Dan: His story

There it was. My bottom line. I looked at Lara, who continued to look at the table and say nothing. Her lack of words spoke volumes. I knew in my heart that she wasn't going to change. She wasn't going to be my wife, not the wife that I really wanted.

The silence in the room was deafening. At that very moment, when I looked at her and she refused to look at me, I knew exactly what she wanted. It wasn't me.

I got up from the table and went to the bedroom and started to pack. I figured that all I needed was about a week's worth of things. By the end of a week, I would know if I was moving out permanently or if there might be a slim hope for our marriage.

Lara said nothing as I worked to gather the things I needed. I came out with a suitcase and a sports bag along with my laptop bag.

I grabbed some other things from the closet by the front door. My bikes and helmets were in the storage room in the underground garage. It wouldn't take long to get those on the bike rack on my car.

My car was actually a small SUV, a Subaru Crosstrek. My bike rack slid into the trailer hitch so it was easy to put on or take off. The Crosstrek is a great vehicle for me. It has excellent 4WD and just enough room for all my sports gear. It's also relatively economical to operate and easy to park. Best of all worlds, and the thing will not break.

It didn't take me long to get everything loaded in and on the car and I slowly pulled away. Lara stayed in the apartment. I knew in my soul that I was driving away from my marriage and my old life.

*********

Lara

Well. I've fucked this up, really well. I had a good thing going and now I've pissed off the one person that was willing to put up with me and give me what I wanted. Dan is a good husband, too good. I'm the one that put the conditions on our marriage and now I've gone and fucked up even that. I had to go wild and let my pussy rule me, rule our marriage. Why can't I be happy with one man to love me? Why do I need the thrill of a new cock in my pussy every week? God, I want it every day. I can't get enough. Now, what the fuck do I do?

Dan thinks I need help. Psychological help. Maybe I do. He rescued me a few weeks ago when I got in over my head with a guy that I knew liked it rough. The first time I fucked him he was whispering his bullshit in my ear, as he was fucking me, about how rough I liked it. All I could think of was the pleasure that I was getting out of the pounding he was giving me. Every time his cock rammed my cervix it drove me to another high. I wanted more. Then, when he texted me that Friday about going to the hotel again, I was eager to relive the first time. But this time he got a lot more extreme. He wanted to tie me to the bed. I knew that that was a bad idea, but by then I wasn't thinking rationally. I was letting the part of my brain that craves the orgasm do the thinking.

So, he tied me down after he ate my pussy for about 20 minutes and had his way with me. By then I'd had a couple of orgasms and just let him do it. He got rougher as the night went on. He started slapping my breasts and then when I complained that it hurt, he slapped my face a couple of times telling me that I liked it rough. That I was a slut and this is what I really wanted.

He had a vicious grip on my arms to the point that he left large bruises. Later, when I looked in the mirror, I could see where his fingers had grabbed my arms. I could also see the bruising on my face and the split lip I had, not to mention the black eye. But, at the time, none of that seemed to register in my head. I was in a space in my head that sensed only pleasure and not the pain. The orgasm was everything.

I didn't realize it until the next day that he had used something on my ass and the tops of my legs to beat me with. I had marks that hurt a lot. That fucker was done. I wouldn't go near him again. Maybe.

It wasn't until almost the next morning when he got tired and needed sleep, and then I realized just what a stupid thing I had done. I begged him to untie me but he wouldn't until he had taken all my clothing and stuffed them in a plastic bag. When he did let me go, I ran to the bathroom to pee. His sperm was dripping out of my vagina and my ass. My face and hair were soaked in his drying cum. I hurt everywhere. I heard the door shut and when I came out of the bathroom he was gone along with my clothes.

I was cursing and realized that he might have my purse and phone. I used the hotel room phone and called Dan. He came to my rescue. He got me home, he got me cleaned up and then fed me and took me to a doctor.

Dan was livid with me for going to the hotel that night with that guy. But really, I didn't think that it would turn out like it did. That's my problem, I didn't think. Maybe I do need help. It might be too late. Too late for me to save my marriage. Too late to save Dan.

**********

Dan

I moved to a friend's place for the first couple of days. Camping out in his spare room got old really quick and so I decided that I needed a break from everything. So, I called in to work and arranged a couple weeks' vacation and then took my bikes and hit the trails in the hills east of the city. I needed to get outdoors, work up a sweat, clear my head and figure out what was important to me.

It took a few days of not thinking about anything at all before I could tackle the problem of Lara. On the fourth night I pulled out a notepad and wrote down some of the thoughts that came to me. You'd think I would use my cellphone note feature to do that, considering that I deal in high tech every day. But this time I went old-school and used pen and paper.

The central issue that came back to me every time was the one of sharing my wife. When I decided to get married to Lara, I thought it was worth the angst of sharing her to have her as my wife 90% of the time. 90% of her was better than 0% of her. At least that's what I thought at the time. Now, I'm not so sure. The 10% that I don't have ruins the 90% that I do have. Does that even make any sense?

Lately it felt like I had her, at best, 20% of the time. It felt like I was an inconvenience to her life. She would frequently forget about things that we had planned to do and call me at the last minute to tell me that she was going to do something else. I knew very clearly what the 'something else' was. She was my wife in name only. Just a piece of paper that connected us. I was an after-thought. An 'oh-yeah, I have to see my husband once in a while.'

Eighty miles on wood trails on a mountain bike can give you a new perspective on life. Doing it five days in a row helps you to challenge even the most fervently held beliefs. I made some decisions during that week. Decisions that I knew were ones that I needed.

I had cut myself off from everyone during that time. My cellphone was turned off and I spent my nights at a tiny motel in the hills that barely had TV cable let alone any kind of internet service. I cleared my mind and my body and at the end of the week I went back to the city and rented a small Airbnb.

I went back with that piece of paper where I had written my most private thoughts. It was also the place where I drew conclusions about my survival and my future.

After getting back to civilization I spent some time doing maintenance and sanitation chores. First was to clean my equipment, and then to clean myself. I enjoyed almost thirty minutes standing in a hot shower with a cold beer in my hand. It was a time for me to settle my own mind and finalize my plan of what I had to do next.

*********

Sarah

I tried to get in touch with Dan this past week. I called his office and they told me that he had taken some time off but they didn't know what he was doing. I also tried his cellphone and left a message. I knew that he and his wife had an open-marriage and that she enjoyed meeting other men for casual sex. I knew that Dan wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea. I also kept in mind that our relationship was very casual and we had made absolutely no commitments to each other and I expected none.

Normally Dan and I met up once a week for recreational sex. That was it. Just fun. It was a fun time to blow off some steam and get my itch scratched. I figured that he and his wife eventually would get the open-marriage thing out of their systems. If they decided to have children that would be the tipping point for them and they would eliminate the complications of sex with others. They'd discover the need for monogamy. That was absolutely essential for a successful family.

My own husband had decided that monogamy wasn't essential to his needs early on in our marriage. He also discovered that being a father wasn't really his 'thing,' and so decided that it was in his best interests to not be married. We divorced. It was the best thing for all of us and he moved east to someplace in Connecticut. Hartford, I think. He works for an insurance company doing something. I see a small cheque once a month for his share of child support. I deposit the cheque into my daughter's education account. She is only two years old and doesn't even remember her father. I barely remember him, thankfully.

Dan is fundamentally a good person. He has a strong sense of what is right and wrong. That's why it surprised me when he told me that he and his wife had an open-marriage. After getting to know him better I realized why.

The 'why' part was simple. On a very fundamental level he loved his wife. But at the same time, he knew that she would never be fully his. She would never fully commit to him. And so, to play his part in the open-marriage he got to know me and we became friends with benefits. We've been FWBs for several months now and I have to say that it has been great. Great for me because I get to scratch the 'itch' that needs attended to on a regular basis without making a romantic commitment to a man. I didn't want commitment when we started. I got burned by my ex-husband and won't let that happen again.

The FWB arrangement has been good for Dan too. He gets to see another side of a sexual relationship with a woman. I've been very understanding of him and told him up front that what we have is just recreational and that I'm not looking for commitment from him or anyone else. It also means that I don't have to do the whole dating-game thing; and lord-knows, I don't have the time for that shit.

So, Dan has been good for me and I've been good for him. I'm just not sure how much longer we can go like this. He's a great guy.

********

Lara

Dan left me. He packed some bags and took his mountain bike and left. I'm not sure where he went. I called around to some of his friends, and his work, and they don't know where he is, or if they do, they're not saying.

I'm not sure just what his issue is. I mean, we agreed, before we got married, that we could see other people. He knows what my needs are. He agreed to let me have sex with other men. He agreed that I could satisfy my needs away from him; separate from him. I know that he's a great guy. He's a great husband. The man does anything that I want him to do. So, why now? Why is he having a hard time dealing with this? Yes, things went too far with that guy at the hotel. I confess that maybe I should have gotten out of there before he tied me to the bed. But that was just one time.

And, Dan has a girlfriend. He's seeing some woman; I think her name is Susan? Not sure, I can't remember, exactly. I think he met her at work, or something. He told me a bit about her, but I've forgotten most of what he said. So, what's his problem?

Dan will be back. He'll get over his hurt and come back. The man can't stay away from me for too long. Hell, I turned him down when he first asked me to marry him, and he came back. He's been gone now for a while and hasn't called. Maybe after he's had a chance to realize what he's missing, he'll come to his senses. Maybe I'll call him in a few days.

***********

Dan

So, this past two weeks has been an opportunity to think about my life. The mistakes that I've made. The things that I want, and the things that I need to do to get to where I want my life to be. Looking back at the last few years, I'm not sure that I made the best decision to get married to Lara. Yeah, she's beautiful and sexy and she rocks my world in bed, but that's pretty much where it starts and ends. Maybe I was desperate when we decided to get married. Maybe she saw me as stability to her crazy ways. I think that's most likely the way that she looks at it. I'm the safe harbour that she sails home to, after her world gets rocked by her lovers. I can't be that any more.

I need a few more days to figure things out fully, then I have to put my life back on track. Sarah texted me yesterday. She asked if I was okay. I sent back a three-word reply, 'I will be.' She responded with 'let me know if there's anything I can do to help.'

Her text messages made me feel good. Sarah is a real person. Even though we are only FWBs, she lets you know that she actually cares about people. Maybe being a mother does that. I want to be a father. But I know in my heart that Lara isn't the woman to be the mother of my children.

This is so fucked up. But I have a much better idea now of what I have to do to un-fuck it.

*********

Sarah

I hadn't heard from Dan for two weeks and while that by itself wasn't a big deal, I was concerned about him so I decided to text him. I had to tell him that I know that his wife is, how can I say this politely, fucked in the head.

Lara is using Dan. She uses him to give the illusion of a normal life, and as a safe place to be when she isn't getting fucked by one of her many boyfriends. Yes, I know that sounds crude, but from what I know, it accurately describes her.

Dan is a very loving man and he deserves better than to be used by her.

I watched the destruction of my own marriage. My husband was immature to the point that after we had Matilda, he decided that being a father and being married wasn't really his future. He withdrew from both of us and started fucking any woman that would open her legs for him. When I found out, I kicked him out of the house. He was almost giddy to leave knowing that his responsibility to me and the baby was over. Other than a small child support cheque that arrives twice a year, I never even think of him now. I don't need the money. My career as an architect pays well. What I do need is a man that has character and values, and a strong sense of right and wrong. Dan might be that man.

Watching Lara self-destruct is not a thing that I wish on Dan, or her. But I'll watch and I'll do what I think is the right thing. I won't make the same mistakes that I made before.

I know this may sound cold, but Lara's loss might be my gain.

*********

Dan

Fuck, I'm exhausted. It's more mental than physical. I went for a long run this morning and it felt good to work hard and sweat. When I went out at 5 AM, there were only a few other runners out. By the time I finished at 8, the day was underway. People and traffic.

I have an appointment this morning with a divorce lawyer. I need to start the process. I need help. I know Lara and I don't have much in the way of physical things. We rent an apartment, but we both have cars and...stuff. I'm still paying off student loans but have been working on trying to save some money. I figured that it would be a good thing to do if we had children. What a joke that is, now.

*********

Dan (later that day)

Well, the visit with the lawyer went pretty much as I expected. What I want is called a 'Dissolution of Marriage,' in this state. It says that the marriage is 'irretrievably broken' and that there is no hope for the survival of the marriage.

The easy part of that is that without children, or a lot of property, being involved it becomes a very straight-forward process. An application to the court is made and if both parties agree, and the terms of the dissolution are agreed, then it merely gets rubber-stamped by the court and we are free of each other. The whole thing takes 90 days.

I gave the lawyer a detailed list of our assets and debts and told her to get on with the paperwork. I'll take the dissolution application with me when I go see Lara. I need to call her later this week, after I get the paperwork back, and set up a time to talk to her. It's been over two weeks now since I've had any contact with her. She hasn't been burning up the airwaves calling or texting so I figure that she has been busy with one or more of her boyfriends. I've had little contact with Sarah, so I'm not sure what's going on there. She likely is staying well away from me realizing what a shit-show my life has become. She doesn't need that complication in her life.

I need to put Lara in my rear-view mirror and get back to work.

I actually got a call yesterday from Lara's mother. She had even tried to call her daughter and hadn't heard from her in a few weeks. When I told her that I had moved out, she was speechless. There was dead air on the phone. Finally, she asked, "what's going on Dan?"

I didn't want to say anything other than we had been having some disagreement and I felt it best that we had some time apart. Lara's mother is not a stupid woman and knew a lot about her daughter's ways. She knew that Lara liked sex with a lot of men but was hopeful that when we got married, she had changed.

"Oh, Jesus. Dan, is she still seeing other men?" She got right to the heart of it.

I hesitated, "I'm afraid that's it. It's gotten worse and I can't live with her like this. She doesn't have either the desire or ability to change and I don't know how to get through to her. I have to leave her, for my own sanity. I'm sorry."

She was quiet. "I understand Dan. You have to do what you have to do. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help, either of you." With that she disconnected.

********

Lara

I need to talk to Dan, but I'm afraid to call him. I know that he's feeling hurt. Maybe it's best if I just leave him alone. I need to get out. I'm going crazy here at the apartment waiting for him to call or come home. I'm not sure what to do. My mother called me and ripped me a new asshole. She called me several names that I hadn't heard before. 'Stupid whore' was one of the more polite terms she called me. She wanted to know why-the-hell I had been fucking around on Dan. I couldn't really tell her the truth now, could I. That's not the sort of thing that you tell your mother. So, I confessed some of my stupidity and left it at that.

Shit, my phone is ringing and Dan's picture just popped up on the screen. Maybe he's coming home.

"Hello, Dan?"

There was a couple of seconds of silence, "Lara, it's me. I need to talk to you. When is a good time?"

"Anytime you want Dan. Tonight, would be just great. I'll cancel what I had planned." Shit, I shouldn't have said that, he's going to think that I was going out to get fucked.

"What time is good?"

"I'll be home by 6, so any time after that."

"Good." He disconnected without any 'love you' or 'bye' or anything else. His voice sounded very cold and...unhappy.

I got home just before Dan showed up. He buzzed from the lobby for me to let him in.

"Don't you still have your key?" I asked when he buzzed.

"I wanted to make sure that you were alone."

Oh shit! He thinks that I probably had some guy here with me as soon as he left.

"Please, come in Dan."

A couple of minutes later he knocked on the door. I opened it and saw my husband for the first time in over three weeks. "Come in."

I went to the kitchen. "Would you like something to eat?"

"When did you learn to cook? Sorry, that was a cheap shot. You don't deserve that."