All Comments on 'Entrapment the Verdict'

YOU REALLY NEED TO GET SPELL CHECK AND GRAMMAR EDIT. STIRY WAS OK, BUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL AND SPELLING ERRORS MADE IT DIFFICULT FOR CONTINUITY TO BE MAINTAINED

OK, so wtf was that all about? Started off OK, then headed towards interesting. Quickly descended into a meaningless sex romp at a swingers resort, what was the purpose of that? The ending was rushed, no explanation, no ending?

Confusing.....

So is there another part or are you leaving the story unfinished? He is not guilty and actually reported what he had done to the police and why would he have done it anyway? Where is the entrapment? What about his ex wife?

Hope you can tie the whole weekend into the plot in the next chapter.

page 2 was a yawner

I guess there is a story or two in there somewhere. I just can't seem to find them.

I'll be nice and charge what Walmart does for Excedrin and NOT what the hospital charges.

Now no one can call me mean again.

I have to agree with the sentiments of shouting anonymous. Definitely requires an editor, ‘cos it’s way too frantic and frenetic. Incorrect use of words etc.

There is a saying that to write well you need to have read well. I also do appreciate this site is amateur and essentially open to all who wish to publish. But you should have a look at the stories above 4.4 because they generally have well developed storyline’s with good grammar, good spelling and good punctuation.

Please don’t get too bent out of shape because I have come in anonymous and have not published to date. Anyway chins up and I will read the next chapter. This is my attempt at constructive criticism.

We’re you writing 3 separate stories and mixed them together? Bad grammar and misspelled words also made it difficult to follow. Was Gorge and George the same character or ? 2 stars

No real focus to the story. Just flying off at tangents to get a sexy weekend in. Yes, I hope you do actually finish the story. Cheers.

Good Lord, quit while you're behind. These just keep getting worse.

If Dan is so smart why does he do so many stupid things?

this seems like a great place to stop this story. 1*

?...Confused.

please to gods get an editor. you have the spark of a potentially truly great writer.

confused and messy

Was there a punctured flat tire in the trunk? Where was the DNA found? How did both die? No witness/CCTV to the murders? What about the partial car license plate? Was Lance his lawyer totally incompetent or part of the entrapment?

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Just too loosey goosey writing lacking facts leading readers on. Even some of us Parry Mason fans can see huge holes in this story to get a guilty conviction. ASSume there is another part to this story coming. Nothing about his divorce either.

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2*, hooyah, at best

Getting better...

The first story was good, ending it one second before all hell broke loose was inspired.

These sequels are shit. It seems the author noticed, too, and wisely dropped the series.

Left hanging and went down hill after part 1

ending ???

What a shit "story". No punishment for the cheating assholes whatsoever. No ending. The trashy asswipe of a new gf who takes him to swinging resort WITHOUT TELLING him. That portends well of her honesty in relationship. Jeez

What a crock of FECES.