All Comments on 'Double or Nothing Pt. 04'

Nah, no reconciliation with them.

Be gone thots

so far so good

Getting worse with each chapter

Love the story, the depth of the characters and now the plot. It amazed me, I admit, but the whole attempt on his life thing worked for me. What a dickhead Carol is 😂.

I have tried.

I honestly have.

The chapters are too long and the fantasy too fantastical.

On this last one though I just could not get any further than....."Then again, after the sexual prowess you show with my daughters, your ex-wife would have to be somewhat unsatisfied with him."

Seriously, no father would ever say that, it's beyond ludicrous.

Пробивает до слёз !!!! Отличный сюжет и великолепное изложение -- читается легко и пез запинки !!!!!! Умеете пробить до слёз !!!!

The author seems to be milking Terry’s pain a little too much 😡😡..just like a never ending soap serial! Initially the first two parts held my interest.. now.. not so much! So I ain’t waiting got the next part!

Well written. Thank you for the pleasure of reading it. You obviously had a legal adviser as that part was much better this time. Not perfect and there were things I could highlight with the Trust operation and Uni funds Trust and the Marriage situation but that, like the Law, is just being pedantic to the degree of me being an arsehole! Ha. (There are sections on Relationship Law covering common-law relationships that would apply)

But thanks again and I'm looking forward to the conclusion. Cheers.

I really liked the first chapters. However for me the story is too long and I couldn't get into this chapter, I ended up skipping to the last page.

You are such an awesome writer. . I really enjoyed this story BUT. Why did he give her the money after all that? I wouldn't of gave Carol or MacKenzie shit. I'm petty though so🤷🏽‍♀️. You don't reward bad behavior. you don't reward your treacherous backstabbing self centered selfish little tramp of a daughter, who thought money was better than her father. A man who was there to kiss her boo boos, a man who worked his ass off to give her a good life. A man who loved her from the moment he saw her, a man who read her bedtime stories.a man who took care of her when she was sick, sad, .that little tramp doesn't deserve to even know Terry. I can't blame the whore Carol for MacKenzie behavior. MacKenzie is old enough to know right from wrong. She's old enough to know what's more important. She isn't a 8yro that doesn't know any better and was brainwashed. MacKenzie may have been brainwashed but I don't believe it took much brainwashing to get her to completely betray her dad. She wanted to live like the Joneses. When her mom told her she was leaving her dad for the Dr. all she saw was the new expensive things she could buy. I don't feel sorry for MacKenzie. Again she's old enough to know better. There's no way to excuse or justify this. You can blame Carol or Dr dickhead but let's be real here. How many of us would turn on a loving parent for money? I know I wouldn't. I love my daddy. I remember all the things he did for me. I would never trade him in for money. I know people are gonna be like we'll, she's only 15/16. Umm, in some states she can get married. She's 16 is old enough to know when someone is mind fucking you. Especially if they're trying to get you to screw over someone you claim you love. I'd have more empathy if MacKenzie was 6yro. She's 16!. Those disgusting texts she sent to her dad and her trying to sue her dad would've been enough to erase that little tramp from my heart and memory. There's no way I'd be able to trust MacKenzie again. Her betrayal was worse than her whore mom Carol. She was his daughter, she knew what her mom's plans were and said nothing. Forgiving and trusting MacKenzie again would be impossible. If she was able to lie to her dad for so long all the way to the morning her and her mom went AWOL. I wouldn't trust the little tramp not to plot my murder for my money. since that seems to be all her and Carol want from Terry. Trusting MacKenzie would be like releasing a viper snake in your house and trusting it won't bite you. When someone shows me who they are, I believe them. Terry wants MacKenzie to be the little girl he raised but she might be gone. Even if she isn't gone, the relationship will never be the same. That type of betrayal is bad enough but MacKenzie attitude throughout this whole thing would've just killed evey ounce of love I had for her. I would like to know if the shoes was on the other foot would MacKenzie be on her dad side like she is on her mom or would she be on her mom's side cause her dad is trying to screw her? What if Terry found a rich woman and planned to leave her mom destitute? I guarantee MacKenzie would've been on her mom side. I really don't like these two bitches but MacKenzie really makes my ass itch.

7 pages and 4 chapters and you’re still not done? You’re not writing War and Peace FFS.

I hate stories where the protagonist is superman. Perfect, his life is perfect. His women are perfect.

Life isn’t perfect, we’re not perfect. We have morning breath, our shit stinks and we are sometimes unreasonable. We have good days and we have bad days and we can’t relate to a person who always comes up smelling like a rose.

Enjoyed it, looking forward to reading the next chapter.

Thank you for continuing your tale. I am looking forward to it’s conclusion.

Great story. I do not think it is to long as you continue to provide background and support to your story. Can't wait to read the final chapter

Still don't care about the bitches. What I said about part 1 still stands: you've made these two so cartoonishly evil that I don't care about what looks like an attempt at redemption. And if I thought they were bad in part 1, holy shit did the author crank it up to 11 in parts 2 and 3. They're actual monsters with literally no redeeming qualities.

Very enjoyable and emotional installment. Lol forward to the last two and hopefully many more of your brilliant stories.

All those pages and nothing really advanced. The story is about the father and his daughter. Everything else should be in support of that. The pages of extraneous dialog, sidetracked plot devices and the confrontations between ex wife/daughter added nothing. One confrontation is enough.fine he marries twins. His mother had cancer. His sister is a strong woman who bullies her husband etc... all extraneous. Focus on father vs. Daughter. That is interesting. The rest is supporting and should be brief.

A very interesting Part 4, it merrits 3***. This is due to the fact that the author seems to like using 3 or more words in his storey telling when 1 would do. In addition some of the dialogue appeared stunted.

As I have said in a previous comment, I write non-fiction for newspapers and magazines, for which I am given a word count. Perhaps the author could try setting a reasonable word count and see if he can keep to it. It would also help with keeping descriptions and explainations short yet descriptive.

So Part 1: 4****, parts 2 and 3: 2 ** while part 4 gets 3***. Overall though still only 2**.

Keep up the great work.

Only 1. I this story the doc is alpha male. He definitely asshole but he able to do something. He seduce women who attractive for him. He tries to kill his rival despite hi physically weaker. MC actin as coockold, ex-wife fucks him, he just cries, ex-daughter blames him, hi cries, give up and gives her money. I'm pretty sure, in the next chapter this coock cries again and accept his ex-family back. Despite what feeling his current family.

Average. You've repeated yourself quite alot through out this series, which is very annoying, could have cut out at least 2 pages from each story and would have been better and now it looks like the most vile characters are going to get a pass.

Would love to see something different as in him saying fuck off to both and seeing their shitty lives and regret as thats rare on this site. Won't happen and will probably get the standard BS of forgiveness etc.

I like how you are talking your time to develop your story. Keep it up

Am greatly enjoying this tale! Yeah…lots of stuff is “over the top” on the reality meter…but unlike many stories on here that do that, this one is just entertaining.

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Never did quite figure out the scheme to get him married to both girls. I kinda thought he would have his lawyer sister just draw up a legal contract that provided both wives and their children to anything that normally came with a legal marriage WRT property, rights, etc. The “sticking point” would always be, of course, the kids…LEGALLY…how does one make ALL of them his? In any event, seems tney figured something out 😎

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The Dickhead doctor became a cartoonish figure….and frankly, THAT detracted from his being a villain. Too hapless. Carol is another future candidate for tne Martian Slut Ray Hall of Fame…so stupid..

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Mackenzie seemed…for her age (14-16) just too impressionable. But redeemable. Half expected when she accepted the university $$$ that she would have annoyed the agreement to strike out the provision to never contact Dad again — especially after her apparent “wake up call” in Court. Maybe that is still possible?

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Looking forward to more. Solid 4 ****

I may be wrong here but losing one's licence to practice does not nullify the academic qualification: Dr. Asshole is still Dr. Asshole but he is no longer a medical practitioner.

Aw, hell this is a long, hard-reading story, because most beginning author's write everything that slides through the brain pan. Brevity and concise writing are learned skills enforced by relentless editors. Hell, we all struggle with it at times! Come on, y'all. This is a GREAT story! Piss about the details, the little mistakes, the slow spots... but OP has a hellaciously nice writing 'voice' (I hear this sort of soft, southeastern Ozzie accent), spins a great yarn, and creates pretty decent characters.

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I love it. Most of the most virulent detractors and writing "experts" (beware of 'expert': ex = 'has been'; spurt = 'drip under pressure) have nothing in the profiles, and ANON lurks somewhere out beyond the Kuiper Belt with nothing to show us.

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Keep writing, O2O1! Bring this 'un home... hard, fast and with panache! Bat us a century!! 5++++++/5!!!

5, to encourage you. This last part was too long for the level of action it contained.

Why people are so obsessed with cliffhangers. I mean it's not like you are trying to sell the next issue, what's the point other than how aggravating it is?

This story has been quite a journey for Terry and his family. The author has moved this storyline forward steadily with each new chapter so eloquently and emotionally that I find myself anxiously waiting for the next chapter to be published. The story is well written with great character development. Well Done 5/5

If the mother passing away doesn't bother you then you have no soul. Anxiously waiting part 5

While I am critical of almost all stories of this nature. Your chapters have captured the emotions in each one so far. I have only given 6 (5 stars counting this one) in the last 4 years. You have earned this one. My normal score for a good story is 3 stars.

My reasoning for your score however, is I believe telling this back story to tie things shows insight in the set-up and flow of your various chapters.

I am looking forward to your conclusion.

Ok. I’ll admit that this story is something of a guilty pleasure. Everything is way over the top …..two hot wives, Boris Badenov, Natasha (and Natasha’s daughter, if she had one), the Waltons as in-laws on both sides. But for some reason, it keeps me coming back. I give it a four.

Your doing well. Keep it up.

Normally I would have rated the complete series with the last chapter. But this one with Josephine passing away was so emotionally good written I have to rate it.

There is only one question now, how do I explain my tears to my girlfriend?

Josephines wish about Terry and Mackenzie. I canˋt understand his problem. He must knows, Mackenzie was manipulated.

I loved it and can't wait to read the ending! This has been an unbelievably great 1st effort a solid 5 stars.

After the amount of theme passed since his divorce why does the main character still have an account set up for hi former daughter’s education? That money should have been converted to a trust for his own future since the daughter didn’t want him to be her father and judge already ruled the money was his during the divorce.

This is a ridiculous number of pages for a story this moving towards some kind of reconciliation At least between the main character and his selfish daughter.

Try keeping the next and hopefully last installment to a maximum of 4 literotica pages.

I truly enjoyed this chapter,. As for other comments as you stated previously this is your story tell it your way

This is a really good story.

Thank you other2other1, keep writing.

I can't believe the number of whiners there are reading this story. It seems I am also one. I'm not whining about the story. It is the rudeness of the readers. Their upbringing is lacking. It must be quite a blow to their mothers and fathers.

It's a good story...looking forward to the finale.

No matter what their excuse for contacting Terry, he must not, under any circumstances, forgive Carol. If that happens, this story will absolutely nosedive on the score with very good reason.

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As for Mackenzie, the one condition for reconciliation must be that she disowns Carol and never speaks to her again. Even if her mother has a terminal illness, Carol deserves to die heartbroken and alone.

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You have painted the ex-wife as a total monster and the estranged daughter is not much better. Any forgiveness for Mackenzie must come at very painful expense to Carol for this story to end in a satisfactory way. I'm tentatively looking forward to the next chapter, but the final verdict on this story hangs in the balance.

silly, drawn out dialogue of overused tropes. a mediocre story, overly dramatic, could have been told in 3-4 pages and then only average. as it stands a below average offering.

It is amazing how all the anons totally miss the nuance and finesse of your writing. Despite the amusing title teasing of having twin lovers, wives, and soul mates, this story is an excellent one packed with believable emotion. Kudos to the author for his ability to impart this to the reader.

Very nice story, looking forward to the end!

Another great story. It might be too wordie but still a good story. I see you mentioned about needing an editor. I hope the anonymous reviewer below who claims to be a writer volunteers to be an editor and maybe give you some pointers. It never hurts to have advice. Some may think why do I not volunteer well if not for spell checkers and grammar checkers in Word I would be lost and I do not want to volunteer. I learned to N.A.V.Y. Never again volunteer yourself.

Loving it so far, and can't wait to see the ending.

In the last installment, I made a note saying that one problem with multi-chapter stories like these is sometimes some installments offer little to the overall narrative. Your last installment had that problem. This one does not. It was great, it advanced the plot, and now leaves me ready to take on the next installment. Keep up the good work!

5-stars!

-JMFC

This series is gripping. Well done and don’t apologies for anything, it’s a brilliant story well written.

1 star

Unnecessarily dragging this out

Wow

Some of the plot lines in this storyare way over the top, but your ability to capture and explore some of the core feelings/elements of familial relationships is outstanding. You had me in tears a few times in this chapter. As a father with four daughters, I can't imagine the pain I would go through if MacKenzie was my child. 5* and looking forward to the conclusion!

Excellent work can't wait for V

As a father, he failed. He badly needed to teach his former daughter one final lesson: Actions have consequences.

He should never have given her the money. Nor further affection.

Not because of his ego. Nor his feelings. But because of that one last lesson needed to sop her from continuing as the entitled princess she remains.

The judge ruled correctly, and taught her something about justice. And the MC destroyed the lesson.

Urrgggh. You are dragging this out.

I can see you deciding Mackenzie probably needs a marrow transplant the way this is going. Don't do that. It's implausible as if is. Let him finally move on.

Thank you everyone for the comments, like the story or not I have enjoyed writing it and I love the level of engagement you have.

I ended up just taking a few days off with my wife and kids. No one else but time with them, its been good.

But now we have one more chapter to go in the Double or Nothing Series, It is written I just need an editor. As few of you have reached out in private message over the past two days, as such where I have a return address I will reply privately so we can get this story finished.

I do have two other stories I want to write, both of them a little more on the burn side of things, then I have three other series. But I won't post until I have it all written. *Hand on heart*

**** Interesting storytelling. Thanks for sharing.

Previous anonymous,

IT is my honour and great pleasure to inform you that you are a gigantic fucking idiot and should refrain from sharing anything that comes up from your smooth as silk brain. You can't control people's actions. He did his best but his daughter decided to be a cunt. He did what was best for his future family, who are much better deserve and deserve his love unlike his ex-daughter.

Issuing whatever instructions are needed to pull back the trust money now that the agreement has been broken.

What ever you do do not listen to the negative comments as they usually come from people with NO talent. You obviously have plenty. Remember those that can write do, those that can’t write edit , those that can’t edit critacise

I have enjoyed every part of your story and remember it is just a story

Another great story. And, I thank you for it.

Yeah, I cried reading the death of Josephine myself. It was truly moving. 4/5

This one is a real tour de force I have thoroughly enjoyed your depth of characterization. Your paint with such broad strokes yet you spend the time to make these characters transcend the cartoon cutout stage to that of “real” people saying believable things to each other and displaying real emotions. The metanarrative is tight and you stick to it forsaking the common practice of running too many extraneous sex scene rabbit trail additions. Everything is in its proper place and well organized.

I also note how well you employ foreshadowing. So far nothing hits the reader out of left field but is properly introduced with hints and framing. Plot is tight and your logic is sufficient for the reader to properly suspend disbelief

Gotta do a shout out for my favorite character so far MacKenzie. I simply love the jeckle and Hyde thing here. Seeing how you have used this daughter to show the influence of how ephemeral any status quo is quite refreshing. She becomes the bellweather foreshadowing sign for each stage in the protagonist’s inner transformation. I look forward to reading further in the concluding installment of this excellent series.

Of Course 5 stars…

Truly a great story. So far, 5 stars for each 4 parts. I love a great story!

Great story, excellent mix of just the right amount of sex with good and selfish chaacters. Can't wait for the next chapter.

It is easy to figure why they are back. Lets see 5k a month from 142k for 2 years means it is almost gone and they want more.

Overall great story but why 2 girlfriends ? It somehow took the sheen of the MC.

Hey Everyone,

Once again, thank you for all the amazing feedback, for my very first series I have been overwhelmed with the amount of encouragement that I have received.

Just so your aware, with the change over of editors, I have found an editor to help me post Part V, its in edit at the moment. All going well hopefully the initial draft edit will be back this week, we can polish and post next week (crosses fingers).

Thanks everyone

John Other

I do a lot of reading on The Other Site, and long chapter stories are common. What many authors there do, is build up a backlog of chapters before they begin posting, then begin releasing chapters on a regular basis, say once a week, while they write later chapters. This enables readers to start a story secure in the knowledge that they won't be left hanging. Literotica authors would be well-advised to adopt a similar practice if they insist on posting before a story is complete.

tears for the mother passing and for the ex daughters treatment of her father been there and done that.

Loved it... Thoroughly enjoyed reading the 1st 4 chapters, can't wait until the next 1...5 Stars... Added to favs...

I agree with mightyheart. 2 girlfriends/wives took an excellent story and turned it into a mediocre one for me.

Can't imagine twins wanting to be with the same guy married even after the initial "saving". This was much longer than I enjoy reading; however, it was super captivated, extremely well written with the characters believable. I felt that I was along side Terry's anguish, & can't blame him for not wanting anything to do with either female. I was surprised, though, that he gave away the college funds, even with the bit of restrictions. I was expecting some - maybe $25Gs, but keeping the rest for his children & Kim's children. I wouldn't have done that amount. Sorry, McKenzie didn't deserve it at all in her treatment of her birth father.

. But at the end, I didn't get the need to return to the beginning. But in spite of the above, I'm giving it 5 stars.

Liked this chapter. Well done.

Finally the focus was outside of mc and other characters got something to say. Even if only in court.

Interesting to see what they've done since court. He payed 142 K to forget them. Now they appear and his hate is very fresh. Something must've happened after court to trigger his strong reaction.

Thank you for a very captivating story.

Thank you to last minute editors for reaching out, I've just submitted Part V to publishing.

I know some of you will like it, others won't, but I do know I enjoyed writing the story and trying a few different things. I've learnt a lot and look forward to writing more :)

Wonderfull storey, I can’t wait for the next chapter. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

It’s a shame that you ruined a perfectly good story by rallying around religion. a religion that rapes and abuses young boys around the world. It’s A telling sign of one’s mindset

All I know is I'm glad I haven't started this yet. I MAY read it when it's finished.

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I laugh at tralan whining about rude comments, since he's about the rudest out their. Most of his comments are insulting other comments, rarely commenting on the stories.

Phil, Hit a nerve too close to home?

I have given each chapter of this story a 5 star score, and it's well deserved. I did wait till the end of chapter 4 to comment however. With this chapter ending this way, I can't wait to see the next one to see where it goes from here. It's like driving towards a destination and the road ends up at a solid wall before reaching that destination. Thank you for a fantastic story indeed. Loved it!!!

'Wildbill

Please finish this!!!

More than ready for next chapter. Hope dickhead becomes a gangbang queen. Any wife and daughter that would act like that are 29 feet lower than whale shit. Excellent story.

Hi Everyone,

A few people have asked about Part 5. Just confirming that it was submitted for publishing last week following my change in editor.

Just waiting on site admins to approve it's publishing.

Great story so far, can’t wait for the chapter.

Enjoying the story up to now which is unusual, as I'm not usually into polyamory stories. Unfortunately, I have found one continuity error in the first part near the beginning you stated this.

"But, unfortunately, my mum had passed away a few years ago, so it was just him, and being he had worked hard all his life and deserved to have a bit of fun."

In this last part you imply it's been a little over a year, two at the most. I hope you don't think I'm nitpicking here but it was one of those things that stuck out like a sore thumb to me.

This story generates the feeling in the reader that all stories should, it comes from a talent that is rare in this category Thank You 5*****

I really can't believe how many people, especially anons, want to change YOUR story! It is a GREAT story line and very well written evoking emotions that very few stories can accomplish. Yes, the chapters have been a long time coming but they are worth the wait even when I have to backtrack the previous chapter due to my failing memory. Excellent writing and please continue it in the future. Thank You

I've had to go back and reread the last few chapters. 5 stars for each. I really like the story you've created.

This would definitely be on the bestseller list.

You got me with tears in my eyes too buddy so don’t worry about that 😉

Great flow

Still hanging on, with rapt attention.

OMG, you had me in tears with Mom’s death bed scene. Riveting story, you’re good!

This story get more unreal and stupid. Didn't the crazy doctor confessed? Wasn't in writting? And yes, of course, the plumber became not only a successful manager but a sex dynamo with not only one hot girlfriend and wife, but two! In the meantime, his former family, who are only interested in the money keep pestering him and we doesnt get a restraining order against them. Just plain stupid.

Difference between council and counsel, and councillor who sits on a council, and counsellor, one who advises.

engrossing story, every word. My suggestions: Trust fund for ex daughter would be solely administered by Kim as Terry could not bear to hear about it. When the ex's showed up and Kim took Terry's hand at one side of him and Melody on the other, Harmony should have gracefully nudged Kim aside and taken Terry's hand and Kim's to link them all together.

loved the premise, but too much inconsequential details. 4 stars due to run on

Nicely done. Yes, to all who think it is too long, it is not. Dialed in well.

counsel and council are not alternative spellings, they are completely different words.

I suggest you find out where commas and particularly semi-colons belong in a sentence, you clearly have no idea at the moment.

Please take this as constructive criticism, not destructive.

Just for the sake of punctuation.;;;;;,,,,.....!!!!!!! here's a few for free.

There’s a lot of repetition in this story which contributes to the slow pace. I’m tired of Carol and McKenzie ambushing Terry; same old same old. Also, in most British Commonwealth countries, surgeons are usually called “Mr.,” not “Doctor.” Google it if you don’t believe me. I’ll grant the author this, the story is original. What guy doesn’t dream of having 2 women? Unfortunately, Terry may find the fantasy is better than the reality. His libido will slow down as he ages, so keeping up with two women may bring on an early heart attack. And it’s hard to believe that jealousy won’t ever rear its ugly head. There is a saying in America: Want to fight? Join the army or get married! Thanks for writing.

Terry is too perfect to exist- he cannot do anything wrong. Can he walk on water? In the USA it is illegal to have more than one spouse.