Dirty Dancing

"Okay. I hoped that we could...no matter where we sleep. I hoped for sex."

"That wouldn't be distance. I am tempted. But not right now. To be honest, I don't think we'll get through this. For instance, I think you knew that guy before we went on the trip."

June looked down. She said, "Okay. I met him the last time out there. We flirted. That was it."

"That's why you hesitated when I propose the week in L.A. Right? You were gonna fuck that guy."

She made no reply.

"Well?"

"Will, I did look forward to seeing him. I never intended to have....well, completed sex with him."

"What's that mean? Just a blow job? Dry fucking? Mutual masturbation?"

"No need for sarcasm. I'm not sure. Frankly, I probably would have spent the night with him. If you weren't there, I would have cheated."

"Why?"

"I DON"T KNOW! LUST!"

"So, I'm not enough. Like I said. And, like I said, your display was to let me know that."

She was crying. "Maybe. I love you, Will."

Will just looked at her. She got up and went outside.

Clara came downstairs about a minute after June left. She'd been eavesdropping. Or top of the stairs dropping.

She said, "You need to see beyond the hurt. Decide what you want for you."

"I want to go back to what we had before this year. But that seems impossible. So, next I want to be free of all the shit she's capable of bringing down on me."

"Oh, Will! No. She can do that to you because you care for her so much."

"Anyway, I do not believe her when she says she didn't screw the guy after I left. I don't see any calls from her on my phone until the morning."

"You need to be sure of that, Will. Before you break up. There's the girls to think of."

Will decided to hire a P.I. from L.A. to go to the hotel, speak to the employees and, if possible, find out what June did before she flew back in the morning. He did that through a local firm that he sometimes had used.

Then he moved his stuff to the guest house. June was in the garden. When Will had completed his task, he went for a run.

Clara came outside, where June was transplanting some herbs. She was spry enough to sit down on the grass next to June.

Clara said, "What's going on, really, June?"

"I don't know for sure. Maybe he's right when he says I want something else, and I used the dancing to make him do something."

"Well, dear, motives hidden from even the person who's supposed to be prey to them are not a good place to start any thinking. I guess, though, you need to decide, for real, what you want for the rest of your life. Because you've made this time a tipping point."

"Okay. I've been thinking about all this since I woke up at the hotel."

Clara said, "And....by the way, was someone there when you woke up?

"No. Not then." June looked away. "Not when I woke up."

"Oh, June. Oh, June."

"I couldn't help it, Clara. I probably would have done it even if Will stayed."

"Then you lied to him. Just now. I think that's it, June. He'll find out. You're toast."

June said, "I had to lie. Don't tell him, Clara."

"I should have stayed out of this. Shit." Clara was getting angry.

"I fucked up, Clara. Like before, only worse."

"And then you told me, after lying to him. Makes no sense. He's my son."

June was now crying. "I don't know what's happening to me. It's like I can't....I can't see ahead. Like a fog. I'm scared."

Clara said, "We need to get you help. Something bad's happening here. Please just hold on 'till I can get someone for you to see."

"Okay. I hope I can."

"Stay away from Will for the day. And keep your big mouth shut."

"I'm going to the bedroom to rest. I'll stay there." She got up and left. Her spade and clippers were left behind. To Clara it looked like she was sleepwalking. Clara put the tools away. She went inside to consult her phone. She called her friend Bella Grissom. Bella was a shrink, and might know what to do.

Clara walked away from the house to have that talk. She outlined for Bella the situation, including the Milan episode from way back. Bella concluded that June was perhaps having some sort of manic-depressive episodes. She said that she could see June the next day. Clara made an appointment for eight am.

For the rest of the day, Will and June kept away from each other. The girls helped with that, distracting their dad with college applications. They weren't sure if they wanted to go to the same school. (But Will knew that they would go to the same school. And he knew which one. But they had to get there themselves.)

Will slept badly in the guest house. It was a small, two room structure to the back of the property. It had all the amenities. He didn't need them. He had to think, and he was finding that clear thinking was difficult.

In the end he reconsidered the thought that he had - that it made no difference if she fucked the guy or not. It did make a difference. Probably all the difference. He settled down after that insight.

The next morning, the girls were off to school before June came down. Clara had gone to her house, to consult Bart.

Will had taken the week. He was eating breakfast after his run, at about 9:00 am when June came down. Once more they stared at each other.

Will asked, "Coffee?"

"Sure, thanks." She accepted the mug from him. They both took it black.

June said, "I couldn't sleep much until it was light. That's why I'm late down."

"Okay. I didn't need an explanation.....of that, at least."

"Your mom said she was going to get me some help. I....just not thinking straight. I'm confused."

"No more than I. Probably less. I find that I don't believe what you said about not fucking him."

June gave a small gasp. "Why?"

"Why ever would I believe that, June? Remember Milan? You were gonna fuck him. And I bet you fucked this guy Brad."

"What difference would it make? You said it didn't make any difference."

Will got up and walked to take a shower - in the guest house. It was an abrupt departure. He was now virtually certain that June had been unfaithful. When he was cleaned up, he called around to get the name of a divorce lawyer. He made an appointment for the next afternoon. He also researched Brad Deal. Deal was thirty-three, worked in L.A. and was married with two young children.

Will searched more and found that Brenda Deal was a librarian at a suburban school. As he was delving into the Deals, Will got a call from his local investigator, reporting on what the L.A. people had discovered. They had somehow been able to access the hotel security tapes. June and Brad Deal had gone to her room at about 11:30pm. Deal had emerged at 4:22 am. June had emerged at six am, packed to go. Will would be able to have copies of those tapes. Will was impressed at the efficiency of the L.A. people. It was 12:30 pm - 9:30 on the west coast. Fast workers.

Will got the bill minutes later. It was....not quite stunning. There was an item on it labelled 'discretionary expenditures.' Two thousand, total. He figured what the two grand was for. Then he forgot about it.

Will sussed out contact information for Brenda Deal, and also for Brad Deal. He emailed Brenda Deal, informing her that her husband had had sex with his wife Monday night in L.A. He attached some photos of the dancing, and explained what he had found out about what happened after. He left a number for her to call if she wanted to talk. Then he forgot about that, too.

He had to consider how to handle the separation and divorce.

Meanwhile, June was hardly able to function at all. She had cereal for breakfast. Then she got dressed and Clara picked her up to go to see Bella Grissom, the shrink. It was a thirty-minute drive away. Clara explained on the way about Bella, who was a psychiatrist, and not necessarily a family therapist.

June was impressed with Bella's office, all comfortable furniture and nice art. She was also impressed with Dr. Grissom, who probed - not delicately - the state of June's marriage before the current dancing incident. Then she moved back to the Milan incident. She asked June whether she saw any similarities, apart from the dirty dancing.

June didn't. She knew that the Milan thing was a combination of her lust for the guy, and her massive uncertainty about marriage.

But, the L.A. thing - she had a successful marriage, even if it had been a little strained before the L.A. trip.

Bella pointed out that June would have cheated in L.A. for sure, if Will hadn't come along for the trip. She wanted to know why.

June thought about it again. She said, "I'm not sure. Will and I have sex. It's good. Maybe we've cooled off a bit. But last year when I was in L.A. that guy Brad got me hot. I was able to...escape....resist, maybe. But it was a close thing. I had thoughts about him all year. So I had his contact information, and I sent him an email that I would be at the meeting."

"Why? There must be a lot of guys who try for you. You could have any of them. Why this guy in L.A.?"

"Probably because it was far away and I thought I could get away with it. No mystery."

"But Will arranged to come with you. That messed up your planned tryst, right?"

"Yep. Except Brad was at the meeting, and came after me anyway. Right in front of Will. I knew I was getting in deep when I was dancing. And....for some reason, I went ahead."

"You wanted out? Of your marriage."

"But I don't. Really. I think maybe I wanted to get laid by someone different."

"And did you? Get laid?"

"Yes. I know it seems so...slutty. But it was right there, and Will was gone. So....."

"Did it live up to expectations?"

"Oh, yes. Oh, yes it did." She got a dreamy look as she said this.

Bella shifted in her seat. But she didn't ask for details. She did ask, "Will you be able to stay faithful, now that you had another man?"

"Geez. Maybe. Well.....no. I want more." June was suddenly certain of that. She had the passing thought that seeing a shrink was working out, in the sense of allowing her to understand how much of a slut she was becoming. Just like her mom.

"So, have you told Will? Do you want to divorce?"

"I love Will. I'd like an open marriage. But he'll never go for that."

"Why?"

"He's rigid. Oh. I mean in his thinking."

"But also in bed, I take it. And that's not going to be enough?"

"No. You know what I really want to do? I want to find Milan and fuck him. If he looks good. I should have done it years ago."

"Oh, my, June. Have you kept up with him?"

"Not really. He's a big shot, I gather from the alumni magazine."

Bella said, "Well, June, it seems as if you need to have a frank discussion with Will. You should let him know that you're going to find other men. If that's what you really want."

"It is. And I should talk to him." She started to cry.

The session ended with June's tears. Bella gave her a hug, and whisked her out of the office, where Clara waited.

On the drive home, June explained to Clara what had happened with Bella. Clara was shocked. She said, "You mean....you mean you're going to....become wanton?"

"You put it so oddly. But, that's the fact. I'm gonna fuck around some. I won't throw it in his face, like I did. I can be discreet. I'll see if he wants me on those terms. But he won't."

Clara was silent for a while. Then she said, "It's so sad. The girls."

"I won't be obvious. Not while they're at home."

Clara started to cry. Then June did, too. They arrived home leaking tears. They sat in the car until some semblance of calm returned. Then they went inside.

Will was cooking. He'd come home early and prepped a fancy meal, with a fish stew and a salad with home baked bread. He did it because he intended for there to be one last nice family meal. When the two women walked inside, Will could see that they were upset. But he said, "I made a nice meal. We're putting off stuff until we eat, and also until we digest. It was still mid-afternoon. June nodded and went upstairs. Clara told them that she was going to eat with Bart, and she left. The girls were due home from school at four.

He served up at six o'clock. June and the girls seemed tense when they came to the table. Will smiled at all of them. He said, "We're just gonna eat. This meal will be great." He saw them all relax - June first. And....the meal was great. The fish stew had delicate flavoring, but was hearty. The bread was a perfect complement. The salad was light and refreshing. Strawberries and blueberries for dessert.

The mood gradually lightened up even more. There was some laughter at the girls' apparent rivalry about a guy named Marc, with a 'c.' When the fruit had gone, it was 7:30, and the girls asked Will for some help with their math. June sat in the living room and watched her family. The tutoring session went until nine. The girls went upstairs.

June looked at Will. She had been shaken from her resolve when she'd watched Will with their children.

She said, "Thank you for the evening. You've reminded me of how much I love you."

"I love you, too, June. How did your session with the shrink go?"

"I....it was revelatory."

"How?" Will was really curious.

"I realized that....well...I needed....that I'm a slut. I decided I couldn't fight that, at least right now."

"So. I assume you got fucked after I left the hotel."

"Yes. I'm sorry for lying."

"But not sorry for getting fucked." Will was looking at her hard.

"No."

"What's your plan? Keep slutting up?"

"Yes, but I can be discreet about it. I mean, if we could be together until we take them off to college."

"June, I maybe could get past the Brad thing. Although maybe not. But, if you're saying that you intend to keep on with other men, well....there's one man you can't have, then."

"Will, you could have other women. Discretely. And I don't see why we can't fuck every so often. Like when we need it."

"Not happening, June. Not now, and never again. It's sad, and I believe you'll come to regret it."

June had tears now. She said, "Maybe I will. Probably. But not for a while."

Will looked at her. He said, "You already know who you're going to fuck next, right?"

"Yes."

"That new hire at work we met at the picnic."

"That's right. We seemed to hit it off. He's been pressing me. Now, well, he's gonna get me."

Will stared at his wife. He said, "June, you need to find a place, and move out. If you bring some guy here, I'll take action. Drastic action, June."

"I said I'd be discreet, Will. I don't want to move out."

"You know what? Your sex life is about to tank." He laughed.

June thought he was nuts. She watched him as he went to clean up the meal. She didn't offer to help.

After he had the kitchen clean, he went to the guest house without a word to her.

June went to bed. She tossed and turned, but finally slept.

The next morning June had a bunch of calls on her cell phone from Brad in L.A. His wife had found out from Will about their romp at the hotel. She had photos. He was really angry.

June thought that he was an idiot. He had seduced her right in front of her husband. What did he think would happen? She texted him to that effect, and added that she was sorry he was having problems. She was as well.

The she considered how she was going to carry out her plans to become a wanton slut. Her first target, Jerry Blaine the new hire at work, should be simple for her to get. But she needed to figure out where they'd go and how she'd play it with her daughters. That was a tough one. She went back and forth about whether to lie or be straight. She was undecided. She would have preferred that they didn't know her plans. But she might well be out all night and soon. They'd notice. She left it to ponder on.

Will got the girls off to school, then he came back and went directly to the guest house. He made coffee and considered his day. He had an early afternoon appointment with the lawyer. He decided to go for a run, and lift at the YMCA. He got back about noon, showered and drove to the lawyer's office.

The lawyer was Bertha Billing. A great name for a lawyer. He hoped billing wasn't her best ability. It turned out that she was a nice-looking woman of about Will's age. They hit it off, as he explained his situation. She seemed sympathetic. She said, "Yours is not an isolated problem. Women our age....well, sometimes go wild."

"Yeah? It's a trend?"

"It's a thing. Fairly common. What do you want to do?"

"I want to split from her. She has a job that pays well. She has a 401k, and so do I. We have basically separate finances, by written agreement. I want the house, and I'll buy her out. The girls can stay with me."

"Will they opt for that? Or pick her as custodial parent?"

"I believe they'll pick me. I haven't spoken to them about it. But I will do that this evening."

"Okay. Let me know. I can have papers tomorrow afternoon to file. We'll use adultery, and irreconcilable differences - that she wants sex outside the marriage."

"Sounds good." His voice caught, and he looked down.

Ms. Billing stood and patted his shoulder. She said, "I know it's not so easy. You've been with her for a long time."

"Yes. I thought she was a loving wife. But she isn't that any longer." He was silently sobbing.

Bertha let him go. He regained his composure soon after.

She said, "Where shall we serve her?"

"At home, I think. Or, when it's ready, call and I'll clue you in."

That was done. Will drove home, depressed. He went directly around to the guest house. He had a beer.

The girls arrived home about 4:30. Will went into the house. June was there in the kitchen, chopping vegetables.

Will called the girls into the kitchen. Probably not a good move, since June had a knife. But he wasn't thinking like that just then.

The three of them were sitting around the table and June was standing at the counter.

Will said, "Girls, today I arranged to divorce your mother. She has decided that she needs to have sex with other men. That's not something I can abide."

He heard June gasp.

Susan, the calm daughter, said, "Where will we all stay? I don't want to move."

June said, "Will, why have you done this so soon? Jesus."

Will looked at her like she was completely crazy. "Because you announced to me that you were going to be massively unfaithful. What the fuck did you expect?"

Then he turned to the twins. He said, "My lawyer says that you can choose which of us you'd like to be the primary, custodial parent. I'll try to keep the house. I will keep it."

June said, "It's half mine."

"Yeah. I'll buy you out."

June was taken aback by all this. It was coming so fast.

Sally chimed in, "Mom, you know whose fault all this is. You cheated. Not dad."

June looked stricken. She said, "That's true. I'm...I only love him. But I have needs, and right now no one man could be enough."

Susan said, "Orgasms over your family. We see what's up." She turned to Will, "Where will mom live? Not here, right?"

All three looked at June. She said, "It's my home, too."

Will said, "But you cannot screw around here, or bring lovers here for dinner. I warned you about that. You need to find a place for all your fun and games."

June said, "Will, can we discuss this without the girls here?"

"No. Well, maybe some time. Now everything is in flux."

Susan said, "Dad, why are you sleeping in the guest house? Why not mom?"

All three turned to June. She turned on her heel and stalked up the stairs.

Will said, "Well, that went so well."

The girls tittered. He spent a good deal of time assuring them that he was okay, and that they would be okay as well.

Then he picked up the knife and chopped the rest of the vegetables - into very small pieces. He made up the salad and put it into the fridge. He looked and saw that June was going to make burgers.