All Comments on 'Enforcing The Pre-Nup'

I just read your fictional story "Enforcing the Prenuptial and I wanted to express how jealous I am of your creativity and writing skills. It is interesting to see how you began with one story direction in mind but the characters and situations you imagineered seized the controls and weaved this storyline into a different coherent whole from your plot outline.

Q my complements on your courage at displaying the personal complexities of your characters. These were not angels or demons but human beings. With all the weaknesses and strengths that we each consist of and makes each of us an individual person.

For those commentators who pontificate upon the Constitution of the United States, I sincerely urge them to read it in it's entirety, in context with the Federalist and Anti-Federalist Papers. And the funniest thing, I would be among the very few reading this commentary now who would be entitled to claim Citizenship. Most of the rest of you would not qualify.

And that bit about a Voter's Certified Registration Card. What a hilarious joke that would be. A national program run by professional unelected bureaucrats to verify who is permitted to vote? Versus the present system where most of the election polling stations are run by Citizen Volunteers, who know their community?

I enjoyed the story, the twists and turns and did a little quiet cheering. I was about to come unglued when it didn't look as if he was going to stand by his wife, Eve, when she most needed what she loved. I'm glad Vivian slapped him, he wouldn't have liked what this old 50'ish logger would have done to him for a kick in the pants.

A really good story that I enjoyed immensely.

Even though this site is for erotic stories I thoroughly enjoyed this. I rate it in the top five of all stories I have read here. Thank you

The title I mean.

The story was wonderful. I enjoyed it immensely, but the title was a stumbling block. It came out in September, but the title sort of gave it a setting I thought would be dumb. I love the protagonist, and Eve was delightful. His first involvement in politics was well done. I thought maybe he wasn't so angry at Eve as a potential adulterer, as he was just completely lost on a milieu he was totally ill equipped to handle.

One last thing. I read Harry's comment. His remark about the 'Tea Baggers' was so totally accurate I promise I'll never criticize anything he ever writes again. I only wish there was some way I could tell him. I mean those poor Tea Bag people have been so grossly misled it's such a shame.

choc cara turd tale

Excellent story! I think a little more depth could have been given to why he felt so hard hearted when Eve was obviously coerced but overall I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I would vote for the one chance party.

story worse than title. other writers can tell good tales, BUT this writer isn't one.

Although I gave it a vote of 5, I agree with one anon's comment on the title being a bit misleading and his reluctance at seeing his wife even though she had been drugged and coerced into helping her father. After all she did rebel against him and was able to resist. I just feel he should have been more forgiving toward her earlier.

Sen MARKEY ran on a one term not being a professional politician he won and was still there being a worthless piece of crap for over 30 years he proudly voted for Obama care

He should have gotten a DNA test. Eve was damaged goods and nothing can fix that.

A good story with believable content.

How Stan showed his true colours was a little extreme, but even so, it was still worth more than 4 stars.

It was believable, Human, imperfect people in an imperfect world.

Boy, you did it again. A great story! I liked the "One Chance" Party idea, to bad we can't have that in real life. The terrifying aspect is that there are politicians like the father out there, willing to do anything and promise anything to win an election. You have a real interesting writing style, fantastic characters and very imaginative plot lines. I may disagree with some of your story endings, but I always find them enjoyable and entertaining. Thank You

Just re-read and the enjoyed the story even more this time. gave it a 5* last read but cannot vote again. Shame deserves 6* really!! Recommend this to everybody as a great read!

It is inconceivable that after experiencing Stan's methods of coercion; and knowing that Eve had been drugged and blackmailed, that Tom would blame her! Such faulty thinking is at odds with the rational behavior he displays in the rest of the story. It ruined it for me.

I too was dismayed by his hard tone when she was being coerced so blatantly - she had a history of being abused by him and she "knew" he could make good on anty threat he used to force her and she still managed to not betray him - pretty strong woman IMHO.

He needed to be as strong upfront - at first I was thinking he was going to use the pre-nup to force he to give him the money so she could not be forced to finance his campaign and then he would take her back - you laid enough ground work to have pulled that off. So I was disappointed to find he really did intend to walk away from her because he was hurt - but it all worked out in the end so whatever lol

definitely not your best work.

The beginning and the end don't mesh either.

The hardassed "no common sense" attitude portrayed by Tommy really lost you a lot of followers. It made little sense. How could someone who volunteers for the disabled be as unforgiving and shitty to his own family. you were reaching for extremes and it ruined the overall reading experience.

However, I sense the writer is full of rage; probably due to his unjust treatment by the family courts. Therefore, what, with just a few changes, easily could have been a 5 star story, I downgraded to 3 stars. Courts never honor a pre-nup agreement concerning the children and such pre-nup agreements are not worth the amount of the paper they are written on.

Although he modified it at the end, they author wanted to show the main character as hard-nosed, unyielding, and it is his way or the highway. That is far out of reality and in places the author went off the deep end.

In the future, I hope this talented writer can write some stories without feeling rage and anger because then his stories would be 100% better and more plausible.

There were a lot of inconsistencies in it. For example, the beginning of the story had a conversation between Tom and Stan, about enforcing the pre-nup on Stan`s "slut daughter". Re-read that whole conversation, and it doesn`t fit in anywhere with the rest of the story. There are a few others, but that is a big inconsistency. Maybe I took it up wrong, but that`s what I got from it.

Really well written and strong women characters in the story. What a rarity on this site! But for some reason, I couldn`t take to Tom`s character. He just seemed a bit too smarmy for a guy that supposedly hated politics.

Yes, I was thinking the same thing. The best I can come up with is the conversation was just before he went to try to take Eve away from the campaign, but it's hard to be sure.

Some of the technical criticism probably has merit. BUT I ENJOYED THE STORY!!!

Why was this on Literotica?

Author, there needs to be another venue for you to post your wonderful stories. Literotica is populated by slime lowlife authors and you are light years away from this crowd. Sorry, no 6-stars available.

The only flaw are grammar mistakes, for example it should be "Could you join my parents and ME" (not I) etc.. Otherwise I really enjoyed the story.

Like I said, I enjoyed reading this. A few years ago, I would have said the sleaze was a bit over the top to be believable, but then there was Jimmy Saville, so....

(For anyone who hasn't heard about Jimmy Saville, look his story up - I still can't believe it!)

Great effort. Great story. You shared it on Lit. and I (we) thank you.

Do it anytime you want and I'll thank you again.

x

I honestly don't understand it. Many stories are criticized for being too ridiculous and get low scores, yet this story -- which is so over-the-top ridiculous that it makes James Bond and Mission Impossible movies seem plausible -- is rated 4.7. I honestly have no clue what the average reader is looking for.

I loved the story and I realize that the author needed a gimmick to get the story started, but he should have realized a spinal injury is a likely result of falling off a balcony. One should never mover a victim with possible spinal injury. Instead, call EMS and let them use a neck brace and board to immobilize the spine.

I'll say it again.... EXCELLENT! Well done, qhml1. 5*..... should have been 10. Thanks for a really good tale..... Mike.

pulls the heart strings ,

pepper sprays the eyes

and finishes with a mild sedative.

remarkable take , on a common theme .

xxxhugsxxx

TwistedOliver.

Speaking as an AoDA professional high doses of alcohol can kill in several ways but strictly speaking alcohol poisoning occurs at much closer to the .35 BAC. I've had clients with long term abuse history who survived up to .65 and myself regularly drank to at least .4 BAC. Much more often people die of overdose which depending on their drinking history and tolerance occurs around .35 - .40. Very often people die from trauma relative to impairment or aspirating vomit. Given the using history attributed to Eve in the story, while she certainly would have been impaired her primary danger would have been trauma related to her impairment, like falling off a balcony. Other than this faux pas you did a fairly good job describing consequences off substance abuse.

A bit staccato in places, but a damned good story, and quite well told.

Thank you

HP

I read this story a few years ago. It read better the second time. Kudos and thanks. Cheers!

It started out well but it left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I was able to skim thru from about Ch. 4 7 and still get the jist of the story.

All the political stuff was already done by Robert Heinlein in Stormship Troopers.

Those parts were fairly boring too.

I'm still trying to tie the beginning conversation into the rest of the story.

If this conversation is taking place before his confrontation with Stan, then he can't know about her infidelity yet, since he didn't find out about it till he was assaulted by Stan's goons, and later Stan was in no position to be making threats!

One of the best damned stories I've read. I've read more than a few by this author and there is never a disappointment. In fact, compared to more than a few authors around here, you're too damned good for your own good. I hope you're getting published somewhere and making a buck off it.

ur a great writer! i love this story and a few of ur others.. u really make me think and question quite a few of my ideals.. so i wanted 2 thank u and let u kno ur stories touch my heart! =)

but don't forget the powerful words Greed and Ego. TK U MLJ LV NV

Excellent!!!!!!!

read it always looking forward to what happened next. I wasn't surprised about the outcome, the death, or reconciliation, but running in politics.

I regret it took me so long to getti this one. Bravo

A work of art. Keep up the writing. Interesting, not boring, the entire story.

A great story on the way to 5* but ruined by the unreal reaction to the video clip of his wife. I gave it 1*.

Their was nothing to indicate that she was willingly cheating. All the lead up indicated she was frightened of something about the campaign. She did not want to campaign and then did want him to go home and leave them on the campaign. I fault him for not being sensitive to her concern. He is more to blame than Eve.

The story just got out of hand after that.

1*

What a tear jerker, 5 +

This is another excellent story. Keep them coming!

In the beginning of the story there was the scene where Stan offered Tom a million dollars instead of enforcing the Pre-Nup (like in the title). I don't seem to remember that scene being played out in the story.

I know I miss things, but as this was a part of the title, this was one thing I think kinda needs tied up. This is just a housekeeping issue...

5 stars BTW, I would like to think that there are reasonable people in office and I do agree with one and you are out idea

Great story, 5 stars

Congrats. Five out of five. Amazing story. You are a great writer. Your dialogue is always clear on who is who which is sometimes a problem with these stories. Also you avoid repetition on key points which other authors I like here sometimes do. I had no idea where this story was going when it started or even half way through. I thought it would end unhappily. But you carved a realistic, happy ending out. You are one of the few authors on this site that I check regularly. Hopefully at some point you can collect all your writing and sell them in a book of short stories or novellas. If I had to offer constructive criticism I would ask why Eve didn't agree to leave the campaign with her husband when she knew the video didn't show her being unfaithful. The explanation was she was too scared and messed up on drugs, but she is always shown as so strong and put together I am not sure I buy that. But this is a minor quibble. Well done.

The beginning scene was never resolved imo.

The best explanation I can figure out for the beginning scene is that it is a fragment from a previous draft that somehow was not caught in editing.

It certainly does not fit the rest of the story timeline.

It was NOT a 5*, but it was over a 4. You finally completed a finish so it made complete sense, from the reader's perspective, as well as from the author's.

There were a few points that you blew, and a few you omitted. Other commentators have mentioned most of them. Nevertheless, I rank this as one of your best, overall. Thank you for all your stories.

Thank you!

You have a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I'm surprised at how many commenters said that this story is one of the author's best, because I am quite of the opposite opinion. I like most of his work, but I found this one poorly thought out and poorly edited. It was going pretty well until the kidnapping scene, but at that point it went completely off the rails. The characters and the storyline lost all of their believability. I can see how the opening scene could be part of an early draft, but it should have been removed when the story was completed and the scene no longer fit. It seems that the author didn't even bother with a cursory proofread. Very disappointed. 2 stars.

Federal Tea Party scandal? Politics (and erroneous info about politics) can hurt a good story.

A bit over the top, but it is fiction.

A good read IMO.

Oh and:

One 6 year term of service per branch of government.

Each branch of government can be served once only.

A Person can serve 1 term in each branch.

Every 2 years a different branch holds an election, 1 branch per election every 2 years. you cannot campaign more than 365 days before the election.

No one makes more than 30% of the median income and no retirement money.

No lobbyists, No campaign money,radio and tv and papers are required to give free commercial time equally to each candidate.

That outta clear out the self serving idiots, because in case you hadn't noticed, no elected official really gives a shit about what's right anymore, the just don't want the other side to win.

Read this story again. This confirms to me that this is one of the best stories on this site. You must consider publishing your works to a wider audience your talent is too good to restrict it to this audience only.

I WISH I COULD GIVE IT A 20. KEEP UP WRITING AND IGNORE THE NAYSAYERS. SOME PEOPLE WILL BITCH IF THEIR ICE CREAM IS COLD. IGNORE THEM.ONE TERM SOUNDS GREAT FOR TODAYS POLITICIANS.

but being that it was about politicians I only gave it a 4. Now politicians, as a character in the great movie "Extreme Prejudice" said, are just one step above child molesters. And he was probably right. There is something about surrendering to the collective when you get elected that sucks all of the decency and honor and truth out of an individual. And the longer they stay the worse it gets.

But, it turned out well in this story and thank you for sharing your talent with us.

far worse scandals have taken place in DC! A FACT. i pity a beautiful female intern at DC.

CITIZEN'S UNITED, SUPER PACS, UNLIMITED CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS,

SCALIA, JIGERY POKERY, APPLESAUCE.

If u ever heard any of theses words know that these are the instruments of corruption.

the money laundering in either party gets so hushed up, why all becoz we forget/get jaded,

the politicians will suck every drop of our blood, all becoz we allow them.

our inaction is the true coz of corruption.

not to be pessimistic but as a child(below5) if i had realized the true extent of our corruption & selfish ways i would have rather killed myself or sum1 rather live in this pathetic excuse of what we call a civilised world, why not do it now? sorry to burst ur bubble but frankly i lack the constitution to commit suicide now.

tell me why don't they televise/video supreme court setions? becoz these gezzers are puppets for our real massers the CORPORATIONS (exceot chief justice. Ruth Bader Ginsberg whom i adore & respect)

MY GOD imagine after 16 years of begging us pleading with us to listen to the voice of reason in our head at the daily show with jon stewart just says "enough is enough i quit, for 16 years i try to wake them up, but now i gotta be with my family, maybe americans dont deserve to be awoken from their slumber, so that they can continue their american dream."

well if u felt offended then my work is done,

but the story was great.

def 5*

This is very close to my heart. I am right wing Tea Party and it would be a hard battle for me to choose against a candidate who would vote for only 1 term and would also vote with Ted Kennedy. As always you are the greatest.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

It was well written and had good character development .. but it was just toooo sad .. too bad to enjoy

Great story, Loved it. Great ending I loved the fact that the Husband did not go all scorched earth on Eve. I give it a Ten.

I wonder if Donald, would be Carly's VP. And the citizenship would not be questioned.

Just saying what I'm thinkin.

This is a great story and writing.

Thanks for sharing on SOL.

x

It tells only half the story of what goes on in government. One of the few mistakes the founders made was not to have term limits. and when the traitor FDR expanded the court and brought in the liberals was another.

Do it again, you are great.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

black face of politic a realty ,Story is superb please more

I've never felt the need to write a comment on a Literotica story. At first I was sad that it wasn't just smut but your writing is so good that I was suckered in to the story itself. The ending was surprisingly heartbreaking and I actually felt sorry for the old man which was a surprise. All in all, I'm glad it worked out well for everyone. Great story!

Edgrocott@gmail.com doesn't have children

this is as good a story as I have read. While I don't think that all politicians are this bad, please note the all, I do think most of them are. I think that they should only be allowed one chance only per household and that is all.

and by the way I have 4 children and scads of grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

“If the parties split due to infidelity, the offending party will immediately surrender all rights to any children, possessions or wealth brought into the marriage” – I can see losing custody, and all accumulated wealth, but why should they lose what they brought into the marriage?

and from his comment about big dogs makes me think the asshole of LIT is really one sick fuck!!

With the crap that's out there, I would love to see this as a box office blow out. Great story Thanks for the entertainment.

I read this story by happenstance, I'm so glad I did. What a great job with very little sex to take away from the meat and bones of the story. Congratulations

I love the story. I do think 3 terms for reps and 1 for senators would be enough. Also the bureaucrats should not be allowed to protect themselves by law. each time a Representative election takes place 1/3 of them should be required to vacate their office which would dilute their power.

Oh by the way I am in the Tea Party.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

So much greed and so cruel to his wife and daughter and later on to his son. in. law and he wound up beaten,broke and a bitch in prison. Tommy never stopped loving Eve nor her loving him and Greta. A story of falling in love and staying in love thru all the viscous things that happened to them. A really good story that had tradgey and love in it and love and honesty won out.In my favorites I finally found it again.

Ron

cowboyridecc@yahoo.com

Although I really liked ths story, the protagonist came across as a heartless, selfish fuckbag whilst his wife was in hospital. He knew all of the circumstances, the abuse, the drugging and the fact that she was suicidal and he acted like a petulant, spoiled little cunt. I lost respect for him at that point.

Yep, that would do it.

You learned well, young Padawan.

Unrealistically idealist yet riveting in it's presentation. I had trouble reading the last page and a half through my tears.

As per your other work, it was very well done.

A "One Chance" party would have the equivalent chance of a snowball in hell in getting anyone elected given the corrupted political structure the US has in place. We as a country have drifted far from the ideals of the Founding Fathers' when the Constitution was written.

Discussing the characters and their history and motivation is essentially pointless aside from saying that they supported the story line very well.

Thanks for writing this. I enjoyed reading it, and will read it again when my emotional connection to it has softened a bit.

Excellent! BIG 5 to you!

'nuff said.

Your story telling style is clean, smooth and realistic. Whether you're writing fiction or not, I BELIEVE YOUR WORDS. Realistically I'm assuming fiction, but your written delivery is addictive and I can't wait to read the next word of the story. Super great story. THANK YOU for these words.

...I still need to congratulate and thank you. Perfect in style and clear in statement you´ve managed to capture my interest from the first to the last page. 5* aren´t nearly enough to express my rating. Thank you for writing this story.

I really enjoyed the characters,and the human elements of this story. Each personality was clearly defined and developed in a way that attracted attention and identification.

The political portions were less attractive although they did prove true to the unsavory elements of politics and how people get screwed over,more often than not.

This story certainly rates a 5 for the characters and plot development!

Do you even read these comments any more (I don't mine, at best I encounter the later ones accidentally)? But OK. Yes, a fine story. HOWEVER, you had our hero hold back for a while on Eve when the tide turned, though she was an obvious drugged victim, despite what he HAD to know was her profound human need. Based on a photo by a known photo-faker? Even you couldn't sustain that stance, thankfully, but the priggishness was unconvincing. Secondly, until the jail scene your Stan is a mere, bleak, evil villain who is at last overcome by an army of dedicated virtue. A bit extreme! A morality play between Deserving Good and Powerful Evil while satisfying is less satisfying than a drama of conflicts between two human beings who disagree about means and ends, one more morally uninhibited than the other. And finally (trivially), the title is of secondary or tertiary relevance, misdirecting any readers who notice it. Why you wrote an appealing and intelligent story like this and yet included flaws like these I find a bit baffling.

You covered about every emotion one can in your story. Characters were well described, plot well thought out and the ending I am sure satisfied everyone. Thanks for sharing. BK

even though this is fiction it show just how much the political system is all about them & not the people that vote for them . D C is nothing but a bunch that thinks they are entitle to what ever they can steal. I can only remember 2 honest ones that looked after the people back home. Charlie Bennet & Claude Pepper from Florida back in the 60's

But seriously, it's one of those rare reconciliation stories on LW Hall of Fame that truly deserve to be there. It's one of those few instances where "reconciliations" don't feel like they've been tacked on just because of the author's whimsy.

As I read this, parts seemed to be familiar and think that this must be my 2nd read! You are an amazing writer most of the time, but I did not rate the poor ones, most in low 4's. Anyhow, if you are still around please write some more good to great ones!

Best Wishes, Baton Rouge Redneck

I've read it a couple of times and it gets better everytime I read it.

When did the Speaker (father-in-law) and Tommy get the opportunity to discuss the prenuptial agreement and talk about it being enforced? Was that just an oversight? This is the very definition of patronizing. Why didn't Greta stand up to Stanley? She allowed the abuse to start at 16 for Eve -- so why does Eve allow her in her and her children's life? Furthermore, my black humor would have enjoyed seeing Tommy become much like Stanley and abuse Vivian as his political career advanced.

I really enjoyed the story, but can't help feeling that the direction of this story changed during the writing and that the opening and title should have been changed. The story proceeds pretty much in chronological order except for the opening conversation between Tom and Stanley. That opening conversation about enforcing the pre-nup never is brought back into the timeline and it's hard to imagine where it would fit when Stanley learns of Tom's being freed from the kidnapping in public with reporters present and is then immediately charged.

Still a great read. The title and the start are a little out of sync, as some have noted, but that is a minor point! It does not detract from a really good story. Thanks for the contribution. Your body of work is excellent! I appreciate your contributions.

and it was more pleasing than the first. I've enjoyed reading all 192 (so far) comments and wonder about some of the readers and whether they read the same story I did.

It was fun to see the number of responders who commented on their second reading of it. You produced an excellent story, and it shows some of the weaknesses of our current political system.

Thanks for writing it.

I just read this story as Trump has now been the President-elect for about two weeks.

Cut out some of the sexual parts and I think we have a story about the presidential election we just had in America.

The idea of the One Chance Party is very intriguing to say the very least.

I wonder, it the truth were known, how much would relate not only to the obvious losing campaign but maybe to both sides of the establishment?

Unfortunately, not like real life where everyone does NOT always get what is coming to them...at least here they get what they deserve! Thanks!

At the beginning he is asking for the prenup to be enforced, but the end of the story doesn't fit with the beginning or the name. What's up doc?

I am a tough guy. Ex cop. Over the road trucker now. My bullshit meter is always set at extra low. I have read several of your stories. Every damn one of them brought tears to my eyes. This one, ya, I[m a deplorable. Was by far the best. However you come up with these ideas, keep it up. You are incredible. Thank you. Oh, and i started reading some of them last week, right after a very difficult break up. Softened the blows a lot, your stories did. Again. Thank you.

your timing of this story is impeccable and is a great reflection of the graft in today's politics and how "the system" seems to work. We must have some good public servants like Tom in some places. Let's cheer them on.

Tiny Tim

Fantastic, hated to put it down, sounds somewhat like someo9ne else i hear about!

Nice little story, very cute and Eve doesn't turn out to be some skank. That's refreshing.

However, the beginning of the story simply does not connect with the end. Why is our hero asking for a pre-up to be enforced and then leading us to believe that somehow that was going on at the conclusion of the story? Makes me think that the writer didn't read this thing before he submitted it.