All Comments on 'Desperation on a Workday'

Very passionate and very tender at the same time: that's hard to pull off, but you did it. A great first story. I'm looking forward to reading more of your erotica.

Brava!

@SomaSlave

Wow, that’s awesome…thank you for the comment. Just for you imma post a second story. ;)

PS: You used a colon…I kind of want to be you when I grow up. That is…objectively grammatically hot…

I LOVED this story. Can't wait to read more from you. I actually felt like I was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room watching this all go down. OUTSTANDING!

@creativeandfun

aww shucks...you're making me blush...say more nice things

Realized that I missed this piece when I saw your second today, so reading the first first :). Several things to like/love about this piece in addition to the outrageously intense sex so well crafted — after all: “I knew she had the best time of her life because I just know she had the best time of her life.” Fun, sassy humor, characters actually developed/felt real and the storyline romantic. Often said about good erotic fiction: the story is in the sex, the sex reveals. Must have been fun writing this piece; it was fun to read.

@Migbird

Thanks sooo much. This is the second story I’ve written (well, erotica…) and yes, it was so…much…fun…

The first was the magnum opus one. And got another one I’m cleaning up to post

I enjoyed the right several parts had me lol

Totally hot and sophisticated writing -- I suspect you could write professionally (or maybe you already do). At any rate, we are honored to have you writing for us here. Now I have to go read the rest of your stories!

Let me echo toesucker1. Your talent is astonishing, and I am grateful you're willing to share it with us.

In the spirit of constructive criticism, I must mention that you seem to be struggling in this piece to keep the two verbs "lie" and "lay" within their proper lanes. The verb "lie" (lie/lying/lay/lain) is intransitive; it is something you do without doing it to someone or something. In other words, the sentence is structured without a direct object. On the other hand, "lay" (lay/laying/laid/laid) is always transitive; it must have a direct object unless (unlike "lie") it is used in the passive voice. (Although it hasn't cropped up yet, so far as I recall, the distinction holds in the case of the intransitive "rise" (rise/rising/risen/risen) versus the transitive "raise" (raise/raising/raised/raised)). It would make your work products even better if you invested a little time on this in a style manual or grammar book.

@GaiusPetronius

Amazing feedback! Thank you! I’ll keep an eye on this in the future and spend the evening researching transitive versus intransitive words. *claps in nerd*

I love everything about your writing. If you do write professionally I'd buy your material..forsure..hands down.! And it's not just the extremely hot scenes I love. It's their relationship