All Comments on 'Dan's Story'

The way things were described, it sounds like Bellemy was in a coma for a number of years. I don't think the Army would put him back on active duty. Same with Dan; two years convalescence leave sounds a bit much. No mention of medical board evaluation to determine fitness for potential return to duty. Decent story but too many things didn't line up for me to accept it fully.

She's been waiting for Dan to get better but jumps dad's dick to pop her cherry?I stopped right there.

I tried to read it and I just couldn’t get interested since I found that it didn’t flow well. I thought that maybe an eight grader attempted to write the the story . I even skipped forwards in hopes of finding more descriptive and eloquent language but I did not find it. All I found was I, I, I, I and raghead.

Great story. Looking forward to reading more

I couldn’t get past page one. Too much military jargon. It was overkill and totally ruined the story. If I wanted to read a long military story I would seek one out. I like long stories. But dude the long military part in page one bored me.

Also you got an editor. How the hell the two of you missed this one? Batchler

It’s bachelor.

Good story! Don know where your Delmonicos but tne one onSY Charles Avenue in New Orleans built in the early 1800,s is still there . coincidence

Thanks guys. I always appreciate constructive criticism. On my next story I'll tto do better.

"Raghead". The story would work fine without the dumb-grunt racist crap.

All the time Dot waiting on him to recover enough,And you give her cherry to her dad.That part needs editing and fix it to where its Dan who takes her cherry.

Fantastic story with incredible flow throughout. Thanks

A great read. Thank you. Even though I was not willing to suspend disbelief. (The tip off was the end from heaven).