Discord in the Rhythm of Marriage

Mandy cried and screamed, "Haven't you heard a word I said! I love you and I want to raise our kids and grow old with you! I haven't abandoned my family! I was lost and have found my way back to the path that we blazed for 10 years. The fantasy died on our front porch. Your pain and my hand in it destroyed it and I never want it back. Please!"

"So, you just go out and test the waters by living like you were single. Partying and carrying on, getting drunk being hungover and unfit to live with. Then to cap everything off you start screwing another guy, tell me it's great sex. You then refuse to go away for a romantic weekend with your husband, to try and work on our sacred 10-year union for an entire weekend with this guy and I'm just supposed to believe you love me? If that's how you've defined and demonstrated your love for me, I can't imagine how venomous and loathing you would be if you hated me."

The tears began rolling down her cheeks as she could no longer look me in the eye. S started to speak yet again.

"I can't imagine the amount of pain this has caused you, I I've caused you. I know it sounds hypocritical given my recent behavior but we can't divorce in the eyes of the church. I know I've destroyed the trust and faith you had in me and I'll work tirelessly to be a good wife and even better mother. My continued efforts will be solely focused on that commitment and to earn your love, trust, and respect back. For the love we shared over the years and for the sake of our children's stability and well being I beg you give me that chance."

I told her that we both have a great deal of reflection and soul searching to do and we needed to stop for the night, rest, and hopefully find our way to some common ground. As I crawled beneath the covers of my bed, reflection left little room for rest in the form of sleep and I suspected Mandy met a similar circumstance in that regard.

The first rays of the new dawn struck my bloodshot eyes and woke me from a short restless slumber. I looked over and heard Mandy as she softly and rhythmically snored while lightly wheezing. I got out of bed quietly, grabbed my bag and entered the bathroom. I closed the door before turning on the light. I took a quick shower and shaved then I dried off and dressed inside the bathroom before I exited back into the main room.

Mandy was still in the arms of Morpheus as I brushed my teeth and combed my hair without light at the basin outside of the bathroom. When I was finished grooming, I quietly slipped out the door and went for a much-needed infusion of caffeine delivered in the form of a steaming hot cup of rich Colombian dark roast. I drank a cup and poured a second for myself and another for Mandy. I went to the counter and paid for my beverages and headed back to the room.

As I re-entered our room Mandy came out of the bathroom this time naked with just a towel around her hair. I gave her the cup of coffee and told her, "Two creams no sugar." She smiled as she took the restorative nectar and simply said, "Thanks."

She used the blow dryer and dried her hair. Then she brushed it and got dressed. We packed our things and took them to the car. I told her about the diner across the street where I got the coffee and we decided that it was a good a place as any for breakfast. Neither of us had eaten much yesterday so we both ordered waffles, bacon, and sausage with eggs, orange juice and each a bottomless cup of coffee. Famished, we ate in silence until each delectable morsel was devoured.

With cleaned and empty plates and two to go cups of java to fortify us I paid the check and we left and got into the car. I needed to pick up the kids. The pain of her betrayal was still fresh and left me raw so I knew that if left to my own devices based on purely selfish motives, I would dump her without a thought. However, during the wee hours of a new morning I realized that I needed to live that which I had so deftly and unceremoniously preached to Mandy last night.

I needed to act like a responsible adult and give due consideration as to how any decision I made would impact my children, our faith, and our friends and family as well as me. Mandy seemed sincere in her desire in restoring our marriage and for the sake our children I needed to consider if that was in their best interests. I realized that I still loved Mandy despite everything. That morning, in the shower, I drew some conclusions and reached a decision.

As I drove down the highway I reached over and put my right hand over Mandy's. I began, "Mandy I reached a decision earlier this morning. First, you've hurt me deeply and perhaps irrevocably but I need to focus on what's best for our children."

"We committed to each other for better or worse and I'm willing to stand by that sacred vow and try. Also, I'm just as willing to abide by your decision should it be to leave and live the single life you desired. As when I proposed, the decision is yours. I want to give you time to reflect before you decide. I want you to know your heart because there are no more chances after this. Either you come back of your own volition fully committed to me and the kids or we go our separate ways."

"However, there are conditions that must be met should you decide to return. First and foremost, no more ladies' nights out and you must agree to end your association with Crissy. The ties must be completely severed and without your willingness to agree and freely accept these conditions, we are through. That is part of what I need to begin rebuilding my trust and it's non-negotiable."

I told her I would move into the guest room one we arrived back at the house. We would tell the kids I was sick and contagious. That should buy us at least ten to fourteen days. I she needed more time I would move out under the guise of a business trip buying her another week. Upon my return I would take a "vacation" if necessary, to go on a fishing expedition for two weeks. I said, "I can with some difficulty buy you six weeks without raising too much suspicion. Beyond that we will be forced to separate until you decide." We arrived at her parents' home in the late afternoon. They asked us to stay for dinner and we agreed. For a few hours it seemed as if life had returned to some semblance of normalcy.

Epilogue

When we arrived back at the house, I put the plan we decided upon into action. It was late the third night of our self-imposed exile and I had just climbed into bed when I heard a soft tapping on my door. Mandy opened the door and asked, "Can I come in?" I motioned to her to enter. She said, "Dawson I've made my decision. I love you and the kids with all my heart. I'm so very sorry for my behavior and the pain, hurt, and humiliation you suffered as a direct result of my childish and totally self-centered actions. I want to try to get us, everything back on an even keel. Is the offer still valid?"

I told her it was. The next night I returned to our bed however many months passed before we resumed physical intimacy; and two years came and went before we shared, at least from my point of view, a truly close emotional connection. I can't speak for Mandy but from my perspective, we are close, we share love and respect but I haven't been able to fully achieve our previous level of intimacy even though we just recently celebrated our 17th anniversary. Bobby is 15 and Jenny will turn 13 in two months. They are happy, well behaved and well-adjusted kids.

Two weeks into our reconciliation there was a knock on our door. As fate destined, I answered it. When I opened the door, I saw a man standing there with a bouquet of flowers and he asked for Mandy. I knew immediately who he was but I asked his name any way he said it was Jake. I sized him up. About my height and weight. His hair and complexion were darker than mine. While I knew he had looks enough to attract women he was, in my humble opinion, by no means God's gift to the feminine gender.

I called to Mandy in the kitchen and she came in, "What is it honey? I got to get back to my cake." When she saw him standing in the doorway her eyes got as big as saucers and her mouth opened as if she were catching flies. Astonished best described her at that particular moment. When she regained her composure she said, Jake, what in the hell are you doing HERE?"

He said, "I just wanted to see you for a moment and talk. Here, these are for you."

I told him, "Who are you to my wife that gives you the unmitigated gall to barge in here unannounced and uninvited and with the cajones to ignore me and bring flowers to my wife!"

He replied, "It's none of your business and it's up to the lady!"

Thankfully the kids were out. I jabbed my finger in his chest and said, "Hey asshole, my house, my wife and it's my fucking business. I know who you are and I fully know what you did. So, take your flowers and shove them up your ass before I do. If I do you won't be able to get the taste of rose and shit out of your mouth for a month!"

Mandy told him, "Jake go away and don't ever darken my door ever again! I hate you!" She ran back to the kitchen in tears. Before he could move, I kicked him hard in the balls. He winced as I told him, "That's for fucking around with married women." I kicked him a second time and told him that was for seducing my wife and let loose a final time and concluded by saying, "That's for making my wife cry. Come around here or her again and you'll lose them permanently! Now leave or I'll have you arrested for trespass." She never heard from him again.

About six months after our reconciliation I got a second surprise visitor. Crissy stopped by the house one weekend out of the blue. Mandy had just left to visit her parents. I immediately got suspicious as I thought that Mandy had reconnected with Crissy behind my back. She wanted to say her piece and I let her in.

First, she apologized for any role she played in our marital strife and took full responsibility. She too had an epiphany that fateful Friday. She told me that she truly did value Mandy as a friend and she knew that by example and some enabling she played a role in my pain by proxy and in hurting Mandy as well. She told me that it forced her to re-examine her own lifestyle and she came to realize that she needed to grow up and settle down.

Crissy told me she started dating a banker and they were serious and exclusive. She told me that she really missed Mandy and wanted my permission to reestablish their friendship under new parameters. I told her that if she was willing to make it strictly couples for a while, they could come for dinner next Saturday. She agreed. She called her boyfriend Stan and confirmed. I told her come by about 5pm and we would eat between 6 and 6:30.

We made love before getting up Saturday morning. I told her we had two guests for dinner. We dropped Bobby and Jenny off at her parents' house then we headed for the supermarket. At the meat counter I bought a nice prime rib roast. We added baked potatoes, baby carrots, and a New York cheesecake to the basket along with crusty French style baguettes. Mandy was cooking when our guests arrived. I made them a cocktail before I went to the kitchen and told her to be prepared for a surprise.

She was most assuredly surprised to see Crissy standing in our living room. I broke the ice by introducing Mandy to Crissy's fiancé Stan. It seemed that Stan proposed Friday night and Crissy jumped into his arms with an emphatic yes. By the size of the rock on her finger, Stan must be a pretty good banker. I was to learn that he was a branch manager and was in line for a vice presidency.

The girls went to the kitchen. Crissy told her of our conversation and it didn't take long for them to rediscover their friendship. I discovered that Stan and I, besides working in the banking profession, shared some common interests outside of work and we too developed a friendship over time. Once I established Crissy's sincerity, the two of them began shopping and doing lunches as friends do.

Neither wanted to take on the risk that a girl's night on the town represented. I was Stan's best man and Mandy Crissy's maid of honor eight months later and they developed into close and true friends. When Stan was promoted president of his bank, he poached me from my employer and hired me as his new vice president.

I occasionally reassess my choice to remain in my marriage. I have divorced friends who stand by their decision to employ a scorched earth approach and burn the bitch. Those same friends found themselves with bitter and vindictive ex-wives and a contentious relationship with their children if they had one at all. In my case, with a great deal of hard work and determination to put my kids first, we were able to regain a stable loving relationship leaving my kids whole, happy, and with my family intact.

There were consequences as well. A loss of emotional intimacy and trust lingered for years on my part. Yet these issues were miniscule in comparison to what we achieved. In the final analysis I know I made the right choice.