Ellen's Tale Pt. 03

"Oh," Ellen shut the door, "and?"

"We parted on mutual terms," Jacinda shifted her position, "we collided with each other on the rebound and then bounced off onto other people. How's it going these days?"

"Cool, the job is secure and my dressmaking business is taking off, I'm laughing like a big fat spider."

Ellen moved further into the room, a little unsure of herself but the chemistry between the two of them seemed almost convivial although she detected a hint of underlying tension or was she reading too much into it?

"So, where do you two know each other from?"

"High school," Ellen replied.

"Talk about six degrees of separation," Julie smirked, "okay, try these on while I use the toilet," she handed her a plastic shopping bag.

Jacinda's eyes widened appreciably when Ellen took the blouses out of the bag, both had patterns on them. The blouse with collar buttons was a soft red with interwoven yellow chains and the one with a low cut collar was light blue with interwoven green vines, both were made from satin, but Ellen was momentarily distracted by the reappearance of Tabitha who was standing in the doorway with her teddy bear tucked under an arm.

"Okay, cuteness, you can have a quick look and then off to bed."

"What's prompted this change?" Jacinda wanted to know as Tabitha joined them again.

"Let's just say I met some women who were different to me, if you don't evolve you aren't moving forward and I know they're only clothes but you start with the outer and work inwards."

"I must remember that one," she too leaned forward to touch a blouse.

"I've always loved the feel of satin," she glanced briefly over her shoulder, "um, do you want me to vacate the room?"

"Stay," Ellen shrugged, "and you, missy, get into bed. It's way past your bedtime."

Once Tabitha had gone back to bed, Ellen proceeded to partially strip. She'd changed clothes in front of Jacinda hundreds of times at school and after school but tonight felt more than a little different because she had a considerable amount of tattoos.

"Jeezo, let me check them out," Jacinda stood up.

Ellen felt the blush in her cheeks and breasts as Jacinda stared at her. The last time Jacinda had seen her body it had been free of tattoos. Now her arms, back and legs had several tattoos. There was a collection of skulls on her left arm and a Nordic theme on her right with a shield maiden looking down on a Viking warrior. Her inner arms had flowers and scrolls but on her right collar bone there was the Grey Ghost patch and a scroll. The tattoo had been modified sometime recently and the text was covered over with miniature flowers.

"It used to say property of the grey ghosts, I was their property."

"Bikies have always been misogynist pricks."

"I've got a dragon on my left leg and an Indian chief on my right," she turned around to show her the large dragon that covered her backbone and upper back.

"My God, woman, are you going to get any more?"

"I don't know if I've got room for more."

"Oh there's room for more," Jacinda touched the dragon on her back.

"Maybe not, I'm happy with what I've got, more or less."

"Whatever, but they look awesome," she replied.

Julie came out of the toilet at that point and managed a wry grin.

"She's a walking work of art," she dug her hands into her pockets.

"Sorry, we got distracted. We haven't seen each other for years," she tossed the top onto the couch and picked up the first blouse.

The first blouse she tried on was the blue one and Julie eyed it critically.

"Not too loose?"

"No, it's perfect."

"What about the front, it's not showing too much?"

"Maybe if I lean over someone but I'm not about to be doing that anyway."

She was mildly concerned about the next one because the collar was fastened, she'd always been a little resistant to having a top button fastened but there was ample room between the collar and her throat, much to her surprise.

"No, that's perfect," she looked down at herself, "I'll um get you the rest of the money tomorrow."

"No rush," she straightened up, "come around for the usual Sunday barbie and bring the money with your contribution," she eyed Jacinda briefly.

"You're welcome at the barbie too, although I'm with someone right now, Ellen will give you the details and with that I have to love you and leave you," and with that she was heading for the door with Ellen following along behind.

"Thank you for these."

"No worries," she tightened her grip on the strap of her handbag, "glad you liked them."

Ellen saw her to the back gate and then turned to look at the house. The kitchen light was off but she could see that the living room lights were still on. She looked at the bungalow and pictured the woman sitting inside. It was almost surreal that the first woman she'd ever had a crush on was now sitting on her couch, and she was now single. Granted, the crush had been fleeting and they'd both been distracted by boys but even so, she closed her eyes and let her mind move outwards through space and time.

She came back to herself with a start when a dog started barking. Teenage fantasy regardless, they had both gone their separate ways until their paths intersected at Kmart, Anna was at Kym's place and she suspected there was some chemistry between them.

Stop trying to control things beyond your control. Focus on what you can control.

Gitti's words came back to her at that moment and somewhat hesitantly, she stepped forward and headed towards the bungalow. Anna was on her own journey and as she neared the door she felt a slight shift, as if a hidden obstacle had suddenly shifted.

Ellen opened the door and stepped inside again to find Jacinda with one arm stretched along the back of the couch whilst she played with her phone. Their eyes met and Jacinda smirked.

"Fancy meeting you here."

***

Anna had always been aware that there was a blockage when it came to sexual intimacy and over the years she'd relied on alcohol to take her to the next level but these last couple of years she had begun to notice her tolerance for alcohol was growing increasingly greater. It took more and more drinks to relax her and that worried her, she'd long been aware that her favourite uncle had drank for years before crossing the line into alcoholic drinking. Thankfully for him, he'd had the courage of a wife who refused to enable him and instead introduced him to a 'friend' who coincidentally happened to be an AA member. One thing led to another and her uncle finally acknowledged he was powerless over alcohol and his life had become unmanageable.

Thus, whilst her friends were toasting their newfound freedom when they turned eighteen, she was slightly more circumspect, conscious of the fact that alcoholism was hereditary and even though her father wasn't a problem drinker, alcoholism could zig zag around and even skip a generation, her grandfather had been a chronic alcoholic who drank himself into insanity.

Dope on the other hand was an entirely different scenario. She coughed the first time she inhaled the smoke and then Kym showed her how to take in air as well as smoke.

"Your lungs aren't designed to inhale smoke, you need air as well."

Which sounded contradictory, but it had worked and they smoked the rest of the deal without any fits of coughing. Kym seemed remarkably composed although the glint of her eyes hinted that she was out of it but that could just as easily have been the next glass of wine, something that Anna refused after Kym's suggestion.

"It's probably best you don't have another drink if you've had a smoke. Sometimes the combination can have a negative effect, I'm kind of used to it although it's been years," she popped the bowl out and put it to one side.

"Go and sit on the couch while I wash this thing out."

Anna arranged herself on the couch so that she was able to lean back on an arm and stretch out a leg, leaving her left foot planted firmly on the ground. Her new position caused Kym to burst out laughing as she sat down again.

"Look at you, all ready for bed," she poured another wine, "I'm assuming that you're staying the night after all?"

"Hmm, mm," she looked down at her crotch, "my God, I've never felt so relaxed. How long does this stuff last?"

"A couple of hours usually, but this is good stuff so it might be five or six hours, long enough to drift off to sleep."

"And you're sure it's not addictive?"

"It can be if you use it often enough although the withdrawals don't last as long. I was quite hooked on it right through teachers' college but then I gave it up and spent three days snapping at everyone, including my fiancé at the time. We nearly threw it all in but then the withdrawals stopped and I said sorry for being such a bitch."

"I was always the bitch," she ran a hand over her front, "every time I disagreed with him I was the bitch and that fucking ex mother in law of mine thought I should go easier on her son."

"I hate it when mothers in law start interfering. My mum never interfered in either of my marriages but my second mother in law was a case in point. She twisted her son's arm into baptising our two kids into the Catholic faith, completely overriding my atheism and to be honest she distrusted me from the start and when I got a hysterectomy after the birth of my daughter she was furious," she swivelled to face her.

"And here was me saying, hey it's my fucking womb not yours, butt out and be grateful I allowed you to have your own way, again. What is it with Catholics and birth control?"

"They want more Catholics?" Anna suggested.

"Something like that," she regarded her for a moment, "so, any plans for your upcoming family, assuming you meet the right person."

"I'd set my sights on the magical twenty eight. When I was twenty eight I was going to go off the pill and get pregnant and now I'm twenty five and on the road to divorce," she stared at the ceiling as she collected her thoughts.

"Ritchie's mum wanted me to start straight away, she's been buying up baby clothes for years, she's even got a fucking pram tucked away in storage, it's one of those old fashioned prams you get at a local auction house. I baulked when I first saw it and said that she'd be the one pushing it because there was no way that ungainly looking thing was staying at Coldstream."

"Still, you're young although it doesn't mean you have to even have kids," Kym replied.

"Excuse me?" Anna raised an eyebrow.

"It's a stereotype. Every time a woman says she doesn't want children every one else around them wants to know what's wrong with them. Are they infertile? Is the marriage on the rocks? No one ever thinks to let the woman just make up her own mind. I've never regretted having three kids by the way but I'm certainly not about to judge a woman by the number of kids she can push through her fanny."

"Now that's something I don't hear often," she rest a hand on her crotch.

"At your age I thought the same thing but I changed my tune after the second birth, the third one was a genuine mistake, I thought if we had two children together it might settle him down but it just drove him away."

"I'm sorry," Anna replied.

"Don't be," she patted her leg gently, "he's a walking sperm donor, he's shacked up with some woman out in Cranbourne who's already got three kids from three other fathers and he's just given her two more, plus he's got a mistress out in Lilydale. I saw them together in the Olinda hotel when I was there with my ex partner, but he doesn't know that I know his dirty little secret."

"I'm sick of men," Anna sat up suddenly and then she winced, "whoa, head rush."

"Easy," Kym put a hand on her shoulder, "slowly."

"You don't say," she looked at the hand on her shoulder, "but I'm serious, I've had it up to here with men and their stupid power trips. At least with women I can communicate."

"There is that," Kym lifted her hand and propped it against her head, "although," she reached out and tugged at a strand of hair, "you'd have to learn a new way of doing it."

"Maybe, but this has brought back memories I thought I'd rationalised years ago."

"What kind of memories?" Kym dropped her hand.

"I guess they're the usual girl crushes, sometimes it was a girl in the same year or a year above me and other times it was teachers. They weren't always connected to sexual fantasies but every now and then I'd get like an urge to kiss a girl and then feel awkward and ashamed."

"Maybe it had something to do with the school environment. Religious schools have a tendency to enhance sexual curiosity simply by refusing to cover sexual health in their curriculum. If you try to ban or outlaw anything you just create a demand for it."

"Well, that was what I put it down to but it stayed with me throughout uni and yet whenever I was with a gay woman I felt conflicted. Was I just drawn to her because of my high school experience or was it a genuine attraction? I used to rationalise it by making excuses, they were too pushy, I didn't like the way they dressed, I didn't love the music they listened to. I eventually had this mental list of all the things a woman would have to be or achieve before I'd go further."

"And now?"

"Now I'm doing the same thing," she replied, "I'm looking at Ellen and saying I can't because we live on the same property, I look at Julie and Ilona and say that I can't break them up, which is a valid excuse but then there's Shobi, the girl who's going to get the bong. She's recently broken up with her girlfriend and my excuse is I can't date anyone I work with."

"Do you do the same thing with men?"

"Kind of but not so extreme, I'm more accommodating with men, until now of course."

"You know what you need to do," Kym shifted a little closer, "you need to live a little. Go out there and try all the things you either didn't have the time for or might have met with disapproval from your ex husband. You've started a ceramics class, go to dancing classes, learn to ride a horse, go sky diving or travelling, sleep with different people but don't think that sex means you have to move in with them. It's just sex, a dance between two people that usually involves getting naked, sometimes it's a nice dance and other times the bastard falls asleep on you."

She raised a hand and flicked at Anna's hair.

"A few months ago I started counselling a colleague who'd just broken up with her girlfriend a few months ago and was now attracted to the mother of one of her students. I knew nothing about the lesbian world, it's not like I'm homophobic and I've certainly got gay friends and for years I've played with girl on girl fantasies," she smirked, "especially on porn sites.

She flicked at her hair again.

"To be honest, it's been on my bucket list for years but I never had the time and when I did it was the wrong woman or I was with some guy, or married but when I started giving Jodie advice I met some of her gay friends and through her I met other gay women," she shifted some of her hair to examine an earring.

"My perspective began shifting. I guess it's a perfect storm, I've broken up with Michael. I don't have a regular boyfriend or even a casual fuck buddy and I'm surrounded by gay women, some of whom are single and suddenly I'm thinking that it's just a hop, skip and a jump and I might dip my feet. I might not like it but who am I to say it's not for me just because I haven't tried it?"

Kym let her hand fall away.

"I know the way it's going to happen for me. I'll either have a one night stand or I'll ring an escort girl and book a session."

"A prostitute," Anna stared at her.

"Sex worker," she poked her belly playfully, "they offer a vital service although they do get slated for it, often by women as well and it's no different to a one night stand. I've had enough of them over the years, the only ones that give me trouble are the needy guys who need a mother, which is why I avoid younger men these days."

Anna blinked and exhaled.

"What?"

"You are so, so," she looked past her, "liberating."

"In what way?"

"The way you're talking, you've just brushed over two of my forbidden subjects. I've always had the opinion that a one night stand cheapens you and sex workers were just out on the fringe along with fetishes and bondage."

"A one night stand only cheapens you if you've gone into it with some greater expectations, but if you go into it with the expectation it's just one or two nights then it can be quite satisfying."

Anna stared at her and then at her hand, which was resting on her leg. A moment later she reached out and touched her hand, feeling the warmth of her skin and then the smoothness of her blouse, she was vaguely aware that Kym was also looking down at her hand. She felt the thickness of the cuff and rubbed one of the buttons absently.

"I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"After all you've done?"

Kym burst out laughing suddenly, which caused Anna to jump.

"Jesus, don't put me up on a pedestal," she turned her hand to grasp Anna's hand, "I just gave you a second opinion on your home, you can go out tomorrow and get a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth opinion and it's no skin off my nose. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone's got at least one."

Kym released her hand but then proceeded to undo her watch. Anna stared in mute fascination as she deposited the watch on the coffee table.

"It's all about mutual consent," she slid her cuff around and undid a button, "no expectations apart from sexual satisfaction," she moved to the second button, "equals no regrets," she started undoing the second button.

"I have no idea what happens tomorrow," she slipped the button through the buttonhole, "I may wake up and decide it was something I did because I was tipsy and stoned or," she reached the third cuff button.

"I might decide that I fucking enjoyed myself, but it doesn't mean I'll be camped outside your door with a removal van begging you to throw your shit in the back," she fiddled with the button.

"And don't think you can move in with me either, I've got enough on my plate with two teenage kids and their dramas to have a live in lover," she slipped the button free and parted the cuff.

"And any time you want to stop just say so, we'll either stop and talk about it," she slid the tips of her fingers over Anna's wrist.

"Or we'll just stop and decide not to continue, you'll sleep on the couch and I'll go to my bed."

Anna felt as if she was standing outside herself watching the older woman unbutton a cuff but then Kym grabbed her wrist and raising it up, placed her hand onto her shoulder.

"You have my permission to put your hand anywhere," she stared into her eyes, "any guilt I have in the morning is mine and mine alone, and I give you the same... privilege," she dropped her hand and found Anna's other wrist with her left hand.

Anna swallowed and looked down at her hands, one cuff was undone and Kym was now intent on undoing the other one. A moment later she watched in mute surprise as the older woman raised her other hand until she reached her left breast and then very slowly, she traced the line of her cup all the way to her cleavage and onto the other cup. She shivered. It was a bold move but no bolder than unbuttoning her cuff but Anna felt something shifting inside her, an unwillingness to move mingled with a desire to take the initiative and at least give her a sign, but which sign? Kym stopped stroking her bra cup and stared at her, and Anna instinctively arched her back so that her breasts bumped Kym's fingers. The older woman went back to stroking her bra cup but didn't make a move onto her breasts just yet, which was intriguing Anna mused as she looked down at herself.

She looked up and squeezed her shoulder, feeling the softness of the satin blouse, she rubbed a thumb against her collarbone, feeling the material move under her fingers. Kym still hadn't undone a button but she was rubbing it. Anna brought her hand further to the middle, over the necklace and stopped at the buttons. She extended her index finger and drew it down to her cleavage and then changed direction, sliding it along the top of her cuff but halfway along she bent her fingers and pushed her knuckles over her breast.