Deep Thoughts with a Demisexual

##Katherine

Tristan and I had several dates since our first. I had learned that we couldn't be somewhere private. I wanted my hands on him and he wanted his hands on me too much. We had even ended up kissing outside a bar in an alley once, his tongue taking my breath from me in the chilly evening air. He told me about his voice dysphoria he got when listening to the videos he made teaching people how to use graphic programs over Korean food. I told him about Dio over breakfast the next weekend, how challenging it was to raise them single. We talked about art constantly, from programs to techniques to social media. We went on a hike together and hashed out marketing methods for independent artists. Every time we met, I grew every more attracted to him. I never got to see him enough, having to balance time with my partners and kiddo too.

When I saw Cyprus finally, their finals for nursing done, I couldn't help but gush about Tristan. Cyprus reveled in compersion, face alight as I told them about Tristan's work and hobbies. They excitedly suggested a group hike. I spent the night holding Cyprus in my bed, missing them with every fiber of my being. I felt bad for damn near demanding they stay the night with me. The last time I saw them was a couple months ago and my brain was screaming at me about relationship maintenance. My brain was having the same problem with Marie but she was still weeks away from her deadline and barely sleeping. Dio wanted to come stay with me over summer break which would be a little stressful. I was used to having the house clean and quiet. With Dio living with me again, my house would be neither. I loved my child but they were genetically akin to a tornado. My OCD ass couldn't handle it, picking their socks off of my kitchen floor and having an empty fridge constantly. I would probably cave anyway, my kid getting anything they wanted out of me.

Tristan invited me over to meet Millie, the cute enby he worked with Saturday evening. I drove over and found the two having tea like a bunch of proper English folks. Millie was a young person, a fluff of blond on their head above a face of freckles. They were so cute I immediately wanted to pinch their cheeks but resisted. Millie wore a oversized sweater and jeans, both stylish and casual. They smiled big at me with a bunch of model white teeth as they introduced themselves, "I'm Millie. I'm so excited to meet you! Tristan has told me so much about you."

Their personality reminded me of a small terrier, full of nervous energy all the time. I found it endearing but I acknowledged that I would have a time limit around this person as an introvert. I stuck out my hand, tattooed fingers encrusted in my ancient silver rings "Katherine. He's told me about you as well."

They clapped excitedly. "You don't look anything like I imagined you. I can't believe you are almost 40."

Oh goddess I was. Did this make me a cougar? Tristan and Cyprus were younger than me. I gave them a small smile, "Thanks. Age is really a mindset. I don't quite feel that old except for when my osteoarthritis flairs up." I chuckled.

Millie chuckled with me. "Tristan said you were even poly?"

I nodded. "Yes. I have two partners. Cyprus is non-binary, like you actually."

Millie's baby blue eyes lit up. They grabbed my hand which made my lip twitch reflexively. They were just excited, I reminded myself. "I would love to meet Cyprus! I only know one other Enby so I would love to meet more." They bubbled as they spoke.

I gently withdrew my hand from theirs. I knew Cyprus would love to meet Millie too, they loved helping younger Enbys navigate social situations related to their gender expression. I smiled, "I know Cyprus would love to meet you too."

Tristan interrupted us with a soft knowing smile on his face, "Want some tea, Katherine?"

I politely declined, "I have to stick to water. I've been struggling with balancing liquids lately."

Tristan quickly jumped on my request, "I'll get you some."

He wandered to the kitchen. I couldn't help admiring the way his pale jeans hugged his ass as he turned away from me. Millie didn't catch my leer and drug me to Tristan's worn paisley couch. The couch was straddled by two large ferns Tristan adorned with affection when he spoke about them. The left one was even bigger than the last time I was over. The coffee table was covered in small plates, teacups and a delicate tea pot. There were scones on the large plate, speckled in red fruit baked into their crumbly insides. I sat on the chair opposite the couch, not wanting a bunch of inadvertent touching.

Millie gushed to me, "I love your sweater. Did you get it at REI?"

I watched Tristan approach with a glass of water, his white shirt revealing the binder underneath. I wondered if he was self-conscious about the binder showing. Most of the time, he wore his shirts to hide it. I answered Millie's question, "Yes. I use it at work when I have to walk to the lab from the office. It's not so good for hiking actually. It doesn't breath much."

Tristan handed me the glass and I was immediately enamored by his closeness. I wanted to touch him, like usual. It felt awkward with Millie over.

I asked Tristan off handedly, not purposefully trying to redirect Millie's conversation, "Your ferns look great, Tristan."

Tristan smiled. "Thanks. I've been giving them plant food."

Millie commented, "Tristan is such a plant dad."

That was adorable. It was also true. Tristan's front room was dominated by potted plants, two ferns, a few palms and several succulents. He even had a hanging ivy dominating the wall behind the couch. He cared for them meticulously, watering them religiously and keeping the windows open for them.

Millie continued as Tristan sat down next to them, "I love the Philodendron." They pointed to the plant on the table next to me on the chair. It's wide green leaves had natural holes in the leaves.

I looked at Tristan, "Have you thought about Orchids? I heard they are good house plants and pretty low maintenance?"

His expression twisted thoughtfully. Millie added, "Orchids are so pretty too."

Tristan spoke, "I wonder if they would do well in the bedroom? I would like them on my work desk."

I realized I hadn't seen his studio yet. My curiosity killed me but I resisted with Millie here. I didn't know if he would be comfortable showing them.

We talked about Tristan's plants. They polished off the tea as we talked about Barb and how she had been better about the pronouns lately. It made me happy that the pair didn't have to fight with validation as much anymore at work.

Millie had to leave, standing, " I got to get going. The last ferry is at 8."

I didn't realize it was that late. I looked at my phone. It was almost 7 at night. I stood to say goodbye too. Tristan put his hand on my shoulder lightly, just to stop me from leaving. His face was blushed as he said, "I was hoping you would stay a little longer, Katherine."

I gave him a quick nod. I turned to Millie, "It's a shame you can't join us. We could watch a documentary or bust out some cards."

Millie smiled big, "Maybe next time. I wish Tristan lived in Seattle. I wouldn't have to fight with the ferry schedule to see him then."

Their statement and Tristan's comfort made me wonder if they were friends or lovers. He hadn't mentioned another physical partner. Not that it's any of my business, really, besides consideration for protection. I was a little excited if they had grown close that way.

"It was a pleasure to meet you Millie. I hope you have a safe trip home." I stated as Millie grabbed their bag and slung their phone in it.

Tristan asserted, "You'll text me when you get home?"

Millie nodded to him, "Of course, silly. Nice to meet you Katherine. You two have fun." They bounced out the door, giving Tristan a wicked smile that made my eyebrow raise. Tristan's face was a little red again. What was this all about? Did I miss something?

I was still curious about the little exchange between the pair and the nature of their relationship when I helped Tristan put the dishes in the sink.

Standing next to me at the sink, Tristan asked, "You hungry at all?"

I shook my head. I had dinner right before I came over. "I'm good. Feel free to eat without me if you are."

He put together a sandwich while I stood next to him in the kitchen. Eventually, my curiosity led me to ask, "Did you have something particular in mind when you asked me to stay?"

His ears turned red. His voice was anxious as he said, "I mostly just wanted more time with you."

Mostly. My brain clung to that word. He seemed to find some deference for his embarrassment, "I said I would show you my studio."

I smiled at him like a child at Christmas. Indeed he did.

He stuffed the sandwich in his mouth as he led me to his bedroom and studio. His bed was made which I thought was unusual but Tristan was pretty cleanly. His room was uncluttered and simple. There was a nightstand next to his bed with a simple lamp. The desk immediately caught my attention. He had a fancy office chair before a giant desk. His Mac sat next to a mounted microphone and camera setup for his recordings. His Mac was huge and it sat next to huge Wacom. Both were far more expensive than my setup. There was some framed calligraphy on the wall next to a calendar. The desk itself was cluttered but not nearly as much as mine. A bookshelf sat next to the desk, littered with sketchbooks and informational books. A few titles on calligraphy, design and software caught my eye. I was curious about the sketchbooks but I didn't dare ask. I knew how private such things were. It would be like him asking me to see my google drive.

It was night and day. My walls were crowded with art and my studio was stuffed with random Knick knacks. His room was clean and built for utility. I sat down on the edge of his bed, on top of the heather gray comforter. I quipped, "That Wacom alone is more expensive than my entire setup."

It was true. A Wacom that big was a few thousand dollars. He sat in his chair, finishing his sandwich before he said, "It's the same one I have at work. I got tired of coming home and working on something so much smaller. I had to save up to get it and waited until it was on sale."

I asked, "Did you used to work on traditional media?" I looked toward the sketchbooks.

He nodded, "Yeah. I got my first calligraphy set when I was 12. Thank god my parents paid for college. Though I had to fight them on the degree, which was why I did graphic design. Luckily lettering graphics is highly desired in advertising."

"I'm glad it worked out that way. Do you like what you do?"

"Yeah. I enjoy designing the banners and ads I get assigned. I'm not given a lot of artistic liberty but it's enough that I still like it. I deeply enjoy when I get to work on personal pieces or the occasional pieces I get to do for non-profit."

"My favorite pieces are the ones I do for myself and just end up posting online. I like commissions the least I think."

"Me too. I hope you feel comfortable showing me more of your work."

My stomach clenched. I already followed all of his accounts. If he had a Patreon, I would have backed that too. "Why don't I give you my social media name? You can access all of my accounts through a link tree on twitter."

His eyes lit up. "Yes please."

I gave him my obligatory warning, "Most of my accounts are NSFW, just so you know. Insta forces me to censor my work but the others don't. There's even dicks on my twitter and Patreon, just so you know. There's also depictions of nude queer individuals, including trans people."

"Thanks for telling me." His cheeks were red.

I gave him the name, still a bit anxious about it. He typed it into his phone so he had it later.

I changed the topic to alleviate my anxiety, "So Millie's cute."

He set down his phone and looked at me strangely.

I asked the question more directly, curious if they were going to hook up. "Are you two friends or something more?"

He looked shocked. "Um...just friends. Their cute and all but- I-I guess I'm just not attracted to them that way."

My face fell, "Oh. That's cool too." I was a little disappointed that they weren't going to date. They would be adorable together.

"Are you jealous?" He asked, looking at the floor.

My brows furrowed. Is that how I sounded? "Oh goddess no. I was hopeful that you two might end up together. You two would be adorable as a couple."

His eyes found mine again, the yellow in them dim. "You want me to see someone else?"

Had I confused him? "You are allowed to see anyone you want. I would be happy for you if you found someone you liked and liked you back. Who enjoys you like I do. I wouldn't be jealous of them."

There was a mess of thoughts and anxiety on his face. He looked at the floor as he said, "I haven't been able to think about anybody else, Katherine."

I put up my hands, "I'm glad to have made such an impression on you, Tristan. You have occupied many of my thoughts lately as well."

"I have a confession, Katherine. I get a little jealous when you mention your other partners."

This started a string of complicated thoughts in my head. I kept my words compassionate, my tone even, "Jealousy is normal even in polyamorous relationships, Tristan. I deal with it by acknowledging that feeling and trying to dissect why I'm feeling it. Is there something in particular I'm doing that's causing these feelings in you?"

He looked at me, his amber eyes sharp. "Those feelings are mine, Katherine. They aren't your responsibility."

"I understand. I just want to help you if I can." I offered.

He let out a long sigh, running his hand through the short brown hair on his head. His eyes were defeated as they found mine again. "I want you Katherine."

"I'm here Tristan. With you right now. Unless it's something specific..."

There was a long silence, his eyes clearly thinking through his feelings. "I want... I want to see all of you. I want you to feel comfortable showing me. I want to pleasure you. I want to feel you cum in my mouth, in my hands."

I suppressed a shudder, his words going straight to my insides.

He continued, "I want to feel our bodies together. I want to fuck you."

I wanted that too. I felt it in my stomach, in my nethers. I felt my eyes widen and my lips part. Will my Demi brain let this happen? "That sounds wonderful, Tristan."

He jumped in excitement, my body jumping in response. "Can I show you my dick? The one I bought?"

I smiled, "Yes. Of course."