All Comments on 'Eternal Ch. 03'

tell me Dante isn't really leaving for good. what is up with Simone , can't they be happy together. will Roh parents ever find out why she's having these abusive dreams...is her dream friend her mate. hurry up with the next chapter its getting goood

i can not wait for more. this is a good story and the plot line and characters are so well developed. Thank you for sharing Mechmanas

I'm enjoying the story alot. It is very emotional. Rohoyanna is just precious. Of course the thing with Simone is sad...I was hoping her father would forget to tell her not to talk to Simone but he covered that. Simone is a bitch huh :) Anyhow, I think you're doing a great job of developing the plot and characters. Obviously there is a lot more to Rohyanna than we know. I look forward to finding out more about her friend. Of course I'd love to see stuff work out with Simone and Dante but I guess there can't always be a happy ending for everyone.

and I can see that you've tried to make the chapters a bit longer. It could be longer still and posted regularly. I appreciate the authors who are on a schedule. Some post a new chapter every week. Some every month. That way, readers know what to expect. Waiting for months for just one page isn't very nice.

Keep up the good work with the storyline. Although it could use a bit of editing, taking a close look at punctuation and run on sentences, the story itself is intriguing and the characters are sympathetic and endearing. If you make each chapter longer, you could go into more detail with the characters and the plot. The brother's death happened very quickly, for example, and the two week transition time was glossed over. We jumped from focusing on Rohaynna and her dream friend, to her uncle and mate, to her cousin and the deaths, to the cousins protecting Roh, several times over a page and a half. You could have spent a page and a half on each of these things and with skill and detail, readers still would have been engaged.

All to say, keep working on the story. I definitely see some improvement and I can see how you can turn this good story into a great story. Post more frequently, in more detail and with more length and you'll be off to a good start.

Thanks for writing.

We are waiting. I am checking back daily, for more....Please post soon.

chapter 4 please

Thanks for the longer chapter. I think in this case you were able to have a lot more dialog with the characters. I thought the longer chapter more entertaining. One more chapter to go and I'm all caught up!