Doubt Pt. 01

"When did this conversation turn to my issues?" Demi asked.

"Oh, don't fret, we all have our issues." He replied. "For instance, Debbie here has a big mouth and doesn't know when to shut it."

"I'm still waiting for you to make me shut it." Debbie said.

Demi takes another sip of her drink as Earl and Debbie continue to go back and forth.

------

"Morning, hone." Michael said to Demi as he walked into the kitchen, the next morning.

"Good morning to you too." Demi replied, giving him a peck on the lips. "Did you sleep well?" She asked.

"Of course, I always do afterwards." Michael replied.

They had made love last night. It wasn't very good, but Demi had no other point of reference to compare, so she thought it was great.

They had gone out on a romantic date together last night. Demi wore a little black dress that hugged her curves perfectly. They had a wonderful evening and it of course ended with sex.

"Before I forget again, the storage unit place called me yesterday. We gotta pay the rent by Saturday." Michael told her.

"Ok, I'll swing by after work and pay for it." Demi responded.

"Well, I was thinking maybe you could go through the stuff and see what's worth keeping and what's junk." Michael replied.

"I don't know if I'll have time this week." She told him.

"Why don't you go Saturday?" He responded.

"I had plans with Debbie on Saturday." Demi said.

"You could reschedule with Debbie. I'm sure she'll understand." Michael responded. "It would save us a few dollars each month. Maybe we could even take a trip after my dissertation is done."

"Alright, will you come help me?" Demi asked.

"Unfortunately, no. I'm very busy all weekend." Michael told her.

"Ok, well, I can go by myself. Maybe I can rope Debbie in somehow." She responded.

"Great, I gotta go but I'll see you tonight." He replied after checking the time.

Demi had her breakfast, then got ready to go to work. She put on a white blouse and black skirt, her ass looking delicious in the tightly wrapped skirt.

Just as she was leaving, Earl came out of his apartment.

"Demi, before you go, I just wanted to officially invite you to your welcoming brunch down at the club." He said to her.

"Oh, how nice, you didn't need to do that." She replied.

"It's something we do for all new members." Earl responded. "Can you do a week from Saturday?"

"Yes, that's very thoughtful of you guys." She said.

"Oh, it's our pleasure." He replied.

Demi went to work and started working on catching up with some emails. The company was in the process of designing next year's models, so people were a bit on edge. The tension was palpable when Demi walked in.

"Guess what?" Samantha, Demi's work best friend, asked.

"No, don't tell me." Demi groaned.

"Yep, Brian had a fight with his wife." Samantha told her. "And it's your turn to dive on that grenade."

Brian was Demi's boss. He was usually such a quiet man, one of those as long as you do your work, I won't interfere with it. But after a fight with his wife, he would corner one of the employees and talk for what seemed like forever. The employees started taking turns listening to him.

"Ugh, what a nice welcome back gift." Demi said getting up from her desk.

"I have some expense reports he needs to sign." Samantha told her, handing her a few documents. "Have fun."

Demi walked down towards his office. She got several looks from her co-workers that said 'sorry' and 'thanks' simultaneously. Brian's door was open, a clear sign of his fight with his wife. He would try to rope in anyone who walked by into a conversation. Demi took a deep breath and entered the all white office.

"Hey Brian." She said walking into the office. "Samantha asked me to get you to sign these expense reports."

Brian was a pretty average looking middle-aged man. His hair line was receding a bit, he had brown eyes and a few wrinkles on his brow. He could lose 10 pounds but otherwise was in decent shape.

"Terrific." He said. "You have a good day off."

"Ya, it was really..." Demi began to say.

"Great, let me tell you about my horrible night." Brian cut her off and began his tirade about his fight.

'Here we go.' Demi thought as she sat down in the chair across his desk and braced herself.

Brian goes on and on in excruciating details about his fight with his wife. Demi couldn't get 2 words in as he yammered on for 45 minutes. Demi tried to listen and look concerned but found it increasingly difficult the longer he went on.

"I could use a drink." He finally said. "You want one?"

"It's not even 10am." Demi replied.

"You sound like someone who isn't yet married." He responded.

"I don't think you mentioned how this whole fight started." Demi said.

"She threw away my steaks." He replied.

"Seems like a harmless mistake." Demi responded.

"These steaks were worth $250 each." He told her, which caused Demi to gasp. "They were for a buddy of mine who just beat cancer, he was coming over Friday to celebrate. But my wife yesterday decided we shouldn't be eating red meat anymore. And because she's a controlling bitch, she threw it all away without consulting me. You know I didn't even design my own office, my wife did. Said white suits me best. I fucking hate it. I'm telling you gotta watch out for the warning signs."

"What are the warning signs?" Demi asked.

"It starts small, choosing a restaurant on date night, giving you clothes they like or making you change your plans to whatever they want." Brian told her.

It was the last one that caught Demi off guard. It was something Michael did fairly often, just like this morning. She kind of tuned Brian out as he went into another tirade about his wife. She became hyper fixated on the last warning sign.

"Geez, look at the time. You should get back to work." Brian said, suddenly alerting Demi to the conversation being over. "Thanks for listening." Brian said as Demi left.

Demi couldn't help but feel a little off the rest of the day. A seed had been planted in her mind and while she shook it off for now, it would begin to grow soon enough.

------

It was Saturday and Demi found herself alone at the storage unit. She had worn just some sweats, not wanting anything to get dirty. There was a lot more stuff than she remembered, and this was probably gonna take longer than she thought.

It's mostly boxes, so Demi had to open each and go through the contents to see if they were worth keeping. She couldn't get anyone to help, so she was here alone. After 45 minutes, she opened a box and found an old diary.

'Oh wow, this is from when I first came over.' She thought, as she flipped through the book. She read a few passages, starting with one she wrote when she first came over:

'College is very interesting and new. There's so many people, I get a little shy, especially in class. What if I say something stupid and look like an idiot? I've met a few friends, my best friends right now are Debbie and Michael. They're both very nice and are encouraging me to be more adventurous. I had to go buy new clothes, luckily Michael was willing to help me. We went shopping, but he said everything looked good on me, which I just didn't think was true until I talked to Debbie about it. She told me, I was the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen, that I looked like a goddess. It was really nice of her to say.'

Demi got a little smile as she remembered her first little while in America. She was really glad she met Michael and Debbie and they got along so well, especially early on. She read another passage from a few weeks later:

'Michael asked me out! It really surprised me. I didn't even think he was into me like that. I accepted but told him I want to take things slow. He told me that's ok. He's such a sweet guy. I don't know if I like-like him yet but I want to at least try dating him first.'

Demi flipped a couple of pages ahead and continued reading, interested in what her younger self thought.

'Michael is a great boyfriend. He's encouraging me to do new things, even if I'm scared. He's bought me some new clothes. They're a bit risque, not stuff I'd usually wear, but he told me I can wear them when I'm comfortable. He says I'm sexy, and he wants to show me off to the world. How sweet of him. He also buys us food all the time. He'll come over, usually with Donagan's, his favorite restaurant on campus and we'll eat together. I am not the biggest fan of American food but I enjoy the time with him.'

Demi got a weird feeling in her stomach. She remembered her boss's warning signs and she couldn't help but feel a little controlled. Even today, her wardrobe is mostly based on what Michael likes. She pushed those feelings away, telling herself she's just being paranoid. Then, she read the passage, the day after she lost her virginity.

'It happened last night, I lost my virginity to Michael! I wish my parents could see me now.

We went over to his parent's house for Sunday dinner. It's the only place to get a real home cooked meal. And his parents are super nice and seem to really like me. When we were riding the bus home, it started raining, and we got soaked running back to our dorm rooms. We went up to his room, and he gave me a towel to dry off. He said we should get out of our wet clothes and quickly took off his own. I said I wasn't comfortable. He told me not to worry. He walked over and kissed me, then peeled my clothes off. He moved me over to my bed and laid me on my back. I told I wasn't sure if I was ready. He told me I was and that it would be wonderful. It was. It was like nothing I've experienced before. He was very tender with me, which I appreciate. It was wonderful and I can't wait to do it again with him.'

Demi's face goes white from reading the passage. In her mind, she had always thought it was her choice to lose her virginity. But reading this, the true memory came back. Michael had made that choice for her, she was just too naïve to realize at the time. She read one last passage, hoping it made her feel better. It was from a few days before she was almost kidnapped.

'I think it's time I broke up with Michael. He's very nice and sweet but there's so much I haven't experienced. He'll always be special to me but he's not my soulmate. I'll probably wait a few days, just to make sure I'm ready. I think I might go for someone older than me. I've always wanted to date an older guy. There's a cute middle-aged guy who I see at the coffee shop every day. He doesn't have a ring, maybe he's single?'

Demi was shaking. Was her whole relationship with Michael a mistake? He had always been a bit controlling. Maybe because of her upbringing, Demi never noticed. But now, every memory of him was under a microscope to see if he was controlling her. The more she thought about it, the more anxious she got.

It wasn't just that Michael was a bit controlling but also something her younger self wrote. Her younger self wanted to experience more, not be with the same man her whole life. Was she right? Was she missing out on something she had yet to discover?

These thoughts circled her brain as she threw out most of the rest of the contents of the storage unit and drove home.

------

It had been nearly a week since Demi looked through her diary and started to doubt her relationship with Michael. She tried to spend time with Michael on Sunday to remind herself that she enjoys spending time with him. It didn't work.

She always knew he was stubborn, but now her eyes were open to just how stubborn he was. They watched a movie together and no matter how much she tried to compromise with him, he wouldn't budge off his favorite movie. He did the same thing when they were ordering food in. Even when she tried to change their apartment's temperature, he immediately changed it back.

"Everything alright?" Michael asked over dinner.

"Ya, I just got the Sunday night blues." She replied. "Got a lot of work this week, I'll probably be staying late at work a lot this week."

"Oh, ok." Michael said. "Guess that will give me time to work on my dissertation."

All week Demi had stayed late at work. She had been working on her designs but she finished those on Wednesday and now she was kind of screwing around. She was avoiding Michael at all costs, even going to Debbie's after, so her only contact with him is a few minutes before they go to sleep.

She had told no one about her feelings, too embarrassed to say them out loud. Her whole adult life has been centered around Michael but now after 10 years, she has doubts. It seemed preposterous to her, but it was how she was feeling.

Demi was hard at 'work', when she was surprised by the sound of a glass being put down beside her. She turned around and saw Brian placing a glass of Scotch down on her desk, while holding his own.

"You look like you could use a drink." He said, leaning against her desk.

"Thanks." Demi replied, accepting the drink.

"Been working late a lot, you know you're not paid by the hour." Brian joked.

"Ya, I've been working on perfecting my design." Demi told him. "How are things with Linda?"

"Ummm... well, I'm getting a divorce." He replied.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." She responded.

"Don't be." He told her. "I'm finally taking control of my life."

"How'd Linda take it?" Demi asked.

"Not well." He laughed. "But that ain't my concern no more."

"Do you regret marrying her?" Demi replied.

"Yes and no." He answered. "I was a naive kid with a bit of money when I met her and she took advantage of that. I needed to learn that lesson. What I regret is staying with her for 20 years."

"Hmmm." Demi said, thinking about her own situation.

"You know if you ever need to talk, even about your own relationship, I'm here for you." He told her.

"What, how..." Demi said at a loss for words.

"Working late all week is a pretty obvious sign, something ain't right at home." He said. "I've done it plenty of times myself."

"I just can't express it right now." She told him.

"Hey, when you find the words my door is open." He replied.

They clinked glasses and threw back the last little bit of Scotch. Brian left Demi alone after, her thoughts now swirling about their conversation and its relation to her own life.

------

"Mmm... you look really good in that." Michael said, walking into the room where Demi was.

"Huh? Oh, thanks." Demi said. She was caught off guard as she looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing an orange sundress with purple and green flowers, showing a hefty amount of cleavage. Michael had picked the dress out for her, and she was contemplating if she actually liked it.

"You know maybe we should just skip this brunch and stay home." Michael said, walking up behind Demi, reaching around to grab her breasts and kissing her neck.

"No, we can't." She replied, having been avoiding physical intimacy with Michael. "I promised Earl we'd come." She said, turning and getting out of his hold.

"Fine, but when we get home, I reserve the right to tear that dress off you." He responded.

"Only if you're a good boy today." Demi replied.

Just then they heard a knock at the door, and then Earl entered.

"Hey, are you guys ready to go?" He asked.

"Yep, let me just grab my purse." Demi replied, walking into their front hall.

They all carpooled together in Earl's Jaguar. Demi was quiet on the way there as Earl and Michael talked sports.

The welcome brunch was held in the club's rec room. It was a large open room, they had set up some tables for the occasion, some for sitting others for the food to be placed down on. They served brunch buffet style, with people coming and grabbing a plate as they pleased. There were about 30 other members who had shown up to meet Demi and Michael.

Demi was the most beautiful person in the room, that was usually a given no matter who else was in the room. But it was especially true today as many of the other members were much older. Demi and Michael found themselves at a table sitting with several other couples.

"Earl tells me you just got engaged." Jenny said, a 50ish woman sitting next to Demi. "That's exciting."

"Ya, it is." Demi replied, looking over and seeing Michael deep in conversation with someone else. "We'd been together for so long, it was a matter of timing."

"Have you started planning yet?" Jenny asked.

"No, I'll start over the summer." Demi answered. "We want something smaller. More lowkey."

"I know how expensive weddings can get so if you're looking for a venue, the club gives great rates to members." Jenny told her. "I've been to a couple of weddings in the botanical gardens, it's very lovely."

"I'll keep it in mind." Demi responded.

"Are you nervous about all the decisions you'll have to make?" Jenny asked.

"A little, it's a lot of work to plan a wedding." Demi truthfully responded.

"Ya, hopefully Michael is more helpful than my Rick was." Jenny joked.

"I heard my name." Rick said, butting into their conversation.

"I was just telling Demi here how you didn't really help plan the wedding." Jenny replied.

"Only because I wanted to elope." He responded. "I told her I just wanted to marry her, it didn't matter where, when or who was there."

"That's right." Jenny said as if she was remembering it at that moment. "You wanted me to be your missus as fast as possible."

"Ya but I'm glad we had our wedding." He said then Jenny gave him a peck on the lips. Demi watched and smiled as the 2 of them reminisced about their wedding day.

Later on, after everyone was finished eating, people began to walk around and talk. Michael and Demi split up and talked to the other members. Demi saw an empty table and took a moment alone. She sat down and took a few deep breaths. Even today, a day to celebrate her and Michael joining the club, Demi couldn't help but feel that doubt whenever she looked at him from across the room. She told herself that the doubt she was feeling was just temporary, and she'd get over it soon enough. But she somehow knew that was a lie, that this wasn't going away anytime soon.

Earl saw Demi and walked up to her. "You wanna go somewhere quiet?" He asked her, holding his hand out to her.

"Ya sure." She said, taking his hand and being whisked away.

Earl took her to the botanical gardens out back, where they could be alone. It was a perfect timing as well, as the botanical gardens was in full bloom, resulting in a cacophony of colors. They walked through looking at all the beautiful plants.

"Wow, it's beautiful today." Demi notes, then bent over to smell a particularly colorful flower. Her dress slid up her silky thighs and Earl took notice, feeling teased as he wondered what her bare ass would look like. Demi stood back up straight allowing Earl to regain some composure.

"Are you doing ok?" Earl asked, having noticed Demi acting strange recently.

"Yes, I'm doing fine. I'm... I'm fine." Demi lied.

"Really? Cause you don't seem yourself." He replied, having seen through that obvious lie.

"I'm... not fine." Demi responded, her whole body slumping as she relaxed for the first time today. They stopped walking and sat on a nearby bench.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I'm just having doubts about my relationship with Michael." She told him.

"Oh, that's heavy." He replied.

"Ya." Demi responded. "I don't want to feel this way but I do."

"Do you know why?" Earl asked.

"Ya, I'm questioning how much choice I have in our relationship. I'm starting to feel like Michael's a bit controlling." Demi said.

"Come here." He said, giving Demi a hug as he noticed her eyes tearing up.

"I just don't know what to do." She told him.

"You know Cathy had a bit of doubt before we got married." He replied as they pulled away from the hug, Earl leaving a hand on Demi's back.