." She hiccupped but hugged back as hard as Maria.

=====

A few days later the Unimog slowly and almost groaning worked its way upward to a camping site near Parc naturel regional des Alpilles. It was a camping a la ferme. That meant that is was run by a farmer.

It was hot and unpleasantly humid. During the journey dark clouds appeared in the sky and the air became very oppressive. The light started to get a sickly greenish tint when Linda spotted two hitchhikers sitting along the road. They didn't look too well and definitely bedraggled.