All Comments on 'Ethan's Summer Problem'

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I liked it a lot. It got me hot, but it took too long to get there, in a sense. I am bi, and it went right where I wanted and from the title expected it to, but I think it would have been better if there were a little more character development up front that let the reader in on the fact that at least one of the two was confused and confounded by his erotic interest in the other, and that the carrying on about getting all sorts of girls was in part a cover up for that. You might even let on that one of them (considering the direction this took, I think Ethan would be the one) jerked off regularly, imagining sucking his best friend off and just kept quiet about it because he wasn't sure Josh would get it or accept it and feared it might even end their friendship. Then it would make a whole lot more sense and seem more realistic when Ethan's hypnotism practice took that direction.

You could leave that somewhat subtle--just a quick remark without any detail, but depending on where the thought goes if you like this idea, you could even have Ethan feeling more confident of his hypnosis skills during the attempt after he first got Josh to jerk off (which likely would have had Ethan standing there with an erection and soaking his crotch with precum, if he was really looking forward to sucking off his buddy) and maybe even had him jerking himself off in a subsequent hypnosis while Josh was jerking off and go into how hard it was for him to keep his hands off Josh's cock and how fast he came finally knowing what Josh's cock looked like and how big it was

You don't need to add that much detail if you want it to remain something of a surprise, but for it to be realistic, there must at least be a little mention of a stirring in Ethan's pants while he's watching his friend play with himself, instead of just imagining it like he always had. Beef it up like that. I knew where it had to be going, but as much as I enjoyed it when I got there, it just struck me as odd that all the talk was about getting girls to fuck but somehow he ended up fucking Josh, as if it was a last minute change of heart or something, like he'd never pictured going down on his friend until he watched him jerk off, and that really turned him on, even though he'd never thought of it before. That was how it felt, and it didn't seem very believable, even though I wanted to and allowed myself to believe it once it got there. I know you want to leave it a surprise, but I don't think anyone interested in guys fucking guys would read it if they didn't strongly suspect that that was where it was going anyway, so maybe you don't need to go full tilt on all my suggestions, but there should be at least a hint that maybe Ethan is not practicing hypnosis on Josh just to get girls and that maybe, more than just that he hopes to prove his hypnosis works, it's possible he wants to prove he can finally get Josh's cock in his mouth and suck him off without getting him angry or turning him off. I think just a subtle hint at that will have your readers more on Ethan's side than to be left just picturing him proving to himself that he can get sex out of random girls.

Your writing is particularly good, though. I don't mean to take that away in what I've said. I think it will give you some useful exercise if you will take me up on this. Figure out how you can squeeze in just enough info so that it makes sense when Ethan and Josh end up fucking without making it more of a certainty than you want it to be, and it will make it a much more realistic story about two boys who've only talked together about wanting to fuck girls ending up sucking each other off.

story 2 is already on mcstories

I don’t the development was slow. Actually I think the writer made it rightfully.