A Death in Smoking Paradise

"Right Alice and Ryan how, is the report going?"

"Err, yes, Ma'am we are still working on it now!" Alice smiled nervously and surreptitiously clicked the mouse to change the screen.

"Great, you two can probably have a break from that, can you two go for a quick bite to eat for lunch and then afterwards find everyone and take them up to the beach?"

Ryan looked at the clock on the wall. "We could just head up to the beach now, as its Saturday, they do serve rather nice hotdogs up at the shack!" Ryan suggested before dragging on his cigarette.

"Oh, that would be nice, I can then I can have a bit of time for my swim before lunch?" Alice asked as she gently coughed as she flicked her cigarette above the mountain of chainsmoked butts the two of them had smoked this morning, and dragged again.

"I am not sure we will have time for the swimming Alice?"

"Oh, are you sure?"

Davina rolled her eyes "Okay, we shall see."

"Thanks Ma'am." Alice grinned and placed her cigarette back between her lips.

"Right, where were we? Okay, yes if this afternoon you two can get those on the board," Davina pointed at it, "all together up at the beach, in a quiet corner if possible just for a quick chat, I will just need to stay here in the police station and talk in private to the mainland regarding my return home."

"Shall I come back and get you? It's a long walk to the beach?" Ryan asked.

"I assume there is water in the fridge?" Davina asked.

"I assume so?"

"Great I will walk up."

Alice looked at Ryan, "We are going to take the buggy aren't we?" she tentatively asked mid exhaled as she manicured her cigarette.

"Yes!" Grinned Ryan and Alice looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders "Ma'am do you want Marion, Martin and Tanya?" Alice asked.

"Err, don't think we need Marion, as I don't think she has stretched too far beyond her bottle of gin!" Davina stated. "But if she wants to come to, you can bring her, I just need the others there thank you, and I would appreciate it. Thanks"

"Oh, okay!" Alice smiled and looked at Ryan who nodded back.

"Out of interest have you solved who killed Chardonnay?" Ryan asked.

"Yes officers, I think I have!" She nodded and grinned.

"Oh wow!" Alice replied.

Saturday Mid-Afternoon

"Thank you again for agreeing to this darling, lunch was again amazing on here yet again!" Carrie-Ann grinned and rolled over and flicked her cigarette on the ashtray on the table beside her removing some of the ash with most disappearing off with the breeze of the boat moving through the water, before placing her head back on the cushion and returning the filter to her lips, her cheeks collapsed as she dragged as she lay sunning herself completely naked, with the exception of her flip-flops hanging off her feet as they both were lying out on the sun loungers on the rear deck of the MV Philip Morris.

"We are on our way, and we can now truly enjoy it!"

"Yes, we can and I definitely am." She said before replacing the cigarette between her lips and taking another deep drag.

"It's not long until food, bed and then we arrive on the island." Mike grinned.

"Darling, please don't rush this, I am still full of lunch, and we have to enjoy the here and now." Carrie-Ann squished her chin into her chest as starred at Mike through her dark sunglasses as he sipped his beer.

"Sorry." He replied and settled back on the lounger and pulled his own cigarette out of one of the three packs beside them.

"It's okay darling," she grinned, "but look over there." She whispered as she pointed her cigarette in the direction of completely tattoo cover body Carmen who was in the far corner of the sun deck fast asleep lying out on her back on the lounger with her fluorescent green string bikini loosely sitting on top of the gravity defying firm breasts. "I told you last night they would be fake!" She smiled again and took a long deep chest rising drag on her cigarette.

"Yeah, and her vag is a little hungry!" Mike laughed to himself as Carrie-Ann starred daggers at him.

***

"Mart, are you sure that you haven't seen Dexter anywhere?" Hannah asked as they floated on their backs side by side slowly rising up and down as the small waves that rolled in against the white sandy beach.

"He might not be up here; but you really have got to stop looking for him." Martha stated as she treaded water and ran her hands through her wet hair.

"But I want to see him!"

"I've seen Tanya and her tourists on the beach, I am sure he won't be too far behind, especially as everyone seems to be up here in the far corner, Martin, Tanya, Katya and the police officers."

"I don't want Tanya; I want to see Dexter!"

"Please change the record Han, but come on you, shall we go back in and have another drink, he might be up at the bar?"

"Oh, yes, it's been like ten minutes since my last ciggy another one would be really quite nice,"

Martha smiled at her sister, "Hannah that's impressive you are finally getting addicted like the rest of us?"

"Maybe, I do think that is because this week during the evenings I have been out with Tanya and then throughout the days Dexter has spent them almost religiously feeding me cigarettes every fifteen or so minutes."

Martha moved stray wet hairs off her face, "Has he now, and you enjoyed that?" she grinned and gently kicked her feet and glided slightly away from her sister toward the shore.

"Why, what's wrong with that?" Hannah asked and vigorously kicked her legs creating splash as she tried to keep up.

Martha looked across at her sister, shook her head, and spat out the water she had swallowed from Hannah kicking her legs "On this island unquestionably nothing, come on let's get in for that drink, my bladders now empty. We will soon need to come back out for another swim sooner rather than later." She stated.

"Yeah, me too" she giggled "but Mart, what's wrong with me enjoying Dexter feeding me cigarettes?"

"Han, nothing," she started and paddled her hands a little and swam a little closer "are you old enough to understand that you now fully enjoying the full pleasure of cigarettes or this week I think that you have become a little more the addicted to idea of a naked Dexter lighting them for you?" She grinned.

"Eh?" Hannah stopped and thought about it as Martha rolled on to her front and slowly front crawled and glided towards the beach gently kicking her feet as she went.

***

Davina stood in front of makeshift arena; the beach chairs were set out in a semi-circular curve. Martin sitting there with Tanya on his left and Katya on his right they were all sitting under their own parasol, an ashtray and pack of cigarettes within easy reach balanced on the chairs arms, Alice and Ryan stood flanked either side of Davina as the three of them opposite.

"Thank you for joining me up here, there is far more space available than trying to do this in the cubical that is the police station, and don't get me wrong, its far easier if there is bar nearby as it is so bloody hot and uncomfortable on this island!" Davina grinned and turned and picked up and then gulped a can of diet coke. "I have invited you all up as I think you would all be interested to find out who killed Chardonnay?" She asked.

Martin nodded, "Well is obvious is none of us we wouldn't have a reason to kill her?" he replied looking around as he shuffled up in the plastic chair and flicked his cigarette twice above his ashtray and took a short drag tilting his head almost intimidating Davina as he exhaled.

"If that was the case Martin, we all wouldn't be here, would we?" Davina reposted, as Martin shrugged his shoulders. "So where are we, we have Chardonnay dead on a remote island that no one saw her during the weekend. Isn't that, right? Up until the point that Tanya found her half dressed in the cemetery?"

"Yes, I did!" Tanya replied, "It wasn't very nice."

"Well, shall I explain what has happened?" Davina coughed to clear her throat and then gulped some more of her coke and shuffled to the left slightly as the smoke from the three burning cigarettes in front of her drifted towards her on the wind.

"Ja, that would be good!" Katya replied as she looked nervously across at Martin and too a gulp from her bottle of beer as Tanya looked at the both of them.

"Right okay so this all starts with you Martin, doesn't it, as with everything on this island?"

"Me?"

"Yes Martin! This involves your affair with Katya." Davina stated.

"I told you quite clearly that there wasn't affair." Martin defended himself.

"What?" Katya said as she turned her head and her eyes looked daggers in Martin's direction.

"Dad!" Tanya whined and looked equally fiercely in his direction.

"Katya there was no affair!" Martin said holding his hands up defensively looking across at her as she starred at him in disbelief.

"Bullshit Martin there was certainly somebody like you between my thighs on Trudy every week!" Katya replied tilting her head indignantly and dragging on her cigarette.

"Dad!" Tanya cussed as Martin shook his head.

"Right, anyway before you all have a domestic, we need to move on." Davina stated trying to take back control. "Anyway, I assume that Katya had told Chardonnay about the secret cabin on Trudy and what she was doing with Martin?"

"Ja, I may have done?" Katya shrugged her shoulders and nonchalantly dragged on her cigarette stubbing it out as she exhaled on the breeze.

"Excellent, now this is where I turn to you Ryan." Davina stated as she turned on her heels in the sand to look at her colleague in his blue shorts and shirt.

"Pardon?" Ryan responded.

"What?" Alice asked before taking a drag on her own cigarette.

"You are the only person on the island on Sunday or Monday without an alibi or a reason to be there."

"Sorry Ma'am you know the reason I was on the island."

"Yes, I do, I believe it was to see Chardonnay."

"I...err..." Ryan stuttered "I... didn't...I haven't been seeing Chardonnay?"

Davina smiled, "I know you haven't been 'seeing' Chardonnay you have been 'seeing' Alice." She said using her fingers to highlight the inverted commas. Alice glared at Davina and then tilted her head and looked inquisitively across at both of them.

"Err..." Ryan looked at Martin and then to Alice "maybe." He grinned lovingly at Alice as she scowled at him and flicked her cigarette before taking a deep drag.

"But as we all know Chardonnay was pregnant, I don't believe she knew who the father actually was, and for her there were two possible options available to her. It was possible that she thought it may have been Ryan's?"

"But it couldn't have been me!" Ryan defended himself.

"Yes, but Chardonnay didn't know. She wanted to talk to you, didn't she?"

"Err."

"She was going to have to obviously leave the island in the coming weeks as her bump developed. She had told Katya she was going to have to quit working for SPIL."

"Ja, at work, but she told me only because she missed her family." Katya replied.

"So, you didn't enquire further?" Davina followed up.

"Nein, no reason to, we all miss out families stuck out here on this god forsaken lonely island. You have to make fun where you can, don't you Martin!" Katya shrugged her shoulders and pulled another cigarette out of the pack beside her.

"I have spent the morning looking at the timelines." Davina continued "I think Martin and Katya saw each other on Sunday morning for their non-affair, whereas Ryan and Chardonnay were both on the island at the on Sunday afternoon, as I don't think the two couples saw each other. Otherwise, Martin would have seen Chardonnay on the grave site; we have seen the pictures he took for insurance purposes on the way to the cabin with Katya, I assume out of sight?" She asked.

"She wasn't there." Martin cried out.

"Martin, yes I was!" Katya shrieked.

"Dad!" exclaimed Tanya and then coughed after shouting and quickly drew on her cigarette and shuffled in the plastic chair to get comfortable.

"Anyway" Davina turned back to Ryan and wiped her forehead with a cloth "I believe you and Chardonnay had an argument or disagreement regarding returning to the mainland, did she want you to go too?"

Ryan put his hands in the air defensively "No, nothing like that happened at all."

"So, what did happen, Ryan?"

"Ryan!" screamed Alice before having a coughing fit and having to turn away.

"She admitted she was pregnant to me, yes, and she thought it could be mine. But Ma'am I told her that we hadn't, you know, for several months, there was absolutely no chance it was mine."

"Why didn't you tell us earlier?"

"Because I didn't know if it was true."

"So, what did she say to idea it wasn't yours?"

Ryan smiled shuffled from foot to foot, "She tried to persuade me that it could be mine, and that maybe we could have a life together on the mainland with a child."

"Really?" Alice asked turning and looking and intently staring at her work partner.

"She said that there was not any doubt it was mine, and maybe that if I didn't claim it as mine, I should give her money to look after it as if it was mine."

"She was trying to blackmail you darling, wasn't she?" Alice interjected and took a step further, concern etched on her face.

"Did you arrange anything?" Davina continued.

"Of course, I didn't!" Ryan stated "I am not a fool! It really couldn't have been my child!"

***

Hannah and Martha slurped the cocktail and then settled down on their drying out towels on the sun lounger.

Hannah giggled and pointed out to sea "Look Mart there is someone canoeing on to the beach!"

"The only person we know that has a kayak is Katya." Martha said as she twisted her head around and looked up the beach, "and she is over there with the police."

"Oooh, I wonder who it is?" Hannah asked as she opened the pack and extracted another cigarette, before handing the pack to her sister and then squinting as she stared against the sun out to sea as the vessel slowly glided towards the beach.

Martha smiled and cocked her head to the side and got her cigarette alight before passing the lighter to Hannah. "I think you know rather well who this is!" she said with her exhale being caught on the breeze and taken up the beach.

"Who?" Hannah asked straining to see the silhouetted figure making their way towards the beach; she was so engrossed watching she ignored the unlit cigarette between her fingers.

Martha snorted, "I think its Dexter isn't it?" she stated and manicured her cigarette on the edge of the arm of the lounger.

"Oh, yes of course, I knew he would come and find me!" Hannah grinned and then looked at the cigarette between her fingers and then looked down again and grabbed the lighter beside between her thighs and with the cigarette filter between her lips she swiftly lit it.

"Are you going to wait for him to come and get you?" Martha asked holding her cigarette in front of her mouth before taking a drag.

"Err, I really ought to go and talk to him!" Hannah stated as she slowly shuffled down her lounger.

"Are you sure?" Martha asked.

"Err no." Hannah smiled and then shuffled back on to her seat and took another drag of her cigarette and watched as the bow of the canoe slowly crunched on to the sand and Dexter hopped out and bent down and pulled the canoe further up the beach out the way of the minimal tide, he lent in and picked up a bottle of water and took a good couple of gulps, he patted his shorts pockets and nodded to himself and then pulled them up a bit and then rearranged his mop of blonde hair attempting to make it presentable and confidently made his way up the beach.

"I wonder what he is doing." Martha asked.

"Me too!" Hannah giggled nervously.

***

"Thank you, officer," Davina replied courteously and briefly looked down the beach and smiled before returning to face the group. "So, we have had Martin and Katya having fun on the island on Sunday morning, and all but confirmed Ryan and Chardonnay out on the island on Sunday afternoon. But I don't think Chardonnay was killed until Monday morning was, she...ahh hello Dexter, glad you could make it!" Davina stated as he came and stood alongside her, and he quickly rearranged and straightened his mop of hair again and then dug into his shorts pocket as Davina briskly walked over and with an apologetic smile extracted a cigarette from Martins pack on the table.

"I think this is what you were looking for ma'am" Dexter said as handed something small to Davina as she returned to the spot she was standing.

"Yes, thank you Dexter, I assume you found this near the grave?" she confirmed as she opened the gold lighter and produced the flame with her hand sheltered the cigarette with her hands and with a couple of drags got it lit.

"Yes ma'am, just where you said it would be." he nodded and then stepped to the side.

Davina smiled and turned on her heels in the sand, "Alice? This is yours I believe?" she asked holding up the old, battered gold plated lighter as the exhale drifted off in the breeze.

"Hon?" It was Ryan's turn to look concerned across the group at Alice as she looked, and noddle and her shoulders slumped as she took a drag on her cigarette.

"Yes Ryan, both you and Alice had access to the public CCTV, as such whilst also laughing and watching drunk inhabitants stumble and trip themselves around the island, she knew that you were seeing Chardonnay, but I got the impression she wanted you all for herself, didn't you Alice?" She pointed the cigarette accusingly in her direction and then flicked her ash.

"Err, maybe, but I didn't try to kill her, I just wanted to talk to her." Alice grovelled.

"Yes, Alice I probably agree, I think it was probably an accident, but I think you both agreed to meet up on the Monday morning in the quiet of Trudy? You borrowed the boat early in the morning when Martin and family were asleep, and you both went out there."

"Err," Alice's bottom lip quivered, and tears appeared in the corner of her eyes she pulled a cigarette out of her pack clutched in her hand and chain lit it with two powerful drags, dropping her spent butt on the floor. "Err, maybe." She stated quietly with her exhale.

"I think you wanted to keep her away from what you saw as your boyfriend Ryan, you didn't want her being anywhere near him now that you two were finally together."

"We are not together!" Ryan almost begged.

"Not officially, I understand that Ryan, but looking at the one kept bedroom, I assume you were sharing Alice's bed?"

Ryan looked at Alice sighed and then reluctantly and solemnly nodded at Davina.

"Now, looking at the crime scene, I think Alice and Chardonnay had an argument over Ryan, didn't you?" Davina asked Alice as she stood, head down dragging on her cigarette. "Did you both have a pushing and shoving moment, but you accidently pushed Chardonnay back on the grave, I am guessing she tripped on the various sticks or stones on the ground and fell back cracked her head on the gravestone and fell into the position we found her?"

Alice looked up and with her face red and blotchy now covered in tears as she sniffed and nodded.

"You then using your police knowledge dressed the crime scene to look like a suicide after sex? The bottle of vodka and couple of spare packs of cigarettes from Martin and Katya's little den, Ryan's sleeping tablets you brought with you to find near the body, you pulled down her matching pink thong and hid it under your bed to make it look like she had sex on the island that day with Martin?"

Alice shook her head and then nodded. "I'm...so...sorry!" she wailed, and the waterworks started, and the floods of tears poured down her face.

"You?" Ryan asked as he started crying too, he sniffed, "I've now lost both of you."

Alice nodded as Davina turned to Ryan.