Dawn's Mistake

A few days after Dawn settled at Felice's house, Bob and the kids came over after school. The kids were reticent at first. They had an understanding of what had occurred. But Dawn sat in front of them and said, "I made a very bad mistake. I'm very sorry for that. But I want to say that I love you two so very much. I'd like a hug, please."

She got her hugs. It was quite an emotional scene. Felice and Dawn were shedding tears, as was Ellen. Darin didn't cry, but he did give his mother a long hug. Bob stood apart from the scene, arms folded across his chest. He sat in a chair across the room, as Dawn spoke to her children about what they had been doing in her absence. Felice was sitting nearby, glancing from Dawn and the kids to Bob.

Felice was worried. She had heard from garden club members that Frank had been seriously injured in a mugging near his house. Felice asked for details, but no one had any firm information. It was said that Frank had suffered a serious injury, but not life threatening. He was hospitalized. Felice had heard about this over the weekend. Now, on Monday, she was going ahead with the pre-arranged family meeting. However, she did have concerns about Bob and his possible reaction. She had deep concerns about Bob's possible....response regarding Frank. In truth, Felice had known Bob a long time, and she assumed that he was responsible for Frank's injuries, one way or another. But she kept those thoughts to herself. She hadn't told Dawn about Frank's misfortune.

Now, Bob was sitting impassively on the other side of the room, as the rest of his family had an emotional reconciliation. Felice felt that it would be a long time before Bob was able to do the same with Dawn. And...she understood that. She had ended her own marriage because of infidelity. Stone cold ended it. No forgiveness. Sometimes she regretted that. But she saw in Bob, the same reaction.

When Felice saw the emotional reunion winding down, she hopped up and said, "C'mon, kids, let's get some cake in the kitchen. The two leapt up and followed her.

Bob looked at Dawn, and she at him. The tableau lasted a long time before Bob said, "Why?"

Tears were again streaming down Dawn's face. She said, "I don't know, Bob. I'm so sorry. So very sorry. I've ruined everything." She began hyperventilating.

Bob didn't move. He said, softly, "That's probably true. But, we have children who....need us."

"Bob, I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that I will never.....I mean...oh!" She collapsed into herself. She realized, in the midst of her declaration, that she couldn't make such a promise, having broken her vows so recently. She hadn't eaten that day. If she had, she'd have lost all of it right then.

Bob said. "You need to see someone, Dawn. I need you to see someone. I don't believe that you can cope by yourself. And I don't think I can help right now."

"I will. Oh, Bob, I will. I can promise that."

Bob said, "That's enough for now. I'll get the kids. Do you want cake?"

She shook her head.

Dawn stayed at Felice's house for a week. During that week she had her first session with Verna Dickens, a therapist and psychologist. She also was able to pick up her children and be with them after school. When Bob came home from work, she would say hello, then leave. She had cooked dinner each night. To Bob, she seemed the same wife he had come to know, except a little tentative. Bob agreed that she should return. But he was hardly convinced that she would be faithful. Also, she was still waiting for final results of her STD tests. So, Bob slept in his home office, and Dawn had their bed.

She continued her sessions with Verna Dickens. Dr. Dickens focused upon childhood and conditions in the house. Dawn was noticeably nervous and leery about that. But, of course, that was where the doctor wanted to probe. She had given Dawn a personality test, and found that she was repressed and rigid. That was wildly at odds with the incident that had caused her catatonia.

Dawn had grown up as an only child. Her mother worked as a secretary, part time, and her dad was a librarian for the local government. Dawn felt that her mother was the...the....boss. She choked that out on her third session, and Verna went after that, largely because Dawn was so reluctant to say it.

"Why? Why do you say she was the boss?"

"My dad wasn't a forceful man. Mostly Mom told him what to do." Dawn was quiet when she said that.

"Who all lived at your house?"

"My mom and dad, me. Well, sometimes Uncle Frank slept over."

"Who's Uncle Frank?"

"He was a neighbor. He wasn't my blood uncle. Just a neighbor."

"If he was a neighbor, why did he sleep over?

Dawn started to cry.

"He....he was. I mean, I saw him once with my mom."

"Tell me."

I was, maybe eight. I used to watch TV from the stairs, so no one could see me. One night when I peeked around, I saw them."

"What did you see?"

"Mom and Uncle Frank were on the couch. They were naked, and she was on top of him. I could see....everything. They were having sex. My dad was at work. He worked nights."

"How many times did you see them, Dawn?"

"Oh, Verna. Oh, I don't know."

"More than once, though?"

"Yes. They did it a lot, on the divan."

"And you liked to see it."

"No! Yes. No. It was....interesting."

"More than interesting, Dawn."

"Maybe." She was slowly crying. He face was flushed.

"What happened to Uncle Frank?"

"He...one day my dad came home early. Mom and Frank were doing it on the divan. Dad was angry. He yelled at them. He pushed Frank, after Frank got off of Mom. But Frank hit him, and knocked him down. Then Frank pushed him around and made him apologize for interrupting them. My dad was so weak."

"And Frank was strong."

"Oh, yes. After that, Frank began to sleep over. No one spoke about it. But Frank and my mom and dad slept in the same bedroom, most nights. I.....I asked Mom about it once. She said that Frank was her very good friend."

"Did you ask your dad about this?"

"Once. He said that Frank was very strong and forceful."

"How long did this go on?"

"It's still....I mean, my mom and Frank live together. My dad died a few years back. Frank never moved out, after he beat up my dad."

Dawn was sobbing, silently. Her words were spoken as if forced from her mouth by some alien, internal being.

Dr. Dickens stopped then, and gave Dawn a mild sedative to take when she got home.

Dawn did take it. She told her children that she'd had a rough day, and that they should have their dad order pizza. She slept for thirteen hours, from four pm to five am. Then she got up and made breakfast, got the children ready and helped Bob find his red tie. She felt refreshed, but under that, she had a deep feeling of unease.

Dawn called Dr. Dickens office and cancelled her next session. But a few minutes later Dr. Dickens called her and said, "Dawn, I understand that you're not comfortable with the sessions. But you need them. And feeling bad...that's also a part of it. You need to come in tomorrow."

Dawn argued a bit, but she knew that Verna was right. So, the next day, there she was, on time for her ten am appointment.

Dr. Dickens asked, "Why did you want to cancel?"

Dawn said, "I'm not sure. I was afraid to come."

"So, you remembered some more, right?"

"Yes." Tears were streaming down her face.

"When did it start?"

"I was fourteen."

"How often?"

"Once or twice a month."

"When did it stop?"

"My mom sent me to live with her sister Darla when I was sixteen. I finished high school. I never went back to my parents' house. Frank was the boss there."

"Why do you think your mom sent you away?"

"She was jealous. She was jealous of me." Although she was crying, Dawn also seemed defiant when she spoke.

"What did your dad say about all this."

"My dad was weak. He couldn't stand up to Frank. Frank was so strong."

"You understand, Dawn, that none of that was your fault. None of it."

"Yes, it was. It was!"

"I know what you're thinking, Dawn. It was your fault because you liked it."

Dawn jerked around. She started to get up. Then she sagged back into her seat.

Dr. Dickens said, "None of it was your fault. Not even that."

Dawn sat silently for some time. Then she looked up. "I know that, but I don't feel that."

"How long has it been since you let yourself think about any of that?"

"A long time. I shut it out of my life. I only talk to my mom on the phone, holidays."

"Dawn, you've led a fairly normal life, since you walled that off. But, you see, it's not possible to keep it in. Things happen. The recent incident with Garden Club Frank....you know what happened, right?"

"I hate him. He's the devil. The devil himself."

"Who? Who's the devil?"

"Frank.....Frank....my mom's Frank. Both Franks....both!"

Dr. Dickens called her nurse assistant in, and Dawn was allowed to rest before she went home. After an hour she had calmed down. She got another pill. And when she got home, she again slept over twelve hours.

Bob was curious about what his wife was obviously going through in her therapy. He called Dr. Dickens. He asked, "Doctor, what's up with Dawn? She's completely wrung out after she sees you."

"Yes. The sessions have been difficult for her. But very productive, I think. Necessary. Your wife is a very strong person, but some damage has been done. Not your fault at all. Perhaps in a short while, we can have a joint session."

Dawn went to two more sessions with Dr. Dickens before they set a joint session. Those two sessions were not as taxing as the ones that preceded them. A lot came out, and was discussed, more calmly. Dawn began to integrate her childhood and teen home experience with her life now.

Dr. Dickens prepared for the joint session by writing a report on the material that the one on one session had exposed. The report also opined that Dawn was likely to be able to resume ordinary life.

She gave Bob the report to read, when the joint session began. And she carefully watched Bob's reaction. She saw him stiffen as he read, and then she saw a few tears from him. But those tears dried up, and there was a short moment of obvious anger. Then Bob shut down, and looked up.

He said, "I understand." He turned to Dawn. "I forgive you, Dawn. I never knew this stuff."

Dawn went to him, and they had a long hug. They were both crying. Dr. Dickens was crying, too. She wasn't supposed to do that.

Finally, Dr. Dickens said, "Bob, that was nice. But I'm sure you had a lot of anger at Dawn. That will take some time to go away. Please be aware of that. And Dawn will also feel guilt. This revelation isn't a magic elixir. Real hard work has to be done. Forgiving is not easy."

That work proceeded with individual and joint sessions. At one point, Dr. Dickens inquired about Garden Club Frank. That was in a joint session. Bob said, "I heard he was injured in a robbery. A serious injury. I didn't hear much more than that."

Both women looked at him. For a long time.

He raised his hands in denial. "I had nothing to do with that."

Dawn believed him. Dr. Dickens was a trained professional, and a good one.

Marital relations gradually resumed between Dawn and Bob. The family situation smoothed out. The sessions with Dr. Dickens gradually slowed, until they ended.

Afterword:

About six months after the therapy ended, Franklin Schmidt, Dawn's mother's live in paramour, was shot and killed in a mugging in a downtown Baltimore alley. No one has been arrested in the slaying.

Frank Byers never recovered use of his legs. Nor of his sexual function.

Dr. Dickens heard about Schmidt's fatal mugging a few weeks later. Dawn sent her an email. The doctor thought carefully about the question of whether her therapy with Dawn and Bob had been successful, after all.

She decided that it had been.

The end.