Dan: His story

My mother and father are recently retired and live in the area. My father was an engineer, and did very well for himself. He also invested what he could early on in the tech sector, and is now reaping the rewards of that. He and my mother bought an RV, a huge monster, and they are travelling North America. I have an older brother, who is a doctor in training (that takes forever) and a younger sister that is wanting to be a lawyer and sue the doctors. She makes that joke whenever she sees our brother. He doesn't laugh. Neither my brother or sister are married, and from what I know, there isn't any serious relationships happening.

I went to school for my undergraduate degree in mechanical engineering at Washington State University; known lovingly as U-Dub. I love figuring out how to make things work, how to design new solutions to difficult problems and do it responsibly. We can't keep polluting the planet and still have a place to live. So, to take it one step further I went back to school, for a Master's Degree in Mechanical Engineering. The university in eastern Canada is one of the best in the world for training professional engineers and so I spent two years there working flat-out to learn from the best. And I did.

My wife is Lara Marie Donaldson. She comes from Seattle. As I said earlier, we met at the University of Washington. She studied business and initially landed a job with a large company in the area that specializes in computers and software. Lara now works for a large national bank in the commercial lending branch of the bank. She makes good money and they even throw annual bonuses at the staff that is about 20% of their annual salary. Her family are in the area. Her mother and father are alive and well and her dad is just retired. He spent his career in the Army as an officer and is very squared-away, no-nonsense type of guy. Her mother is a teacher in an elementary school and she's set to retire at the same time as Lara's dad. They plan to travel as much as they can. Lara has an older sister who lives in California.

Lara is about 5'8" tall and all of 125 pounds. She is a striking blond and beautiful. She could be a Victoria's Secret model if she wanted to be. I guess that's why she attracts so many men. Like moths to a flame. I get an erection just looking at her. And to say that she's mine, well, I won the lottery. But not entirely.

Seems that I'm sharing that lottery prize, a lot more than I want to.

********

Two years later

Dan

My cell phone is chirping. It woke me up. I know that I need to look at it. It's important because it might be Lara. She's spending the night with a...friend. It's just after 6 AM.

We weren't supposed to do that. Spending full nights was against the rules. I'm not sure how we let this creep in to the agreement that we made. I guess that the agreement has been left behind. I'm not happy about that. I keep trying to bring it up but keep getting put off.

I looked at the screen. It was a number that I don't recognize. I thought about not answering since it was likely a spam call from Mumbai telling me that my computer is giving off errors. But then again, with Lara not home I knew that I had to answer just to make sure.

With a groggy voice I answered. "Hello."

There was a crying on the other end and immediately I was on high alert sitting upright in the bed. "Lara! Is that you?"

Her voice was shaky and I could immediately tell that there was a big problem. She was crying and sniffing at the same time, trying to talk. "Dan?"

"Lara, I'm right here. What's wrong Lara?"

"I need you to come get me right away."

"Where are you?"

"I'm at the...Warfield. Downtown."

"I know where it is. What's wrong? What happened?"

"I need you to come get me. I need you to bring me a change of clothes. Come quick please."

I tried to get some details from her but she hung up after she gave me the room number and repeated that she needed something to wear. I packed her sweat pants and shirt along with a bra and some underpants, socks and her running shoes in a sports bag and ran for my car.

We lived in a two-bedroom rental apartment in Kirkland. It wasn't that far from the downtown but when you are in an emergency, it seemed like it was taking forever to get there. Good thing it was early and there wasn't any traffic.

I pulled up in front of the hotel and grabbed the bag and ran inside to the elevator. When I got to the floor she was on, I took the wrong direction to the room and had to backtrack. The seconds that it took to do that seemed like an hour.

I banged on the door and called out my wife's name. I could hear movement on the other side of the door and slowly the door opened. When I stepped in the room, I was shocked by what I saw.

Lara jumped at me and I hugged her very close. She was crying and sobbing and could bravely breathe. There was snot running from her nose and her eyes were red and watery.

It was clear that Lara had been beaten. She had a black eye and a split lip and bruising on her face. She was naked and there were bruises on her arms and legs and when she turned around, I could see that there were welts on her ass and the tops of her legs. Oh-my-god, my wife was a mess.

I was almost speechless. I picked her up and carried her to the bed. The sheets were all on the floor as were the pillows. As I laid her on the bare mattress she winced and was shaking in obvious pain. Lara clung to my neck not wanting to let go.

"I'm here Baby. You're safe now. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore."

My heart was pounding and I could tell that my blood pressure was reaching heart attack levels. I was angry, very angry. But right at that moment I had other priorities. I had to get Lara out of there as quickly as I could and get her to a hospital.

"Sweetie, I need you to get dressed in this." I pulled out the clothing that I brought her and helped her get dressed. I looked around to see where her things were and couldn't find any of her clothing. I did find her leather purse and found her wallet and other things were all there. I called her cell phone to see if it was hidden and I could hear it ringing under the bed. I fished it out of hiding and threw it and her purse in the bag that I brought her workout clothes in.

"Where are your clothes, Lara?"

"Ah...I think he took them with him...I'm not sure."

Lara was still in pain and I carefully helped her to stand up and we got the fuck out of there and in my car. I headed for the nearest Emergency Room but she put her hand on my arm and asked me to take her home instead.

"Jesus Christ! You need to see a Doctor!"

"I will, but right now, just take me home, please."

Reluctantly, I agreed to take her home. When we got inside our apartment she went straight to the bedroom and then the shower. She spent almost an hour there letting the hot water work its magic on her sore muscles and the bruising.

I handed her three extra strength Tylenol and a glass of orange juice to wash them down. She took them both, popped the pills in her mouth, drank the juice, handed me the glass and went back under the hot water. Lara finished up in the shower, put on a set of flannel pyjamas and crawled into bed. I knew that we had some hard discussions in our future, but for now she needed to rest and heal.

She slept for almost twelve hours before appearing in the kitchen. I was sitting at the kitchen counter when I heard her bare feet coming down the hallway. She looked sheepishly at me as I gestured for her to have a seat. Her bum was still very sore so I got a cushion and put it on the stool for her. I made her some vegetable soup and a chicken sandwich. She needed some nourishment.

"How are you feeling?"

"A bit better. The shower and the sleep helped quite a bit."

The look on my face probably gave away everything I was thinking. "You're going to see a doctor, there's no argument about that. I've already called and made an appointment. After you eat, get dressed and I'll drive you."

Lara looked at me with a bit of a frown, telling me that she'd rather ignore the giant elephant in the room than go see the doctor.

"I've already told them that you were sexually assaulted and that you want the full slate of tests done."

She stared at the soup bowl, and even though she didn't argue, I knew that she would rather not go see the doctor at all.

A half-hour later we were in the car and making our way the few blocks to the doctor. I had been blunt with the nurse when I called and told her what exactly had happened and what needed to be done. It was clear to me that Lara had been raped and beaten. My first priority was to get my wife medical care. My second priority was to find out who she was with at the hotel and then I would have a little visit with that person.

The doc came out after she examined Lara and the look on her face spoke volumes. "What the fuck happened to your wife?" She didn't wait for me to answer when she continued, "Because it sure looks to me like she was sexually assaulted! I'm calling in the police, now!"

I nodded my head and exhaled. "Please make that call, she won't let me do it."

It was several hours later after the police had taken statements from Lara and the Doc that we left to go home. The cops looked pissed off when they realized that Lara had started out having consensual sex with the guy in the hotel room and then it turned rough and then it turned violent. I could tell what they were thinking. That we were fucked-up and our marriage was fucked-up. The detective was from the sexual assault investigation unit and had heard lots of bizarre and fucked-up things in her job, so this was just one more incident that she would file away and if Lara's name came across her desk again, she might come back to see her.

Me, I needed to figure out a few things before we went too far. But first we went home.

For the next few days, we didn't say too much to each other. I think that Lara was hoping that she could just forget about the whole thing. She hoped that as the bruises and abrasions healed and went away, so too would the problem. But it wasn't that easy.

After three weeks had gone by, Lara had been back at work for two weeks. I had taken a couple of days off but then it was back to work. The temperature around our apartment was decidedly cold. I knew that I had to talk about the elephant in the room. So, after supper on the Friday, I poured Lara a glass of wine and said to her, "Lara, we need to talk."

The look on her face was pure panic. I sat down at the dining room table and motioned for her to do the same. Kind of formal, you might think, but I wanted it that way. This was not going to be a casual conversation. This conversation was going to be one of those that defines a relationship.

"Lara, I'm afraid, I'm afraid for you. I don't want to see you get hurt, physically, but I'm not sure right now that you are doing those things that you have to do, that you agreed to do, that you were supposed to do, to keep safe, when we agreed to an open-marriage. I'm scared that you're going to get really hurt, or dead. I want you to stop seeing other men."

There was an 'or else' in my mind at the time, but I didn't say it. For me, the 'or else' was that I couldn't stay married to her and watch her destructive behaviour. I was so angry with her that I was shaking. I stood up and was pacing around the room. I had to remember to be calm and sit down, so I did.

"I'm really worried about you. What you did was reckless and stupid. What were you thinking?"

Lara looked at the table and was noticeably squirming. "Dan...I...I thought he was okay. I'd met him before and this was the second time that we hooked-up at the hotel. He was nice, before."

I was getting steamed, "Well, fuck! You violated a whole bunch of the rules that we agreed to when we got married, or have you forgotten about those? Cause it sure looks to me that you have. You didn't tell me all the normal things that you're supposed to communicate. I can't trust you anymore. What the hell am I supposed to think? What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Lara was silent and staring at her wine glass. She took a large drink and exhaled like she had been holding her breath for hours.

I took a small drink and continued with my plan that I thought was needed. "Lara, I'm leaving for a while. I can't take this anymore. I worry about you constantly and I know I'm going to get an ulcer from this...'thing' that we've become."

Her head snapped up and she looked at me with a lost expression. What I had just said to her was something that she didn't expect. She didn't say a word.

********

Lara knew that my love for her was big enough that I would put up with a lot. I mean, I had agreed to let her have sex with others just so I could be near her. I was seeing another woman from time-to-time so I suppose you could say, in all fairness, that we both were equally at fault for the present situation we were in.

When we got married, I thought this was something that would diminish quickly and especially if we had kids. I know that the demands of family over-ride just about everything else and so I was counting on having a family to set us right. We both would be monogamous, with each other. Our wild oats would have been sewn and in the rear-view mirror. We could be a normal family. But it didn't work out quite like that.

Lara had me for security and to pretend that she was...normal. That we were just another average married couple with careers and planning ahead. But we didn't plan ahead.

Lara had ramped up her extra-marital hook-ups, over the last year, from our agreed once a month to every week. Our sex life had steadily dried-up to the point that we were intimate maybe once every two weeks, if that.

As my time with my wife went down, I quietly spent more time at work and with a certain woman that I had gotten to know, fairly well.

I met a woman through the University, her name is Sarah Ann Walker. She is about 30, divorced and has a two-year-old daughter. Sarah is an architect and has worked on a number of projects that I have been involved with during my time, post Master's degree.

Sarah has beautiful chestnut hair and while you wouldn't say that she is stunningly beautiful, she has classical features and poise that strikes you, right off. She's about 5' 10" tall, fit and she moves with a grace that attracted me to her the first time I met her. She's probably the smartest person I know and has a talent for being perceptive with wisdom beyond her years.

Not long after we met, we had to spend about a month working together on a building design for a tech company. They wanted it to be 'green' and so that meant we needed to build-in all the latest LEED standards to ensure that it had the smallest carbon footprint that their budget would allow. I can build pretty much anything and make it carbon-neutral, but that takes money. And many companies want to be able to say that they are environmentally focussed, but keep the budget in mind as you build it.

So, Sarah and I collaborated on the design and worked to meet the customers' needs. That meant spending some long days together. And while we were doing that, we got to know each other. One thing led to another and soon were in a Friends with Benefits relationship.

We both had needs and we talked about ourselves and our families. I offered to have Lara meet her and they could talk to make sure that everything was out in the open. I held nothing back. I know that for some of you reading this you're thinking that this is kind of weird or that I'm a complete sap. But this is who we are, or were.

The psychology of love and attraction is not necessarily completely logical all the time. What attracts one man to a woman may not attract another. Some men like women that are tall, others like women that are shorter. Some men like women that are slim and there are men that like women that are full-figured. Everyone is different. And desires change over time. That's one of the contributing factors behind the nearly 50% divorce rate. If we were all completely satisfied with our partners all the time, there would be no divorce.

I have a good friend, a couple of years older than me, he's about 5'9'' tall and has a slim build, he weighs in at about 150 pounds, soaking wet after supper, and he is madly in love with his wife who is the same height but is one of those full-figured women. She's not fat but has curves in all the right places and is very much a beautiful woman. They are very much in love and have four children. He tells me that when his wife is naked and on her back on the bed with her legs spread, he goes wild and can't get enough of her. He says that being there with his wife in that moment is the closest he will ever get to heaven. He says that he spends hours at a time between her beautiful legs and when he comes up for air, he is the luckiest man alive. He figures that if they keep going the way they are they're going, that they will have six or eight kids before he gets 'fixed.' He makes me laugh with all the stories of his family. I'm envious of him and his good fortune.

So, I was attracted to Sarah and she was attracted to me. Our FWB arrangement was what I needed. It was...stable. Unlike Lara, who enjoyed the hunt for new and different sex partners, I needed stability in my relationships. You're asking right now, 'what the hell are you doing with a wife that wants sex with other men?' And you would be right in asking that question. I've asked myself that same question many, many times. And every time the answer comes back, 'because...'

I think that I'm emotionally stupid where Lara is concerned. I mean, even though we have expressed our love for each other, there is still that part of my wife that isn't able to commit to just me. And that is the part that hurts the most.

This last incident at the hotel in Seattle was a big learning experience for me. Change had to come to our relationship. It was either going to mean that Lara was monogamous with me or that our marriage was done. I knew in the back of my mind that our open-marriage agreement wasn't going to survive. I eventually wanted a family and so the simple fact was that if we were going to have children, we couldn't keep going the way we were.

We had to change. I was going to change. I had to change; I had to survive.

********

So, that Friday night we sat at the dining-room table and we had a very straight-forward discussion. I told Lara that I was leaving her for a few weeks. It wasn't up for discussion. We both needed space to figure out what was important for us and what the road ahead looked like; together or apart.

Lara stared at me with a very pained expression. "Please Dan, don't leave me. I promise that I'll be better at following our agreement."

"Lara, I'm not sure anymore that you remember what our agreement is. You've steadily ignored all of the things that we both agreed were necessary if we were to be married and still allow you and I to see others from time-to-time. But it's gotten way out of hand."

I took a small sip of the beer. "Please don't sit there and tell me it hasn't. I'm not that stupid and gullible. Jesus, you still have the remnants of the bruises on your body and the marks on your ass haven't fully gone away yet.

Lara swallowed a large gulp of her wine and looked at the table. Her lack of reply told me that she agreed, or at least that I was right, even if she didn't agree.

I kept going. "I'm gonna leave for a while. I can't stay here and watch you self-destruct. I won't do that. You have to figure out what the hell it is you want. If you want to stay married to me then we have to make some changes, and we have to do it now. Otherwise, I think we're done."