Eulogy for a Cad

The letter was a request for my attendance at an appointment. Date and time included...

A professionally dressed receptionist was the first to express her condolences. In a typical black leather, dark wood, and bookcase lined lawyer's office, Mr. Jonathan Woodworth expressed his.

Though as he sat behind his wooden tank-sized desk and its accompanying chair. The height of the backrest and the solidity of the chair reminded you of a throne. Plus, my black leather and dark wood client chair was very nice, just significantly smaller. This configuration made his negotiation style very clear, and I hoped our talk today wouldn't go in that direction.

"If all of my clients prepared as well as the Barrett's have, my job would be much easier, but also, possibly not needed. Hopefully our preliminary meeting here today will not take up too much of your time Mr. Cramer. But both Mr. Barrett and I realized there would have to be a transitional period needed after this meeting. So, Mr. Barrett made sure my services would be available to you for questions, or until you were able to make a choice of your own counsel. The main body of information needed for today's preliminary meeting is in this letter."

That said he handed me an envelope. It was one of the law firms standard letter sized envelopes because it had their title and address pre-printed and embossed on it. There was no postage on it, and only my name written in Jimmy's handwriting in the center.

I hadn't expected or prepared myself for such a direct message. My emotions were all jumbled up and swirling as I looked at and started opening the letter. Sorrow, worry, reluctant curiosity and dread were only a few of those emotions...

Davey,

I've always considered you my brother, and you've been a better brother, partner, best friend than a man could ever expect or deserve to have. You've been a better brother to me than any true sibling would have been. You've always had my back, whether I've been right or wrong you've had my back since we could barely walk. It's impossible for me to express my gratitude or thanks enough.

Since you're reading this letter, I must be dead. Although Mr. Woodworth has all the legal and formal paperwork necessary, this letter is basically my last Will and Testament. My last Will is everything I had is now yours. You're my sole beneficiary.

This Will has no codicils or requirements written into it. Everything now is yours to do whatever you wish with. I thought about not writing anything else in this letter because I trust you to do what's right.

But I'll include a couple of requests, and they're just requests. If by some strange reason Pa is still alive his finances and healthcare are already separately taken care of, check-in on him once in a while, he'd like that.

The company you can do whatever you will with it. If you sell it, I ask, if possible, my employees can have a reasonable length of time to arrange their affairs so they can still feed their families without undue hardship.

Without her knowing about it I've watched Rose's life as a big brother would, and I would ask you to do the same. But she's never tried to be part of my life so she doesn't deserve any part of this estate, it's yours alone. Family is not necessarily blood, and blood is not necessarily family.

I know you blame B for a lot of things, but I've looked in on her life too. I only ask if necessary, you do what you feel is right or what I would've done should she need help.

Although I've never been close to what they call a 'good role model' you've never shielded your kids from me in any way. So, they've become the closest thing I'll ever have to my own children, and your family's the closest thing to a normal family I've ever had. That's another impossible task to thank you for.

Mr. Woodworth has the paperwork for three educational trust funds. Hopefully those funds will be sufficient for the kids to attend any university or level of education they want to achieve. You'll have control of those funds so if one of the kids doesn't want a higher education you can release funds to them in any way you choose.

Davey, you know part of my philosophy has always been free will. I believe everyone has a right to free will, even to the point they're allowed to make their own mistakes. They just have to accept the consequences too.

I'm not a psychic nor can I see into the future. But I realize my death would probably be one of those consequences, and somewhat inevitable. I'm okay with that, but I also realize how twisty the human mind can be. You might take on some guilt for my actions and death, Don't! Leave me with my mistakes and consequences, because nothing you could've done would have changed anything, it was my own free will.

One way we're different Davey is in how we approach work. Because of things that happened in my life I've lived for my work, besides you it's most of what I had left. But because of your family you work to live. My hope is this estate and money will allow your family independence and a greater freedom to exercise free will in any way they want. You're the captain Davey, so sail your ship wherever you want.

One thing I'm a little sorry for is Pa and I misled you and hid a few things. When it became apparent Pa couldn't continue working, we did a lot of restructuring of the company. As Pa said, the Internal Revenue Service is a persistent and greedy bureaucracy particularly in any form of inheritance situation.

Our restructuring was meant to minimize the financial impact of ushering Pa out of ownership without my having to pay any form of inheritance tax, and to usher you in as an owner. Yes, since you signed those papers, you've been part owner of Barrett and Son Roofing, just a silent and unknowing one.

Hopefully as this estate gets settled out, you'll realize we were trying to benefit you as much as me. Our main intention was if anything happened to either you or me, any combination of remaining family members would've been helped quickly and easily.

Another reason we did it this way is because I know you Davey. You wouldn't take free money, a free life or even what you perceived as a free job. Yet, we needed to set up a way to cover any contingencies. Plus, you loved your engineering, and you proved able to provide for and raise your family as you saw fit.

So, we left you to it and just made a hidden emergency cushion for both of us. The way we set the company up is as an 'and/or' partnership, so survivorship should not be seen as an inheritance or a monetary gain. But like Pa said, the IRS is a persistent and greedy bureaucracy and sometimes their rulings only benefit themselves, at least it seems that way.

As the matter of this estate gets settled, you'll find my affairs are more than a little convoluted and they're reasons for that. Aside from those educational trusts and because you've never been paid a wage as part owner, I've slowly added an appropriate amount of money into a Cayman Islands account in both our names. I'm not sure what it will be worth when you get this letter.

I don't consider those as wages per se, but more as a slush fund to protect you and your family in case anything detrimental happens to them because of your hidden ownership, such as a greedy IRS bureaucracy. Hopefully, by the time you're reading this letter the company and estate will have enough value to make that a moot point.

Mr. Woodworth will have pages and pages of all the legal stuff explaining everything. He will have full accounts, names, number values and a completely updated net worth statement. You'll probably read and sign your name so much you'll be cross-eyed with cramped fingers, but it should be worth it.

But no matter how much money this estate's worth it can never be worth what you were to me.

Adios my friend, hopefully I'll see you on the flipside.

This tough engineer, this stern father was having a hard time not wetting the letter as I looked down on it. My savior came from an unforeseen source...

"Mr. Cramer, or may I call you Davey?" I couldn't quite speak so I just nodded. "James talked enough about you I feel you're an acquaintance even though it's been years since we've met. Both James and I foresaw this as a preliminary meeting and not necessarily a 'reading of the Will.' So, you and I will probably get much better acquainted as this estate, well not necessarily an estate, situation is transitioned."

"A lot of time, resources and money plus several professionals have done their best to make this transition go as James wanted it too. Myself, a tax lawyer, a CPA and an investment manager have all contributed to make James's vision a reality. That vision started those many years ago when you signed the initial papers."

My grieving emotions generated by Jimmy's letter faded as I started getting an inkling of the magnitude approaching me, a foreboding anticipation...

"James saw this transition as merely, a 'Changing of the Guard' or possibly just a different pair of hands taking over the wheel, hands that have always been there, just not used. There's been a 'paper trail', 'so to speak' created elucidating your involvement to be greater than it was. No outright lies or falsehoods just things that might be interpreted as greater involvement. That paper trail has been included in company documents dating back years, so it will be hard to disprove."

"James never wanted an elaborate lifestyle. So, he took out a small wage and everything else was done through company holdings. His personal holdings, while considerable, are just a part of his net worth. James was a careful and frugal man, but he was also an adventurous and decisive one too. Certainly not afraid of taking intelligent chances. So, his net worth has expanded much more rapidly than many other men in his position."

"Unless you plan on making some significant changes immediately, I'd recommend you follow his example, at least until you can absorb and acknowledge all the implications."

"My office has made these three booklets for you. The first booklet is a direct copy of all the formal documentation necessary for what we'll talk about today and in the near future."

"Second booklet is a paragraph by paragraph explanation for a lay person's understanding of the legal verbatim in the formal copy."

"Third booklet contains all the contact information, accounts and agreements with the other members of James' personal advisors: the tax lawyer, CPA, fund manager and of course myself. Also included is a breakdown and an explanation of James Barrett's net worth statement which I'll summarize; so on to the money."

'So on to the money', the way he said that and the emphasis he put on it rocked me back in my chair and increased my foreboding..., a lot. A morbid anticipation, and an almost fatalistic curiosity descended on me. My life will change..., I could feel it coming, but I liked, no loved the life I had!

"Barrett and Son Roofing, of course, accounts for a large part of James Barrett's net worth. The real estate holdings of that entity include: the six-story headquarters building and offices in Seguin, and the small warehouse plus the equipment shop and yard here. Barrett and Son own the building their offices are in, so the rest of the office spaces are rental income."

"Somewhat the same configuration's in Austin. Only with a smaller office building, but a much larger equipment shop containing, the 'Barrett Equipment Repair' business and staff. Also, a much larger warehouse semi-attached to 'Barrett DIY Center,' which is not an integral part of Barrett and Son Roofing. It will be listed as a separate item on the Net Worth statement."

"Barrett and Son has several other real estate holdings in Austin. One of which is the four-bedroom condominium I believe you and James stayed at while you attended college. That's a rental property now along with several others. A list is included in this third booklet."

"The San Antonio office is again set up in the same configuration: a small office building, a mid-sized warehouse and maintenance shop. However, there's only two rental properties in San Antonio along with the condominium James uses while there, also listed here."

"In short, Barrett and Son Roofing has been appraised at 22.6 million dollars..."

Stunned..., I slumped in the chair stunned, I'd thought he might have had a million dollars. Surely not more than that, he didn't live like a multimillionaire!

"Barrett DIY Center has its real estate holdings, storefront and on hand inventory; minus a small operating debt, also minus 6 months projected operating costs. Those are set aside to allow you time to make your decisions about what direction you wish to take."

"In short, Barrett DIY Center has been appraised for 16.8 million."

"If for some unknown reason a large parcel of liquid capital is needed. Barrett DIY Center has had an offer on the table from a national home-improvement Corporation. Even though the offer is two years old it's still viable. Also, a negotiated price would probably be greater than it's appraised value."

"James Barrett's personal investment fund is approximately 6.8 million. There's a Cayman Islands account in both your names totaling 4.2 million. James' varied personal bank accounts hold a 1.4 million balance. There are three educational funds for your children. Each holds a 1.5 million balance, but they will not be included in James Barrett's net worth."

"Also, as one of James' eccentricities, all employee medical or retirement trust funds are not included in any of the appraisals or James' Net Worth Statement. Furthermore, if any part of these holdings is sold those employee accounts cannot be included or affected. Thus, preventing any form of a hostile takeover removing those funds."

"James Barrett's gross Net Worth Statement totals 51.8 million, of which 12.4 million are in semi-liquid personal funds. 39.4 million of that Net Worth is in business holdings with approximately 15% as operating capital. Outstanding debt is a very minor entry, less than 1 million."

"James has always contributed to several charities, the pledged amount this year is 1.2 million with about 30% yet to be dispersed."

"I'll have to say even though James never attended college, his net worth to debt ratio shows him to have been a very smart and successful businessman, better than a lot of others with Masters degrees."

"Yeah, Jimmy was a very complex man, certainly more complex than I ever thought. I had absolutely no fucking idea he had so much money! Oops, sorry about my French. He never lived any better or more extravagantly than I did and I have nowhere near that much money."

"Well, now you do. Yes, James was one of the most unusual men I had the pleasure of dealing with. A frugal man with a very high work ethic, an exceptional degree of loyalty. Honorable enough within his own framework and yet had the loosest of morals as it pertains to women and marriage."

"Ah Yes, the dichotomy of Jimmy, but I've always thought I've known the reasons why."

"What could ever justify his conduct with women and the resulting tragedy that caused his death?"

"Well, never justify but it might explain some of it. When he was twelve- or thirteen-years old Jimmy fell in love with Bethany Scott, and he never stopped loving her. I believe she never stopped loving him either. But because of her mother's manipulations she married a different man."

"Because of her mother? Surely her mother couldn't have had so much control over them, could she?

"Well, she shouldn't have, but she did. She took what should have been a first case of puppy love and turned it into star-crossed lovers or even a Romeo and Juliet tale. Her dating rules, temper tantrums, machinations and screaming matches kept everything on a high drama play."

"Because of that drama their relationship never had a time to cool or grow old. Her further attempts to drive a wedge between them just increased the drama. But what it really did was taught them to cheat on each other and anyone else they had contact with. Then when she bribed Bethany to attend Rice University, it drove them further apart, yet without the internal control to remain faithful to each other."

"When Bethany became pregnant with one of her Rice University lovers and married him, that killed Jimmy's desire to ever get married."

"Yes, James has always said he would never be married, and I guess that proved true because he never did. I guess I can somewhat see what you're saying about their youth and drama. But that still doesn't excuse James' conduct."

"Yeah, for a great deal of my life I was too close to the drama and never really thought about our conduct. Because in our early years I acted as bad as Jimmy. But after I married Carrie, she helped me realize what we were doing. She also helped me to realize Jimmy was where he wanted to be, that his conduct was his own choice."

"I guess I really can't consider James as a friend. But many a time we sat in this office and talked like this. So, I came to understand him some. (Chuckle.) One time I told him I would never introduce my sisters to him. He laughed, and said he wouldn't either. But I amended that saying, if I wasn't available, I wouldn't hesitate sending; my wife, daughter, or sisters to him for help. In fact, he would probably be my first choice.

"Yeah, I never completely understood the differentiation Jimmy made in women. Women he interacted with in the bars he considered toys and somewhat sub-human. But if a damsel in distress wasn't a toy, Jimmy could be her chivalrous white knight."

"Yes, I can see that and it's what I perceived from our talks. Well, as much as I'm enjoying our discussion, I have other clients coming and I have to get ready for them. But as I said, I visualized this meeting as a preliminary meeting. So, I anticipate and look forward to talking to you again.

I left Mister Woodworth's office with my three booklets and an overflowing mind. The family meeting with Carrie and the kids will be long, stunned and tearful.

Two months later we still hadn't completely made up our minds of what we wanted to do with Jimmy's money.

But I had to bury Pa Barrett. When Jimmy died, I suspected his dad wouldn't be far behind. But I thought it would be longer than two months.

The thing intriguing me the most was the difference in their funeral services and burial. Jimmy's funeral service brought a crowd of mourners. Pa Barrett's service had five of their oldest retired employees, his ex-wife Carolyn, his male nurse and housekeeper plus me and my family.

Jimmy and his dad were both cads and dance hall cowboys, no one would argue with that statement. But outside those lines Jimmy tried to be a good man, a caring man who thought of others. While Pa Barrett wasn't a bad man per se, he was somewhat selfish and self-centered, mostly self-centered and the difference showed...

In my Standard Disclaimer I stated that my characters are completely fictional. Well, it's still true in this story. Jimmy's character, appearance and actions are entirely fictional. But his attitudes and philosophies were drawn from several men I've known, most heavily from one man. His attitudes about toys, the segregation and treatment between those toys and real women is authentic. As a group those men's conduct around 'toys' was much the same as Jimmy's. That's what I wanted to bring out in this story. Also, I've met and known several men and women who've drawn their attitudes and life philosophies from the environment of the bars and clubs. I tried to touch on that stilted viewpoint and its effect on their lives. But the high drama of the murder-suicide anywhere near my life was entirely fictional. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed my case of terminal mental diarrhea.