Dan: His story

Here is another meagre offering. It's not edited as much as I would like but I have run out of time with it and have a real life to concentrate on. COVID has played with my schedule and so I don't have as much time to dedicate to writing just now.

Please feel free to comment and I may do a revision of the story later on. Please don't too wrapped around the axel if I have inexplicably jumped from present to past tense; my bad.

This is based loosely on a case taken from a blog that I found on the line.

The blog tried to explain, in very logical terms, the intricacies of an open-marriage, and jus how to approach the bargain that the couple need to make. Then I discovered, after a bit more research, that most of these 'bargains' fail.

So, be forewarned.

********

Dan

So, here's the thing.

The relationship that I had with my former wife is not the same one that most of you have with your wives. When I met Lara, she was without a doubt the most beautiful and captivating woman that I had ever had the pleasure to meet. We met in university, when I was doing an undergraduate degree in engineering, and we dated off and on for over a year, before I asked her to marry me, the first time.

When I was with her it was almost impossible to breathe; the woman took my breath away, that's how much I was captivated by her. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I thought that whatever she did was absolutely perfect. To my mind she just about perfect. But there is a big fly in that ointment. Not all was perfect outside of my biased world. The fantasy and the reality were very different.

When I asked Lara to marry me, she turned me down. I know when I'm being rejected, and so I gave up on the idea of a life with her and moved on. Oh, we still dated, once in a while, but there wasn't any expectation on my part that we would be together as a couple.

Women like Lara, though, get under your skin; like a bad itch. They don't go away quickly, even when you want them to. They're like a drug in some ways, one that you get addicted to. I liken it to the need for the two cups of coffee that I have pretty much every morning before I can function in the world. If I get at least one cup I can get on with things, but I really prefer two.

Lara is like that. If I spend some time with her it's better than spending no time with her, and better than spending time with anyone else. I need a certain amount of 'her' before I can get on with my day. It's hard to explain, I know, but if you've ever had an obsession with something then you understand what I'm talking about. It defies explanation. It defies logic. It's just there.

But the problem with Lara was one that defied a solution that had any long-lasting meaningful effect. Lara was the woman that I wanted but the woman that I knew wasn't going to be good for me.

You see, the thing was, Lara was biologically incapable of being with only one sex partner. Sounds rather ridiculous doesn't it. I thought it was. Still do.

But Lara was, and still is, convinced that she's not capable of surviving without sex from multiple partners. It took me a long time to reconcile that. Believe me when I tell you that I thought that the woman was mentally ill. The very idea that I would put up with that sort of behaviour when we were in a committed relationship was very foreign to my way of thinking.

So, I dated other girls and decided to keep looking for Ms. Right. I found several suitable candidates during my search. Over a period of about two years there were at least five women that I thought would make great life partners, but for one reason or another, none of them worked out.

Two were particularly needy and wanted to start mapping out our lives from the very first time we had sex. They were planning the number of children we would have, where we would live, the pattern of the curtains in the house and what kind of good dishes we would have for special occasions. That was all a bit too much for me; way too fast. So, I moved on, but very carefully, as I believed in not burning my bridges unless it was a strategic move designed to lead to a better long-term outcome.

A couple of the women were very casual and they made it clear that marriage wasn't on their radar. So, I had fun with them for a couple of months and moved on. One was particularly...different; she decided that she wanted to be a priest in the Episcopalian Church. Her calling to god was sudden, and one that I didn't see coming, but I suppose whatever makes you truly happy is what you need to do. The odd part for me was because she was particularly wild in bed. I was exhausted after a night with her and needed the next day to recover. But her lord was her true love and so it was all good. I thought that her call to religion was just a unique was of breaking up but when I saw her a few months later I could tell from her looks that it was genuine. She dressed much more conservatively and even her mannerisms were...different. Oh well.

During the time of those fraught relationships, I was still occasionally in touch with Lara and I would meet up with her at clubs or other places. She was similarly going through a series of rapid-fire boyfriends that would last from a few days to a few months. All would end, though, and she would move on to a new one.

I was busy getting an education and decided that that was my priority. After graduation with a BEng. Degree I got a job in the Seattle area and went to work. It didn't take long for me to realize that I wanted more. So, I took off for two years. I'll tell you about it later.

When I got back to Seattle, I went back to work for the same company that I had worked for before. In some ways it was as if I hadn't left at all. But it was different. I hadn't been home once in the two years. I didn't have time, and I certainly hadn't seen or even talked to Lara even once. Frankly, after having been rejected by her, I figured that I needed to move on. I can take a hint; I know when I'm not wanted.

So, I had a new mission in my life. Become a great engineer, make a lot of money while doing it and probably meet someone that would make me happy and have a family. That's what I wanted.

But we don't always get what we want.

On a Friday night, couple of months after I was back in Seattle, I was out with for a Happy Hour drink and bite to eat at a place in the downtown frequented by those eager to pay inflated prices for beer and food just to be seen at the 'in' place. But what the hell, I was living downtown in a tiny one-bedroom apartment and could easily get an Uber home so I went out and enjoyed myself and thought about trying to meet some nice woman. Lo-and-behold, who do I see? Lara.

She asked about what was going on in my life. I gave her the thumbnail sketch, leaving out the gory details. Her look and comments were interesting. I got the impression that she was filing it away in her mind for future reference. I figured that she was thinking that I was a lonely loser that couldn't meet women.

One night, right out of left-field, Lara called and asked to come over. I realized, with some degree of amazement, that she had kept my cellphone number for the last, almost, three years. I didn't change it, even when I went off to Canada, since they have stupidly expensive cell phone rates and it was cheaper for me to keep my US number and plan. Anyway, I figured 'what-the-heck,' why not, so I invited her to come over. I found a bottle of wine that I could serve and quickly tidied up the kitchen and living room. My place wasn't terribly big so it only took a few minutes. I got the dishwasher loaded and turned on and the doorbell rang.

When I answered the door, I was greeted by a very beautiful woman, "Lara, please come in."

I got a hug and kiss from her. We shared some wine and sat around and chatted like we were long-lost friends. I was curious as hell about her sudden appearance. Why now and what was on her agenda. Lara was always thinking about her future and she was always planning her next moves. She usually has a Plan B and a Plan C in her pocket. Which one was I? And was I an escape-hatch from a pesky boyfriend that wouldn't take a hint that his time with her was over?

Sure enough, after some small-talk, and in her clever round-about way, she got the point of her visit: she wanted to start dating again. Me; she wanted to date me.

I had to wonder what had changed for her to suddenly draw the conclusion that I was the one that she should date. I mean, if I wasn't the 'one' before, what suddenly made me the guy that was number one on her dance card now. I figured that I hadn't substantially changed in the last two years, so it must have been her that had had some sort of awakening or realization of some kind. Just what that realization was, I hadn't a clue. But what the hell, wine is cheap and she is welcome to drink my apartment dry if she gets around to telling me what is really on her mind.

Eventually she did.

********

One year later

Lara and I are engaged.

I know what you're thinking. My little head is doing the thinking for the big head. She turned you down before. I had a ring in my pocket. I got on a knee in front of her and asked her to marry me. She said 'No.'

So, I got the message that I wasn't the one for her. She was partly the reason that I went east to Canada to go back to school. The two years away had passed quickly for me. I worked 12 to 16 hours a day and rarely took time to party. I spent the time learning as much as I could about my profession and took advantage of the world-class opportunity that the Canadian university offered.

This past year has been a different year for me. One that challenged my beliefs of normal relationships. You see, I had no intention to ask Lara to marry me, only to be, yet again, told 'No.' I was feeling like Charley Brown, when Lucy snatches the football away from him, every time he goes to kick. This time she did the asking.

But her way of asking was different. Lara was a conundrum. She told me that she was in love with me and she told me that she wanted to be with me. But we had to be together with the condition that she could have her 'needs' met. She knew that she could have me just about any way that she wanted.

I know that she knows that after being rejected by her before I realistically shouldn't have let her in the door that night. I should have 'sorry Lara, not interested.' But I didn't. I'm weak when it comes to her, and she knows it.

So, the effect of having a woman that I was attracted to more than anyone else, but knew that she was bad for me, asking me to marry her...well, you know what my answer was. That night was the best sex of my life. It was the hottest. The sheets on the bed were tangled and, on the floor; we made the bed twice that night.

We showered three times to cool off and rehydrate as we continued the frantic pace to wear out the bed. I couldn't believe how hot and sexy this woman was. Lara was unlike any woman that I had ever known. Her smile and her eyes pulled me in to the point of no return. Her touch on my skin was electric. She knew just how to excite me and keep me going. I tried my best to return the attention to her pussy and her clit. She loved having me suck on her clit and I enjoyed the effect that it had, and still has, on her.

As I would suck and pull on her clit, she would push her hips upward, her legs would flail around and her hands were pulling on my ears trying to suffocate me with her pussy.

This time we negotiated our relationship. We struck a bargain that I, somewhat reluctantly, felt would allow us to be happy and be a couple. Or so I thought. We would have an open marriage.

The deal was that we would both be able to have casual, infrequent, sexual relationships with other people. The commitment that we agreed to had rules for both of us to follow. The idea was that our marriage wouldn't become a free-for-all sex orgy every night. There were definite limits to what we could do, who we could do it with and how much time we spend with other people.

To my mind we were, after all, supposed to be married to each other and, again, to my mind that meant that Lara was my priority and, I hoped, that I was her priority. But we have to set rules for our life away from each other. If didn't agree to this I knew that Lara would ultimately be gone from my life and that I would regret it. Maybe I would regret agreeing to this lifestyle. The knot in my stomach was there whenever I though too much about it. I knew that I had to be very careful around her and not get too possessive. Going all cave-man, outside the bedroom, was only going to drive her away.

Agreeing to an open marriage was, I suppose, like giving the drug addict a tiny bit of the drug every day to chase off the cravings that would otherwise take over. With Lara knowing that she could have a variety of sex partners and feed her needs, it would ultimately control her cravings. Whether that was a good or bad thing I didn't know, but it was what we needed to do in order to have a marriage. As stupid as that sounds.

My attraction to Lara was inexplicable. I suppose you could say that I loved her unconditionally. So, if agreeing to an open marriage meant that I could have her, then that is what I was prepared to do. Some of you might think of me as really stupid and fucked up and you might be right about that. I mean what husband agrees to let his wife fuck other men without repercussions for the marriage. Especially since I wanted children and for us to be a family, not just a fucked-up conglomeration of people. My little head was doing the thinking for the big head.

So, we sat down and had a series of heart-to-heart discussions about what an open marriage meant for both of us and our individual expectations. Here are some of the things we talked about:

We set sex boundaries: it was the four W's, and one H: who, what, where, when and how much. I was very concerned about Lara hooking-up with unknowns. The chances of a bad ending were great and frankly my biggest fear. To have sex with an unknown was playing with fire. So, we agreed that there would not be any sex on a first meeting. There had to be some getting to know and vet the other person. We also set a hard rule that neither of us would bring another sex partner back to our apartment.

We kept a schedule of things that we were going to do together and promised to not let any hook-ups interfere with that. We also promised that we would limit our extra-marital activity to not more than once a month. We would try to coordinate things so that we both were out at the same time, but we agreed to be flexible if something that was a priority was not on the schedule.

We set emotional boundaries: if a casual sex relationship turns to love, what will that mean to our marriage. I told Lara that is she was looking for love then she had to tell me up front and be honest about it. If her love for me was that thin, then maybe it was a bad idea for us to be married. I didn't put it that crudely but that is the essence of our talk about love and sex. Love and sex were something that we shared together. Sex with other partners was exclusive of love. I know it's hard for most people to have sex with someone that they don't have some basic feeling for but this had to be one of the things that an open marriage had to define. I didn't want to share my wife's love. I wanted to be the only man that she loved. I wanted her to be the only woman that I loved.

How much time it was okay to spend with the other partners: There are limits to the time commitment to casual sex and that meant no overnighters or weekends. Our marriage had to be the first priority for our time. The number of times that we would have sex with another partner was limited so that emotional bonds didn't form. We needed a way to tell if there was an emotional aspect of the sex we were having with others. That was tricky. I don't think we really understood the methods by which to gauge that. We agreed to talk about it.

Decide how much information we would share with each other and the sex partners: We had to be up front with the people that we were going to have sex with that it was just recreational sex and not a love relationship. For most one-time hook-ups that wasn't an issue, but for repeats that has to be said up-front and made clear.

Schedule how often we'll review what we're doing and make decisions to keep going or change something or stop altogether: We agreed that we would talk about things every two weeks. It wouldn't be on our date night, that was a time for purely fun for us, so we though that a Sunday afternoon might be the best time. Commit to being open and honest with each other and talk about problems, especially jealousy. That was going to be the killer to this open marriage agreement, if there was a killer. Human emotions are always there and difficult to put aside. It takes a special person to be able to dismiss jealousy and not let it affect a marriage.

There were other rules that we added as time went on but one that I needed was that we don't come home fresh from a hook-up and describe in great detail just how amazing the other person was. That was a problem for me. That dug into my psyche a bit too much and meant that I was being compared too much to the other men that my wife had sex with. Don't get me wrong, I was having sex with other women, too. So, I had to be careful not to quietly compare them to Lara. I love women with big breasts, I do, but Lara is only a C cup. So, it wouldn't be a good thing for me to come home and tell Lara what wonderful tits so-and-so has and how I had such fun with her.

This all seems so clinical, and maybe cynical, and maybe fucked-up too. But we agreed to try and make it work. And for the first two years of married life, it did.

And then it started to not work.

*********

Lara was happy. I was happy. Life was busy and we accepted that we each had careers that were demanding. Quietly, oh so quietly, we carried on with life as a couple and separately. Lara had a succession of lovers that she saw and I had two different women that I was seeing. And then that was reduced to one.

We did lots of couple's things, like vacations, weekend activities, and hobbies. I'm a cyclist and I like to compete in local events in Washington and Oregon. I'm not too bad at it but I rarely win. If I can have a top-ten finish I take that as a good day. I own two bicycles, one is a Trek road racer, and my main bike is actually a Rocky Mountain Growler that I bought for less than a thousand dollars. It's tough and does the job for my needs. I don't have any illusions that I'll ever be a champion cyclist of any type or a Tour de France competitor, but it's something that I really enjoy and it's a damn good workout. On the days when I can't get out on one of my bikes I run or try to get to the gym.

I suppose you want to know a bit about me and Lara. I'll start with me. My name is Daniel Lewis Stuart. My father has traced our family back to Scotland before the Battle of Culloden. My forefathers were key leaders at that battle. I've been to the battlefield and walked the areas where the Jacobites and the English were lined up that day in 1746. While the Jacobite side lost that day, the war has continued. Even today the Scottish are working for independence.

The Battle of Culloden was the final confrontation of the Jacobite uprising. On 16 April 1746, the Jacobite army of Charles Edward Stuart was outnumbered and decisively defeated by a British government force under the Duke of Cumberland, near Inverness in the Scottish Highlands.

Today the weapon is words, the media, opinion and the vote. Scotland will rule itself one day. I don't know what day that will be, but it will be celebrated by both the Scottish and ex-pat Scots the world over. They're nice folks in a land that is both rugged and beautiful. Kind of like the terrain of Montana and Wyoming and yes, Washington state. I love this region. I'm proud of my heritage. But back to the story.