All Comments on 'Dual Heritage Ch. 04'

Problem:::::

Chapter 3 duplicates chapter 2 so the attack referred to in chapter 4 has never happened. You need to fix chapter 3.

I hate the auto text denigration of the English language.

So many words are ended with an s when it should be an ed.

Work it out.

In section 10, right after they wake up, the conversation is rather confusing. It's like you are having a Deja Vu moment. She in bed and out of bed several times.

ag2507.

Ik I am working on it. But it is taking time.

I have already contacted from my side and explained my situation and even uploaded with right chapter. I don't know when they will make the changes.

different but could be a good read,as, the other comment say's we are missing a proper chapter 3

Please fix chapter 3. Can't continue the story (and it make sense) until then.

You really need an editor! CH 1 & 2 flow nicely starting the story, Then the screw up of CH 3 being a repeat of Ch 2. Now we have CH 4, which seems to have skipped 1, possibly 2 chapters. CH 4 also wasn't as well written as 1 & 2. It had repeated paragraphs and things mentioned and then skipped over like the dinner at the pond. If this keeps up it won't be worth trying to keep up. Especially if Ch 5 is what Ch 3 was supposed to be.

The story is no so bad. But the writing is so awkward! All the cliche phrases and beating around bushes. No one talks like that.

Strong plot and solid dialogue, but there’s are some things you can improve on. First, while people use cliches in their dialogue (which is why they are cliches) so you can too, you’re relying too heavily on them. Also, your grammar is inconsistent and awkward, particularly in your narration. For example, narration of fiction always uses past tense. You switch around randomly. For example…”He just nods and goes into the bathroom”. In the next paragraph, you’re using past tense again. I hope you understand that this is meant to be constructive. I admire your creativity, commitment, and courage in putting your work out there.

I struggle to give it more than three stars with the debacle of ch 3 and how this chapter is written. You need someone to proofread and check continuity before you post. Very few people call their Aunt just Aunt. Aunty is used in Polynesian/Pacific Islands cultures. But even that's not heard often in Western culture.

{Strong plot and solid dialogue, but there’s are some things you can improve on. First, while people use cliches in their dialogue (which is why they are cliches) so you can too, you’re relying too heavily on them. Also, your grammar is inconsistent and awkward, particularly in your narration. For example, narration of fiction always uses past tense. You switch around randomly. For example…”He just nods and goes into the bathroom”. In the next paragraph, you’re using past tense again. I hope you understand that this is meant to be constructive. I admire your creativity, commitment, and courage in putting your work out there.}------------Got it. I will try to maintain the proper tense in upcoming chapters. Thank you so much for the feedback.

Good story. People have already pointed out your grammar, and other things you need to work on so I won't bring them up again. I do feel that the main characteres have very flawed priorities. Anytime something strange happens it just gets ignored. He seems to have no idea about things Rea doesn't question it. They get attacked more than once, oh well. some stranger shows up for Rea, no questions asked. If I was MC I would be getting answers from Rea, and the Aunt about everything having to do with this newish world. plus learning spells and how to fight with magic so that I can defend what I care about.

What the fuck happened to his car that was flipped over? The sponge in my kitchen sink has fewer holes than your plot ...

Enjoying it.

Definitely could use some proof reading. Some entire paragraphs show up more than once and seem out of order.