Discord Pt. 01

Author's Note:

This is intended to be closer the slow burn end of the spectrum than quick get-you-off. If you want a fast dive into sex, you may want to look elsewhere.

This story originated as a treat for my online friends, as well as a chance to explore online play as different sort of setting than I've written about in the past. Now the story is finished, I'd like to share it here, and I really hope you enjoy!

I've uploaded all three parts together, so hopefully parts two and three make it through the approval process and are available soon.

Huge thanks to everybody who helped, including feedback, edits, and encouragement from 29wordsforsnow, Echo, Jane, Anze, and EGRI.

Tags: BDSM, female submissive, female dominant, lesbian, orgasm denial, masturbation, romance, consensual

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Prologue -- Violet

Violet managed to keep her emotions down all the way to her car and around the corner, out of sight of Mistress's -- sorry, EX-Mistress's -- house. Honestly, she wasn't even really that upset about breaking up. Not as such, anyway. They hadn't really been together long enough for Violet to get hung up missing her. It's just... five dommes in five years. Five failed relationships. At some point, didn't that sort of mean it wasn't them? Didn't it mean she herself, as the only common variable, was the problem?

Sure, there were perfectly justifiable reasons why they'd all been bad matches. Five years ago, Jasmine had been such an insufferable princess, it had been like dating the actual Disney character. Then, Mei had been the opposite extreme. Shy in the bedroom to the point that Violet forgot who was meant to be topping who. Vanessa had been great, and they'd been together for two whole years, but unfortunately she'd desperately wanted kids, and Violet wanted absolutely nothing to do with them.

Breaking up with Vanessa had been heartbreaking, and Violet had thrown herself into the arms of the next dominant woman she could find just to make the hurt go away. Which, of course, it hadn't. Rebounding with Kathy had been a mistake. Kathy was emotionally manipulative to the point of abusiveness, and even though she knew what was happening, Violet stayed in the relationship for months out of some fucked up desire to see how far Kathy would push her before breaking up.

And now, ex-Mistress Zoey...

Violet had come to her house today expecting a sexy scene where Mistress worked from home and she was a good toy under her desk, rubbing her feet and eating her pussy whenever Mistress asked. Instead, Violet found herself hating her front row seat to Mistress's work life. As much as she tried to ignore it, to convince herself it was a mistake, one meeting after the next made it pretty inescapable.

Zoey was an idiot. An incompetent bullshitter and a complete bitch to everybody working under her.

Violet sighed, frustration and anger making it hard to concentrate on the road.

It was so obvious in retrospect. They'd only been dating for a few weeks, but really, Violet should have known better from the start. Was she really so desperate for somebody that she'd become like this? Putting so many sets of blinders on herself that she'd been drawn in by that dumbass?

Her fingers hurt, and it took a few seconds before Violet realized she'd been trying to squeeze the life from the steering wheel. Well, fuck the goddamn wheel! It felt good to hurt, and SOMETHING had to pay.

But just as soon as she thought it, she felt ashamed of herself and forced her body to relax. This wasn't her, she hated feeling angry like this. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Five failed relationships. Five data points, right in a row, drawing a trend line pointing right back at herself. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she--

Violet slammed on the brakes, only barely skidding to a halt short of running a red light. "DEEP FUCKING BREATHS!"

Somehow, completely inexplicably, yelling at herself did exactly nothing to calm her down.

So she gave up and just let herself go. At least in the car, nobody could hear her curse, and she did feel a little better when she finally pulled into the garage. Or at least, less tempted to break things.

Something needed to change. Otherwise, what was the point of dwelling on the past if it wasn't to fix things going forward? From now on, Violet wouldn't be the good, passive little submissive, sitting back and waiting for dominants to approach her. She'd go out and find herself a domme, even if it meant picking and choosing her way through hundreds of women to find the right one.

Somebody she could connect with, like Mistress Vanessa, except not baby crazy. Somebody with a big enough sadistic streak to keep up with Violet's kinkiness, but who would genuinely want to care for her afterwards. Someone strong enough to keep control over Violet, but who wasn't afraid to be vulnerable with her. Somebody who was... well, enough of a full and complete human being to want to connect with her as more than just a living sex toy.

And, for the love of god, make her somebody who didn't think she was too cool to laugh during sex.

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Part 1 -- Sylvia, a few months later.

Do Juno with us! They said.

It'll be fun! They said.

You'll never want to go back to masturbating normally again! They said.

You want to find out what it's like to feel submissive, there's no better way! They said.

At least that last one was true. The other two? Flagrantly fucking false.

Sylvia was fully aware how bad an idea reading the NSFW Discord chat channels was at a time like this, but she couldn't help herself. It was all she could do to hold herself back loading up more torture porn and rubbing her clit to the boiling point, yet again. Anything short of that had to be fair game.

Echo: 0.0 MISS!

Lady_Anze: Yes, Echo?

Lady_Anze: Be a good slut and use your words.

Echo: sdrwrasdfm MIIIISSSSS

Lady_Anze: Sorry, you'll have to try again. I don't speak bottom

Echo: canipleasetouchmypussytodayplease

Echo: *hides*

Lady_Anze: Oh, why didn't you say so before!

Lady_Anze: Of course you may

Echo: Yes! Thank you Miss

Lady_Anze: As long as you report back to everybody here what you've done with that privilege afterwards, that is.

Echo: O.O MIIIIIISSSSSSS

There's a lesson here. Leave the month-long orgasm denial marathon to the born submissives like Echo who are crazy enough to enjoy it. Seeing Echo's desperation had the effect on Sylvia it always did, hitting her right in her sadistic heart and sending a surge directly to her pussy, making her desperately grip the arms of her desk chair and will herself not to lose control. Not now, with only three days left in June. So fucking close to the finish line, and yet oh so very far.

It gets easier when you get used to it! They said.

You'll love how sexy it makes you feel! They said.

Bullshit. It was fucking torture, every day was more tortuous than the last, and Sylvia hated it. Hated the constant desperation, the way her pussy would never shut up and she couldn't stop wanting to jump out of her own skin, but most of all, she hated the neediness. That feeling of always wanting support. Wanting to talk about her fucking feelings and have somebody sympathize with her.

If she'd ever felt more weak and less in control in her entire life, she couldn't remember it. No wonder all the subbys got off on this shit. Orgasm denial must be like taking submissiveness steroids for them. But, for somebody like her who wanted to be dominant...

It was a feedback loop of constantly wanting anything other than the stasis of pent up arousal trapping her. She wanted to cum. She craved it, she NEEDED it. At this point, she didn't even care about the orgasmic pleasure, she just needed to be released from the torture of not cumming. From having her nipples permanently poking holes in her bra and tingling every time she shifted in her seat, and her mind's stubborn refusal to stop fantasizing about sex and focus on anything productive.

She was role playing Echo and hating every second of it when she wanted to be Lady_Anze. To be inflicting this torture on somebody else and feeling the power trip of holding their salvation away from them. To tease them with how good her own orgasm felt, how relieving and freeing it was, while denying them release.

But, as long as that "somebody else" was a nameless and faceless shadow in her fantasies, and not an actual flesh and blood partner...

Another frustratingly inescapable loop. Before anybody would want her to be their dominant, Sylvia needed experience. After all, who wanted to be the guinea pig that got slapped around while she figured out how to give a proper spanking? There were so many things she needed to know, but didn't yet, and the only way to get that experience was to find somebody to practice with. Which she couldn't do without--

Around and around like a cat chasing her tail.

Sylvia sighed and, with an enormous force of will, minimized Discord and opened up The Witcher. She'd been trying to beat the full Wild Hunt campaign on very hard without dying once, because where's the fun beating anything on easy mode? But her quest had come to a grinding halt weeks ago when her ability to focus had gone on vacation.

Oh how far she had fallen, that playing video games was hard emotional effort.

As if sensing her negativity, Jane uncurled herself from her spot on the desk and gave Sylvia a reproachful look. Sylvia glared right back at the cat. "What?" She demanded, but relented as Jane slowly blinked at her. "Oh, fine," she muttered, and scratched beneath Jane's chin, making her purr. "At least you're always happy to see me."

Slowly, Sylvia lost herself into the game, immersing herself into Geralt and reveling in slaughtering the Bloody Baron's minions. These were the quests she liked most. The ones where she got to solve her problems by slashing them to tiny bits with swords.

It took her a while to notice the flashing red new unread messages notification over the Discord icon on her other monitor.

Vy: hey

Vy: youre awful quite tonight, Domina

Vy: rough day?

If it had been nearly anybody else, Sylvia would have responded that there was a special place in hell reserved for people like Vy who refused to put an apostrophe in contractions or use opening capitalization, but who always used commas correctly. Like she was picking and choosing which bits of grammar were real. But it was Vy, and as much as she hated to admit it, Sylvia needed her company. Just like she'd needed her support most other nights this month.

So she deleted that snarky response, and the sarcastic one after it about being just fucking peachy, and finally responded with the truth.

Cupcake_Domina: Actually, I've been thinking of changing my handle

Cupcake_Domina: I've never felt like a domina. Calling myself one feels wrong. Like, I'm an imposter, you know?

Cupcake_Domina: And besides, you're the only one who calls me that. Everybody else calls me Cupcake.

Vy: oof

Vy: that bad, huh?

Vy: want to talk about it?

Sylvia sighed, flipped back to The Witcher, and instantly felt her blood pressure spike. Feverishly dodging and slashing, she barely saved herself from dying to an enemy she'd sworn she'd finished off before tabbing away. So much for a de-stressing escape.

Why did Vy always want to talk in voice? Why couldn't she just text like a normal person? Texting was so much less anxiety provoking. It gave her time to think before having to respond, she didn't have to try to figure out tone without being able to see who she was talking to -- the list of reasons to hate voice chat was long.

Again, if it had been anybody else but Vy... At least this time, Vy's pink haired League of Legends themed icon showed in one of the private voice channels that capped at two people. The only thing worse than trying to figure out private voice chats was trying to figure out public ones with tons of people coming and going.

"I hope you know how tempted I was to make up an excuse," Sylvia said as she joined.

"You say that all the time," Vy laughed.

"What? You don't believe me?"

"You'd have to actually turn me down a time or two for me to believe you."

Sylvia rolled her eyes at the amusement clear in Vy's voice, then remembered Vy couldn't see it and felt dumb. "Well, you should feel fucking special. Ask anybody else on this server, I assure you, I'm a total flake."

"Riiight," Vy drawled, clearly still not believing her. "So, anyway, what's this about feeling like an imposter?" Go figure, Vy was the one person Sylvia was honest with about all her shortcomings, and she was also the only one with a totally positive view of her.

Sylvia hesitated, biting her lip and wishing she hadn't admitted how she was feeling. She kept telling herself that she'd try to change things with Vy. Try to show off her confident side and hopefully get Vy to see her as a dominant and a potential partner. Instead, she kept being honest, showing Vy her unappealing vulnerability and thereby making herself as unappealing as possible.

"I don't know," Sylvia answered lamely. "I guess I just don't feel very toppy right now. I can barely keep control of myself, and besides, I've never dominated anybody. Calling myself a domme kind of feels fake."

Vy "Hmm"-d into her headset, making Sylvia wish again that she could see her face and know what she was feeling. Thoughtful? Disappointed to have Sylvia dishing troubles onto her yet again? "I think you're being unfair to yourself," she finally said.

"And I think you're a die-hard optimist."

Vy chuckled. She had a nice sounding laugh, her light voice making it sound genuinely upbeat and never mocking. "Maybe so, but what if I applied the same logic to a different situation?"

"Like what?"

"Like what if I called you a fake lesbian just because you've never had gay sex before?"

"That's not the same," Sylvia complained.

"Isn't it? You know you're gay because you're attracted to women. Knowing you're a dominant is just like that. You're turned on by fantasies of being in control, right?"

"Yeah but--"

"And you'd prefer a relationship where your partner wants your control?"

"Well, not all the time--"

"But at least in the bedroom?"

"Fine, you're right," Sylvia admitted, trying to sound annoyed at being proven wrong but hearing a bit of happiness coming through in her own voice. If Vy was willing to defend her to herself like that, maybe she did see a bit of her domme side after all, rather than simply as an online friend.

But just as soon as she felt it, Sylvia forced down the little surge of hope. Vy was a million miles out of her league. She was perfect -- gay, submissive, really experienced, charismatic, kind, inexplicably single, and brave and outgoing enough to post kinky videos of herself that made Sylvia drool. She could have any domme she wanted, and the flirting she often did with Sylvia was pretty normal for NSFW Discord servers. Everybody flirted with everybody else, it didn't mean anything.

"Just for the record, I'm not THAT inexperienced," Sylvia felt the need to add.

"Oh? About what?"

"About being a virgin."

"Oh! Sorry!" Vy laughed. "Didn't mean to imply you were, it was just the best counterexample I could think of. The first thing I thought of didn't work at all."

"What was that?"

"You being a fake baker if you sucked at making cupcakes, but the conclusion was too ambiguous, and those pictures you posted of your chocolate-on-chocolate ones last week looked fantastic."

Right, that's what was missing! "Be right back, one sec." Sylvia dropped her headset and ran to the kitchen, smiling slightly at the contrast. Vy posted lewd pictures and videos of herself doing kinky things like putting lines of clothespins around her tits or beating her pussy with a paddle. She showed off her incredible strength of will and pain tolerance, while Silvia's pictures displayed her skill with pastries. One of these things was not quite like the other.

"You've got a cupcake now, don't you?" Vy guessed, clearly amused when Sylvia returned.

"What! They are really good!"

"I'm jealous. You'll have to feed me some, someday."

Again with the little surge of hope. Stop it, heart, get with the program. "And I'm jealous of how badass you are," Sylvia muttered, hoping to deflect the subject away from herself.

The tactic completely failed. "Thanks, but you're pretty badass too, you know."

"What?!? All I ever contribute to this server are fucking food selfies! How is that badass?"

Vy laughed, like she thought Sylvia was being deliberately modest, but stopped when Sylvia didn't join her. "I've known a lot of dominants," she said, voice shifting to seriousness. "I've been in committed relationships with five different ones, and I can tell you from experience, none of them could do what you're doing now with Juno. Say what you like about feeling like you can barely control yourself, none of the other doms on this server have the self-control you do."

Vy's voice floated around Sylvia's head, patiently waiting for her brain to kick into gear. Four weeks of backed up lust and hormones were making her crazy, but there was really no way to interpret that as anything other than an enormous compliment, right? It was obvious, but she still struggled, feeling like she'd drunk far too much at a bar and was trying to do tip math.

"I'm sure anybody could, if they really wanted to," Sylvia finally heard herself say, to Vy's continued amusement.

"You know, you're really cute when you're trying to be modest. Nope. Most people can't tease and edge themselves every day for a month without cumming, even if they wanted to, which very few doms do." She paused for a second, then continued thoughtfully, "are you ever going to tell me why you're doing it?"

Sylvia rolled her eyes again and automatically repeated the same answer she had countless times that month to everybody who asked. "Because I'm a stubborn bitch and I'm too proud to admit defeat."

"Yeah, but let's say that this time I'm not distracted by your self-deprecating humor?" Vy pressed.

Sylvia blinked, realizing as she did that she'd been staring at her monitor while focusing on the conversation without really seeing it, and the afterimage was burned into her eyes. "But you love my jokes," she complained.

"Yep! But you can't hide behind them forever."

Sylvia huffed, started telling Vy to watch her do exactly that, but stopped herself. Too immature, even for her, and this was a good thing. Part of her had wanted to ask Vy about this, but had been overruled by the other part of her that was too afraid of seeming even more ignorant about how dom/sub relationships worked than she already did. This was like getting to ask but without the awkwardness of bringing it up.

"Promise you won't think I'm an idiot," she hedged.

"Of course."

"Well, maybe I just don't get what makes you subs tick, but when I find a partner, I want to do denial play with her. And... well, I guess if it were me in her place, I'd never take orders to do something my dominant couldn't do themselves."

Vy made a thoughtful humming noise. "Like, if you were a sub and your domme tried to give you a spanking, but she couldn't handle getting spanked herself, you'd laugh and tell her to fuck off?"

"Right! Exactly!"

Vy's light, almost mischievous sounding laugh filled Sylvia's headset again, making her squirm in her seat, embarrassed by the awareness of how desperate she was for the submissive woman's approval. "That's so perfect! It's so quintessentially you, I love it. Honestly, I wish more doms were like you."

Little fireworks went off in Sylvia's head! "You do?"

"Yeah, but maybe not for the reason you think."