Dan: His story

He was always the gentleman. Always the nice guy. What's the term -- chivalrous. That's it.

"Do you have a beer or maybe a Coke in your refrigerator?"

Why was he asking for something from his own refrigerator? Oh, fuck. I finally get it. He doesn't feel like he lives here anymore. This is not his apartment anymore. He's a visitor. I can feel his hurt in the pit of my stomach. This discussion isn't going to end well.

I got up and went to the refrigerator. There wasn't much there, I hadn't eaten at home much since Dan left. There was a lone beer tucked away in the back corner of one of the shelves and I moved some things around it pull it out. I went to the cabinet where we keep the glasses and got him one.

"Thank you," he said as he took the bottle.

He sat at the table and put the large envelope that he had, in his hand, on the table next to him. He opened the beer and took a small sip. He didn't use the glass. I was holding my breath waiting for him to speak. I sat down across the table from him, waiting for the hammer to fall. "How have you been Dan?"

"Thanks for seeing me. I've been doing a lot of thinking, Lara. Thinking about you and I and our marriage. Why we got married. What I wanted. What you wanted. I've figured a few things out and now, I have a much better idea of what I want for the future."

Here it comes. I suppose that I deserve whatever it is he plans to do.

Dan looked me square in eyes and continued. "I'm not sure that what you want out of marriage is the same thing that I want out of marriage. I don't think that you and I getting married was a good idea. I love you a lot. But you want things and a lifestyle that I can't give you, not anymore. I can't be the loyal husband waiting for you to come back from nights and weekends with other men. That's not what I want."

I was looking at the man that told me he loved me and he was in the process of telling me that our marriage was over.

"I thought that I loved you enough that I could do that, but I've realized that I can't do that anymore. I can't be the other man in your life. Hell, I even went out and found another woman to fill in the hole when you didn't want to be my full-time wife."

There was a pause as Dan looked at me. I was staring at the table and at my hands.

He continued, his voice was real quiet. "What kind of a life is that for either of us. We can't be married part-time to each other. Maybe you're okay with that, but, I'm not, not anymore."

Another pause.

"Lara, I need a wife, a full-time wife."

Another pause.

"You don't want what I want. You don't want just me. Just me isn't enough for you."

Another pause. This time Dan slowly slid the big envelope he had across the table to me. As I looked at it, I realized that our life together was over. I realized right then and there that I was wrong. I'd used Dan for my own fun. I used him to give the adults around me the idea that I was a responsible adult and that I could have a normal family. That was just a show.

"What's in the envelope Dan?"

He looked at me, took a small sip of the beer and answered, "I had a lawyer draft up a Petition for Dissolution of our marriage. It's a divorce request. It splits everything we have down the middle. I know we don't have much."

Another pause.

"Lara, we're young. We get to move on and make decisions about what it is we both want. We both get to start over. You get to do what you want, with whomever you want."

He took another small sip of his beer.

"You need to take this to a lawyer and have them look it over. My lawyer says that since we don't own much, this is fair to both of us. My lawyer's business card is in the envelope. Have your lawyer contact my lawyer. I understand that once we both agree they file the papers with the court and 90 days later it becomes official. We're unmarried."

I nodded my head and kept looking at the envelope as if something was going to leap out at me.

"Is this what you really want Dan?"

"Lara, I can't keep living like this. I can't share you with anyone else. I can't keep seeing you go out the door knowing that you intend to share yourself with other men. This isn't a marriage, it's...an arrangement. One that I won't live in any more. We both deserve more. This lets you do whatever it is you want to do, without having to be concerned about me. And it lets me find what I want."

Dan took another small sip, put the bottle down and stood up. He walked to the door. "I'm sorry Lara, but I can't stay with you like this."

He went out the door, quietly shutting it. I noticed that he barely drank anything from the beer bottle. I sat at the table for over an hour before getting up. I drank what was left in the bottle.

I went to my cellphone and looked at it. I scrolled down my list of contacts and pushed on a particular one. It rang. I heard, "hello."

"Robbie, what are you doing? Want to get-together later?"

********

Dan

Talking to Lara was a hard thing to do. Spending almost two weeks sorting out in my mind what I wanted was a process that made me realize a lot about myself. Yes, I loved Lara. But there are limits to what I'm willing to put up with because I realized that she doesn't love me. Her love is conditional. Her love is split. She takes care of her needs, first and foremost. Her needs are driven by sex. She needs the attention of lots of men and so, my need for a wife is second; for her. Oh, I know, she says that she loves me, but actions speak louder than words, as my father says, and even as she says she loves me, she's thinking about other men. I won't be number two. Not anymore.

Not having children makes the divorce process very easy. I didn't see a need to be angry and vengeful about this. I chalked our marriage up to me being horny and Lara giving me what I thought I wouldn't ever get. Don't get me wrong, when I made love to her it was fantastic. When we did things together it was great. But I realized that the things that Lara did with me were to keep me happy so that she could have her other life. Lara didn't like biking that much, but did it once in a while with me. She would go hiking with me but I knew that the idea of dirt and flies didn't really appeal to her.

I hadn't seen or talked to Sarah in weeks and I figured that she would have moved on to someone else to meet her needs. I wasn't sure if I should call her, and so I didn't.

*******

Three months later.

Lara

I'm looking for a new apartment, smaller than this one. It's bigger than I need and I want to live downtown closer to my work. It'll also be closer to the social part of the city that I like.

Dan took a few more things of his that he wanted, but the bulk of things he left for me. I heard that he moved into a place but I'm not sure exactly where he moved to. His friends are pretty protective of him and won't tell me anything about him. I haven't called any of his family.

The bank where I work is doing a restructure and they told me that I'll be going to work in a new department but in the same building. That might be the change that I need. I've cut back my dating and I I'm seeing only one guy right now. He's nice and he's safe. He found out that I have a reputation and told me that he's not into group sharing and that sort of shit. He said right up front that if I wanted to be with other guys at the same time as him, he would move on now. I promised him that I had reformed, but I know that eventually I'll fail and let my pussy rule my brain.

A girl has to do what a girl has to do.

*******

Sarah

So, it's been a few months since I've seen Dan. I've been busy at work and looking after Matilda, so the time has kind of flown by. I'm a bit hesitant to call him since I don't know what kind of mental headspace, he's in. Does he want to see me, does he have a new relationship or is he taking a break from relationships? I don't know. Maybe I need to do some discreet asking-around.

*******

Dan

I work and I bike and I run and I do it all over again. I've gotten in the best physical condition of my life and I'm spending long hours at work doing the best job that I can. And I'm so lonely, doing it.

Lara hasn't called me or given me any indication that she is willing to change in any way to salvage our marriage. I guess that pretty much confirms what I knew.

I'm hesitant to go out and try to meet a woman. I'm hesitant to put my self out there and be a victim again. I can't let Lara affect how I perceive other women. I mean, Sarah is quite different than Lara. Her whole outlook on life is so much more focused on the things that are important; family, home, career, doing what is the right thing, making the world a bit of a better place.

I should call her and see if she would like to get together this weekend. Maybe I could take her and Matilda on a hike. I'll pack a lunch. That might be nice. The weather is going to be perfect for it.

*******

Sarah

Well, Dan called me this morning. It started out a bit awkward since I hadn't heard from him in over four months. We talked for about a half-hour. He said that he called to ask that if I didn't have any plans for the weekend would Matilda and I like to do a hike and have a picnic lunch, with him.

That was a bit of a surprise. Not the hike part, but that he was inviting Matilda along as well. She's now three years old and as you can imagine a child that size has a lot of energy to start but can tire out quick. No matter, I accepted the invitation. Now I have to dig out my hiking boots and I don't have any idea where they are.

********

Dan

I'm nervous as hell. I picked an easy hike and packed a bunch of food and water for us. I have two hiking poles but not sure that we'll need them. I packed a thin thermo-blanket to use to sit on when we eat. I even cleaned my car. Cripes, kids need car seats, don't they? I'm sure that Sarah has one.

When I pulled up to Sarah's house on Saturday morning about 10 AM, she had a car seat already sitting in the driveway and I could see that she also had a backpack with things, ready to go.

I got out of the car and Sarah greeted me with a hug and quick kiss. She looked fantastic. He hair was a bit shorter and she was dressed like a model out of the Bean catalogue; plaid shirt, shorts and hiking boots. I was getting hard just looking at her. Even though I had met Matilda once before, I introduced myself to her, again. She was twirling around and it didn't take a child psychologist to understand that she was excited to go on an adventure.

I got the child seat hooked up in the back seat and we loaded up the gear in the trunk and off we went. I slowed down my driving a bit as I realized that I had a child in my car; the first time ever. I felt a certain sense of responsibility for the safety of someone else, that's something that I hadn't experienced before. I went the speed limit.

The hike started out great but I soon learned that small girls need to pee a lot, especially when they guzzle down a bottle of Gatorade on the drive to start the hike. Sarah was apologetic but I shrugged and said that 'hey, kids gotta do what they gotta do.'

I soon learned to manage my expectations for how far I'd planned for us to hike and though I'd planned for us to make it to a look-off point and have our food, we didn't quite make it that far before our smallest hiking member ran out of energy. So, we stopped, put out the blanket and had our lunch. I brought my camera and took some photos and helped Matilda take some pictures, as well.

I didn't realize it, until much later, but that day I was being interviewed for a job. A very important job. The interview was a two-part affair and both interviewers would have to agree before I was actually let in on the results of the interview. The interview would actually last for a few months. And the interview would involve a number of challenges and critical tasks.

When we got back to Sarah's house, she invited me to come in and join them for supper. I looked at her and when I didn't answer right away, she said, "if you have something else to do, don't worry. It wasn't going to be five-star cuisine."

I stuttered a bit to say what I was thinking, 'No, I don't have anything I'd rather do. I...uh...thank you! I'd love to have supper with you.'

As we went inside, I took off my hiking boots at the door and Matilda grabbed my hand to pull me inside. She pulled me down the hall to her bedroom to show me her vast toy collection. So, this was different, at least for me. She painstakingly demonstrated just about every toy that she had including all the poses that her Toy Story dolls could make. She pulled the string in Woody's back and he announced 'somebody's poisoned the water hole!' Priceless.

I had dinner with Sarah and Matilda. Eating with a small child who is constantly staring at you can be a bit unnerving. Kind of like being interrogated, only with silence. The steely stare of a three-year-old can shake even the most resolute. The police could use that tactic. They might get more confessions from the guilty.

I was put to work helping make the supper as Matilda sat at the counter colouring. Her ability to keep it between the lines was excellent, considering her age. She asked my opinion from time-to-time regarding whether the balloons should be red or yellow or both. I offered that they should be different colours. It was met with a 'Hmmm' response but I noted that she did indeed use both the red and yellow crayons.

Supper was great. I helped clean up and then was invited to read a story with Matilda on the sofa. I did most of the reading, but every time I missed even one word I was told to go back and read that section again. I was accused of being 'silly,' multiple times. When Matilda was tucked into bed, Sarah and I sat in the living room and had a drink.

"I don't know how you do it. Being a mother and a very busy architect, how do you manage it all?'

Sarah laughed and said, "Some nights I bring work home and I'm used to getting by on not much sleep. Some days it's not easy."

I nodded, "when we started getting together once a month last year, we didn't talk about Matilda. Why is that?'

"I wanted to separate that part of me, from her. I compartmentalize well, I suppose. My needs are separate from my daughter's needs. So, while I don't try to hide her, I don't advertise her. If that makes sense."

"I suppose." I took a drink. "She's a force to be reckoned with. I see you in her, a lot."

Another laugh from Sarah. "She likes you. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been recruited to read with her."

That made me laugh. I was about to ask if it was time for me to leave but didn't have to. Sarah stood up and took my hand and we went to her bedroom. That night was one of the best of my life. She was both loving and incredibly hot. We showered before, during and after sex. The bed was torn apart twice and before we finally got to sleep, we had to fix it a third time. My god, the woman was the best that I had ever had. And that includes Lara.

Sarah is...genuine. A real woman that doesn't hold back her true feelings. At least from what I can tell. Having a small daughter gives her a different perspective. She doesn't have time for the 'game.' For Lara, it's all about the game. The hunt. The seduction. The sweaty sex in a hotel room or her lover of the nights bed. She wasn't happy until she had a new cock in her vagina. Another victory to file away until the next time. For Lara, the need would overwhelm her common sense and she couldn't rest until her desire was met. For her, sex is power, sex is a drug, sex is her life.

But I couldn't be part of her life any more.

*********

Four months later

Sarah

I know that some may think that I was just waiting for Dan's marriage to fall apart and then claim him. You might be right. I knew that Dan was a good man. I knew what he wanted. I knew that he just had to figure it out for himself. I also knew that I couldn't push him too fast or too far. I had to stand back and let things take their natural course. And they did.

Dan's wife was a train wreck in slow motion. She wasn't able to see what she had right in front of her. She couldn't see the wonderful man that was her husband. The man that actually loved her. He loved her enough that he agreed to share her just so that he could have some time with her.

Lara was so fucked in the head that she actually thought that an open-marriage was a viable thing. She thought that she had enough self-control to be able to manage her affairs and not hurt her husband. That's laughable. She didn't really care about her husband; her actions said it all.

When I met Dan and got to know him, I was just divorced and had a daughter in daycare and was working too many hours in order to build a career and make enough money to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I didn't want a relationship with any man that might lead to dating and then commitment and all the normal things that actual relationships entail. No. But I also needed the physical contact that sex brings with it. I'm a healthy young woman and I need a sex life. I need the touch of a man from time-to-time. When I got to know Dan and he confided in me what his marriage was like, I was initially flabbergasted. I mean, what sane man lets his wife fuck around with other men? But when I talked to him, at length, about his relationship, he was emphatic that he wanted to give their life-style a chance. He also said that eventually he was hopeful that Lara would give up her need for other men and they could have a family. He wanted children of his own.

So, we agreed to have a FWB arrangement and once or twice a month we would spend about three hours with each other, in a hotel, and scratch the itch that we both had. Over time, I learned that Dan had a lot of love in him to give and he needed a woman, and a family, to give it to. He was trying to give it to Lara, but she wasn't taking it. Oh, don't get me wrong, they had sex and they made love (they're different) but she was never his. Not in the way that a woman needs to be when you're committed to each other.

Dan was all-in, but not Lara. She held off, thinking about all the great cock that she could get from her many conquests. Dan got the short straw. He got her leftovers.

So, I got to know Dan and very quietly got to know what he wanted and what he was like.

All I had to do was wait for Lara to fuck things up, and I knew she would and she eventually did. I decided that the best thing was to bide my time, give Dan space to recover, let him figure out what he wanted and then take action.

My plan worked just fine. Lara was unable to manage her own addictions and eventually drove Dan away from her. Even love has its limits; at least where marriage is concerned. I figured that the woman was so deluded in her thinking that she honestly thought that Dan would put up with her shit for...forever.

How the hell did she think that it would all play-out over the long haul? It all came to a head for them much sooner that I figured it would.

Dan didn't say much about the night in the hotel where Lara got the shit punched out of her by one of her lovers; I learned that a bit later. In fact, I heard about it quite by accident. Seems that one of the people that I work with knows the guy that beat her up; the dipshit was bragging about it to his buddies. Word got round that he likes to get rough with women. I'm guessing that eventually he's going to run into someone, or her husband, that is not going to take that crap.

So, Lara's stupidity and failure to realize what she had, might just turn out to be my gain. Dan is wonderful man and I know that he wants a stable family. Matilda is growing on him fast and she loves to play with him. Dan is bringing her small toys and presents almost every time he sees her. My house has never had so many flowers on the table as it has since we have been seeing each other.