Doodles 01

Doodles 01

I knew from the moment the incoming text flashed across my phone screen that it was a trick. There was no way that my roommate's friend, Charlie, was actually "volunteering" to stop by and help me clean out the garage in advance of the roomies card game. But I called him out and told him that 6pm would be fine. I mean, I knew the garage needed to be washed out with the water hose and I was going to do that on Saturday morning, but his offer to spray it out on Friday night seemed to allow for more drying time, so I agreed to his 6pm arrival.

Oh, his trick? Friday food, of course. My trick? Hah, to be freshly shaved, showered and dressed in "out of the shower" casual leisure shorts, a three-button top, a split ponytail and mild Egyptian eyes and eyebrows. Which was a practice run for the roomies party when my eyes would be bold Egyptian style.

LOL, and the roomies trick was to be gone on an unexpected business trip, which left all of the party prep work to me and his friends. I know that he didn't plan the late trip, but he'll pay for that later, one way or another. And the first payment installment will be, hah, the garage is set up this way because you left me alone to set it up! Oh, the second payment installment will be due about 2pm on Saturday afternoon when Jacob shows up with the large card table which will be about the same time that Pete gets home from the airport. And I bet that he thought he could sneak in a little nap time between his return home and the card party, Hah!

Anyways, I had the hose out and the garage open when Charlie arrived. He explained to me how he was going move a few things around before he sprayed it out. I was a little worried about Pete's tool boxes getting wet, but Charlie assured me that the over spray would be minimal because he was an expert at squirting stuff.

Hah, I told him that I would order him a large Horny Man Pizza and that I would be cleaning the half bathroom in the laundry room near the garage entry side door. I also told him that my shorts and shirt only looked like pajamas.

"Well, they look like Pajamas to me, Doodles. I mean, for a minute there, I thought that I was finally wearing you down. Either way, give me a few minutes before you open the side door. This side of the garage is pretty empty and I'll give it a good squirt down to wash all of the garage spiders away."

"Hah, you're a spider! By the way Charlie, it's getting pretty close to present tense."

"Huh? What does that mean Doodles?"

"I think you wore me down, Charlie. I mean, you were wearing me down for the last three months and I might be ready to "talk" about it soon. Also, ah, aren't there spider concerns on the other side of the garage too?"

"Wait, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that if there are spiders on this side of the garage then it stands to reason that there are spiders behind the work bench and Pete's tool boxes. Should I call Dale and ask him to come over so we can move more stuff out of the way? I mean, if you're going to squirt, then you should squirt it big time, right? Oh, and you know what I mean when I say "we", right?"

"No, I mean yes, I mean, wait, are you saying that we can actually "talk" and stuff?"

"Maybe. I just texted Dale and asked him to stop by. I mentioned the large Horny Man Pizza and he replied that he's on his way. Also, I think about stuff too and you might be winning, so if you're all talk then maybe you should stop talking."

"Alright, hold up! Exactly what kind of things have you been thinking about, Doodles?"

"Listen, I've said too much. I mean, people pre-plan card parties, not what may or may not happen in the bedroom. Dale will be here in 5 and the Pizza will be here in 25."

"Oh no, you're not getting off that easy, Doodles. But to help you out, I'll start. I may or may not think about you having sore knees and not complaining about it. Now you go."

"Well, Charlie, I may or may not think about your body weight and being smushed into the mattress and that's the end of the "may or may not" conversation! It's all "maybe" stuff anyways. Grab your hose."

"Damn Doodles! Wait, one last one and it's not "may or may not" related, it's more "yes" or "no" related. While you were out buying the plastic table cloth for the work bench did you happen to buy any lubricated condoms?"

"Charlie!"

Whoa, holy I didn't think of that snap, right? Thankfully, Dale was just parking on the street before that conversation went any further. Stupid fantasy! Apparently, they don't come with all of the instructions! However, to my advantage, LOL, my cheeks were already brushed with blush, so my internal blush was less noticeable.

"Ah, am I interrupting anything, Doodles? Hey Charlie."

"No Dale, you're right on time. So, listen, Charlie is going to squirt out all of the spiders and dust and I'm worried about Pete's stuff. Maybe you can move his things into the middle while Charlie works his hose, I mean the hose? OMG, it's a warm evening, isn't it?"

"Again, am I interrupting anything?"

"Ah, no, hey, guess what? I'll be annoying tomorrow night. Yeah, let's talk about that. Ah, oh, Charlie, I'm going to be annoying tomorrow night and I'll be annoying within the first 15 minutes."

"And of course, this is just another example of how you say a lot of things, but nobody knows what you're talking about."

"Oh, well, I picked up a new Cleopatra wig with wooden beads woven in. I'll be "click, click, clicking" all night. That's annoying, right? Also, I guess I didn't pick up everything I needed for the party. Ah, Dale, just be careful with Pete's stuff. Pizza in 15 or less."

In other words, I was a little shaken up over the conversation I just had with Charlie and the bathroom cleaning can wait until the morning. It was all I could do to get the paper plates and napkins ready. But the least I could do was to take them a couple of Friday evening beers, right? Which I delivered by using the front door of the house because Charlie told me that opening the garage side door could result in a wet t-shirt situation and I wasn't wearing a cheap t-shirt. When I turned the corner around the front of the garage, I had to bit my tongue! Those two were moving all of Pete's tool boxes and shelves into the middle of the garage all willy-nilly and I have watched Pete use a tape measure to properly place each item precisely in place. Oh, there was a good chance that Pete would be getting fed well for a week because he will come home tomorrow, help Jacob unload the large table and immediately notice that things aren't exactly how he left them. Apparently, the look on my face told Dale everything he needed to know.

"Relax Doodles, I'll put everything right back where it belongs, LOL, or close enough. By the way, tell me more about your annoying hair for tomorrow. Is there a costume or anything that goes with it? I'm asking for a friend. Also, Charlie is my friend."

"Well, even though I didn't pick up everything I need for tomorrow, I did buy the entire costume. It's a full sheer golden black body suit with an over laying Egyptian wrap with a jewel collar that I need as a choker, a headpiece and a fancy tasseled multi chain wrist and finger ring harness. It covers me high and it covers me low and I really like it, but I don't have the hips that it was meant for. Also, I had Valerie show me how it all goes together and she'll be wearing it, so when you gawk at her curves just underneath all that sheer material, well, try to think of me."

"Ah, don't fret Doodles, I think everyone appreciates that you work with what you have. I mean, you have more than a few fans, you know that, right?"

"Also, Valerie may forget to wear the body suit. The costume can be worn as "sexy" or sex ready" at will."

"Alright, and back to you, Doodles?"

"Duh, annoying hair and a burlap bag. Oops, the Pizza is here. We're in here sweetie, in the garage."

"Oh, alright. One large Horny Man Pizza and a salad for the weak CD who wears pajamas at 7pm. $32 even and a round of introductions please. I'm Brie and I'm the best pizza delivery person in town."

"Hmmm, well as the weak CD who wears PJs at 7pm, let me start. I'm Doodles, this is Dale, who is going to pay and tip you and this is Charlie, forget about it, Charlie. Go wash your hands guys and don't make a bigger mess in the half bath."

"Hello boys, looks like someone is cleaning out the garage for a party soon. Oh, and hello Doodles. So, should I be on the look out for a large food order tomorrow? Like five Pizza's, a few Subs, and a Salad for Doodles? Like an order under the name of Doodles? You know, Doodles who will wear something different tomorrow and dump the split ponytail look?"

"Hah, as a matter of fact, the order will be under Doodles or Cleopatra and by that, I mean Cleopatra's side order cook with mildly annoying beaded hair."

Beep! Beep! Beep!

"Who is that? By the way Brie, I wouldn't be mad if we exchange numbers."

"That's my driver, Jimmy J. He'll probably know somebody at this garage party if you don't mind him helping me carry up the 8 Pizza's the 4 Subs and 2 Salads. Give me your phone. Also, did you chase the guys off for another reason?"

"I may or may not need advice on condoms. Like, do I buy them and who puts it on?"

Beep! Beep! Beep!

"Ugh, Jimmy J! Listen, he should bring them, but at the end of day, it's your responsibility to make sure they are available. And then, he'll either hand to you or not. Just go with the flow. Also, buy some so you can practice rolling it on one of your fingers. Nothing spoils a moment like fumbling around at the wrong moment. What's with the Cleo theme? Is it a costume party or something?"

"No, just the boys playing cards and my annoying hair with woven in beads. Also, my friend Valerie stole my sexy Cleopatra costume. She said that such a costume requires real hips."

"Hmmm, so just your annoying hair and a burlap bag?"

"Exactly! I'll text you when I submit the order tomorrow."

Oh, it never hurts to consult with an expert, especially when she agrees that a burlap bag will be my best choice as a back up outfit. But that was for tomorrow and I had two boys to feed and one garage to get washed out and dried.

"Oh, I see you guys couldn't wait to dig in, which is fine. Eat up and enjoy. Charlie, there are two fans in the rafters in case we should get them down to help the drying process. I'll steady the ladder for you."

"Cool, but what are you going to wear tomorrow? And why in the hell did you ask Valerie for help? I mean, there is a wall and then there is hand writing on that wall and it's Valerie, right?"

"I know, but she doesn't shy away from me. Eat. Dale, your family has a Nursey, right? You must have some dirty and torn burlap laying around, right? Anyways, let's get the garage finished."

All of which meant that I would be back to my long ankle jeans, a tropical island t-shirt, flip flops and my annoying beaded hair.

Anyways, the garage cleaning took longer than I expected, but once we got the fans going, the floor and the edges of the walls dried fairly quickly. And all that means I handed Dale a tape measure as he began to push the tool boxes and shelves back into place. And all of that means I was getting rid of Dale as soon as possible, but not before each item was perfectly aligned and spaced from the wall. Pete has it done to a science and science carries a big pay back if you mess it up.

I was happy to have Charlie finish up in the garage as I walked Dale to his sports car after he properly put everything back in place.

"Dale, thanks for your help tonight. So, what if I need some condoms tomorrow night in a brown paper bag and you shut your mouth about it forever?"

"Oh, you're welcome. So, what if I try to get Valarie off to side tomorrow night?"

"Ugh, what if the condoms are in a small brown paper bag that is inside of a small brown unlabeled box and I'll clean up the 2nd floor bedroom as best as I can?"

"Are there spiders up there?"

"You're a spider! Do we have a deal? So, we swipe our noses as you hand me a secret briefcase and you shut it forever? Also, so are condoms sold individually or what?"

"LOL, that's funny. By the dozen. So, you'll put in a good word for me with Valarie? Oh, did you want scented condoms?"

"What? That's a thing? Huh, well, I suppose you know the answer to that. So, at 7:05pm, you pull in, beep your horn twice, flash your lights once while wearing sun glasses with a raised collar and then I run out with large black trash bag and while wearing a trench coat and gloves?"

"Oh yeah, and with your loud clicking and annoying hair. I'll get them in the house. Did you want one right now so you can practice? A real stud always has one or two condoms on him."

"Well, yeah, but how many steps are there? Like 12 steps?"

"Two. Rip and roll. Here and OMG, don't be a sissy and practice on your finger!"

Well, after 21 years, I finally had a condom in my leisure shorts pocket! That's straight up slut, right?

"Holy I'm sexually active now snap, do you think I can post about this?"

"Ah, no Doodles, having a condom and using a condom are two totally different things. Raspberry scent, right?"

Hah, like I'm going to start posting as soon as Charlie leaves! Which was something I still had to tend to tonight. Or should I say he had some tending to do to me, you know, right after I hid the magic practice condom in the junk drawer in the kitchen. And apparently, he thought about what I said about feeling his body weight, which I meant as he was climbing on board, but he was just practicing himself because he was in the right location, even if we were standing up. But it gave me a chance to get a feel for things, so to speak.

"Listen Doodles, we're here alone right now. Why are we waiting?"

"Just giving us both time to think things through. Look, I already told you that you wore me down and I'm at the point of wanting something to happen too. I even taken steps in preparation for it, but I want you to think about that when you're "doing" Doodles, well, you're "doing" Doug and I can't be Doodles 100% of the time. It just doesn't work that way."

"OMFG, you didn't have to say all that!"

"Well, yes I did."

Huh, look at that, will you? He left! And SOB, he left before we could put the two fans back up in the garage rafters which means I might break a damn fake nail. And damn it, leave it up the truth of the matter to possibly ruin a bunch of stolen moments at the party the next night. I mean, I had it all planned out and everything.

End Doodles 01