Dreams and Wishes Ch. 01

"Auntie Krys, you have lovely shaped nails," observed Rowena.

"Thank you, Mouse: you have lovely nails too, and I love that colour of nail varnish."

"May I paint your nails? You can choose the colour," she suggested.

I agreed happy to spend time with each of my nieces. I don't usually wear nail varnish, but allowed Rowena to give me a manicure and paint my nails in a light pink.

"You are really good at this, thank you."

"We try to help each other most of the time. It's nice to have sisters to share with."

"Yes, it certainly is," I agreed thinking back to my early years with Sophia.

*

Heather appeared wearing a new dark red dress I had bought her with glossy tights. She looked very grown up. She had applied make up ready for mid-day dinner.

"Well look at you my pretty Bunny, are you meeting you know who?" I whispered.

"No, I just thought it's Christmas and I would try some of my new makeup. I love my new dress, thank you."

"Well you look beautiful."

"Thank you Auntie Krys. After dinner I could do your make-up if you wanted?"

I agreed, by mid-afternoon I was sat with my eyes closed as Heather began her art class on my face. I provided my modest bag of cosmetics, but she insisted on bringing hers too. It was surprisingly calming allowing someone else to apply makeup. I don't normally like surprises, but I felt serene. I wasn't permitted to look until I was finished. Sophia, Grace and Rowena joined us as the final touches were completed.

"Well do I look okay?" I asked.

"Auntie Krys, you always look beautiful, but I think Heather has done a really good job. I like it," reported Rowena.

"I like it too, Heather please do me next," pleaded Grace.

"And me," requested Sophia.

"I hope you like it," said Heather handing me a mirror.

I looked at my reflection and my mouth dropped.

"Heather, I am lost for words. I'm..."

I paused moving the mirror to appreciate the highlights and blending. It was subtle, modest and understated, but I was more me than I had ever been.

"You can say it," prompted Sophia.

"Beautiful," chorused my three nieces.

I felt something lodge in my throat. Don't cry I told myself- I didn't want to ruin Heather's efforts.

"Thank you so much. You have all made me pretty. Heather you will have to show me how you did that. I will wear a dress for dinner and I need my phone. I need to take a picture," I said.

"Let me take some photographs, we can then choose the best ones and I'll email them to you," suggested Rowena.

I nodded. The afternoon was joyful. By the time the light began to fade we were all made up. Rowena set her camera on a pile of books and used her remote control to take a group picture.

*

I was in my room changing my earrings in readiness for more photographs.

"Auntie Krys, there's someone downstairs to see you," reported Rowena.

She scampered away before I could ask any questions. Who would want to see me here? No-one knew where I was! I descended the stairs to find Robbie in the hallway.

"Robbie? What are you doing here?" I asked caught unprepared.

"It's lovely to see you too Krystyna. Your sister said I could visit," he replied with a grin.

"Who's Krystyna?" asked Rowena.

"Sorry, you surprised me and you know I'm not good with surprises. Wait, what have you done with Merlin?" I asked.

"Who's Merlin?" asked Grace.

"Everything is fine. Auntie Krys is Krystyna. Everyone take a breath," suggested Sophia.

Robbie squatted down to be the same height as Grace.

"Merlin is my big black cat, he's nearly as big as a tiger. Krystyna, your Auntie Krys, made friends with him when she stayed with me, and in answer to the question he's being looked after by my neighbour Beth," explained Robbie.

"Oh, you're Sir Robbie, the knight that fought the snow dragon," revealed Rowena.

Robbie's expression was one of total confusion. I laughed.

"Bunny, Squirrel and Mouse please say hello to Robbie," I introduced them.

A hundred questions from three directions followed. I watched happily as Robbie tried to answer the interrogations from my three nieces.

"Girls, come and help me in the kitchen. Let Auntie Krystyna and Robbie have a moment," suggested Sophia.

They reluctantly retreated leaving us alone.

"It's so good to see you, but I thought you had to work?" I asked.

"I did, but then I asked for some holiday. I wanted to see you. I missed you. I have a couple of days off."

"You're staying here with us?"

"Your sister invited me. I would like to stay if that is okay with you. I have a confession I used my phone history to find your sister's phone number. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Oh, Robbie that is so okay with me."

"I have some things in the car. Should I bring them in?"

"Sure, let me help you."

"You look amazing," he said reaching for my hand.

We went to his car. I was expecting a police vehicle, but instead an old style black Land Rover Defender was parked in the yard. It was an older 110 model long wheel base complete with roof rack, front bar with extra lights and a snorkel. It looked like it was ready for the end of the world.

"Wow, I like this," I said.

"Well if you are good, I'll let you drive it."

"If I'm good?" I teased remembering another conversation when we first met.

I hugged him and let him kiss me. I saw movement from the corner of my eye.

"We're being watched," I told him with a laugh.

"Oh, I had best behave then."

We unloaded taking his things into the house. We regrouped in the lounge.

"I didn't have a lot of time so I hope the presents will be okay. I have presents for the artist, the explorer and the photographer," explained Robbie.

He handed over the three packages. The three girls were surprised. They each thanked him and hugged him. There were art pencils and a drawing pad for Heather, a compass and wind up torch for Grace, and a mini camera tripod for Rowena. There were also socks for everyone. He handed Sophia a bottle of wine.

"But what about the most important person -- what about Auntie Krys?" asked Rowena.

"Has Auntie Krystyna been a good girl?" asked Robbie.

"Mostly," I admitted feeling my face flush remembering our activities over the past few days.

He handed me a box. I opened to reveal a bottle of cherry brandy. The label was marked with an X.

"Thank you that's very kind."

He handed me another smaller parcel. I opened the second package finding scarlet fluffy socks. We laughed.

Rowena took more photographs of our little group. Rowena took more snaps of Robbie and me. Heather sat and sketched us, but wouldn't let us see until it was finished.

Later when the girls were in bed Robbie gave me another present. I opened the silver paper it to find pale blue satin lingerie: panties, bra, suspender belt, pale lace topped stockings and a chemise. There was a muted design of vines, leaves and flowers on the fabric.

"How did you know my size?" I asked as I kissed him.

"I sneaked a peak when I washed your clothes following your swim in the loch."

"Thank you."

We went to separate rooms to sleep. It took me a long while to surrender to sleep.

*

December 29

I was woken from my dreams by Heather. It was nearly three in the morning.

"Auntie Krys, Robbie is fighting something," she whispered.

"Okay, leave it to me, go back to sleep, thank you Bunny."

I knocked on Robbie's door slipping inside.

"Take cover," called Robbie.

"Robbie, you're safe. It's Krystyna. You're having bad dreams."

"Krystyna? I'm at your sister's house? Did I wake everyone?"

"Yes I'm Krystyna, yes this is Sophia's house, and no just Heather. She came and found me."

"I'm sorry. It happens once in a while," he mumbled.

"It's okay. Let me lay beside you. I'll keep you safe. I'll tell you another story to help you sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, let me cuddle you."

"I should have told you I have PTSD. I should have been honest too. In my waking life I have techniques to deal with it. I can function quite well, but once in a while it can invade my dreams. I can't control my unconscious mind."

I cuddled close holding his hand.

"We both have challenges. I will accept you as you are. I wouldn't change you, but I would do almost anything to let you sleep in peace."

"You promised me a story. Please are you able to share why you call your nieces bunny, squirrel and mouse?" requested Robbie.

I giggled and kissed him.

"Are you all snuggled? Then I'll begin. It's not really a story as such, but I'll tell you how they given their names. When Heather was born, I visited the hospital: she had this little woollen hat on to keep her head warm- it looked like she had cute little ears on top of her head. I said she looked like a bunny- the name stuck. Her first stuffed toy from me was a rabbit. You know Beatrix Potter? Well it was Cottontail in a yellow dress and matching ribbons around her ears. That stuffed bunny went everywhere."

"That's a lovely story."

"When Grace was born she had fine red hair. Well she has lovely long red hair now. In the Beatrix books there is a red squirrel called Nutkin. I made up a small parcel with nappies, wipes, tiny body suits and a toy squirrel. Her squirrel has a blue scarf and socks. When Rowena was born I was in Belgium for work. She was a few weeks early and so tiny. When I came home I found a Beatrix mouse. The mouse has a red dress and a ribbon on her tail. So now you know the story."

"I think it's wonderful. They obviously love you very much."

"And I love them all so much too. I love you too."

*

December 30

We slept. At dawn I sneaked back to my room. I dozed happily, but kept having naughty dreams of Robbie.

"Do you like sausage Auntie Krys?" asked Heather at breakfast.

I nearly choked on my coffee.

"Just some scrambled eggs and toast for me today please."

Robbie smiled at me. May be he realised what I was thinking.

After breakfast Robbie and I set out for a walk. We talked a lot. We shared stories from our past. We held hands.

"My PTSD is pretty bad at times, I'll understand if you want out," he offered.

"I don't want out," I confirmed.

"In that case you need to know about the darkest moment that I relive over and over."

"Tell me if you are comfortable talking about it. Tell me if it helps you. I don't want to see you suffer."

"I think I need to tell you."

"Okay."

"It always begins with a huge explosion. A road side IED that shreds the lead vehicle blocking the road. Everyone inside was killed instantly. The convoy was then attacked by rockets and mortars. We were surrounded. I lost so many of my comrades."

We sat on a large felled tree trunk. I listened as he told me of the attack. Being trapped as the vehicle burned around him, dragged out with his uniform on fire, then being shot as he was hauled to cover. Reinforcements arrived and rescued them. He was air lifted to the hospital. I knew I would never truly understand. I could only imagine the horror. You can only appreciate some things when you have experienced it first-hand. He finally broke down and cried as I held him.

"When the terrors come I'll be with you," I assured him.

We sat and held each other for the longest time. We talked some more about our past. I think sharing some of the hardships took away some of the pain. We walked back to the house holding hands.

*

31 December. New Year's Eve. Hogmanay.

Robbie was still staying with us. We had been as discreet as possible regarding sleeping arrangements. I think Heather knew, but kept it to herself. Sophia loaned me a midnight blue velvet dress for the New Year's Party. We had decided to stay at the house to watch the chimes on the television. My nieces had each helped me with my nails, make-up and hair. I felt like a princess.

We ate our evening meal. We played games. Everyone wanted to dance with Robbie. He was happy to oblige.

"My Lady Krystyna may I have this dance?" he requested.

"Oh, Sir Robbie, I would be delighted."

We danced through the evening.

*

1 January New Year's Day.

We watched the countdown to midnight. I made my New Year's wish as the clock chimes sounded. We sang Auld Lang Syne linking arms in a small circle. The girls and Sophia retreated to bed leaving us alone.

"I so want to love you, but I know it wouldn't be right in your sister's house," he whispered.

"I want you too, but let's just cuddle and sleep."

We retired to my room. Robbie spooned me. I was content. I entered the dreamscape. I was walking through the woods in the midnight blue velvet dress. I found my way back to the stone circle. It seemed so familiar and yet this was only my second visit. Why was I here?

I entered the circle kneeling in the centre. I don't know what I expected. I felt guided to this place, almost summoned. One by one the animals of the council entered the circle: the stag, black bear, silver wolf, red fox, highland wild cat, the three legged hare, eagle, boar and raven. Each animal took their place in front of one of the stone megaliths. I stood in their presence. It seemed the right thing to do. The giant bear morphed into Rory who smiled at me. The silver wolf transformed into Grannie Campbell. Red fox was Maisie with her flame coloured hair. I turned clockwise in time to see cat become Hamish. The three legged hare was Duncan- of course that explained the missing limb. The eagle stretched its wings, distorted and reformed into Donald. The boar was Dougal. The Raven altered into Doctor Moira. I looked to the final stone. The stag remained.

"Before I change, there is business of the council that must be attended to," reported the Stag.

Grannie Campbell carrying a staff stepped forward. In this reality she wasn't in her wheelchair.

"Krystyna, the last time you were here, you were told you would be tested. Do you remember?"

"Yes, I do. I don't understand what's happening."

She smiled kindly.

"Long has this council held its assembly within this circle, countless generations have served, but as with all things there are endings and beginnings. Let us first discuss the ordeal. The first test was a challenge of self-sacrifice. You remember the deer on the road?"

I nodded.

"Well you passed the test: you chose to avoid harming a sacred life. Some members of the council argued that you may have reacted on instinct to save yourself, and so a second test was created. You saw the boy in the water. You chose to risk your life to save him. It was an act to preserve life. Everyone agreed you passed the revised first test."

Grannie Campbell withdrew, Rory stepped forward taking her place.

"Krystyna, the next test was one of truth. Robbie asked you about the car and Christopher. You revealed your secret and told the truth. You passed the test."

Rory was replaced by Maisie.

"You heard the call of a distressed spirit. You chose to help. You showed compassion to Robbie when he was terrorised in his nightmares."

"You were honest about the underpayment of your invoice for the car repairs," declared Hamish with a broad grin.

"You learned of the situation regarding the climbers and the avalanche. You volunteered to help strangers without compensation or recognition," reported Duncan.

"On Christmas day you volunteered your service when you were the guest at dinner. Further, you acted with courage to make a toast to a crowded room. You embraced being outside your comfort zone," observed Donald.

"You listened to Heather as she shared her fears. You promised to keep her secret. You were kind, supportive and understanding," reflected Dougal.

"When Robbie arrived unannounced, your first and immediate concern was for Merlin the cat. You think of others always before yourself," decided Moira.

"So it brings us to the final test," announced Herne the stag.

"You have a choice," explained Rory.

"And that is?" I asked facing him.

Grannie spoke.

"You are being invited to take my place. We need a new member on the council. It is my ending, but your beginning. I am old. It is my time to pass," stated Grannie stepping forward.

I watched as she shimmered into the form of the silver wolf. Her fur shone like diamonds or the twinkling of countless stars.

"You are my successor. May you have a long and happy life beautiful gentle Krystyna. I ask you to take my place on the council," called the disembodied soft voice of Grannie Campbell.

The wolf that stood before me transformed once more, this time into a wolf shaped effigy made of leaves, twigs and pine cones: contributions of oak, sycamore, birch, ash, pine, spruce and holly. A gentle wind then gathered the forest elements. They dispersed rising through the canopy towards the sky.

"From the stars we have come and to the stars we return," called the eight remaining voices as one.

I felt tears burn my eyes. My chest hurt. I was breathing hard. I was confused, sad, and hurt.

"Krystyna," called the stag.

I faced him my spirit in ruins. Tears streamed down my face.

"It was her time."

"I hate your tests, I hate you, this is torture," I cried.

I watched as the stag finally began its transformation. I was expecting the old man. The only member of the circle I hadn't met in the village. I blinked and found myself staring at Robbie.

"You?" I accused.

A single word: a weapon of mass and total destruction. Robbie was shocked by the wrath, the pure emotion wielded in my word. I couldn't cope with anything. I fell to my knees. I was emotionally spent. The scene seemed to collapse into itself. I woke alone in my bed. Tears were wet on my pillow. I wrapped myself in my dressing gown descending to the kitchen. I found Sophia awake.

"Did we wake you?" she asked.

"No, bad dreams," I replied.

"There was a phone call. Robbie was called back. There was a death in the village. He asked me not to disturb you."

"I need a strong drink."

I found the Cognac and poured a large measure. I took a gulp and felt it burn on the way down.

"Would it help to talk?" she asked.

"I don't understand what happened, so I'm sure you'll think me crazy."

I returned to my room, but couldn't sleep. I finally gave up, showered and dressed, but was haunted by the vision.

*

It was mid-morning when Sophia found me staring out of the window. My nieces had given me time alone and space to think. The dream had replayed in my head almost in a loop.

"Robbie just called."

"I can't talk to him at the moment."

"What happened between you two?" she asked gently pulling me into a hug.

"I don't know."

"I'm sure he loves you. Being in the police means being on call, he wouldn't run away in the middle of the night without reason."

"You're probably right, just bad dreams, but it seemed so... real. I'm going to try and sleep."

I lay on the bed staring upwards. I imagined animals in the shadows on the ceiling. I drifted into my dream. I found myself standing in the stone circle facing seven members of the council bound in mutual grief. They were all there except Grannie Campbell and Robbie.

"Where's Robbie?" I asked.

"He won't answer our calls," replied Maisie.

"He might answer you," suggested Rory.

"Robbie, I demand you face me," I called to the sky.

The ground trembled in response.

"You summoned me," he replied from behind me.

He was sombre and unsmiling.

"What the hell was that? What has happened?" I demanded.

"Grannie Campbell died in her sleep. This isn't about the council or me. I hurt you and I have no words that can change that. I hate myself right now, so you don't need to."

"Wait, was this all a lie, our meeting, your claims of love, the tests?"

"I do love you, but it won't be enough. I'm damaged. Forget about me. Live your life away from here. You should just leave me."

"You choose your destiny Krystyna," called Grannie Campbell's voice in my head.