All Comments on 'Dana - A First'

Well done for a first story; had you not said that I’d never have known. I hope you consider continuing this story.

I really enjoyed the story. Just a little confusing about a son. Never mentioned his age. Only late in the story mention him just briefly and a comment about her have 2 kids.. I really liked the story and would like to see it continued and maybe clear up to question about the son..

A great story would have been better if he had put a baby in her and they had lived a good life together with a little girl for her son

Thanks to you that have provided comments and also feedback. Sparrow69 thanks for the compliment, I decided to try this and with the help of blackrandi1958 she assisted with me developing dialog. My punctuation may not be the best and to be honest I never was a big fan of english or literature in my education, although I did and still do write fairly well in technical dialog. To those anonymous commenters: I appreciate the input, maybe I need to look at how the story flows and interaction. There was one personal e-mail feedback from an anonymous commenter that I'd like to be able to respond directly to but can't. If you see this I'd be willing to let you 'proofread/help edit' if you are willing. I'd love to find a couple of good editors to assist in putting finishing touches on stories. I'd like to continue this effort.

Well written and easy to read. The build up was slow and kept me reading faster by the minute. One of the best. Thanks.

Decent for a first go. The back story/continuity errors were a bit distracting. Some of it felt it a bit repetitious. It was annoying how quickly and how frequently they called each other Baby upon their first romantic kiss. That sort of thing usually takes more time. As a lady, this stood out for me: "I took a washrag and gently washed her from the top of her butt all the way around her front." I immediately winced and thought, "Good way to get a UTI."

Keep writing!

Reply to Anonymous on 9/29... Thank you for the comments and constructive criticism, this was a first for me to write this and enjoyed trying to get it down. I'm sure if I'd had more training in English and writing/Literature it be easier for me. The washrag thing, well not something I really thought about (cause I'm a guy). Maybe a bit more research into some aspects would help. Either way thanks for he comments, hope you read the 2nd part I have done, which I'll post as soon as I finish with my last proofread.